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"Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare*
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stonefox


Dec 22, 2008, 9:34 PM
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Re: [shimmer] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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shimmer wrote:
htotsu wrote:
stonefox wrote:
...
***and if you really must take the frat boy up on his offer, let him climb first and make an ass of himself and when it's his turn to belay you, ...

Um, don't ever let the meathead belay you. He will not be paying attention to the fact that he has your life in his hands. He'll just be checking out your ass.
Yeah, no. There are maybe 4 people I trust to have my catch. Everyone else can go fuck themselves, particularly noob frat boys who are in the gym on a dare.



In reply to:
"Do you know how to rock climb?"
(respond using American Sign Language)

...
For the fucking win. Awesome.


For serious thought, it's good fun if you come across this type in a belay class or lead class or belay test. I mean really, you can't beat it.


iamthewallress


Dec 23, 2008, 8:52 AM
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Re: [stonefox] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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Are you gals really this mean to guys that ask you out?

Generally it seems that the more that you are actually out of a guy's league, the less big of a ball-stomping production you should need to make in order to communicate this info to him.


(This post was edited by iamthewallress on Dec 23, 2008, 8:56 AM)


stonefox


Dec 23, 2008, 9:14 AM
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Re: [iamthewallress] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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iamthewallress wrote:
Are you gals really this mean to guys that ask you out?

Generally it seems that the more that you are actually out of a guy's league, the less big of a ball-stomping production you should need to make in order to communicate this info to him.

THPWWWTH! There goes the air outta that balloon.
This thread was never about guys asking girls out.
"All in good fun" - is written in there somewhere, read the whole thread - it's not as criminal as you think.


petsfed


Dec 23, 2008, 9:38 AM
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Re: [shimmer] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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I'm a guy, so maybe its different, but when I work at the wall, I'm also fending off advances from mostly guys, so maybe its not so different.

The best approach is to feign total disinterest. Mumble replies to legitimate questions, but otherwise be so focussed on other things that the poor sucker has no chance of getting your attention.

Alternately, when he asks if you climb, say that you don't because you can hardly stand to be away from your kitties. Or something equivalent.

If he starts spraying about some route, say simply "I'm sorry, I don't really follow pokemon".


shimmer


Dec 23, 2008, 9:57 AM
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Re: [iamthewallress] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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iamthewallress wrote:
Are you gals really this mean to guys that ask you out?

Generally it seems that the more that you are actually out of a guy's league, the less big of a ball-stomping production you should need to make in order to communicate this info to him.

Generally no, I'm really really not. I'm married, my spouse doesn't climb, so I'm generally here either working or just climbing. The guys who know me know I'm married and I have no problems at all there.
The guys who disregard the fact that I've not given them one iota of attention outside of the professional requirements (e.g. teaching them how to belay, making sure they're following rules, etc.) and persist after my very very vanilla reactions to them...it gets old.
I know it's intimidating to chat up a female...but when she's not showing any interest, and is rather dismissive of the idea of interaction beyond a certain scope, it's time to just let that go.
And, lets be honest...standing in a gym with a rental harness bunching up your jock, your shorts riding up around midthigh level, black socks in your climbing shoes, and the biner bumping up into your belly fat may NOT be the best time to start flirting with the gym girl.


fresh


Dec 23, 2008, 10:05 AM
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Re: [shimmer] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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obviously the best response is to get his number and call him 3-4 times a day. telling him what you want to name your kids, wedding ideas, etc is optional.


ladyscarlett


Dec 23, 2008, 2:06 PM
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Re: [htotsu] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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Sorry, about that!

this is the time to point, laugh, and shout "newbie"!

heh

ls


granite_grrl


Dec 23, 2008, 2:19 PM
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Re: [shimmer] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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Maybe you could just change the subject to something they can't really participate in. When they ask how hard you climb start going on about how you don't even like the gym and start talking about outside areas they don't have the first clue about.

Seriously, I could see how tiring that conversation could be.


Partner happiegrrrl


Dec 23, 2008, 3:09 PM
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Re: [granite_grrl] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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Or, you could simply say "yes."

Try that next weekend and then get back to us with stories of "what happened next." That'll give this thread a second wind if nothing else!

On another note - consider the possibility of unexpected consequences, as happened here, on a "best of Craigslist" posting:

http://www.craigslist.org/...t/okc/922119532.html


wonderwoman


Dec 23, 2008, 5:02 PM
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Re: [happiegrrrl] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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That's a pretty funny craigslisting there! Reminds me of the time I went to a Buzzcocks show in the mid 90's and some guy grabbed my ass. I told my twig guy friend and he said to point him out. Hours passed, beers were consumed, and I just happened to run into friends of his. When I pointed in the direction of his friends, some poor unsuspecting guy walked in between my pointing finger and his friends. Next thing I know, and to my total confusion, Dave gets really close to this guy and is whispering in his ear. The guy smiles, looks at me, shrugs his shoulders and walks away.

'Dave, do you know that guy? What was going on there?'

'That's the guy who grabbed your ass, right? I just gave him a nice fondle and said nice ass... Hey, there are my friends over there!'


htotsu


Dec 23, 2008, 8:47 PM
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Re: [iamthewallress] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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iamthewallress wrote:
Are you gals really this mean to guys that ask you out?

Generally it seems that the more that you are actually out of a guy's league, the less big of a ball-stomping production you should need to make in order to communicate this info to him.

Oh, honestly.

If you had been paying any attention you would have noticed that, in the very first post, Shimmer mentions that she WORKS IN A GYM and gets asked this question all the time. Presume with me, for a moment, that her "staff" status is clear. Can you not, then, see that the question itself is insulting? And really stupid?

This isn't a bar situation where a guy tries to say hello and she shoots him down just for fun. This isn't even a rock climbing gym situation where a guy asks a girl out at all. This is a rock climbing gym situation where a guy asks a woman who WORKS AT THE ROCK CLIMBING GYM whether she KNOWS HOW TO ROCK CLIMB.

And I'm sure Shimmer is flattered by your suggestion that she is way out of the league of the men who are asking this question, but she nowhere suggested that she thinks as much. She is simply trying to keep her day interesting since, it would appear, she gets asked this question all the freaking time.

In any case, you'd be amazed - AMAZED, I tell you - at how blind a guy can be to what you might call a smaller-scale "production." I might call it a sequence that starts with subtlety, moves on to politeness, then directness, then outright meanness when it comes to indicating lack of interest. Then, suddenly, the guy's like, "Why did she turn into such a bitch?" and the answer is typically something like, "Because you didn't hear anything before then. I tried to be nice, but you didn't get it."

So, in sum, I'm sorry for whatever "ball-stomping production" you had to endure to make you this quick to assume negative things about women and our intentions. But if nothing else, learn to pick a better opening line than the guys at her gym.


iamthewallress


Dec 23, 2008, 9:43 PM
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Re: [htotsu] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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htotsu wrote:
iamthewallress wrote:
Are you gals really this mean to guys that ask you out?

Generally it seems that the more that you are actually out of a guy's league, the less big of a ball-stomping production you should need to make in order to communicate this info to him.

Oh, honestly.

If you had been paying any attention you would have noticed that, in the very first post, Shimmer mentions that she WORKS IN A GYM and gets asked this question all the time. Presume with me, for a moment, that her "staff" status is clear. Can you not, then, see that the question itself is insulting? And really stupid?

This isn't a bar situation where a guy tries to say hello and she shoots him down just for fun. This isn't even a rock climbing gym situation where a guy asks a girl out at all. This is a rock climbing gym situation where a guy asks a woman who WORKS AT THE ROCK CLIMBING GYM whether she KNOWS HOW TO ROCK CLIMB.

And I'm sure Shimmer is flattered by your suggestion that she is way out of the league of the men who are asking this question, but she nowhere suggested that she thinks as much. She is simply trying to keep her day interesting since, it would appear, she gets asked this question all the freaking time.

In any case, you'd be amazed - AMAZED, I tell you - at how blind a guy can be to what you might call a smaller-scale "production." I might call it a sequence that starts with subtlety, moves on to politeness, then directness, then outright meanness when it comes to indicating lack of interest. Then, suddenly, the guy's like, "Why did she turn into such a bitch?" and the answer is typically something like, "Because you didn't hear anything before then. I tried to be nice, but you didn't get it."

So, in sum, I'm sorry for whatever "ball-stomping production" you had to endure to make you this quick to assume negative things about women and our intentions. But if nothing else, learn to pick a better opening line than the guys at her gym.

Wow. I hope getting all of that off your chest felt good for you.


htotsu


Dec 23, 2008, 11:56 PM
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Re: [iamthewallress] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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iamthewallress wrote:
Wow. I hope getting all of that off your chest felt good for you.

Htotsu: (responds in American Sign Language)

To others - sheesh. Two different people have tried to explain to this guy that he missed the point, and still, he doesn't get it. Maybe he's once asked Shimmer if she knew how to rock climb.


wonderwoman


Dec 24, 2008, 5:57 AM
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Re: [htotsu] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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htotsu wrote:
So, in sum, I'm sorry for whatever "ball-stomping production" you had to endure to make you this quick to assume negative things about women and our intentions. But if nothing else, learn to pick a better opening line than the guys at her gym.

htotsu wrote:
Two different people have tried to explain to this guy that he missed the point, and still, he doesn't get it. Maybe he's once asked Shimmer if she knew how to rock climb.

Ummm... I'm pretty sure that iamthewallrus is a woman... Wink


(This post was edited by wonderwoman on Dec 24, 2008, 5:59 AM)


shimmer


Dec 24, 2008, 8:32 AM
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Re: [happiegrrrl] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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happiegrrrl wrote:
Or, you could simply say "yes."

Try that next weekend and then get back to us with stories of "what happened next." That'll give this thread a second wind if nothing else!
Thing is that when I say yes, I get bugged for 'demonstrations' which is just as irritating...because while I love climbing, being someone's windup monkey isn't my idea of fun.
=/


shimmer


Dec 24, 2008, 8:40 AM
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Re: [htotsu] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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htotsu wrote:
iamthewallress wrote:
Are you gals really this mean to guys that ask you out?

Generally it seems that the more that you are actually out of a guy's league, the less big of a ball-stomping production you should need to make in order to communicate this info to him.

Oh, honestly.

If you had been paying any attention you would have noticed that, in the very first post, Shimmer mentions that she WORKS IN A GYM and gets asked this question all the time. Presume with me, for a moment, that her "staff" status is clear. Can you not, then, see that the question itself is insulting? And really stupid?

This isn't a bar situation where a guy tries to say hello and she shoots him down just for fun. This isn't even a rock climbing gym situation where a guy asks a girl out at all. This is a rock climbing gym situation where a guy asks a woman who WORKS AT THE ROCK CLIMBING GYM whether she KNOWS HOW TO ROCK CLIMB.

And I'm sure Shimmer is flattered by your suggestion that she is way out of the league of the men who are asking this question, but she nowhere suggested that she thinks as much. She is simply trying to keep her day interesting since, it would appear, she gets asked this question all the freaking time.

In any case, you'd be amazed - AMAZED, I tell you - at how blind a guy can be to what you might call a smaller-scale "production." I might call it a sequence that starts with subtlety, moves on to politeness, then directness, then outright meanness when it comes to indicating lack of interest. Then, suddenly, the guy's like, "Why did she turn into such a bitch?" and the answer is typically something like, "Because you didn't hear anything before then. I tried to be nice, but you didn't get it."

So, in sum, I'm sorry for whatever "ball-stomping production" you had to endure to make you this quick to assume negative things about women and our intentions. But if nothing else, learn to pick a better opening line than the guys at her gym.
Actually, you're pretty spot on with my position on the subject.
I work under the assumption that most of the people asking the question are trying to be friendly, so I treat it as such, most of the time (sometimes there are some real CREEEEEEPS though...the over leaners, the eyebrow wagglers, etc. who want 'demos' [uh, go fuck yourself dude]) but it's like asking a barista "So I bet you like coffee huh?" or something equally ridiculous.
I appreciate and respect the gumption it takes to chat a random girl up, but come. Creativity. It's hot.


htotsu


Dec 24, 2008, 8:43 AM
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Re: [wonderwoman] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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wonderwoman wrote:
Ummm... I'm pretty sure that iamthewallrus is a woman... Wink

Ah Smile Thanks. The "ball busting production" comment smacked of bitterness. Had to assume that's what led to missing the point of the original post which, as Stonefox pointed out, was never about guys asking girls out.

So, I thought I'd make some effort to explain why some girls do have to end up being or sounding mean to reject the advances of some of the more oblivious men. Even if IATW isn't a guy, hopefully some guy who did read it learned that it isn't always malicious if a lady has to be a bit harsh in turning him down. Sometimes it is (yes, those girls are out there), but many times it isn't.

Anyhoo, Shimmer, with all the women who work in gyms, some of them have to have some insight into this. Maybe they have to deal with the same thing. If so, hopefully they can give you some tips on what works for them.


caughtinside


Dec 24, 2008, 9:11 AM
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Re: [iamthewallress] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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iamthewallress wrote:
Are you gals really this mean to guys that ask you out?

Generally it seems that the more that you are actually out of a guy's league, the less big of a ball-stomping production you should need to make in order to communicate this info to him.

Say there... do you know how to Rock Climb?


Gmburns2000


Dec 24, 2008, 9:29 AM
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Re: [htotsu] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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htotsu wrote:
wonderwoman wrote:
Ummm... I'm pretty sure that iamthewallrus is a woman... Wink

Ah Smile Thanks. The "ball busting production" comment smacked of bitterness. Had to assume that's what led to missing the point of the original post which, as Stonefox pointed out, was never about guys asking girls out.

So, I thought I'd make some effort to explain why some girls do have to end up being or sounding mean to reject the advances of some of the more oblivious men. Even if IATW isn't a guy, hopefully some guy who did read it learned that it isn't always malicious if a lady has to be a bit harsh in turning him down. Sometimes it is (yes, those girls are out there), but many times it isn't.

Anyhoo, Shimmer, with all the women who work in gyms, some of them have to have some insight into this. Maybe they have to deal with the same thing. If so, hopefully they can give you some tips on what works for them.

[devil's advocate] The girl may be harsh, but there's no reason for the guy to not take it somewhat personally. For her, it's just another chat-up in a long line of dumbass guys. But for him, it's a snapshot in time. It's not as if it is a long line of chat-ups on his side. Being stupid aside, he very likely doesn't know why she's being mean because he wasn't there to see all the other dumbass questions beforehand.

Its the same thing as someone being in a bad mood and snapping at the first person who asks a question, even if it isn't an innocent question. The person asking doesn't see it as a long line of bad events, but merely as a one-time event.

And just to add to this, the mere fact that there are women out there who are mean or who "reject for the fun of it" (or whatever the quote from above was), means that guys will nearly never be able to tell the difference between someone who intends to be mean and who doesn't. Simply put, mean is mean. My personal preference is to make sure that the offending person gets the wrath and that they understand why. Taking it out on the innocent, regardless of intellect, is just plain low. [/ devil's advocate]


htotsu


Dec 24, 2008, 10:14 PM
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Re: [Gmburns2000] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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Gmburns2000 wrote:
(lots of good stuff)

Very well put. For the most part I advocated randomness rather than overt meanness (I never really expected her to use the "nutwrenching harness" option), but you make a valid point.

That said, I'm still with Shimmer - if a guy can't at least make an effort to ask a coherent question then he's not the "innocent" guy you describe. A guy who is polite and respectful, for example, and does not ask what you call a "dumbass" question, would not get a response in ASL from her.

Tell the truth - let's say you and your belayer were at your favorite climbing spot, all ready to go, you've just said "Climbing..." and just as you were about to touch the rock someone says to you, "Oh. Do you rock climb?" it just might cross your mind to give a sarcastic answer. That's just the way it is. By posing that question in that scenario, the person is almost asking for it. Sure, it depends on your mood, your level of patience, your assessment of the person's reason for asking, and right now, whether the spirit of Christmas is softening your responses. But nonetheless, a dumbass question is a dumbass question, and is its own reason for a smartass answer, regardless of whether you've heard that question before.

But sure, it would be wonderful if each time we experienced something like this we could call upon the patience and grace to be kind. Unfortunately, when women do this it is too often mistaken for interest, and then you have to deal with a guy who doesn't get that you're not interested but just being nice, and then the whole thing starts again.


Gmburns2000


Dec 26, 2008, 6:15 AM
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Re: [htotsu] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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Just to be clear, I found many of the responses thus far to be humorous. In fact, I'd say that I have a bit of a reputation of being a smart ass myself. However, I try to ensure that it is obvious that I am not serious when I am acting out. So yeah, the smart ass response is always loaded and ready to go in my mind, but if I notice that the person isn't being a smart ass themself then I try to be kind.

Still, I've asked an awful lot of dumb questions in my life, and, roughly speaking, about 1/4 of them turned out to be not so dumb after all (clearly not a scientific result Tongue). Understanding that, I don't assume that people should know already what they are asking.

But you raise a good point, guys do find it very difficult sometimes to tell the difference between kindness and interest. I can understand why that would be frustrating. Still, which problem would you rather have: kindness mistaken for interest, or smart ass mistaken for mean? My choice, which I unfairly didn't give to you (but you can still choose it now if you wish), is honesty.


blueshrimp


Dec 26, 2008, 7:13 AM
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Re: [shimmer] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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Hmm...in my opinion men are fairly uncomplicated creatures. Confronted with the same situation, my replies would be as follows.

Big Strong Man: "You climb?"/"You climb too?"/"Do you climb?"

Me: "Sure!"

Big Strong Man: "How hard?"

Me: "Enough to have fun."

And leave it at that. Nothing complicated, conveys required information, and is polite if said with a pleasant demeanor. Time wasted: less than 30 seconds. It is then up to you if the delivery is flirtatious or businesslike. You control the direction of the conversation simply by changing the tone. Cool, huh? ;)


htotsu


Dec 26, 2008, 11:21 AM
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Gmburns2000 wrote:
But you raise a good point, guys do find it very difficult sometimes to tell the difference between kindness and interest. I can understand why that would be frustrating. Still, which problem would you rather have: kindness mistaken for interest, or smart ass mistaken for mean? My choice, which I unfairly didn't give to you (but you can still choose it now if you wish), is honesty.

That sounds very "One to grow on" at the end there :) But in this scenario, as in many in life, honesty (e.g. please leave me alone, I am not interested you, please stop talking to me, your breath is kicking - please back away) will be interpreted as mean. It just isn't that simple.

I'm also not sure you fully understand that the frustration involved when kindness is mistaken for interest isn't just about being misunderstood. It's that, when a guy doesn't get that you're not interested but are just being nice, the conversation can just freakin continue and continue, regardless of whatever social cues you try to throw his way to make it clear that you are busy, or trying to focus on something else, or just not interested in talking.

So, sure, the lady can say, "Please go away and leave me alone now," and everyone's happy because she was honest, right? Or is he now thinking she's mean? The lady can't win. Might as well make it interesting, and leaving him befuddled can be better than leaving him with hurt feelings.


Gmburns2000


Dec 26, 2008, 11:48 AM
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htotsu wrote:
Gmburns2000 wrote:
But you raise a good point, guys do find it very difficult sometimes to tell the difference between kindness and interest. I can understand why that would be frustrating. Still, which problem would you rather have: kindness mistaken for interest, or smart ass mistaken for mean? My choice, which I unfairly didn't give to you (but you can still choose it now if you wish), is honesty.

That sounds very "One to grow on" at the end there :) But in this scenario, as in many in life, honesty (e.g. please leave me alone, I am not interested you, please stop talking to me, your breath is kicking - please back away) will be interpreted as mean. It just isn't that simple.

I can see that, but consequences are what they are. He'll get over it. You may not be able to be friends with him, but it's not that much different than the guy you like who doesn't reciprocate your feelings; you probably can't be friends with him, either (I know that's a generalization). Still, I sympathize with the complexity. I know it isn't that easy.

In reply to:
I'm also not sure you fully understand that the frustration involved when kindness is mistaken for interest isn't just about being misunderstood. It's that, when a guy doesn't get that you're not interested but are just being nice, the conversation can just freakin continue and continue, regardless of whatever social cues you try to throw his way to make it clear that you are busy, or trying to focus on something else, or just not interested in talking.

Yup, guys can bullheaded at times, but I think this goes both ways. While there are many guys who just don't get the social cues, there are many women who send out those cues simply to gauge a guy's interest. Case in point: a buddy of mine essentially harrassed a woman who kept saying no on match.com until she said yes. They got married this past August. She's the kind of girl who doesn't want to go out with a guy without knowing how interested he really is first, and so she toyed with him. Some guys think all women are like this, and so they persist. My solution, cut out the cues and get to the point. The cues are only making things more difficult for you in the end.

In reply to:
So, sure, the lady can say, "Please go away and leave me alone now," and everyone's happy because she was honest, right? Or is he now thinking she's mean? The lady can't win. Might as well make it interesting, and leaving him befuddled can be better than leaving him with hurt feelings.

Heh. Well, that's your own fault then. You wanted to have fun...Laugh


shimmer


Dec 26, 2008, 2:01 PM
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Re: [blueshrimp] "Do you know how to rock climb?" *blank stare* [In reply to]
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blueshrimp wrote:
Hmm...in my opinion men are fairly uncomplicated creatures. Confronted with the same situation, my replies would be as follows.

Big Strong Man: "You climb?"/"You climb too?"/"Do you climb?"

Me: "Sure!"

Big Strong Man: "How hard?"

Me: "Enough to have fun."

And leave it at that. Nothing complicated, conveys required information, and is polite if said with a pleasant demeanor. Time wasted: less than 30 seconds. It is then up to you if the delivery is flirtatious or businesslike. You control the direction of the conversation simply by changing the tone. Cool, huh? ;)
One would think it were that simple. I hate to say, it's not. A fair majority, it can be...and the hint is taken. the rest of the time the "hurhurrr hurrrrr' mentality is a little to prevalent.

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