Forums: Community: The Ladies' Room: Re: [upintheair] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend: Edit Log




clausti


Mar 10, 2009, 2:46 PM

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Registered: Oct 4, 2004
Posts: 5690

Re: [upintheair] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend
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upintheair wrote:
fresh wrote:
but if he's actually an egotistical ass, it might not be worth the effort.

He's not - he's actually a good guy. He's just having a hard time with this.

Just to give a little backstory, he's been climbing for many more years than I have. In fact, he's the person who taught me to climb. But in the past couple of years, he's been sidelined by a series of injuries and can't climb as often or as hard as he used to. In the meantime, thanks to a lot of hard work and the luck not to get injured, I've progressed from being a beginner to the point where I can hold my own while climbing with him. I honestly don't think I'm a better climber than him, but he thinks I am, and it bothers him.

It especially bothers him that he can't lead harder climbs for me, since he knows how nervous I get on lead. (I've noticed this with other male friends, too...my reluctance/fear on lead seems to bring out a protectiveness in them.) So if I'm climbing with my boyfriend and am leading something at my limit that he can't lead for me, and he knows I'm scared, he feels "inadequate" (his words).

unless there are other mitigating factors that make you want to keep him.....

i would say not worth the effort. i casually dated a few guys in college who i climbed harder than. in my case, it was by a lot, there was no question that i climbed harder. they couldn't deal with it and i couldn't deal with them not dealing with it. it was not so much that any of them ever pitched huge fits, but they made enough comments and stuff that i could tell that it bothered them, and the fact that it bothered *them* bothered ME.

edit to add: it sounds like from your post that this is a rather well-established relationship and that the problem is a recent occurrence. the answer is that he's just going to have to get the fuck over it, or it will poison your relationship. even if you back off of your climbing to make the problem go away, you will probably end up resenting him for it, and that will be poisonous, too. one person (you) can not fix something in the relationship if the other person doesn't care or isn't trying. bottom line, it takes both people to make an effort.

with the one guy who it was a tossup with, i was so nervous about it being a problem that i could never climb well around him. so he never knew that it was close, lol.

and then i met a climber boy who i love dearly, who climbs harder than me, but not so hard that i can't clean stuff he can lead. which doesn't bother either one of us, so it's cool.


(This post was edited by clausti on Mar 10, 2009, 2:49 PM)



Edit Log:
Post edited by clausti () on Mar 10, 2009, 2:49 PM


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