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Screening test for n00bs
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jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 11:46 AM
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Screening test for n00bs
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You're at the sport crag waiting for your partner to arrive, an unkown climber walks up to you, and asks, "Hey, you want a belay?" You're on the spot. You'd like to get a warm-up burn in, but you don't want to end up on the wrong end of some hapless gymbie's rope. If you hesitate before answering, you risk offense. You must be definitive. It's either got to be, "Sure, that would be great," or "No thanks. I'm still a little hungover." You need a way to size up your potential partner that is systematic, fast, and accurate. In short, you need a

Screening Test for N00bs


Through years of keen observation, I have identified 10 key risk factors for n00bs. Give the climber the number of points indicated for each risk factor. Then sum the points to arrive at the climber's n00b risk score.

Risk factor 1: Helmet
Climber has a helmet at the crag: 2 points
Climber is wearing a helmet belaying: 10 points
Climber wore a helmet on the approach: 25 points
Climber got out of car wearing helmet: 100 points

Risk factor 2: Climbing shoes
Climber's shoes, if not slippers, are made from natural leather: 10 points*
Climber's shoes are made by Mad Rock: 10 points
*Exception 1: Climber's shoes are Firés: -50 points
*Exception 2: Climber's shoes are EBs: -100 points

Risk factor 3: Harness
Any modern harness not made by Petzl: 5 points

Risk factor 4: Belay device(s)
Give the climber 10^n points, where n is the number of belay devices on the climber's harness in excess of one.
In addition:
Does not have a grigri: 10 points
Has a Cinch: 10 points
Has a device whose brand name is "ATC" followed by something: 10 points

Risk factor 5: Quick draws
Anything other than Petzl: 5 points
Dogbones too skinny to grab: 10 points
Petzl logo on dogbones: -50 points

Risk factor 6: Rope bag
Non-Metolius: 5 points
None: 20 points

Risk factor 7: Stick clip
None: 10 points

Risk factor 8: Unnecessary equipment
10^n points, where n is the number of items girth hitched to the climber's harness
10 points for each locking carabiner on the climber's harness not clipped to a belay device
50 points for each quick link on the climber's harness

Risk factor 9: REI
1 point for each appearance of the REI logo on the climber's gear
20 points for each appearance of an REI price tag on the climber's gear
100 points for an REI shopping bag containing the climber's gear

Risk factor 10: The color red
1 point for each red item among the climber's gear, unless the gear is unscratched; then, 10 points.
Red grigri: 15 points

Scoring:
100 or more: Run away.
50–99 points: High n00b probability. Climb with at your own risk.
25–49 points: Possibly a n00b or a visiting trad climber.
0–24 points: Probably an experienced sport climber.
Less than 0: The climber probably knows more about climbing than you do.


(This post was edited by jt512 on Aug 12, 2009, 6:23 PM)


bill413


Aug 11, 2009, 11:55 AM
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Do I detect a certain Petzl bias?


curt


Aug 11, 2009, 11:58 AM
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jt512 wrote:
You're at the sport crag waiting for your partner to arrive...

You're a n00b. The rest was superfluous. Cool

Curt


caughtinside


Aug 11, 2009, 12:16 PM
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Damn. I checked in at 36. BD rope bag (red by gawd!), a mish mash of non petzl draws, arcteryx harness and no stick clip. I think my shoes are leather as well. Those evolvs are too hot and sweaty for my dogs.

n00b'd!Mad


lena_chita
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Aug 11, 2009, 12:18 PM
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jt512 wrote:
Risk factor 2: Climbing shoes
Climber's shoes are made from natural leather: 10 points*
Climber's shoes are made by Mad Rock: 10 points
*Exception 1: Climber's shoes are Firés: -50 points
*Exception 2: Climber's shoes are EBs: -100 points

Hmm, I would have made this one different:

A climber has the shoes clipped to his harness, 10 points
A climber is wearing Bufos, 20 points
A climber is wearing socks with his climbing shoes, 50 points (exceptions apply if the climber is above 50yo and the socks are tube-style, in that case subtract 50)
A climber is wearing his climbing shoes while walking around, 100 points


bandycoot


Aug 11, 2009, 12:19 PM
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Awesome post Jay! 5 stars for sure! I'm in the "High n00b probability" category. Awesome. I could make a few simple changes (like actually bring my grigri) and that would solve the "problem", but the thing weighs so damn much!

No grigri +10
No stick clip +10
Natural Leather on my "warm up" shoes +10
(Cinch comes with me some days so optional +10)

30-40 for me!

Josh

PS. The 10^n ones are SO MONEY!


(This post was edited by bandycoot on Aug 11, 2009, 12:20 PM)


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 12:19 PM
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caughtinside wrote:
Damn. I checked in at 36. BD rope bag (red by gawd!), a mish mash of non petzl draws, arcteryx harness and no stick clip. I think my shoes are leather as well. Those evolvs are too hot and sweaty for my dogs.

n00b'd!Mad

If I were doing the screening, I wouldn't count the red rope bag against you. Ditto for red ropes or backpacks. Red carabiners, grigris, or dogbones, however, are definite risk factors.

Jay


(This post was edited by jt512 on Aug 11, 2009, 12:30 PM)


boymeetsrock


Aug 11, 2009, 12:20 PM
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I LOL'd


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 12:22 PM
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bandycoot wrote:
Awesome post Jay! 5 stars for sure! I'm in the "High n00b probability" category. Awesome. I could make a few simple changes (like actually bring my grigri) and that would solve the "problem", but the thing weighs so damn much!

No grigri +10
No stick clip +10
Natural Leather on my "warm up" shoes +10
(Cinch comes wtih me some days so optional +10)

30-40 for me!

Josh

OK. You and caughtinside were false positives, according to the current categories, but you both scored under 50. Looks like I need break the 25-99 category into two groups.


bandycoot


Aug 11, 2009, 12:23 PM
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Yeah, probably. 25-50 could be "Possibly competent but wanks around on cracks too often to know what to bring to a sport crag."

Josh


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 12:25 PM
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bandycoot wrote:
Yeah, probably. 25-50 could be "Possibly competent but wanks around on cracks too often to know what to bring to a sport crag."

Josh

That's basically what I did.

Jay


caughtinside


Aug 11, 2009, 12:26 PM
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bandycoot wrote:
Yeah, probably. 25-50 could be "Possibly competent but wanks around on cracks too often to know what to bring to a sport crag."

Josh

Hah! busted.

I may slide in with the shoes though. My katanas and spectros are leather, but they have a small sheet of some synthetic stuff in the forefoot that doesn't stretch to keep the shape. So if I drop the 11 points I'm cusping at 25.


bandycoot


Aug 11, 2009, 12:32 PM
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You want busted? I bring MYTHOS to the crag! Ha! And, before I bought my first quick draws in 2007 (Petzl) I used to climb exclusively on 2' sling tripled into trad draws! I know, I'm an embarrasment, but wanking around on the cracks is just so damn fun!


caughtinside


Aug 11, 2009, 1:00 PM
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bandycoot wrote:
You want busted? I bring MYTHOS to the crag! Ha! And, before I bought my first quick draws in 2007 (Petzl) I used to climb exclusively on 2' sling tripled into trad draws! I know, I'm an embarrasment, but wanking around on the cracks is just so damn fun!

Mythos... the worst edging shoe of all time.

Might have to factor in a +10 for using the tripled up runners on bolts.


shoo


Aug 11, 2009, 1:07 PM
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Harness not by Petzl: 5 points

Does not have a grigri: 10 points. I was actually intending to get a cinch, but I'm not sure I can go any higher on this without risking certain n00bhood.

Rope bag, not Metolius: 5 points. My 59 cent blue Ikea bag is the best rope bag/tarp I've ever owned. I'll take my points with pride for this one.

No stick clip: 10 points. Seriously? A stick clip is for experts? If Henry Barber were ever to be found with a stick clip, he'd probably be using it to thwack n00bs over the head.

Red items: 1 point, for my harness

Total: 31. I can live with that.


knieveltech


Aug 11, 2009, 1:07 PM
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120 points for two girth hitched slings and a couple of lockers? Harsh. Frown


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 1:09 PM
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knieveltech wrote:
120 points for two girth hitched slings and a couple of lockers? Harsh. Frown

Sorry, Dude. Bandycoot is correct. The 10^n items are indisputable.

Besides, haven't we told you to get rid of that second daisy chain elsewhere?

Jay


(This post was edited by jt512 on Aug 11, 2009, 1:12 PM)


dingus


Aug 11, 2009, 1:10 PM
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knieveltech wrote:
120 points for two girth hitched slings and a couple of lockers? Harsh. Frown

Harsh, yes. But indicative my man, indicative.

DMT


shoo


Aug 11, 2009, 1:11 PM
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caughtinside wrote:
Might have to factor in a +10 for using the tripled up runners on bolts.

Screw that. Worn tripled runners as draws indicates trad experience, neutral points. Worn, knotted 1" mil-spec slings on Chouinard 'biners gets you -10. Brand new tripled runners and 'biners should net you +10.


caughtinside


Aug 11, 2009, 1:11 PM
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shoo wrote:

No stick clip: 10 points. Seriously? A stick clip is for experts? If Henry Barber were ever to be found with a stick clip, he'd probably be using it to thwack n00bs over the head.

Yeah, most steep and worthy crags tend to be chossy and/or have hard moves right from the get go, so sticking the first bolt is a good idea. It's sport climbing, no one cares how boldly you climb to the first bolt.

I'm just going to not touch that Henry Barber comment...


gmggg


Aug 11, 2009, 1:13 PM
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Shit! 36. Damn you red grigri!!!! Damn you to hell!!!!!

How much point break can I get if the red is ~60-70% scratched off?

How does it count if I wear my Misty Mountain Cadillac?? + or - it's hard to tell...


caughtinside


Aug 11, 2009, 1:13 PM
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jt512 wrote:
knieveltech wrote:
120 points for two girth hitched slings and a couple of lockers? Harsh. Frown

Sorry, Dude. Bandycoot is correct. The 10^n items are indisputable.

Besides, haven't we told you to get rid of that second daisy chain elsewhere?

Jay

Dead giveaway.


caughtinside


Aug 11, 2009, 1:15 PM
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gmggg wrote:
Shit! 36. Damn you red grigri!!!! Damn you to hell!!!!!

How much point break can I get if the red is ~60-70% scratched off?

How does it count if I wear my Misty Mountain Cadillac?? + or - it's hard to tell...

wall harness to sport climb, +20.


caughtinside


Aug 11, 2009, 1:17 PM
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shoo wrote:
caughtinside wrote:
Might have to factor in a +10 for using the tripled up runners on bolts.

Screw that. Worn tripled runners as draws indicates trad experience, neutral points. Worn, knotted 1" mil-spec slings on Chouinard 'biners gets you -10. Brand new tripled runners and 'biners should net you +10.

Worn tripled runners does indicate trad experience, but at a sport crag that could either be a good thing or a bad thing. I'd tend to go bad, since 75% of trad climbers are in the 5.7 crowd.

I will admit to having used tripled runners at sport crags on road trips... and it sucks.


dingus


Aug 11, 2009, 1:18 PM
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caughtinside wrote:
gmggg wrote:
Shit! 36. Damn you red grigri!!!! Damn you to hell!!!!!

How much point break can I get if the red is ~60-70% scratched off?

How does it count if I wear my Misty Mountain Cadillac?? + or - it's hard to tell...

wall harness to sport climb, +20.

No. Wall Harness to trad = _+20 (either points or pounds, either will work)

Wall harness to sport climbing? That's gotta be +50, at least.

(yes I have done both, fairly recently haha - but I slimmed down again and the Misty Lard Bucket is no longer a necessity! Yay for me!)

DMT


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 1:20 PM
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gmggg wrote:
Shit! 36. Damn you red grigri!!!! Damn you to hell!!!!!

How much point break can I get if the red is ~60-70% scratched off?

I would be suspicious of a badly worn red grigri, since red grigris haven't been around for long. I would tend to suspect an intentional attempt to disguise one's true n00biescence.

Jay


tedman


Aug 11, 2009, 1:21 PM
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Dang 56...although up that to 67 if red gates on mammut classic draws count. So if you belay with a grigri/cinch and carry an ATC for rapping, you still get dinged for having 2 belay devices?


gmggg


Aug 11, 2009, 1:22 PM
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shoo wrote:
Harness not by Petzl: 5 points

Does not have a grigri: 10 points. I was actually intending to get a cinch, but I'm not sure I can go any higher on this without risking certain n00bhood.

Rope bag, not Metolius: 5 points. My 59 cent blue Ikea bag is the best rope bag/tarp I've ever owned. I'll take my points with pride for this one.

No stick clip: 10 points. Seriously? A stick clip is for experts? If Henry Barber were ever to be found with a stick clip, he'd probably be using it to thwack n00bs over the head.

Red items: 1 point, for my harness

Total: 31. I can live with that.

I want a red harness to match my shoes and grigri.Wink

I think color matched climbing gear (of any color) should be counted as well.


knieveltech


Aug 11, 2009, 1:25 PM
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dingus wrote:
knieveltech wrote:
120 points for two girth hitched slings and a couple of lockers? Harsh. Frown

Harsh, yes. But indicative my man, indicative.

DMT

*sigh* Guess I'll put my gym tags back on my harness now.


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 1:26 PM
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tedman wrote:
Dang 56...although up that to 67 if red gates on mammut classic draws count. So if you belay with a grigri/cinch and carry an ATC for rapping, you still get dinged for having 2 belay devices?

Plus another 10 for rapping.

Jay


gmggg


Aug 11, 2009, 1:27 PM
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dingus wrote:
caughtinside wrote:
gmggg wrote:
Shit! 36. Damn you red grigri!!!! Damn you to hell!!!!!

How much point break can I get if the red is ~60-70% scratched off?

How does it count if I wear my Misty Mountain Cadillac?? + or - it's hard to tell...

wall harness to sport climb, +20.

No. Wall Harness to trad = _+20 (either points or pounds, either will work)

Wall harness to sport climbing? That's gotta be +50, at least.

(yes I have done both, fairly recently haha - but I slimmed down again and the Misty Lard Bucket is no longer a necessity! Yay for me!)

DMT

+50 sounds right.

Next question... What if someone carries their draws on a shoulder sling, either gear sling, or just a doubled 60?


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 1:30 PM
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gmggg wrote:
dingus wrote:
caughtinside wrote:
gmggg wrote:
Shit! 36. Damn you red grigri!!!! Damn you to hell!!!!!

How much point break can I get if the red is ~60-70% scratched off?

How does it count if I wear my Misty Mountain Cadillac?? + or - it's hard to tell...

wall harness to sport climb, +20.

No. Wall Harness to trad = _+20 (either points or pounds, either will work)

Wall harness to sport climbing? That's gotta be +50, at least.

(yes I have done both, fairly recently haha - but I slimmed down again and the Misty Lard Bucket is no longer a necessity! Yay for me!)

DMT

+50 sounds right.

Next question... What if someone carries their draws on a shoulder sling, either gear sling, or just a doubled 60?

You mean on a sling over the shoulder—like, not in a backpack???!!!11

Jay


gmggg


Aug 11, 2009, 1:32 PM
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jt512 wrote:
gmggg wrote:
Shit! 36. Damn you red grigri!!!! Damn you to hell!!!!!

How much point break can I get if the red is ~60-70% scratched off?

I would be suspicious of a badly worn red grigri, since red grigris haven't been around for long. I would tend to suspect an intentional attempt to disguise one's true n00biescence.

Jay

2 years is enough for for me to ruin just about anything. Gear, daughters, my technique, etc...


bandycoot


Aug 11, 2009, 1:33 PM
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shoo wrote:
caughtinside wrote:
Might have to factor in a +10 for using the tripled up runners on bolts.

Screw that. Worn tripled runners as draws indicates trad experience, neutral points. Worn, knotted 1" mil-spec slings on Chouinard 'biners gets you -10. Brand new tripled runners and 'biners should net you +10.

I totally disagree... Having made the painful conversion from pure trad climbing to having a clue at the sport crag (I used to onsight trad climb harder than I could sport climb) and realizing how little I knew in the realm of overhung sport climbing techniques, tripled trad draws should be a minus regardless.....

I'm proud to say that my hardest redpoint is still a pure gear climb as of last Saturday. I think it's probably good I'm in the questionable range...

Josh


gmggg


Aug 11, 2009, 1:35 PM
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jt512 wrote:
You mean on a sling over the shoulder—like, not in a backpack???!!!11

Jay

Hell yeah!! You can see the world at the crags of the northeast.

Also, shirtless with a beanie while climbing, + or -?


squishy654


Aug 11, 2009, 1:47 PM
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Curry Village butter knife with keeper hole: -300

Any Fish products: -100

Mountaineers coil: +10

Army surplus anything: -10


shoo


Aug 11, 2009, 1:54 PM
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squishy654 wrote:
Army surplus anything: -10

Absolutely not. I have seen many former actual military climbers with army surplus gear. They are without question some of the most dangerously n00bulous climbers I have every experienced. Moreso, they tend to think they know what they are doing because they rappelled on a fig 8 once in basic training and don't take advice kindly.

If there just happens to be some former military peoples reading these forums, the location on my profile is a fake. I actually live in North Dakota.


gmggg


Aug 11, 2009, 1:57 PM
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shoo wrote:
squishy654 wrote:
Army surplus anything: -10

Absolutely not. I have seen many former actual military climbers with army surplus gear. They are without question some of the most dangerously n00bulous climbers I have every experienced. Moreso, they tend to think they know what they are doing because they rappelled on a fig 8 once in basic training and don't take advice kindly.

If there just happens to be some former military peoples reading these forums, the location on my profile is a fake. I actually live in North Dakota.

+1

Also, much army surplus lies in the hands of teenage gumbs who don't know better.


squishy654


Aug 11, 2009, 2:10 PM
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I am ex-Army and I rapped with a figure eight long before that in the Boy Scouts what does that make them?

I wear old Army T shirts while climbing because I don't want to pay over 20 bucks for something that isn't cotton. While I do agree that some ex military people act like noobs, I dare you to lump them all into "n00bulous". Basically you need to remember who your talking to, and in some regard you are the noob for making such gross assumptions...

Early Yosemite climbing was done on nothing but old army surplus biners and gear...go ahead and make sure you call them noobs too...

I was actually talking about surplus military gear, not veterans, if you want to drag them into it, you're asking for a hurting...


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 2:14 PM
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squishy654 wrote:
I am ex-Army...

+10

In reply to:
...and I rapped with a figure eight long before that in the Boy Scouts....

+20

In reply to:
I wear old Army T shirts while climbing....

+15

Jay


(This post was edited by jt512 on Aug 11, 2009, 2:15 PM)


shockabuku


Aug 11, 2009, 2:17 PM
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You know, I'm still in the Army, have been since 1985 in one form or another, and I've never rappelled with a figure of eight while in uniform.

But generally he's right, most soldiers don't know shit about climbing in it's modern form.


knieveltech


Aug 11, 2009, 2:17 PM
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squishy654 wrote:
I am ex-Army and I rapped with a figure eight long before that in the Boy Scouts what does that make them?

I wear old Army T shirts while climbing because I don't want to pay over 20 bucks for something that isn't cotton. While I do agree that some ex military people act like noobs, I dare you to lump them all into "n00bulous". Basically you need to remember who your talking to, and in some regard you are the noob for making such gross assumptions...

Early Yosemite climbing was done on nothing but old army surplus biners and gear...go ahead and make sure you call them noobs too...

I was actually talking about surplus military gear, not veterans, if you want to drag them into it, you're asking for a hurting...

Butt-hurt threatening tones on the internet +20?


squishy654


Aug 11, 2009, 2:21 PM
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jt512 wrote:
squishy654 wrote:
I am ex-Army...

+10

In reply to:
...and I rapped with a figure eight long before that in the Boy Scouts....

+20

In reply to:
I wear old Army T shirts while climbing....

+15

Jay


Hell ya, now I'm noob...!!!

at least I don't clip bolts...


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 2:22 PM
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squishy654 wrote:
jt512 wrote:
squishy654 wrote:
I am ex-Army...

+10

In reply to:
...and I rapped with a figure eight long before that in the Boy Scouts....

+20

In reply to:
I wear old Army T shirts while climbing....

+15

Jay


Hell ya, now I'm noob...!!!

at least I don't clip bolts...

+100

Jay


shoo


Aug 11, 2009, 2:29 PM
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squishy654 wrote:
...in some regard you are the noob for making such gross assumptions...

I seem to have mistaken the purpose of this thread.


gmggg


Aug 11, 2009, 2:37 PM
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In reply to:
at least I don't clip bolts...

Damn boulderers.


squishy654


Aug 11, 2009, 2:38 PM
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The assumption was that if you carry surplus army gear you must be ex-military. When in fact surplus military gear was all they had in the beginning of Yosemite climbing, but I guess this post is only read by those who do not value such history or even know of it...my bad...I shouldn't be surprised when it turns into a vet bashing thread...it's understandable based on the population I am speaking too...


hansundfritz


Aug 11, 2009, 2:39 PM
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squishy654 wrote:
Curry Village butter knife with keeper hole: -300

Any Fish products: -100

Mountaineers coil: +10

Army surplus anything: -10

So my 10 brand new FISH slings more than offset my mountaineers coil? Cool.

Note to self: order at least 3 different colors next time assist with gear sorting/untangling.


gmggg


Aug 11, 2009, 2:41 PM
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squishy654 wrote:
The assumption was that if you carry surplus army gear you must be ex-military. When in fact surplus military gear was all they had in the beginning of Yosemite climbing, but I guess this post is only read by those who do not value such history or even know of it...my bad...I shouldn't be surprised when it turns into a vet bashing thread...it's understandable based on the population I am speaking too...

Yeah damn Commies!!

Oh wait climbing history had a few of those...

Yeah damn pot smokers!!!

Oh wait...

Getting this back on track, how does some ganj factor into your rating of your prospective partner?


squishy654


Aug 11, 2009, 2:41 PM
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Using old submarine bunk as portaledge: -100

Bonus, if it was stolen from House keeping camp...


jmeizis


Aug 11, 2009, 2:43 PM
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What the hell, I got 0 thanks to all the brand bias. I didn't see anything about carrying trad gear at the sport area under "Unnecessary Gear". Did I miss it? I think you're giving the EB's and Fires too much weight. I could walk over to my bosses house and buy them and it'd put me in the more knowledgeable than you category. Definately some good indicators but could still use some revisement. I wish I had those indicators when I started climbing.


suprasoup


Aug 11, 2009, 2:45 PM
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Crap and I was hoping I'd never be a noob againFrown
2 belay devices and my Silent Partner, a Purcell Prussik, tripled trad draws, my bittersweet crash pad and a beanie. Let's not forget the set of tricams as wellUnsure




(This post was edited by suprasoup on Aug 11, 2009, 3:08 PM)


dingus


Aug 11, 2009, 2:46 PM
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jt512 wrote:
squishy654 wrote:
jt512 wrote:
squishy654 wrote:
I am ex-Army...

+10

In reply to:
...and I rapped with a figure eight long before that in the Boy Scouts....

+20

In reply to:
I wear old Army T shirts while climbing....

+15

Jay


Hell ya, now I'm noob...!!!

at least I don't clip bolts...

+100

Jay

Lol!

DMT


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 2:47 PM
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squishy654 wrote:
Using old submarine bunk as portaledge: -100

OK, let's review. The premise: You're at a sport crag...

Jay


Climbing_Pink


Aug 11, 2009, 2:54 PM
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You forgot 6000 NOOb points for being a gear snob and giving a damn about what someone has with them beside you at the crag....


squishy654


Aug 11, 2009, 2:55 PM
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gmggg wrote:
squishy654 wrote:
The assumption was that if you carry surplus army gear you must be ex-military. When in fact surplus military gear was all they had in the beginning of Yosemite climbing, but I guess this post is only read by those who do not value such history or even know of it...my bad...I shouldn't be surprised when it turns into a vet bashing thread...it's understandable based on the population I am speaking too...

Yeah damn Commies!!

Oh wait climbing history had a few of those...

Yeah damn pot smokers!!!

Oh wait...

Getting this back on track, how does some ganj factor into your rating of your prospective partner?

This is easy, if they show up and want a puff and say "I haven't done this since high school" +100

If they show up stoned, smoke some more and smoke the whole time, then there's no problem: +/- NA


code08


Aug 11, 2009, 3:42 PM
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Damnit I was doing so well till I got to the red equipment. I can't help that red is my favorite color.

+5 for non-petzl harness +1 for it being red
+10 for no gri-gri
+10 for not having a stick clip
+30ish for all my red carabiners ):


climbdork


Aug 11, 2009, 4:49 PM
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All-Encompassing Risk Factor:
-Gets annoyed/offended when you say or do something that suggests s/he establish her/his belay skills to you before you put your life in her/his hands: +10,000 points


phillygoat


Aug 11, 2009, 5:10 PM
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You forgot chalkbag connection and a point system that denotes how loose their harness is - maybe +25 if it's hanging off their hips?


gmggg


Aug 11, 2009, 5:28 PM
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phillygoat wrote:
You forgot chalkbag connection and a point system that denotes how loose their harness is - maybe +25 if it's hanging off their hips?

I second chalk bad connection, that's a classic give away.


coolcat83


Aug 11, 2009, 7:36 PM
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With the usual stuff I bring climbing, which is trad I score a 221, super noob. I don't fair too much better if retooled for spor cause I just don't have all that sporto gear.


Myxomatosis


Aug 11, 2009, 9:02 PM
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I got quite low....

An 8 which I use to rappel (but guess you could say its a belay device) +10
Non Petzl draws +5
Rope Bag +5
Two Safety Slings +10
No Grigri +10
Red Rope Bag +1
Red 8 +1

42... 20 of which are debatable offenses (no lower off's in NZ so two slings and fragile volcanic rock) and my eight which I have never used to belay on.


desertdude420


Aug 11, 2009, 9:42 PM
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You are supposed to actually take this quiz?! I had no idea that while I was out minding my own business climbing a rock... there was a group of fashionistas judging whether they thought that I was cool enough. Wow.


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 10:00 PM
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desertdude420 wrote:
You are supposed to actually take this quiz?! I had no idea that while I was out minding my own business climbing a rock... there was a group of fashionistas judging whether they thought that I was cool enough. Wow.

Clueless, insecure respondent #2.

Jay


climbsomething


Aug 12, 2009, 1:43 AM
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I'm surprised there aren't more hurt butts in this thread. But there's enough to keep me from thinking this site has gone into the Twilight Zone.

Souvenirs from HOUSEKEEPING! CURRY!! I'VE BEEN TO YOSEMITE!!!!11 I'd be genuinely impressed if you smoked some of the weed from the plane crash, though.

Thanks to Jay rehabbing me a few years ago (it started on our first crag trip when he called my Reverso a "Perverso"), I got a score of 15. That's owing to my leather shoes and Metolious "NoobTech" harness. 20 if you count my BD et. al. draws, but I haven't used them in years. Sometimes I carry a few in my pack for unforeseen A0 emergencies.

I am absolutely non-apologetic about the harness. It's cush. I'm skinny. I sit a lot.


bill413


Aug 12, 2009, 6:19 AM
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Do I have to score the red points if I mark my gear with red? Frown


bill413


Aug 12, 2009, 6:58 AM
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squishy654 wrote:
Early Yosemite climbing was done on nothing but old army surplus biners and gear...go ahead and make sure you call them noobs too...

This thread is about SPORT climbing. Those hardmen were doing CLIMBING, not SPORT Climbing.


gmggg


Aug 12, 2009, 7:07 AM
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bill413 wrote:
squishy654 wrote:
Early Yosemite climbing was done on nothing but old army surplus biners and gear...go ahead and make sure you call them noobs too...

This thread is about SPORT climbing. Those hardmen were doing CLIMBING, not SPORT Climbing.

Except when they were clipping bolts on the Bachar-Yerian. God those guys were such pussies.


dingus


Aug 12, 2009, 7:16 AM
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Oh sweet Jesus its painful watching you all pretending you know from what...

DMT


gmggg


Aug 12, 2009, 7:42 AM
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dingus wrote:
Oh sweet Jesus its painful watching you all pretending you know from what...

DMT

Sorry, it had to be said with a statement like "At least I don't clip bolts" thrown out there as an ultimatum...


disturbingthepeace


Aug 12, 2009, 7:52 AM
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suprasoup wrote:
Crap and I was hoping I'd never be a noob againFrown
2 belay devices and my Silent Partner, a Purcell Prussik, tripled trad draws, my bittersweet crash pad and a beanie. Let's not forget the set of tricams as wellUnsure

You're also the hardest climber I know that hates it when the draws are pre-hung, and belays with an ATC. Total sport noob land for you, even if you crush everyone's projects.


dan2see


Aug 12, 2009, 7:56 AM
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Yikes! 81 noob points.

But wait!
shoo's Chouinard biners: 6 of those
bandycoots' trad draws: 10 of those

Ha ha! now - 79 pro points!

Going to the crags this afternoon. If it rains while I'm climbing, I'm adding -50 more pro points, so watch out! I'll be so pro, I won't have to climb anymore -- I'll just sit on a rock and look cool.


olderic


Aug 12, 2009, 9:12 AM
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The #1 show stopper should be having a climbing gym certification card dangling from their harness. When I see that I go boulder - and I do NOT ask them to spot.


fresh


Aug 12, 2009, 9:13 AM
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let's see!

helmet: yes, while belaying. (I know a girl who suffered brain damage from rockfall, a guy who got hit by a tree, and a girl recently got hit by a tree, all while belaying/chilling at rumney.) 10 points! and another 25, sometimes I wear it on the approach cuz I'm lazy. edit: oh SHIIII I forgot that sometimes I wear a helmet driving for chuckles. 100 points!

shoes: all leather, 10 points! (do we get extra points for extra leather shoes?)

metolius harness, 5 points!

belay device: I only use a gri-gri for bringing up a second on multi-pitch, 10 points!

quickdraws: unfortunately I use petzl draws, but I feel like putting BD/WC carabiners on them should count for something.

rope bag: damn, metolius.

no stick clip: 10 points!

unnecessary equipment: sling girth hitched, and another locker for clipping, and a locker with a prussik! woohoo 30 points! although in honestly, what else are people using besides a PAS to rap off of routes?

fuck, no rei.

red items: 10 heliums, 1 red sling, 2 dmm spectros, there's a little bit of red on my scarpa spectros I think, and sometimes I wear a red shirt. 15 points!

grand total: 215!

NEVER CLIMB WITH ME.


(This post was edited by fresh on Aug 12, 2009, 9:15 AM)


Partner cracklover


Aug 12, 2009, 10:15 AM
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Ooh, this is fun!

Let's see...

Risk factor 1: Helmet
+2 (Sport crags are chossy)

Risk factor 2: Climbing shoes
+1 (Acopas)

Risk factor 3: Harness
0

Risk factor 4: Belay device(s)
0

Risk factor 5: Quick draws
+5 (for non-pretzl)

Risk factor 6: Rope bag
0

Risk factor 7: Stick clip
+10 (only bring a stick clip about 10% of the time)

Risk factor 8: Unnecessary equipment
0

Risk factor 9: REI
0 (and funny!)

Risk factor 10: The color red
+10 (some of my biners are anodyzed. So what?)

Scoring:
25–49 points: Possibly a n00b or a visiting trad climber.

I plead guilty as charged, but would like to request a lenient sentence, as I think my heliums are kickass rope-end biners. Better than any pretzl crap.

Edited to add: my total score is 28.

GO


(This post was edited by cracklover on Aug 12, 2009, 10:17 AM)


Partner cracklover


Aug 12, 2009, 10:27 AM
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Oh, and five stars.

GO


jt512


Aug 12, 2009, 10:43 AM
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cracklover wrote:
Ooh, this is fun!

Let's see...

Risk factor 1: Helmet
+2 (Sport crags are chossy)

Risk factor 2: Climbing shoes
+1 (Acopas)

Risk factor 3: Harness
0

Risk factor 4: Belay device(s)
0

Risk factor 5: Quick draws
+5 (for non-pretzl)

Risk factor 6: Rope bag
0

Risk factor 7: Stick clip
+10 (only bring a stick clip about 10% of the time)

Risk factor 8: Unnecessary equipment
0

Risk factor 9: REI
0 (and funny!)

Risk factor 10: The color red
+10 (some of my biners are anodyzed. So what?)

Scoring:
25–49 points: Possibly a n00b or a visiting trad climber.

I plead guilty as charged, but would like to request a lenient sentence, as I think my heliums are kickass rope-end biners. Better than any pretzl crap.

Heliums are light, which makes them good for trad, and bad for sport. Also, don't load 'em over an edge.

Jay


climbsomething


Aug 12, 2009, 11:14 AM
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gmggg wrote:
bill413 wrote:
squishy654 wrote:
Early Yosemite climbing was done on nothing but old army surplus biners and gear...go ahead and make sure you call them noobs too...

This thread is about SPORT climbing. Those hardmen were doing CLIMBING, not SPORT Climbing.

Except when they were clipping bolts on the Bachar-Yerian. God those guys were such pussies.
Bachar-Yerian- the ultimate sport climb!


shoo


Aug 12, 2009, 11:18 AM
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fresh wrote:
let's see!

helmet: yes, while belaying. (I know a girl who suffered brain damage from rockfall, a guy who got hit by a tree, and a girl recently got hit by a tree, all while belaying/chilling at rumney.)

No you don't. She was at East Peak in CT, which is a trad area well known for being chosstacular.


fresh


Aug 12, 2009, 12:08 PM
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shit, my mistake. I guess that means that all injuries at rumney have been caused by trees.


dingus


Aug 12, 2009, 12:09 PM
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climbsomething wrote:
gmggg wrote:
bill413 wrote:
squishy654 wrote:
Early Yosemite climbing was done on nothing but old army surplus biners and gear...go ahead and make sure you call them noobs too...

This thread is about SPORT climbing. Those hardmen were doing CLIMBING, not SPORT Climbing.

Except when they were clipping bolts on the Bachar-Yerian. God those guys were such pussies.
Bachar-Yerian- the ultimate sport climb!

But only if you're wearing army rejects!

(I can just IMAGINE the stonemasters wearing that military garbage bwaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

DMT


cleethree


Aug 12, 2009, 12:18 PM
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I bring a helmet, wear La Sportiva Katanas and a BD harness. I don't use a grigri but an ATC guide. My draws are also BD, I use a bluewater rope bag and don't carry a stick clip.

67 Points! I dont feel like doing any extra belaying anyways. Frown


rockandlice


Aug 12, 2009, 1:11 PM
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15 points.

BD harness and I carry an old tube and gri. Tube to rap. Tongue

Edit to ask: If I resoled any of my old Vectors or Lasers and wore them, could I get like a -1/2 point?


(This post was edited by rockandlice on Aug 12, 2009, 1:12 PM)


jeepnphreak


Aug 12, 2009, 1:55 PM
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Ths is an interesting test for n00bness. I did a quick add up of my gear list according to each factor.

My score was -25 (climbing for 12 years)way to go for the petzl gear.

my buddy that have been climbing for 6 months score of 55. Although is do trust him he still pulls a few bone head moves,


Oh and I think that 2 points for the helmet on while belaying is crap. I do ware a helmet while belaying because I hat getting hit my rocks while my bone head friend is above me. so mehhh!!!!


shimanilami


Aug 12, 2009, 2:09 PM
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fresh wrote:
...belay device: I only use a gri-gri for bringing up a second on multi-pitch...

This goes beyond "simple noob" and into the realm of "jackass noob". You deserve extra points for that.

Even without, I think you've won.


Partner cracklover


Aug 12, 2009, 2:19 PM
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jt512 wrote:
Risk factor 10: The color red

Well, call me a n00b or a traddie, but I still don't get what this ^^^ is about.

GO


boymeetsrock


Aug 12, 2009, 2:20 PM
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cracklover wrote:
jt512 wrote:
Risk factor 10: The color red

Well, call me a n00b or a traddie, but I still don't get what this ^^^ is about.

GO

+1


jt512


Aug 12, 2009, 2:31 PM
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cracklover wrote:
jt512 wrote:
Risk factor 10: The color red

Well, call me a n00b or a traddie, but I still don't get what this ^^^ is about.

GO

I don't think most of the people in thread get what any of it is about. I don't know why n00bs are more likely to have red gear than experienced climbers, but in my experience, they are. Next time you go to a sport crag, look around for the guy with the matching red quickdraws. Odds are, he's the n00b.

Jay


rockandlice


Aug 12, 2009, 2:44 PM
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I read an article once that the color red in general attracts n00bs. I did see any sufficient evidence to back this up until I started being on the lookout at the crags.


gmggg


Aug 12, 2009, 2:53 PM
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jt512 wrote:
cracklover wrote:
jt512 wrote:
Risk factor 10: The color red

Well, call me a n00b or a traddie, but I still don't get what this ^^^ is about.

GO

I don't think most of the people in thread get what any of it is about. I don't know why n00bs are more likely to have red gear than experienced climbers, but in my experience, they are. Next time you go to a sport crag, look around for the guy with the matching red quickdraws. Odds are, he's the n00b.

Jay

Ah, but that's the funniest part...


kriso9tails


Aug 12, 2009, 3:22 PM
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In reply to:
Risk factor 5: Quick draws
Anything other than Petzl: 5 points
Dogbones too skinny to grab: 10 points
Petzl logo on dogbones: -50 points


I'm all over the map on this one, but it's the only category where I'm registering any points (I meet all three parts). My draws are the way they are for a reason, and oddly enough I have been asked more than once about it, but my explanation has been reduced to, "Fuck you. That's why."


jt512


Aug 12, 2009, 3:33 PM
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kriso9tails wrote:
In reply to:
Risk factor 5: Quick draws
Anything other than Petzl: 5 points
Dogbones too skinny to grab: 10 points
Petzl logo on dogbones: -50 points


I'm all over the map on this one, but it's the only category where I'm registering any points (I meet all three parts). My draws are the way they are for a reason, and oddly enough I have been asked more than once about it, but my explanation has been reduced to, "Fuck you. That's why."

How'd you score the logo dogbones?

Jay


vincent


Aug 12, 2009, 4:08 PM
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kriso9tails


Aug 12, 2009, 4:10 PM
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Errr... no, I think I've mashed up a combination in my head of my old gear, current gear, samples and vendor images for Petzl that I've been looking through for work recently. Long day.

+50 n00b points to me for not remembering what my own damn gear looks like. (Jebus help me)

Well, at least none of my draws have any red in them for certain.


jt512


Aug 12, 2009, 4:10 PM
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vincent wrote:
+ 500 if the climber in question has over 16,000 posts on rockclimbing.com.

Ever notice that the only people who point out post counts are n00bs?

Jay


vincent


Aug 12, 2009, 4:13 PM
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+ 200 if they jump on rockclimbing.com to defend themselves anytime someone hurts their feelings.


kriso9tails


Aug 12, 2009, 4:36 PM
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That's going be kind of hard to figure out at the crag.

You suffering from post envy or something?


jt512


Aug 12, 2009, 4:38 PM
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vincent wrote:
+ 200 if they jump on rockclimbing.com to defend themselves anytime someone hurts their feelings.

You think you hurt my feelings?

Jay


vincent


Aug 12, 2009, 4:40 PM
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It's ok jt , you're still my internet climbing hero.


knieveltech


Aug 12, 2009, 5:18 PM
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jt512 wrote:
vincent wrote:
+ 200 if they jump on rockclimbing.com to defend themselves anytime someone hurts their feelings.

You think you hurt my feelings?

Jay

Congratulations on your new groupie! Teach it how to troll, will you? This is embarrassing.


gmggg


Aug 12, 2009, 5:18 PM
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vincent wrote:
It's ok jt , you're still my internet climbing hero.

As silly and useless as your last couple posts were, this one was actually pretty funny. If you made it up then kudos to you.


jt512


Aug 12, 2009, 5:56 PM
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knieveltech wrote:
jt512 wrote:
vincent wrote:
+ 200 if they jump on rockclimbing.com to defend themselves anytime someone hurts their feelings.

You think you hurt my feelings?

Jay

Congratulations on your new groupie! Teach it how to troll, will you?

He doesn't strike me as being very bright. He accuses me of being a n00b (as if there's anything wrong with that, in the first place), even though my profile indicates that I've been climbing since he was in diapers. Moreover, he bases the accusation on my having a high post count—a post count that I have accumulated over nearly a decade of active participation on a rock climbing site. His profile says he's a teacher. I have to wonder what subject he teaches; hopefully, not mathematics or logic. He doesn't seem teachable, himself, to me.

Jay


billcoe_


Aug 12, 2009, 9:38 PM
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jt512 wrote:
If I were doing the screening, I wouldn't count the red rope bag against you. Ditto for red ropes or backpacks. Red carabiners, grigris, or dogbones, however, are definite risk factors.

Jay

Good stuff on this thread Jay. I'd like to see it collated and organized a bit. I have the new red Wild Country Helium's...I see it as a second childhood thing though where I can go buy the shiny new gear like I had 37 years ago when I started out. Even if the old Eiger Ovals were not anodized...and only tested to 1800 lbs - gate closed! At least they were new and shiny.

Not much else though.


jt512


Aug 12, 2009, 9:55 PM
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jt512 wrote:
How'd you score the [Petzl] logo dogbones?

kriso9tails wrote:
Errr... no, I think I've mashed up a combination in my head of my old gear, current gear, samples and vendor images for Petzl that I've been looking through for work recently. Long day.

+50 n00b points to me for not remembering what my own damn gear looks like. (Jebus help me)

I was going to say, I'm in a Petzl-sponsored DVD, and all I got was a T-shirt, and I had to give it back, come to think of it. The logo draws are a prize.

Jay


(This post was edited by jt512 on Aug 12, 2009, 9:59 PM)


quiteatingmysteak


Aug 12, 2009, 10:38 PM
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Hahahah, oh man, that was great.

It looks like I'm somewhere around 16 points, for having a non petzl harness, no stick clip and red Acopa's. Other than that, I've seen 150+'s out there.

This is SPORT cragging, right? The last place you'd expect to see aid climbing gear, like a daisy chain or helmet...

But seriously, arcteryx harnesses are great for when I flail on 10c's.


Guran


Aug 13, 2009, 1:59 AM
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olderic wrote:
The #1 show stopper should be having a climbing gym certification card dangling from their harness. When I see that I go boulder - and I do NOT ask them to spot.

O dang, I'm actually guilty of this! The card is even red, actually.

(Since I suppose attached to my chalk bag is as bad as dangling from my harness.)
And I agree that's the noob sign above all noob signs. Note to self: Must separate gym kit from rock kit. Yes even chalk bag.

And btw my draws are BD. So is my harness. Which by the way has a maillon rapide on it. Have seen anchors with only hangers more than once.
Wear a helmet too. Even belaying. Used to skip it on sport climbs when I was a noob pretending I wasn't. Seen too much rockfall since then.

My n00b score is in the triple digits. Fine by me, since it means YOU'll belay, I'll climb, muahahah!


qwert


Aug 13, 2009, 5:15 AM
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Well lets see:


Risk factor 1: Helmet
Climber is wearing a helmet belaying: 10 points

How many points do i get if i wear my helmet on the approach when done by bike?

But anyways: I have never met any rock that was so rock solid (har har) that i didnt want to wear a helmet. I know way to much about rocks to not wear one.
how about n00b points for NOT wearing a helmet? Or wearing a helmet that doesnt fit (you all know them: absolute n00bs, with their helmet sitting somewhere in their neck)

Risk factor 2: Climbing shoes
Climber's shoes, if not slippers, are made from natural leather: 10 points*

Do i get extra points if i often wear them while belaying or walking to the next climb?
My toenails are way to fucked up for uncomfortable shoes.

Risk factor 3: Harness
Any modern harness not made by Petzl: 5 points

Risk factor 4: Belay device(s)
Give the climber 10^n points, where n is the number of belay devices on the climber's harness in excess of one.
Does a big locker that could get used as a munter in addition to my TRE count?
In addition:
Does not have a grigri: 10 points

Has a device whose brand name is "ATC" followed by something: 10 points
Sometimes i use my ATC-XP

Risk factor 5: Quick draws
Anything other than Petzl: 5 points

Dogbones too skinny to grab: 10 points

About half of my quickdraws are the skinny ones, but i actually think they are quite good to grab. how about 5 points for that?

Risk factor 6: Rope bag
Non-Metolius: 5 points

Risk factor 7: Stick clip
None: 10 points

Risk factor 8: Unnecessary equipment
10^n points, where n is the number of items girth hitched to the climber's harness

Do slings on the shoulder count?

10 points for each locking carabiner on the climber's harness not clipped to a belay device

10 to 40 points, depending on wehter i could be bothered to "clean" my harness
What do i get for prussik loops and a tibloc and some trad gear, for those climbs that are not bolt ladders?

Risk factor 10: The color red
1 point for each red item among the climber's gear
Red helmet, a couple of red slings, a few red biners, so about 8 points

Scoring:

So at minimum i got 88.
depending on what the unclear things are worth i could go as high as a few 1000s.
So its either
100 or more: Run away.
or
50–99 points: High n00b probability. Climb with at your own risk.

UnsureUnsure
I am such a sport n00b.
I guess all the years i am climbing i did it rong.

I heard ultimate fresbee is nice? anyone wants to buy my gear so that i can get my fresbees?

qwert


bill413


Aug 13, 2009, 6:01 AM
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qwert wrote:
So at minimum i got 88.
depending on what the unclear things are worth i could go as high as a few 1000s.
So its either
100 or more: Run away.
or
50–99 points: High n00b probability. Climb with at your own risk.

UnsureUnsure
I am such a sport n00b.
I guess all the years i am climbing i did it rong.

I heard ultimate fresbee is nice? anyone wants to buy my gear so that i can get my fresbees?

qwert

As long as you aren't planning on getting red ones.


king_rat


Aug 13, 2009, 7:22 AM
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Yikes, I’ve scored 66 I’m defiantly a Noob


dingus


Aug 13, 2009, 7:28 AM
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jt512 wrote:
jt512 wrote:
How'd you score the [Petzl] logo dogbones?

kriso9tails wrote:
Errr... no, I think I've mashed up a combination in my head of my old gear, current gear, samples and vendor images for Petzl that I've been looking through for work recently. Long day.

+50 n00b points to me for not remembering what my own damn gear looks like. (Jebus help me)

I was going to say, I'm in a Petzl-sponsored DVD, and all I got was a T-shirt, and I had to give it back, come to think of it. The logo draws are a prize.

Jay

The male American wearer of a Petzl harness has a 75% chance of being gay, according to a recent AMGU study. If that man also sport climbs it rises (hehe) to 85%.

Let your freak flag fly J!

DMT


jt512


Aug 13, 2009, 7:33 AM
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dingus wrote:
jt512 wrote:
jt512 wrote:
How'd you score the [Petzl] logo dogbones?

kriso9tails wrote:
Errr... no, I think I've mashed up a combination in my head of my old gear, current gear, samples and vendor images for Petzl that I've been looking through for work recently. Long day.

+50 n00b points to me for not remembering what my own damn gear looks like. (Jebus help me)

I was going to say, I'm in a Petzl-sponsored DVD, and all I got was a T-shirt, and I had to give it back, come to think of it. The logo draws are a prize.

Jay

The male American wearer of a Petzl harness has a 75% chance of being gay, according to a recent AMGU study. If that man also sport climbs it rises (hehe) to 85%.

I'd believe it.

Jay


gmggg


Aug 13, 2009, 7:41 AM
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dingus wrote:
jt512 wrote:
jt512 wrote:
How'd you score the [Petzl] logo dogbones?

kriso9tails wrote:
Errr... no, I think I've mashed up a combination in my head of my old gear, current gear, samples and vendor images for Petzl that I've been looking through for work recently. Long day.

+50 n00b points to me for not remembering what my own damn gear looks like. (Jebus help me)

I was going to say, I'm in a Petzl-sponsored DVD, and all I got was a T-shirt, and I had to give it back, come to think of it. The logo draws are a prize.

Jay

The male American wearer of a Petzl harness has a 75% chance of being gay, according to a recent AMGU study. If that man also sport climbs it rises (hehe) to 85%.

Let your freak flag fly J!

DMT

That also explains the aversion to certain colors. Brown is the new black!


billcoe_


Aug 13, 2009, 12:57 PM
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Uses the word "Climbing" interchangeably for climbing anything be it sport, trad, buildings, stairs or alpine ....-20

Actually uses the words "Sport" and "Trad" + 20


Johnny_Fang


Aug 13, 2009, 1:55 PM
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jt512 wrote:
jt512 wrote:
How'd you score the [Petzl] logo dogbones?

kriso9tails wrote:
Errr... no, I think I've mashed up a combination in my head of my old gear, current gear, samples and vendor images for Petzl that I've been looking through for work recently. Long day.

+50 n00b points to me for not remembering what my own damn gear looks like. (Jebus help me)

I was going to say, I'm in a Petzl-sponsored DVD, and all I got was a T-shirt, and I had to give it back, come to think of it. The logo draws are a prize.

Jay

there's a bunch of 'em hanging off of dreamcatcher right now. come and get 'em.


suprasoup


Aug 13, 2009, 2:09 PM
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disturbingthepeace wrote:
suprasoup wrote:
Crap and I was hoping I'd never be a noob againFrown
2 belay devices and my Silent Partner, a Purcell Prussik, tripled trad draws, my bittersweet crash pad and a beanie. Let's not forget the set of tricams as wellUnsure

You're also the hardest climber I know that hates it when the draws are pre-hung, and belays with an ATC. Total sport noob land for you, even if you crush everyone's projects.

harsh man, harshFrown Guess that means I can't hang with the kewl kids anymore.


dingus


Aug 13, 2009, 3:09 PM
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billcoe_ wrote:
Uses the word "Climbing" interchangeably for climbing anything be it sport, trad, buildings, stairs or alpine ....-20

Actually uses the words "Sport" and "Trad" + 20

Me too and I include skiing, hiking and peak bagging in that genre too and I don't give a fuck who likes it or not.

"I'm going climbing" can mean a lot of things to me and it only means one thing to Mrs Milktoast...

Mrs Milktoast wrote:
THANK GOD!

DMT


wanderlustmd


Aug 13, 2009, 3:36 PM
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What if you have some older BD draws but they were a gift?


wanderlustmd


Aug 13, 2009, 3:37 PM
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Good thread, btw.


iamthewallress


Aug 13, 2009, 3:46 PM
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48 for me. I just barely made the visiting trad climber cut. LOL.

I've told this story before, but it's a propos here.

When our house burned, we lost all of our climbing gear. Luckily, insurance paid for us to get shiney new gear. C4s had only been out for a couple of months, so in addition to the bold colors and sparkling, unscathed anodization, the item itself, when comprising 100% of the large cams on one's rack, was a serious n00b flag.

Anyhoo, there were only a few minutes left in the day, so we thought we'd try to cram a climb in at a roadside n00b-dominated (and guide-dominated) area where I had never actually climbed before.

The climb in question was 5.9 A0 or 5.11. My bf racked up as the duo that had just been on the route tried to disuade him. He danced 5.11 moves past the A0 and the slack jawed guy like it was nothing. Then the guy turned to me and said, "How hard does that guy climb in the gym?" LOL.

They were actually really sweet and confessed that they saw the gear and thought we were in for something ugly.

A bitchy girl at Indian Creek gave me grief about that rack too, but her assumption was that I must be the Paris Hilton of climbing gear and rerack whenever something new hits the stores.


(This post was edited by iamthewallress on Aug 14, 2009, 3:10 PM)


choplops


Aug 13, 2009, 4:33 PM
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If you climb in Pennsylvania, you should be considered a newb (because PA crags are choss, everybody wears helmets who actually climbs at these "crags") (at least eastern PA crags) your newbishness can also be exposed if your first post is about asking for directions to a secret PA crag!Pirate Now I just sit back and wait for the hate from people committed to the "PA kicks ass" lie


(This post was edited by choplops on Aug 13, 2009, 4:36 PM)


jt512


Aug 13, 2009, 4:43 PM
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choplops wrote:
If you climb in Pennsylvania...

Risk factor 11: Location
Pennsylvania: 50 points

Jay


rockandlice


Aug 13, 2009, 5:01 PM
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Oh, I've got a risk factor to add. I over heard this at the crag last month.

Dude 1: "Hey man, do you want to lead this one?"

Dude 2: "Nah man, I'm not yet certified to lead."


ShockedShockedLaughLaughLaugh


kriso9tails


Aug 13, 2009, 6:15 PM
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rockandlice wrote:
Oh, I've got a risk factor to add. I over heard this at the crag last month.

Dude 1: "Hey man, do you want to lead this one?"

Dude 2: "Nah man, I'm not yet certified to lead."


ShockedShockedLaughLaughLaugh

Conversely: refers to oneself as a 'guide' within the first five minutes of conversation when no one was asking.


rockandlice


Aug 13, 2009, 7:35 PM
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kriso9tails wrote:
rockandlice wrote:
Oh, I've got a risk factor to add. I over heard this at the crag last month.

Dude 1: "Hey man, do you want to lead this one?"

Dude 2: "Nah man, I'm not yet certified to lead."


ShockedShockedLaughLaughLaugh

Conversely: refers to oneself as a 'guide' within the first five minutes of conversation when no one was asking.


How can you tell if someone at a party or bar is a climbing guide?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

They'll tell you.


sungam


Aug 16, 2009, 10:43 AM
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lena_chita wrote:
A climber is wearing socks with his climbing shoes, 50 points (exceptions apply if the climber is above 50yo and the socks are tube-style, in that case subtract 50)

That would be Dave MacLeod on Perfect Crime 8B.


bill413


Aug 17, 2009, 7:39 AM
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sungam wrote:
lena_chita wrote:
A climber is wearing socks with his climbing shoes, 50 points (exceptions apply if the climber is above 50yo and the socks are tube-style, in that case subtract 50)
[image]http://www.hotaches.com/images/perfectcrime4_SM.jpg[/image]
That would be Dave MacLeod on Perfect Crime 8B.

Ah, but is that sport?


evanwish


Aug 17, 2009, 7:46 PM
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This one kinda sucks... The trad one was much better


jt512


Aug 17, 2009, 8:33 PM
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evanwish wrote:
This one kinda sucks... The trad one was much better

n00b


evanwish


Aug 17, 2009, 9:29 PM
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jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
This one kinda sucks... The trad one was much better

n00b

explain


jt512


Aug 17, 2009, 9:37 PM
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evanwish wrote:
jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
This one kinda sucks... The trad one was much better

n00b

explain

Read the responses to this post and the trad version. This one has some validity. The other was devised by a n00b himself.


evanwish


Aug 17, 2009, 10:13 PM
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jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
This one kinda sucks... The trad one was much better

n00b

explain

Read the responses to this post and the trad version. This one has some validity. The other was devised by a n00b himself.

yeah thats true, but some things just seemed kinda contrived... like the red one. i have a #1 camalot, does that count??


bandycoot


Aug 17, 2009, 10:25 PM
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evanwish wrote:
jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
This one kinda sucks... The trad one was much better

n00b

explain

Read the responses to this post and the trad version. This one has some validity. The other was devised by a n00b himself.

yeah thats true, but some things just seemed kinda contrived... like the red one. i have a #1 camalot, does that count??

Yes! Why are you climbing with a #1 camalot at a sport crag, n00b?


(This post was edited by bandycoot on Aug 17, 2009, 10:27 PM)


quiteatingmysteak


Aug 17, 2009, 10:30 PM
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Have you heard about all those rad areas in the southeast?































Me either.


evanwish


Aug 17, 2009, 10:42 PM
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bandycoot wrote:
evanwish wrote:
jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
This one kinda sucks... The trad one was much better

n00b

explain

Read the responses to this post and the trad version. This one has some validity. The other was devised by a n00b himself.

yeah thats true, but some things just seemed kinda contrived... like the red one. i have a #1 camalot, does that count??

Yes! Why are you climbing with a #1 camalot at a sport crag, n00b?

HOLY FUCK!!!!!! wow i'm an idiot.....


evanwish


Aug 17, 2009, 10:44 PM
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actually on second thought... i would be considered a sport noob... i've only done four sport routes, a 7R, 10b, 11a, and 12b...

i'm a trad nut...


scotchie


Aug 17, 2009, 11:25 PM
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Somwhere out there is a noob who will score 0 based on reading this thread and acting accordingly.


kriso9tails


Aug 17, 2009, 11:57 PM
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scotchie wrote:
Somwhere out there is a noob who will score 0 based on reading this thread and acting accordingly.

No, n00bs never really read anything properly nor do they do any proper research. That's a big part of what makes them n00bs.


fresh


Aug 18, 2009, 6:18 AM
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kriso9tails wrote:
scotchie wrote:
Somwhere out there is a noob who will score 0 based on reading this thread and acting accordingly.

No, n00bs never really read anything properly nor do they do any proper research. That's a big part of what makes them n00bs.
BS, there are tons of n00bs who do research. it's part of making the step from n00b to novice. I think you're confusing n00b with gumby.


kriso9tails


Aug 18, 2009, 6:24 AM
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No.


fresh


Aug 18, 2009, 6:54 AM
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I dunno. I think n00bs are new climbers who don't know shit but might be able to learn.


dingus


Aug 18, 2009, 7:08 AM
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There are all sorts of noobs, like unpolished turds every damn one of them.

DMT


bill413


Aug 18, 2009, 8:42 AM
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fresh wrote:
I dunno. I think n00bs are new climbers who don't know shit but might be able to learn.

That would seem to imply that old climbers (and / or longer term climbers) can't be n00bs.
Better recheck the definition.


fresh


Aug 18, 2009, 9:14 AM
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bill413 wrote:
fresh wrote:
I dunno. I think n00bs are new climbers who don't know shit but might be able to learn.

That would seem to imply that old climbers (and / or longer term climbers) can't be n00bs.
Better recheck the definition.
meh, I'll leave it to you guys.


Partner cracklover


Aug 18, 2009, 9:45 AM
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bill413 wrote:
fresh wrote:
I dunno. I think n00bs are new climbers who don't know shit but might be able to learn.

That would seem to imply that old climbers (and / or longer term climbers) can't be n00bs.
Better recheck the definition.

Uh, I think you're the one unclear on the definition. A n00b is someone who's new, at least to that arena. For example, I'm an aid n00b, having only done one small wall successfully, and having done less than 50 aid pitches. But I'm reasonably experienced in sport and trad.

What did you think it meant?

GO


scotchie


Aug 18, 2009, 10:26 AM
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cracklover wrote:
bill413 wrote:
fresh wrote:
I dunno. I think n00bs are new climbers who don't know shit but might be able to learn.

That would seem to imply that old climbers (and / or longer term climbers) can't be n00bs.
Better recheck the definition.

Uh, I think you're the one unclear on the definition. A n00b is someone who's new, at least to that arena. For example, I'm an aid n00b, having only done one small wall successfully, and having done less than 50 aid pitches. But I'm reasonably experienced in sport and trad.

What did you think it meant?

GO

I think he was suggesting that there are some who have climbed for years but never learned anything from the experience, hence they are still n00bs.


kriso9tails


Aug 18, 2009, 10:33 AM
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It's largely pejorative though, perhaps not in its origins, but in this usage. You call someone a n00b when they actually are new and are woefully naďve or when they've been around awhile and are completely ignorant (as in, "What are you, a fucking n00b?").


climbsomething


Aug 18, 2009, 12:16 PM
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Re: [evanwish] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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evanwish wrote:
jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
This one kinda sucks... The trad one was much better

n00b

explain
Read the time stamps. Jay basically wrote the trad one, too.


jt512


Aug 18, 2009, 12:25 PM
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Re: [climbsomething] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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climbsomething wrote:
evanwish wrote:
jt512 wrote:
evanwish wrote:
This one kinda sucks... The trad one was much better

n00b

explain
Read the time stamps. Jay basically wrote the trad one, too.

I wouldn't say that I basically wrote the trad version. Rather, some n00b who didn't like his score on this test (not that this test was ever intended for self-scoring) went and developed a supposed trad version. But his version fails for two reasons: one, being a n00b himself, he gave completely wrong scores for many items; and, two, he based some items (like helmets) on value judgments, rather than observation.

Jay

P.S. I made a rare visit to Holcomb Valley Pinnacles this weekend, and believe me, this test is valid. I should have taken a few illustrative portraits.


(This post was edited by jt512 on Aug 18, 2009, 12:27 PM)


sungam


Aug 18, 2009, 1:15 PM
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Re: [bill413] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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bill413 wrote:
sungam wrote:
lena_chita wrote:
A climber is wearing socks with his climbing shoes, 50 points (exceptions apply if the climber is above 50yo and the socks are tube-style, in that case subtract 50)
[image]http://www.hotaches.com/images/perfectcrime4_SM.jpg[/image]
That would be Dave MacLeod on Perfect Crime 8B.

Ah, but is that sport?
No, but I was actually looking for the one of him crushing an 8c spurt wearing socks. Couldn't find it though - I think it was happiness in slavery.


Partner cracklover


Aug 18, 2009, 1:50 PM
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Re: [scotchie] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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scotchie wrote:
cracklover wrote:
bill413 wrote:
fresh wrote:
I dunno. I think n00bs are new climbers who don't know shit but might be able to learn.

That would seem to imply that old climbers (and / or longer term climbers) can't be n00bs.
Better recheck the definition.

Uh, I think you're the one unclear on the definition. A n00b is someone who's new, at least to that arena. For example, I'm an aid n00b, having only done one small wall successfully, and having done less than 50 aid pitches. But I'm reasonably experienced in sport and trad.

What did you think it meant?

GO

I think he was suggesting that there are some who have climbed for years but never learned anything from the experience, hence they are still n00bs.

You're confused. When I call my friend who takes forever on descents because he steps so carefully - a "granny" - that does not mean that the definition of grandmother includes twenty-something year old men.

GO


cjon3s


Aug 18, 2009, 10:50 PM
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Re: [jt512] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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I;d just like to know a few things.

What;s wrong with not having a petzl harness or draws? I have black diamond for both. No problems. And I have a cinch over a gri-gri. Seeing that it works better, your test is nonsense. Seeing that I have a rope bag but it;s not metolius I gained 5 points. Again, nonsense.

And what's so wrong with wearing a helmet?


kriso9tails


Aug 19, 2009, 12:03 AM
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Re: [cjon3s] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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Are you being facetious, or do you really not understand?


gmggg


Aug 19, 2009, 4:57 AM
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cjon3s wrote:
I;d just like to know a few things.

What;s wrong with not having a petzl harness or draws? I have black diamond for both. No problems. And I have a cinch over a gri-gri. Seeing that it works better, your test is nonsense. Seeing that I have a rope bag but it;s not metolius I gained 5 points. Again, nonsense.

And what's so wrong with wearing a helmet?

N00b!!!


LostinMaine


Aug 19, 2009, 6:14 AM
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Re: [cjon3s] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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cjon3s wrote:
I;d just like to know a few things.

What;s wrong with not having a petzl harness or draws? I have black diamond for both. No problems. And I have a cinch over a gri-gri. Seeing that it works better, your test is nonsense. Seeing that I have a rope bag but it;s not metolius I gained 5 points. Again, nonsense.

And what's so wrong with wearing a helmet?

Good luck in your climbing partner search. He'll be the one carrying the walkie-talkie to communicate with his partner more responsibly.


shockabuku


Aug 19, 2009, 6:54 AM
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Re: [cjon3s] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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cjon3s wrote:
I;d just like to know a few things.

What;s wrong with not having a petzl harness or draws? I have black diamond for both. No problems. And I have a cinch over a gri-gri. Seeing that it works better, your test is nonsense. Seeing that I have a rope bag but it;s not metolius I gained 5 points. Again, nonsense.

And what's so wrong with wearing a helmet?

Same thing that's wrong with apostrophes.


kriso9tails


Aug 19, 2009, 7:19 AM
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shockabuku wrote:
cjon3s wrote:
I;d just like to know a few things.

What;s wrong with not having a petzl harness or draws? I have black diamond for both. No problems. And I have a cinch over a gri-gri. Seeing that it works better, your test is nonsense. Seeing that I have a rope bag but it;s not metolius I gained 5 points. Again, nonsense.

And what's so wrong with wearing a helmet?

Same thing that's wrong with apostrophes.

They make your ass look fat.


shockabuku


Aug 19, 2009, 7:26 AM
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Re: [kriso9tails] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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kriso9tails wrote:
shockabuku wrote:
cjon3s wrote:
I;d just like to know a few things.

What;s wrong with not having a petzl harness or draws? I have black diamond for both. No problems. And I have a cinch over a gri-gri. Seeing that it works better, your test is nonsense. Seeing that I have a rope bag but it;s not metolius I gained 5 points. Again, nonsense.

And what's so wrong with wearing a helmet?

Same thing that's wrong with apostrophes.

They make your ass look fat.

Exactly.


jt512


Aug 19, 2009, 8:16 AM
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Re: [cjon3s] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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cjon3s wrote:
I;d just like to know a few things.

What;s wrong with not having a petzl harness or draws?

Who said there's anything wrong with them?

In reply to:
I have black diamond for both. No problems. And I have a cinch over a gri-gri. Seeing that it works better, your test is nonsense. Seeing that I have a rope bag but it;s not metolius I gained 5 points. Again, nonsense.

And what's so wrong with wearing a helmet?

Is my test nonsense? Your profile is blank. How long have you been sport climbing, and at what level do you climb?

BTW, what's wrong with an apostrophe?

Jay


(This post was edited by jt512 on Aug 19, 2009, 8:17 AM)


cjon3s


Aug 19, 2009, 12:27 PM
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Re: [jt512] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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Seeing that I have been flamed, I am a n00b. Sorry about my misuse of the poor apostrophe.

I was not being facetious, I really did not understand.

Sorry jt.


TarHeelEMT


Sep 10, 2009, 9:56 AM
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50, which puts me just past the "visiting trad climber" category, which I am.

What's the deal with the color red?


kriso9tails


Sep 10, 2009, 2:18 PM
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TarHeelEMT wrote:
What's the deal with the color red?

They wear red to hide the blood splatter on their clothes from the climbing partners they've dropped while giving shitty n00b-style belays.


TarHeelEMT


Sep 11, 2009, 4:53 PM
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I see.


rjtrials


Sep 11, 2009, 7:20 PM
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Re: [jt512] Screening test for n00bs [In reply to]
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I got 22 but my 'leather' shoes are either Testarossa's or Scarpa Mago's. Although my harness is not a Petzl, i do climb in the new-ish Arc'Teryx harness, so i gave myself the 5 points begrudgingly. I also gained points on the quickdraws because about half my gear is either petzl dogbones or biners. all my shit is so old, beaten, tattered and worn, my draws aren't dividend by brand. Instead dogbone and biner are mated according to length and how much of a groove/notch the biner has or does not have.
I think i really only earned 2 points for my metolius dogbones that used to be red.

What is the official ruling JT??

RJ


jt512


Sep 13, 2009, 10:48 PM
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rjtrials wrote:
I got 22 but my 'leather' shoes are either Testarossa's or Scarpa Mago's. Although my harness is not a Petzl, i do climb in the new-ish Arc'Teryx harness, so i gave myself the 5 points begrudgingly. I also gained points on the quickdraws because about half my gear is either petzl dogbones or biners. all my shit is so old, beaten, tattered and worn, my draws aren't dividend by brand. Instead dogbone and biner are mated according to length and how much of a groove/notch the biner has or does not have.
I think i really only earned 2 points for my metolius dogbones that used to be red.

What is the official ruling JT??

RJ

The test isn't designed for self-scoring. So, you have to ask yourself: how would an experienced sport climber score you. He'd probably notice the age of your draws and give you the benefit of the doubt on the mixed brands.

Jay


roughster


Sep 13, 2009, 11:17 PM
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I scored a 10: Non-Petzl draws (though I have many Petzls) and a non-metolious rope bag (Fuck paying, I use a homemade synthetic table cloth with a elastic band to hold it together. Works like a charm.

Looks like a pretty good scale/indicator to me.


dingus


Sep 14, 2009, 5:36 AM
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roughster wrote:
with a elastic band to hold it together. Works like a charm.

That's hilarious roughster. My buddy Angus went deep into the BC with another partner of mine, it was their first (and only) back country adventure together solely in each other's company.

My other buddy was Mr High Tech, Goretex coated sleeping bag that compressed into the size of a walnut and cost a thousand bucks, etc.

They get to the bivi site and its drizzling.

Angus whips out his custom SHOWER CURTAIN BIVI TENT, layys it over his $50 polywhatever bag and is snoring before Mr Goretex can close his open mouth.

True.

And they never DID climb together again after that, but that's another story

DMT


billcoe_


Sep 14, 2009, 5:48 PM
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dingus wrote:
There are all sorts of noobs, like unpolished turds every damn one of them.DMT

I had to read this twice to catch the inference. LOL!

For myself, JT already called me out on it so sure I'll admit I'm a sport noob, but sometimes high end sport non-n00bs take pity on my sorry trad ass and drag my sorry butt out for some sport: but everytime I get home, I feel so dirty....and used. I just don't know how you all do it all the time.


bennydh


Sep 14, 2009, 6:01 PM
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I try to bitch and complain a lot whilst pointing out all the manufactured or glued holds when I sport climb. Somehow, I feel a little less dirty by doing this, and little less like a desperate climbing whore when I can't get on some nice trad line.

Blush


notapplicable


Sep 17, 2009, 12:38 PM
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