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the_pirate
Apr 26, 2005, 12:52 AM
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In reply to: Name the 3 most obvious signs that I am NOT a bachelor. 8^)
All of those containers are upright and empty. Probably rinsed too.
There's no telltale "bachaelor bugs" circling the pile.
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wideguy
Apr 26, 2005, 1:24 AM
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that's one. the industrial jug of laundry detergent.
Second was the two white plastic cups with cartoon characters on them
Third was the overall neatness and organization of the pile.
Honorable mention for the beer not being budweiser and all being the same kind, in bottles And the can of juicy juice concentrate.
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flying_dutchman
Apr 26, 2005, 1:46 AM
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i've cleaned my place once in two months and i do the dishes as soon as stuff starts rusting in the sink. No point in buying new pots/pans due to shear laziness i figure. Guess i am cleaner then the average dude then.
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philbox
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Apr 26, 2005, 2:07 AM
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Picture this.
An old wood fired stove in the kitchen of an old batchelor in outback Queensland. Instead of chopping wood he simply feeds a ten foot piece of log into the fire box of the stove. He keeps the other end propped up by one of the kitchen chairs. That`s batchelor.
My grandfather was invited down to his mate Gunners boat moored on the Brisbane River for tea one night. Gunner simply wiped off last nights plat with a dirty old bit of newspapaer and he reckons it`s good to go. That`s also batchelor.
I was invited over to an old batchelors place to have lunch with him and his spinster sisters. During the cooked meal they would regularly simply toss chicken bones out the window on to a compost heap, it was huge a veritable mullock heap of waste. That`s batchelor and spinster.
The piece of resistance though is my dads suggestion for those times when mum was in hospital giving birth to one of my numerous siblings.
1. Take a left over womens magazine.
2. Open magazine to pages two and three.
3. Read page two whilst cooking dinner and then serve dinner on page two.
4. Whilst reading page three eat dinner.
5. For next meal turn page and repeat until magazine is finished.
Note that I didn`t suggest soiling a climbing magazine with these instructions.
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coloredchalker
Apr 26, 2005, 2:46 AM
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All good so far, and I thought I was pretty bad.
but heres a trick I devised if you have the bad habit of leaving left overs in the fridge untill they are indecernable.
Remove mystery meat from fridge and place in freezer over night or until you rember that its there (it might scare you more after its been frozen for a few months). Upon next discovery take frozen food container, remove lid and hold upside down over trash can. Lightly tap on the turned up bottom and solid flubber should drop straight into trash receptacle. To shorten this process take container of mystery sludge from fridge and deposit in trash can. Proceed to store and buy tub of whipped topping to replace lost strage container.
That reminds me... don't I have some left overs in the fridge,,, shudder.
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gremlin
Apr 26, 2005, 3:31 AM
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I'm not entirely sure if this counts, but all I've been eating for 2 days is lasagna for all 3 meals, and I will hopefully finish it up tomorrow. 5 layer, 4 noodles across per layer...yea, I made a huge thing of lasagna. On the plus side, it was the first time I've made it, and it turned out really really good.
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jono
Apr 26, 2005, 4:52 AM
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thats what its all about, making a massive meal you feed off of for days. i made burritos today that will last me three days.
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republiclimber
Apr 26, 2005, 4:59 AM
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i just buy a 3 pound box of spaghetti and and eat it with some seasoned salt. costs nothing, lasts a week.
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timstich
Apr 26, 2005, 5:08 AM
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When I was a bachelor, and even when the wife is out of town for a few weeks, I have this inordinate fear of going to the grocery store alone. So I will make food with whatever is in the fridge and pantry until there are no possible meals to concoct. This means quite a few bread with cheese and mustard and dried prunes for dessert meals.
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gremlin
Apr 26, 2005, 5:52 AM
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Oh, oh, I've got another one. As of my count 20 minutes ago, there were 27 empty toilet paper rolls on the bathroom floor. I couldn't really stand wasting all that effort though, so I counted as I put them in the garbage.
And cheese and mustard is a fine meal sir, a file meal. Add a can of Tuna(in oil for a bit more texture), and you're got a feast. Tuna, honey mustard, and provolone cheese has gotten me through many a week. Prunes...not so much.
While climbing in West Virginia recently, we stopped at the small(and only) grocery store in the area. They were having a "super special" of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal Bars for only $1 a box, due to their expiration date being November of last year. Yea, we bought out the entire stock. That's some good eatin' right there, and my usual pre-ohshitIneedtogoshopping food.
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zozo
Apr 26, 2005, 12:33 PM
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In reply to: ive got some milk that has seperated in the frig. the last one that went bad we just put outside the door....it expanded...exploded...and we dont use that exit anymore.
Awesome!! Was it full? Ive got one that is getting kind of chunky. It's half full. How long in the colorado sun till it pops?! Any warning signs something is iminent? Id love to get it on tape.
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bumblie
Apr 26, 2005, 12:52 PM
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In reply to: I have this inordinate fear of going to the grocery store alone.
LOL I can't tell you how freeing it is to know my problem is a disorder that I'm purely a victim of - groceraphobia.
Stupid me. I'd always attributed it to ordinary laziness.
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wideguy
Apr 26, 2005, 1:20 PM
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My wife and I and our roomate once ate for a whole week off a giant pot of instant mashed potatoes mixed with frozen corn and peas. On day 4 we went to the grocery store at 3:00 AM and tried to buy a loaf of bread with pennies to treat ourselves. The store wouldn't take the rolled pennies so we didn't get the bread.
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kimmyt
Apr 26, 2005, 1:41 PM
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In reply to: When I was a bachelor, and even when the wife is out of town for a few weeks, I have this inordinate fear of going to the grocery store alone. So I will make food with whatever is in the fridge and pantry until there are no possible meals to concoct. This means quite a few bread with cheese and mustard and dried prunes for dessert meals.
:) I haven't been to the grocery store in at least three months. I'm living off of french fries, ramen, and WaWa takeout salads. I'm moving in a week, see, so I told myself I wouldn't go shopping until I moved into the new place.
K.
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zozo
Apr 26, 2005, 2:17 PM
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In reply to: When I was a bachelor, and even when the wife is out of town for a few weeks, I have this inordinate fear of going to the grocery store alone. So I will make food with whatever is in the fridge and pantry until there are no possible meals to concoct. This means quite a few bread with cheese and mustard and dried prunes for dessert meals.
The trick is to treat it like a military operation. Have a plan, know the layout, get in, get out. Live to tell the tale.
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taualum23
Apr 26, 2005, 3:04 PM
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The extra large pizza three days of dinners on paper plates trick was one of my favorites.
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wjca
Apr 26, 2005, 4:11 PM
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Wideguy,
I'd say the most obvious sign your not a bachelor is the neatly folded dish towel hanging on the drawer handle. With that in the picture, it proves you're married or gay.
When I was in college I had inadvertently left a half full, gallon jug of apple juice behind my desk. Several months later, I found the jug with a golf ball sized thing growing in it. What would you have done with that? I opened the jug, poured in several packets of sugar to feed it more, closed the top, put it back behind the desk and named it Earl. Two months later, with a tear of pride in my eye, I discovered that my little Earl had grown to the size of a grapefruit. I moved shortly thereafter, so Earl and I had to part ways. But sometimes, when the moon is full and wind blows from the north, and I come across rotten apples, I think back to my little buddy and wonder what he could have become had I shown him more attention, like putting him in a five gallon bucket with a constant sugar diet in the back of my roomate's closet.
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jumpingrock
Apr 26, 2005, 4:17 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: What would you have done with that? I opened the jug, poured in several packets of sugar to feed it more, closed the top, put it back behind the desk and named it Earl. Don't know exactly why, but this made me laugh really hard.
Made me laugh to... and sorta get a sick feeling to my stomach.
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bumblie
Apr 26, 2005, 4:48 PM
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Earl will live forever in our hearts and minds.
I kept a 1/4 full jar of applesauce in my fridge for about three years. It survived two moves. At the end, the top portion was mostly black, with a nice white fuzzy trim. It was finally done in by my girlfriend. She was a doctor and just didn't see the humor in keeping it around.
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philbox
Moderator
Apr 27, 2005, 5:30 AM
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Neil Monteith (orangeoverhang of the picture taking fame) has a brilliant method of cleaning saucepans whilst on a roadtrip.
Cook meal.
Eat meal from pot.
Leave pot out during night for furry animals to eat the crusty bits of spooge from (note on our Tasmanian trip we called one large possum Beastor the Gargantuan Possum, he used to keep me awake at night with his constant chewing on the spoogey bits of Neils pot).
Leave pot out during day for ants to scrub the last skerricks of food until mostly clean.
Cook more food in pot and repeat as necessary for entire trip.
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climbinginchico
Apr 27, 2005, 7:21 AM
Post #47 of 59
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In reply to: In reply to: When I was a bachelor, and even when the wife is out of town for a few weeks, I have this inordinate fear of going to the grocery store alone. So I will make food with whatever is in the fridge and pantry until there are no possible meals to concoct. This means quite a few bread with cheese and mustard and dried prunes for dessert meals. The trick is to treat it like a military operation. Have a plan, know the layout, get in, get out. Live to tell the tale.
Now that is how a man shops! I shop like this, my gf always tells me I am walking too fast and not browsing. She hates shopping almost as much as I do. And, never ever ever go to the store when hungry.
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walrus
Apr 28, 2005, 7:19 AM
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I accidently grew mold in my coffee pot and then photographed it.
I had 16 shelves of tools in my bedroom.
The summer tires for my car are sitting in my kitchen.
I cannot use the kitchen table for the stuff on it.
I had an air mattress in my bedroom which I would lean against the wall in order to paint doors on saw horses.
There is a stepladder in my bedroom.
I throw the hairballs that clog up the shower drain onto the shower wall.
I use wal mart bags as garbage bags.
I don't vaccum until I see the dog's hairballs on the carpet.
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m.a.h
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Apr 29, 2005, 3:41 PM
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When I was single:
Paper plates and plastic utensils
Lived on takeout and frozen food for years
Owned three weeks of socks and underwear (when combined with three weekends of pants and shirts, three weeks of towels, and bed linen would than be dropped at the laundry)
Suits and shirts to the dry cleaner
Windex can be used to clean kitchen floors and counters and the bathroom. Than I got a cleaning woman $60.00 per week two visits each week)
Remember if it fly’s, floats, rolls, or f**ks it is cheaper to lease. Out source as much as you can.
Than I got married.
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