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When the Jokes Go Too Far ...
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rock_diva


Sep 18, 2002, 9:50 AM
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When the Jokes Go Too Far ...
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I know what you're talking about! It seems to happen most often when there are several guys and I'm the only gal - and they think of me as "one of the guys."

If the jokes have gotten to the point that I'm really uncomfortable and I know the guys fairly well I'll just tell 'em so - with some humor of course, so that they respond better.

I remember working as a counselor at a camp for disabled youth a few years ago, and one of the male counselors asked how much $$ it would take for me to do a little striptease for his boys. I jokingly said it would have to be enough to cover my college tuition... thought it would end at that.

Wishful thinking! For the rest of the week other male counselors would come up to me randomly, saying "I'll add $50...can my boys come too?" "Do you take personal checks?" and similar comments. It was funny at first, but it got to the point that I was feeling pretty uncomfortable. Wasn't a lot I could do... so I just didn't give them any response. Eventually it got old and they left me alone.


Partner calamity_chk


Sep 18, 2002, 8:20 AM
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I know that this topic has been started a couple of times in general, but it always seems to go awry, and I will be the first to confess that I'm the world's worst about laughing at tasteless jokes with the guys and making 'innapropriate' innuendos with them as well, but have any of you had experiences where the joking seems to lose perspective and it crosses over into some icky gray area where the guy/s who you are with seem to forget that you're a person as well as a woman?

If so, how did you handle the situation?

Did you say something right then, or did you just get out of the situation and make a point not to climb with that person/group again? Did things escalate to a point where you felt physically uncomfortable with this person/group? If so, did you finish the climbing for the day and just go home, or did you up and leave almost immediately?

I also realize that this occurs outside of the climbing community as well, but since this is such a male-dominated sport and since most of my encounters with the opposite sex seem to involve climber-types, I'm mostly curious about climbing-specific situations, maybe even around the campfire before/after a day of climbing. I mean, I dont want to sacrifice my day of climbing because some fool decides to be a jerk, but it's also difficult to concentrate on climbing when you're phyiscally uncomfortable with the people/person you're with.

Again, dont get me wrong .. read my posts in community, I'm all for a good time, but (in my experience) it just seems like some guys take a hearty joke to be an invitation for something when it's not.

What are your thoughts, ladies?


climberchic


Sep 18, 2002, 6:01 PM
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I used to joke around a lot with men in that way and don't recall any problems with it. But then again, some people have told me that I can be very intimidating if I want to. I don't notice when I'm doing it, but hey. I grew up in NY.

As for now, I have a serious boyfriend who is always with me, so men (unless they are mutual friends) hesitate say anything risque.
Now, the mutual friends? That's another story..

*cough*...MAURICE...*cough*



~Erica


[ This Message was edited by: climberchic on 2002-09-18 18:02 ]


climbsomething


Sep 18, 2002, 7:26 PM
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As another one of those "one of the guys" kinda gals, I can be downright coarse (potty humor can be a real hoot ). The guys don't seem to mind not having to tip-toe around me. I just assume common sense can be used. Don't say anything gross that involves ME. Ya dig? Don't insult me or create a crude joke at my expense. Keep it fun, not personal, yo


climbsomething


Sep 18, 2002, 7:31 PM
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...but as for me, no I have not been in an uncomfortable situation like this. Lucky so far.


climbinganne


Sep 18, 2002, 9:20 PM
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ditto: hillary


Partner calamity_chk


Sep 19, 2002, 9:04 AM
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Oh, dont get me wrong, I can be as crude as the next guy .. I've actually been told that I make some guys uncomfortable with my potty humor.

And, fortunately, my 'weird experience' has only happened once .. just curious to know if other women have had similar experiences. Being the stubborn little clymbr_chk that I am, I finished the day of climbing and hooked up with another group of fellas for the night.


Partner missedyno


Jun 12, 2003, 6:16 AM
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good topic, i'm dragging it back up :D

i love hanging with the guys and being like one of the guys.... there was a certain group that i was climbing with.

I was trying a route at the gym - a variation one of them came up with that increased the grade quite a bit. while i was busy cranking, my bandana fell off and they all started shouting "hey jessica's taking her clothes off while she climbs! take your shirt off! take your shirt off!"

there's a point when you're not one of the guys any more... at all.

in that case i think i laughed a little and told them to STFU. that normally works. (speak their language)


mwbtle


Jun 12, 2003, 7:01 AM
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ooh, I like this topic.

I haven't really ever been super uncomfortable. I usually hang with mostly guys though, so occasionally it does happen. I usually deal with it by joking back in exactly the way they are joking with me, and turning the tables. As soon as they feel uncomfortable, they know the line has been crossed and they back off. And no one gets pissed.


sroehlk


Jun 12, 2003, 11:47 AM
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A few years back I hung out with the same group of guys from work all the time. They were a lot of fun, but since I was the only girl they tended to rip on me or just basically gross me out with their stories. I became pretty good at ripping back and giving them looks to let them know that's enough. Finally it got to the point where I would just have to leave and not hang out with them for a few days. They knew I was upset :twisted: and always apologized. Since then I've moved and I don't really see them anymore.


smiley


Jun 12, 2003, 4:48 PM
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idea [In reply to]
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Well, I think they probably already think of you as one of the "guys" because you laugh along with them. Maybe try a cute, flirtatious way of objecting--a way that gets the point accross but is wrapped in a sweet kind of flattery.


katydid


Jun 13, 2003, 5:05 AM
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Personally, if the guys won't buy that I'm not comfortable with what they're saying, I'll stop this kind of conversation dead in its tracks by saying something grosser/more perverted than the guys would be willing to mention (or think of). Then I say, "now you get my point." Then they stop.

YMMV.

k.


granite_grrl


Jun 13, 2003, 6:10 AM
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I'm always with guys, at work, school, and with the sports I do. I find for the most part that most of the guys I hang with are sweet hearts who when they tell a nasty joke they know just how immature it is, they are not serious about it, and normally ends up with them giggling. Very rarely do they cross the line (except for my roommate who is the king of crossing the line, but I just tell him to shut up).

Potty humor is rarely all that offensive. Same with jokes with sexual conentations. It is the sexual degrading jokes that are the offensive ones. Even more offensive are the comments that I've overheard that are not jokes at all, ones where guys may make comments about some woman walking down the street they don't even know. They throw me back because I never think of making comments like that about random men that I see on the street.


estherator


Jun 19, 2003, 2:21 PM
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Like many of you ladies, I can be as srude as the next guy. And tend to be when I'm around a group of them. I've been a tomboy most of my life and I've never really had a problem wiith this that I can recall. But, like Erica (hey girl!) i grew up mostly in NY. And Jersey. The attitude capitol of the world. That, I think contributes to my intimidation factor. I have also worked hard to develop a "look" that can make grown men go fetal...that could have something to do with it... :wink:


dirtineye


Jun 19, 2003, 2:37 PM
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Women. Can't live with em, can't live without em.


kentuckysarah


Jun 19, 2003, 6:25 PM
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I am always hanging out with guys. Actually I prefer it that way. I don't know many girls like me at school and guys are so much less complicated..I just get along better with them. My major is made up of mostly guys too, so I'm used to being "one of the guys". Most of the guys I hang out with are considerate to the fact that I'm a girl and they tend to not make very lude comments...but there are those few that do. Usually I'll ignore them the first time or so, then I'll say something if it gets out of hand or if they start doing it alot. And the other guys I hang out with are pretty good at saying something to them too, kind of reminding them that I am a girl and whatever they just said wasn't really appropriate and so on. If a guy says very offensive comments very often when we're together I tend to say something or avoid them until they get the hint. These remarks have to be really bad or directed at me for me to get offended.

Sarah


mewalrus


Jun 20, 2003, 8:52 PM
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In reply to:
Even more offensive are the comments that I've overheard that are not jokes at all, ones where guys may make comments about some woman walking down the street they don't even know. They throw me back because I never think of making comments like that about random men that I see on the street.


You don't think about things like that because men and women are quite different and they think differently. Guys see a pretty girl on the street and they think about sex, thats just how it is. I'm a guy I I cannot explain why. The only answer I have is that its just how guys think. :wink:


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