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gumbygurl
May 5, 2005, 1:02 PM
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Okay Girls, Help me out. I need to know where you stand.
So in the last month I have been shown interest by 4 different eligible men. Heres the issue. I find myself completely not interested and essentially blowing each of them off because their not climbers. Yes, this sounds cliche but how can i agree to spend time with any of these guys on the first weekends in spring! How can I say "uh, sure but only if its raining cause I rather be climbing" Its not worth giving up something I love- hell if they were perfect they would be at that rock with me.
Do you guys agree? I'm getting alot of heat from friends/family who think I'm spending too much time outside and not giving them a chance - they don't realize its not just a hobby its my lifestyle :(
So Im asking you guys cause at least your in the same boat as I am with climbing. Am I being outta line here?
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mischief8
May 5, 2005, 1:07 PM
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They have to be a climber. #1 Priority!
Daniela
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clausti
May 5, 2005, 1:14 PM
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percent of my boyfriends, ever, who were climbers=100%. one of them even climbed mostly trad.
i agree with you though, its more of a time commitment thing than anything else. you want to spent such a large portion of your free time climbing, that if he wants to spend it with you at this stage, hes gonna have to do it climbing.
that being said, if i met a really awesome guy who wasnt a climber, and wasnt gonna puppydog beg me to "teach" him, and was ok with me climing... i'd probably give that a shot, too. i cant think of very many things though, that would ruin a budding relationship worse than me trying to teach the boy to climb. i tried to teach a boy to dance once. *shudder.*
edited to clarify that its not that i catagorically refuse to teach ppl to climb but that i tend to be a bad teacher when there is the relationship tension going on, and i mess it up. would rather not do that.
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wonderwoman
May 5, 2005, 1:17 PM
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Why not see if they would be interested in coming climbing with you? If they don't accept, you can let them down gently.
I had the same standards are you do. My husband was not a climber when I met him. But now he's an awesome climber and I learn a lot from him. climbing is something that we share together.
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runningclimber
May 5, 2005, 1:21 PM
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It doesn't sound like these guys are exactly knocking your socks off. Should you limit yourseslf to only dating climber boys? Nah. If some guy comes along that you are really truly in to, even he is not a climber, you won't have a dilemma.
Why the pressure to date? Just because he tosses the line, doesn't mean you have to take the bait. :) It's okay to be picky!
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edge
May 5, 2005, 1:25 PM
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Here is a novel idea:
If you like any of these guys, let them know. Not any of this indirect BS, just tell him; he will appreciate you for it.
If no one catches your fancy enough to give up a fair weather climbing weekend, then tell them that too! They will appreciate you for it.
I have been happily married to a non-climber for 17 years. If you find the right person, you will know, almost immediately. I was a confirmed batchelor until I met my wife, and my outlook changed in less than an hour.
Just be honest with yourself, your suitors, and your family. Everyone will appreciate you for it!
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puffypika
May 5, 2005, 1:30 PM
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now you know how us guys feel...it is hard in general to find someone you are attracted to physically and emotionally that is a climber...at least it was for me...i just got lucky and my girlfriend loves the outdoors and has recently falling in love with climbing...the thing was that i didnt even push her to try the sport...just remember that fate will play its course anyway and that person that fits you in every sort of way will come along but may you never forget to live in the moment that makes you happy...waking up in the morning and rolling out of the tent, then the sun hits you and you think what a great day to go climbing...its moments like these that keep a smile on me...its the moments of living life and losing track of time that are priceless, so dont worry and just live life...
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crimp2bfree
May 5, 2005, 1:38 PM
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I'm going to post, even though this is for the girls, I will quitely delete if it considered taboo.
I think it is fine to consider just dating climbers. It is a hugely commiting sport for many of us. However, I have often considered how being a climber can make me an awful boyfriend, it is easy to become self centered when the sun is shining and the bugs haven't come out yet. I have seen some awful fights when a girlfriend isn't invited on a particular climbing trip because its just the guys type of thing.
Also remember that you're on the much nicer side of the fence (at least it looks that way from here). There are a lot more guys that climb that girls. You have a lot more options. It could be much worse. I go to a tech school with a guy/girl ratio of 80/20. Number of girls that can climb 5.6 toprope is about 8, number of real climbing chicks 0.
I've been injured for the past couple weeks and haven't been climbing and it's been amazing what it has done for my social life (even with both hands wrapped in mitten style bandages, maybe its just a sympathy thing.) Anyways I think its fine and wish there were more women that felt the same. Maybe I'll see you up at Rumney sometime.
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crag
May 5, 2005, 1:39 PM
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In reply to: I was a confirmed batchelor until I met my wife, and my outlook changed in less than an hour.
Ah yes the power of the booty, especially if its gold plated then it is irresistible. "Love springs the heart eternal - a relationship is the fine art of compromise." I’ve been married to a non-climber since June of ’86 and I still climb, for the most part, as much as I want. Good luck in your endeavors on and off the rock.
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saltamonte
May 5, 2005, 2:31 PM
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In reply to: Why not see if they would be interested in coming climbing with you? If they don't accept, you can let them down gently.
As a guy i would have to agree with that advice. Rockclimbing is a very attractive sport to most guys even nonclimbers there is almost a universal interest by men perhaps at a hormonal and defenately psycological level. Many just didn't have the motavation to try it without someone else inviting them. You would be surprised how many nonclimbing men are only a trip or two to the crag away from being bitten by the climbing bug, and if the person inviting them is a woman they are already interested in then all the better. I understand the fear that they would appear interested and then after "securing a romantic relationship" with you lose interest however if you are observant you should be able to see their lack of sincere interest in the sport (though I think they are more likely than not to truely enjoy it) if the only reason you are turning them down is their nonclimber status it should be worth a try.
My last piece of advice would be that if you do decide to test the lead contender or even all four guys out at the crag keep things plutonic for a little while. This way you can see if he is likely to really get into climbing. and also how into you he maybe. If the guy is interested for the right reasons, some great climbing and fellowship with a fun and interesting girl will keep him coming back almost no matter how long you hold out (within reason, not talking years here). If things get romantic before you have had time to test his interest in climbing he may keep coming back for the romance instead of the climbing and you. Romance itself can be an addicting drug.
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bad_lil_kitty
May 5, 2005, 2:39 PM
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In reply to: Here is a novel idea: If you like any of these guys, let them know. Not any of this indirect BS, just tell him; he will appreciate you for it.
Oh Edge, if only it were that EASY. LOL (a climbing partner of mine said the same thing; I told him to shut up and eat his damn sammich)
I have told 2 guys this year that I liked them... It bit my and continues to bite me in my ass...and such a lovely ass it is...
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angelaa
May 5, 2005, 2:40 PM
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I just have to chime in on this one!
When I got married neither my husband or I were climbers - I wasn't even a real outdoorsie chick - although I was a closet mountain bum and just didn't know it yet!
When we went on our first rock climbing outing with the OVC (University of Nebraska at Omaha outdoor program) - I HATED CLIMBING! I was overweight & out of shape and couldn't finish the climb that the leader said 'everyone' should be able to climb this route. I wasn't used to being shot down, I had always been athletic, but after a few yrs of marriage I became 'fat and happy'. :shock:
Problem is my husband LOVED it - excelled at it - reveled in it . . he was completely HOOKED!
I realized that if I didn't try to at least enjoy it, we'd be spending more time apart then I was willing to take, so I worked at climbing, worked out, lost weight and started to see improvement. 3 months after our first outing we had bought our own shoes and were committed to Climbing!
That was 8 years ago, and now all we do is climb!
My Loooong drawn out point here is - if someone is intriguing enough, and willing to be persuaded to 'try out' your sport. . . give them a chance, and some time! You don't have to do all the teaching - take friends along - especially guys to make him feel more comfortable and then he might also get that 'guy competition' thing going and he may learn to love it !
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bad_lil_kitty
May 5, 2005, 2:40 PM
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sorry double post...
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gumbygurl
May 5, 2005, 2:42 PM
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I see what you guys are saying about taking a guy to try it out. I am fine with that- hell I even got my ex into it who is now climbing 5.13s. But there is a certain love they have to have for the outdoors. If this isn't there, I can't try to teach them to have the same passion for these sports as I do.
This is different from an outdoor addict who just hasn't found climbing
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angelaa
May 5, 2005, 2:55 PM
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Could be true - but what if he just hasn't been exposed to it yet! I didn't start 'getting outdoors' until I was 22! Before then I thought I was outdoorsie because I could go fishing and put my own worm on - NO CAMPING!
But I got exposed to it on our honeymoon [first experiance with a tent was car camping in Yellowstone] and I was hooked! We started backpacking the following year and climbing the year after that! . . . . :?: Who knows until you try :?:
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kdchampion
May 5, 2005, 3:04 PM
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Oh, but bad lil Kitty, us guys do that all the time. It seems like we're always throwing ourselves on the line, blind at lot of the time too. Shoot, I've dont it tons of times. In fact i'm surprised I have a butt left for how many times its bitten me.
I personally commend you for being brave and following your heart.
As far as the original question goes. I agree with Edge. Just say something to them. If they can't understand your passion for climbing then its not worth it.
Good luck!
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runningclimber
May 5, 2005, 3:15 PM
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In reply to: But there is a certain love they have to have for the outdoors.
I imagine that most guys a climber girl would be attracted to would have this anyway, at least a little bit! As long as he is open-minded and adventurous...
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kyote321
May 5, 2005, 3:33 PM
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i am going out on a limb, being a dude, but i'll post as well...
from what i've seen dating girls within the climbing community, the converse issue evolves into finding people to date that aren't obsessed with climbing 24/7. many chicas seem to get with guys cuz they are into climbing, maybe climb well, but don't know when to shut up about it.
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epic_ed
May 5, 2005, 3:45 PM
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epic_ed moved this thread from General to The Ladies' Room.
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hasbeen
May 5, 2005, 3:58 PM
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ah, the climbing dilemma of the ages. what to do?
friend of mine, who's hooked but only as a weekend warrior, meaning she has no designs on living in a van and/or climbing 5.14, was hit on by a lawyer where she works. he followed her up to her office to ask her out. she politely refused (though he was "hot", she says) and he kept pestering her with offers that are standard of the privledged, finally saying something like, "i like the outdoors too. just come out on my boat with me this weekend and we'll see how we get along." her reply was along the lines of, "look, you're attractive and obviously successful and i'm sure that in LA you'll have no problem finding women who value these things but here's the deal. i'm a climber. that means when i have free time, i go climbing. that means every weekend, unless there's something else i have to do. if i went out with you on your boat, i'm sure it'd be nice. but no matter how nice it was, i'd rather be out climbing. so, you see, there is no point."
i, too, used to do participate in dating non-climbers at times i was injured. ritual. this would never go well as once i wasn't i'd be back to normal. one girl, whom i'd seen about twice in a month once asked me, "what do you do with all your free time." my response was, "i spend it with you."
there is one climber/non-climber scenario that does seem to work and that's if either the climber is not a traveling climber and happy to just do local routes or, obviously, not a true climber but an outdoors person and the couple share other sports.
basically, if you're that psyched on climbing and travleing, you need to date a climber.
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powen
May 5, 2005, 4:01 PM
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Are you seriously blowing these guys off because they are not climbers? "Oh my God, you don't fit my social set or know how to belay, so we could never be together!".
If you were a rich girl, and you said you could only be attracted to other rich people because it's your "lifestyle", I don't think the same idea would sound so nice. Do you see where I'm going with this?
First off, if you have to ask people on a website whether you should be trying to date any of these guys, then that's probably a really good indication you shouldn't date any of them. I don't think I could date anyone that has to debate the idea in a public forum. I don't think you should be "convinced", you should just know (like Edge said).
Second, you've got four guys pursuing you... FOUR. If any of them had any brains and really knew you and your "lifestyle", they would have signed up at a gym to learn to climb or something. Knowing how much you like it, they would have found a way to relate to you or understand you better. I took dance lessons once because a girl I was dating loved to dance. I eventually kicked her to the curb with both of my left feet, but the point is... FOUR guys chasing you and not a brain among them.
Hell, if I had a crush on a female aid climber, I would learn how to bust out the etriers faster than you could say ham sandwich.
Overall, sack up. You've got four guys interested in you and you get to climb every weekend. Tell them the one who brings you the biggest rack shall have 15 minutes of your attention. At least make the best of it... You might never have to carry your rope and gear up to the crag EVER AGAIN.
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crag
May 5, 2005, 5:10 PM
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LOL!
(PS: powen - great description on your profile page - ROTHFLMFAO)
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climbingbetty22
May 5, 2005, 11:13 PM
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GG-
I totally hear you...I'm the same situation lately. Politely refused 4 guys. two weren't climbers. The other two, even though they did climb, I just wasn't attracted to them beyond the friend level. For me, not am I only attracted to climbers, I seem to only be attracted to the hardmen. WIth no it sight, my dating life is non-existant.
Anyhow, don't let anyone make you feel guilty or like a bad person for it. Life is too short to spend it all making everyone else happy but yourself. Follow your heart. When the right guy comes along, it will work out.
Now- to go take my own advice. :roll:
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justhavefun
May 6, 2005, 12:45 AM
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In reply to: I have been shown interest by 4 different eligible men. Heres the issue. I find myself completely not interested ... Am I being outta line here?
I read and re-read this and I'm not sure what the issue is. So some men like you. You're not interested. That should be the end of the story.
It doesn't matter why you're not interested; you just aren't. In your post, it almost sounds like you've decided, on an intellectual level, that since there is no reason not to like these guys (other than they aren't climbers, which your friends and family aren't sure is a valid reason), you should give them a chance and try to date them anyway. Personally, I think that's a really bad idea -- what's next, feeling guilty when you turn down people you don't particularly care for? Why would you be "out of line" if you decided not to date someone you're not interested in? It's only out of line if you feign interest and string someone along that you have no intention of pursuing a relationship with. (Speaking of lines, I'll start the queue for a crack at those four, please...)
Go find yourself a guy you are interested in and approach him -- I'll bet you will have better luck than waiting for a random guy to approach you.
(Now all I have to do is take my own advice and find the guy! That's the hard part...)
Good luck, take care
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