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boadman


Mar 12, 2009, 5:11 PM
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Re: [granite_grrl] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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granite_grrl wrote:
blueshrimp wrote:
When the guy climbs harder than the girl I've found that never causes any issues.
O rily!!!

Well, it's not a big deal if the guy climbs harder. What's a bit more of a problem is when the woman insists on leading just as much as the guy does, and he starts getting bored following her 5.8 trad leads.

Or if the guy wants to project something at an area like the Motherload when the girl can't climb 5.12.

There's a balance that has to be kept, some give, some take. We all just want to climb and improve.

Another frustrating thing that often happens in climbing relationships is when one partner gets wimpy when climbing with the other partner. For instance, boyfriend climbs 5.12 with his other female friends, but cries that it's too hard and too scary when climbing with his girlfriend. I can't tell you how many times I've seen that at the crag. It's a really strange dynamic that a lot of couples fall into.


upintheair


Mar 13, 2009, 6:21 AM
Post #27 of 40 (1328 views)
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Re: [clee03m] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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clee03m wrote:
upintheair wrote:
They don't understand why I'm torturing myself...they say, if it scares you, just don't lead - there are tons of people who love leading; let them set up TRs for you instead.

Huh? Wow, your partners actually say this to you when you are obviously trying to get over your fear of leading? Once again, it's hard to get the dynamics of climbing partnerships off one post, but that strikes me as really odd.

Why does that strike you as odd? From my experience, it's not an uncommon dynamic in the "just climbing for fun" crowd. To a lot of people who climb just for general fitness or to hang out socially, pushing yourself to do something difficult or scary may seem like a lot of unneccessary stress. There can also be a fine line between encouraging someone to push themselves and peer-pressuring someone into getting in over their heads and getting injured because of it. That actually happened to a friend of mine last summer, so I can understand why people would be skittish about telling someone to go ahead and lead something difficult for them.

Just to be clear, I climb with a lot of different people, and not everyone I climb with tells me not to push it on lead. The person I climb with most often is actually pretty supportive, and we're both very goal oriented. He's just not always available to climb.


wonderwoman


Mar 13, 2009, 6:58 AM
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Re: [boadman] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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boadman wrote:
Another frustrating thing that often happens in climbing relationships is when one partner gets wimpy when climbing with the other partner. For instance, boyfriend climbs 5.12 with his other female friends, but cries that it's too hard and too scary when climbing with his girlfriend. I can't tell you how many times I've seen that at the crag. It's a really strange dynamic that a lot of couples fall into.

Now that you mention it, I do notice myself climbing harder and a little bolder sometimes with other women. I think this maybe because I am sometimes the 'rope gun' and pressure myself to climb harder. However, when I realize that I am holding myself back, I get really pissed off and that forces me to climb harder. Maybe this is what you are witnessing.

On another note, I do sometimes notice people trying to steal my climbing partner! My husband and I are a good match, and sure, it's good for us to climb with other folks. But sometimes people ask him to climb for the weekend. And this is fine - as long as I have someone to climb with at my level, too!


(This post was edited by wonderwoman on Mar 13, 2009, 1:47 PM)


Gmburns2000


Mar 13, 2009, 7:10 AM
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Re: [wonderwoman] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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wonderwoman wrote:

On another note, I do sometimes notice people trying to steal my climbing partner! My husband and I are a good match, and sure, it's good for us to climb with other folks. But sometimes people ask him to climb for the weekend. And this is fine - as long as I have someone to climb with at my level, too!

*cough* hypocrite *cough*



How's that Red Rocks trip planning working out? I heard you planned that trip first, then your husband caught wind of it and wanted to go, too (i.e. - after you had decided to go with someone else).

*cough, cough* boy, I must have something in my throat. *cough, cough, HACK, cough*

Tongue


wonderwoman


Mar 13, 2009, 7:39 AM
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Re: [Gmburns2000] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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Gmburns2000 wrote:
wonderwoman wrote:

On another note, I do sometimes notice people trying to steal my climbing partner! My husband and I are a good match, and sure, it's good for us to climb with other folks. But sometimes people ask him to climb for the weekend. And this is fine - as long as I have someone to climb with at my level, too!

*cough* hypocrite *cough*



How's that Red Rocks trip planning working out? I heard you planned that trip first, then your husband caught wind of it and wanted to go, too (i.e. - after you had decided to go with someone else).

*cough, cough* boy, I must have something in my throat. *cough, cough, HACK, cough*

Tongue

Believe me, Josh gets WAY more climbing in than I do during the season! Being a teacher, he has the entire summer off and gets to climb with plenty of different partners and gets out to more places. If you're trying to make me feel guilty, it's not working, pal!


Gmburns2000


Mar 13, 2009, 7:54 AM
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Re: [wonderwoman] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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wonderwoman wrote:
Gmburns2000 wrote:
wonderwoman wrote:

On another note, I do sometimes notice people trying to steal my climbing partner! My husband and I are a good match, and sure, it's good for us to climb with other folks. But sometimes people ask him to climb for the weekend. And this is fine - as long as I have someone to climb with at my level, too!

*cough* hypocrite *cough*



How's that Red Rocks trip planning working out? I heard you planned that trip first, then your husband caught wind of it and wanted to go, too (i.e. - after you had decided to go with someone else).

*cough, cough* boy, I must have something in my throat. *cough, cough, HACK, cough*

Tongue

Believe me, Josh gets WAY more climbing in than I do during the season! Being a teacher, he has the entire summer off and gets to climb with plenty of different partners and gets out to more places. If you're trying to make me feel guilty, it's not working, pal!

Not a guilt trip, just saying it like it is. He may get way more climbing in during the summer, but I think you were going to go on a cool spring trip leaving him behind to fend for himself.

*she's on her heels folks, she's reeling!*


wonderwoman


Mar 13, 2009, 8:00 AM
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Re: [Gmburns2000] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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Gmburns2000 wrote:
He may get way more climbing in during the summer, but I think you were going to go on a cool spring trip leaving him behind to fend for himself.

*she's on her heels folks, she's reeling!*

No. I'm leaving him home to look after the kid... But that's a whole other thread.


clee03m


Mar 13, 2009, 1:37 PM
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Re: [upintheair] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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I have climbed with groups of people who are pretty relaxed, but even in that environment, I find that people are pretty encouraging to climbers trying to lead more. Personally, I have never had anyone suggest that I just top rope, no matter how much I am freaking out about leading. Usually it's more like pointing out why falls on this climb would be safe, reminding me that they got me, etc. IMO, there is difference between pressuring someone to lead and suggesting to someone who wants to get better at leading to just stop torturing herself. I guess I wouldn't find that all that helpful? But you are right. Different dynamics in different groups. If you don't mind, and it doesn't hurt your drive to get better at leading, great.


kiwiprincess


Mar 14, 2009, 4:38 PM
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Re: [upintheair] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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I think that some men do have the need to be best..but this reflects on their ego and some lack of belief in them selves. You should not need to put someone else down to feel good about yourself.

My husband is better at climbing and generally more athletic but I am a better kayaker and I overhear him saying that's my wife in a proud voice, when I kick his arse at that.
His competitive spirit/testostrerone will make him really pull it out if I am catching up at something he's usually better than me at. But he is both proud and really supportive of me and helps me to be my best.

I would get rid of a man who I felt i could not shine around and be the best ME i can be. He's not going to be someone who'll support you through all the changes you will go through in life, and as you age and become more and more confident.


kiwiprincess


Mar 15, 2009, 2:21 PM
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Re: [upintheair] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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When I originally read blue shrimps answer I thought ..No way!
But I totally tell my boy he is amazing, such an amesome man to support me and make sure he knows he's my hero, and makes me strong when he is cool. Reinforcing the behavior. i suck up to the ego to make my life good too.


fresh


Mar 16, 2009, 7:45 AM
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Re: [climbingam] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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climbingam wrote:
When I started my first year in law school and would have a particularly brutal day of grilling from a professor, I'd get home and my wife (gf at the time) would feel bad for not being able to do anything to help. Same way I felt when I found out another gf had flipped three times after getting hit by an 18 wheeler. Same way parents feel when their kid is really sick.
well for me, I'd divide tough times in my loved ones' lives into suffering and struggling--negative and positive sides of the same coin. if they have little control over the tough times, like if they lose their job, or if they break their leg, then I'm there with all the empathy I can give. but if a loved one is struggling to overcome something, I see it as them needing encouragement and support instead of empathy.

it's not always so clear cut. I guess I see her bf as maybe interpreting it the wrong way. not trying to be judgmental, because I'm just capable of being threatened or whatever. but if the OP is choosing to put herself in tough situations, I think support is better for her than concern.


chalk_bag


Mar 23, 2009, 8:29 PM
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Re: [upintheair] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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Since I started climbing four years ago, I've only had two serious "boyfriends". One a non-climber who started climbing after we broke up and the other was a climber.

I climbed harder grades than both of them.

The non-climber turned climber is now my main climbing partner and, since he only started climbing a year ago has me as his rope gun.

The climber, though an incrediably accomplished ice climber, trad climber and mountaineer, just wasn't into sport mixed or hard sport climbing. So on sport mixed and hard sport routes I climbed harner than he did. He was proud of me, and happily told other people that I climb harder than him.

It would be weird to date someone who climbed harder than me. Maybe I have ego problems :)

Kidding aside, if a guy loves you, is confident, and has his %*& together, it shouldn't matter. I definitely don't down play my skills. I lead 5.11a sport, boulder up to V6, can lead M8 and hold my own on mountaineering trips and damn proud of it. Any man I date better be proud of it too. However, I'm seeing a non-climbing woman now, so it really doesn't matter : )


Partner cracklover


Mar 24, 2009, 10:04 AM
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Re: [fresh] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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fresh wrote:
climbingam wrote:
When I started my first year in law school and would have a particularly brutal day of grilling from a professor, I'd get home and my wife (gf at the time) would feel bad for not being able to do anything to help. Same way I felt when I found out another gf had flipped three times after getting hit by an 18 wheeler. Same way parents feel when their kid is really sick.
well for me, I'd divide tough times in my loved ones' lives into suffering and struggling--negative and positive sides of the same coin. if they have little control over the tough times, like if they lose their job, or if they break their leg, then I'm there with all the empathy I can give. but if a loved one is struggling to overcome something, I see it as them needing encouragement and support instead of empathy.

it's not always so clear cut. I guess I see her bf as maybe interpreting it the wrong way. not trying to be judgmental, because I'm just capable of being threatened or whatever. but if the OP is choosing to put herself in tough situations, I think support is better for her than concern.

That's a really cool way of thinking, both in climbing partnerships, and partnerships in general. Thanks for sharing that!

GO


gogounou


Mar 25, 2009, 12:25 PM
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Re: [cracklover] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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cracklover wrote:
fresh wrote:
climbingam wrote:
When I started my first year in law school and would have a particularly brutal day of grilling from a professor, I'd get home and my wife (gf at the time) would feel bad for not being able to do anything to help. Same way I felt when I found out another gf had flipped three times after getting hit by an 18 wheeler. Same way parents feel when their kid is really sick.
well for me, I'd divide tough times in my loved ones' lives into suffering and struggling--negative and positive sides of the same coin. if they have little control over the tough times, like if they lose their job, or if they break their leg, then I'm there with all the empathy I can give. but if a loved one is struggling to overcome something, I see it as them needing encouragement and support instead of empathy.

it's not always so clear cut. I guess I see her bf as maybe interpreting it the wrong way. not trying to be judgmental, because I'm just capable of being threatened or whatever. but if the OP is choosing to put herself in tough situations, I think support is better for her than concern.

That's a really cool way of thinking, both in climbing partnerships, and partnerships in general. Thanks for sharing that!

GO

Hear, hear - and applicable in my own life. Thanks, Fresh.

J


fresh


Apr 3, 2009, 10:21 AM
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Re: [gogounou] Climbing Harder than your Boyfriend [In reply to]
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no problem guys Smile

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