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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 4:03 AM
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I have been busy in college for a while and I was thinking about jokes and such. I really haven't heard any good ones for a long time. Here's one I remember:
Friend to the end
A man applies to be a truck driver at a new company and gets hired. "I've got one demand though," says the man to his new employer. "Since you hired me,you gots to hire Dave."
"Who's that?" says the boss.
"My partner. He drives when I sleep, and I drive when he sleeps," the new guy says. "You've gotta take Dave."
"Well, answer this question satisfactorily and I'll hire Dave too," Says the Boss. "You're going down a hill, your breaks go out, and up ahead is a bridge with an 18-Wheeler jackknifed across it. What would you do?"
"I'de wake up Dave," replies the man.
"How's that going to help?"
"We've been together for 25 years," says the new guy, "and he ain't never seen a wreck like the one we're about to have!"
It's not that funny, I do know better ones. If you have a real good joke that tops this one post a reply. The best joke wins an internet climbing package. 8^)
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theflyingsquirrel
Mar 10, 2005, 12:47 PM
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i have some racey ones but i don't think anyone here would like to hear them or find them very funny so im not going to post them
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overlord
Mar 10, 2005, 1:19 PM
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
that was a good1.
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 3:55 PM
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Here is another one that I like, I don't remember what it's called though. This joke is not meant to affend anyone unless they were one of the people in this joke:
There were these three guys that worked on top of a building. They were eating lunch one day like any other. There was an italian guy, a hispanic guy and a blonde. the italian guy got a dish of Lasagna and he said he told his wife he didn't like this. He was so mad he jumped off the building and killed himself. The hispanic got a burrito and he said he told his wife that he was allergic to burritos. He was so furriated that he jumped off the building as well. The blonde got a peanut butter sandwhich and he jumped off and killed himself because he was mad. A couple days later the wives were having a group funeral. The hispanic's wife and italians wife were saying if they would have known they didn't like their lunch they wouldn't have given it to them. Then they noticed the blonde guys wife was laughing and they asked her why. She looked up at them with a smile and told them that her husband made his own lunch.
I like this one. I heard it a long time ago I hope it makes you smile as well. :lol:
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dookie
Mar 10, 2005, 4:06 PM
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a blonde, brunette, and red head are running from the law. Up ahead they see a barn to hide in, so inside they go. They climb into the hayloft where they find 3 burlap sacks. Great! they say, we can hide ourselves in these!
Each one gets in a sack and stays quiet.
When a sheriff and deputy get to the barn, the deputy climbs to the hayloft where he finds the 3 sacks. He yells down to the sheriff, who tells him to kick each one and see what might be inside. He kicks the one with the red head and it goes: "mooooo" - deputy calls down 'there's a cow in this one'
he kicks the one with the brunette in it and it goes "baaaaaa baaaaa" - deputy calles down 'there's a sheep in this one'.
Finally he kicks the one with the blonde in it and it goes
"POTATOES".
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onbelay_osu
Mar 10, 2005, 4:17 PM
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Q: What is the diffence between micheal jackson and neil armstrong?
A: Neil Armstrong landed on the moon...and micheal jackson just fucks little kids in the ass!
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t-dog
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Mar 10, 2005, 4:24 PM
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In reply to: Q: What is the diffence between micheal jackson and neil armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong landed on the moon...and micheal jackson just f--- little kids in the ass!
That's so wrong!!
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 5:14 PM
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I give you props for the Potatoe Joke, it's even more funny because I'm from Idaho. I've heard that one before but I forgot it. Well as a tradition to this forum I better add another joke:
Catch a drunk driver
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
Hey can someone tell me how to add images to these forums? I thought this one was funny. :roll:
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zozo
Mar 10, 2005, 5:19 PM
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A blonde is sitting at a table trying to put a puzzle together. Exhasperated and frustrated she say's to her husband, "This is to hard, it's supposed to be a tiger!"
Her husband walks over to the table and say's, "Honey, put the frosted flakes back in the box."
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onbelay_osu
Mar 10, 2005, 6:43 PM
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to make up for the vulgarity of the last post i leave you with this joke....
Q:what does a fish say when it hits a wall?
A:DAM :roll: :lol: :roll:
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tgreene
Mar 10, 2005, 7:12 PM
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How do whales give head..?
They wrap their lips around submarines, then suck out all the seamen! :P
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:44 PM
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Back good to see people still have humor. Well here are some Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands
IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk?
This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:45 PM
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FRANCE
“Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that?
Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:46 PM
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ITALY “
Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus?
I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:46 PM
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POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:47 PM
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GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher?”
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onbelay_osu
Mar 10, 2005, 7:48 PM
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america
Save the forest...lets not go bomb iraq
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:48 PM
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TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at?
It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:48 PM
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KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:49 PM
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CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great.”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:50 PM
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ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:51 PM
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SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs?
Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:51 PM
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YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:52 PM
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INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees?
Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?”
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sub-zero
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Mar 10, 2005, 7:54 PM
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ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”
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