Forums: Climbing Disciplines: Sport Climbing: The laws of climbing: Edit Log


Dec 10, 2009, 10:40 PM

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The laws of climbing
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From a sport climbers perspective...

1. Climbing is done on lead.

- Last night you asked if I wanted to go CLIMBING tomorrow. Climbing is done on lead; top rope is for training and noobs. Today you were pissing your pants three feet above a ½” bolt on a 5.8. Grow some balls and get some mileage on lead. I am tired of always belaying you on TR. STOP FOLLOWING, START LEADING. It’s one thing to be scared 15 feet above the last bolt over 5.12 moves but to be top roping 5.11 and hanging 5.8 is pitiful. Next time get your shit together and get on lead. If you need more practice I will work with you but top roping is not going to do shit for you.

2. Show up all the time, show up on time.

- Today I was sitting in my car at high noon at the crag and I got a call from you, “umm I uhha lost my cell in my umma the uhha grass so I can’t umm climb today”. YOU’RE FIRED! Show up ON TIME ALL THE TIME. You have held down a job before right? Obviously you are capable of being at an assigned place at an assigned time; it’s not that damn hard. The next time you stand me up I am deleting you from my phone and I am telling everyone at the crag how much of a shit bag you are.

3. Stop short roping me!

- You think “oh shit he is climbing a hard line I better keep him tight because he might fall”. Instead you should be thinking “he is definitely going to fall because I am pulling him off the damn wall”. There is plenty of distance between me and the ground, give me some damn slack. The next time you pull me off the wall I am throwing a quickdraw at you.

4. Keep the appropriate amount of slack in the rope all the time.

- My foot didn’t pass the last bolt but I stopped 20 feet down. How the hell did that happen…? Belaying is not done with a loop of rope coiled on the ground between me and you. Wake the hell up, apart from a 15 foot dyno there is no way in hell I would ever need that much rope instantly. Two feet of slack in the line is appropriate. It’s not hard to keep only two feet out without short roping the climber. If a bit more is needed for a dynamic move, so be it, but if the rope touches the ground YOU’RE FIRED.

5. Provide a dynamic belay when appropriate.

- The next time I take a seven foot fall and I question whether I accidently grabbed the static rope out of the closet this morning, YOU’RE FIRED. Static catches rips gear and breaks ankles. I am 50 feet off the ground I am not going to hit the ground so JUMP! I am tired to saying “hey man please remember to jump the next time I fall so I don’t swing into the wall”. Learn how to fucking belay, dynamic belays are a crucial part of lead belaying and they are not hard to perform. If you don’t know how to do it ASK!

6. Stand up and pay attention!

- How the hell are you going to provide a static, dynamic or running belay if you’re sitting on your ass day dreaming about the 5.8 you’re going to hang on next? How are you going to react to a lead fall appropriate if you’re flirting with the dude five lines down? The next time I am ten feet above the last bolt and I look down and see you playing with a Gecko on the rock, YOU’RE FIRED.

7. When you climb with me you climb with ME.

- Last night you asked if I wanted to go climbing tomorrow. Today you show up with a different partner. “Oh, sorry I figured you already had a partner”. Why the hell would I call you and ask if you want to go climbing tomorrow if I had no intention of climbing with you?! If I meant in a group, don’t you think I would have specified? Group climbing is cool but not when you’re the only one in the group without a partner because your partner blew you off for someone else... If you want to climb in a group SPECIFY so I can call someone else to bring so it’s actually a group.

8. Shut up beta master.

- If I want to hear someone spray beta about a route eight grades above their top rope limit I will go to the gym. Your useless “just dyno for it” beta is fucking with my concentration. Actually, why don’t you try this 5.13. You seem to know everything about it, I would like to see you onsight it. Just don’t cry when you find out you don’t know a thing about it. If I ask for beta, by all means. But when you see someone on a route they have wired going for the redpoint STFU!

9. Stop with the negative attitude.

- “Oh, I suck; I will never be able to lead 5.12”. Yes you do suck; no you won’t ever be able to lead 5.12. Know why? Because instead of actually working on your goal you just spray your self-remorse pitiful attitude around. It’s fucking depressing man. Actually put some real time and effort into your goal and you will get it.

10. The crag is not a petting zoo.

- I am tired of looking down to find a dog coiled up in my rope. Keep your damn pets at home if they can’t behave themselves. Your little friend is endangering my life because it’s trying to fuck my belayer’s leg. Oh and the next time I have to replace my rope because you’re dog pissed on it, I am taking yours…

11. Keep your hand on the damn rope!

- I don’t give a shit if you’re using a GriGri or not, your hand will be on the rope at all times. A GriGri can slip, it’s not unheard of. The next time I am ten feet above the last bolt and look down to find your hands on your head, YOU’RE FIRED!

12. This is not a talk show, this is climbing.

- I came here to climb, not to hear your life story. Some talking in-between climbs is cool but when I am pulling the crux I don’t want about how much you hate your job. Save that shit for the pizza parlor at the end of the day. Actually save it for someone else.

(This post was edited by USnavy on Dec 11, 2009, 2:28 AM)

Edit Log:
Post edited by USnavy () on Dec 11, 2009, 2:28 AM

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