Forums: Community: The Ladies' Room: Re: [clee03m] ego and climbing shouldn't mix: Edit Log




tigerlilly


Feb 20, 2009, 5:34 PM

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Registered: Nov 2, 2006
Posts: 564

Re: [clee03m] ego and climbing shouldn't mix
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It took me a couple years of counseling to learn this, but it was one of the better lessons I learned and has brought me a lot of peace of mind. I have no idea if I'll be able to relay the concept, but I'll try.

Learn to separate your shit from everyone else's shit.

Don't take everything everyone else says to heart. Listen to it and ask yourself, "why did that person say that? Is it something I really did/said, or is that their shit projecting on me?" And then ask yourself, why does that make me feel bad?

A lot of times, insecure people will say hurtful things, and it really isn't about you. It's their own fragile ego showing through. The ignorant simply stick their feet in their mouths with amazing dexterity (#2?). Learn to spot it and not to let them push your buttons (i.e. tweak your own insecurities - admit it, we all have 'em Crazy) Usually, when something affects us, it's because the other person has touched on one of our own vulnerabilities. Sounds like this has happened to you, since you feel your ego has taken a beating.

None of what you wrote sounds like your shit. It doesn't sound like you did or said anything wrong. So write it off. It sounds like either ignorance (1&2, maybe 3) or insecurity (3?) on the part of others and not about you. I know it's a lot easier to say than to do, but it gets easier with practice. It definitely sounds like these comments tweaked you, so ask yourself why do the first two ignorant oafs' opinions mean anything to you anyway? I won't comment on the 3rd one since I don't know enough of the story. It does sound like you are very sensitive to any suggestion that you aren't good enough as a climber. Ask yourself why.

The flip side is being honest with yourself when you really have done or said something to hurt, offend, or project your own insecurities on others and to own up to it. Buck up and either appologize or modify your own behavior as needed.

I don't know if any of this makes sense - I'm an engineer, not a psychologist, and I can't think of any good books to recommend. Like I said, I learned a lot truely useful stuff in two years of marriage counseling that has helped me remain centered and honest with myself. My feelings don't get hurt near as much as they used to, either.

Kathy


(This post was edited by tigerlilly on Feb 20, 2009, 5:52 PM)



Edit Log:
Post edited by tigerlilly () on Feb 20, 2009, 5:37 PM
Post edited by tigerlilly () on Feb 20, 2009, 5:38 PM
Post edited by tigerlilly () on Feb 20, 2009, 5:40 PM
Post edited by tigerlilly () on Feb 20, 2009, 5:41 PM
Post edited by tigerlilly () on Feb 20, 2009, 5:44 PM
Post edited by tigerlilly () on Feb 20, 2009, 5:46 PM
Post edited by tigerlilly () on Feb 20, 2009, 5:50 PM
Post edited by tigerlilly () on Feb 20, 2009, 5:52 PM


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