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Help me manage my anger!!
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ihategrigris


Apr 18, 2007, 12:09 PM
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Help me manage my anger!!
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The other day I was climbing up a slab, a fairly difficult one. I had my foot on a microedge and was trying to stand on it.... but every time I did my foot skidded off, no matter what I tried. Finally, I screwed a bunch of curses and kicked the rock; I was really really REALLY angry. The type of thing that has in the past made me wreck a book shelf and throw things across a room.

I've found that lately I've been getting much angrier then I have in the past, and have troubles managing it, in climbing and in life. Does anyone else out there have anger problems; how do you manage them? Do I need help or can I train myself to calm down a bit.... anyone???


puerto


Apr 18, 2007, 2:17 PM
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Re: [ihategrigris] Help me manage my anger!! [In reply to]
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Actually I think my favorite part of Arno's book is his story about the traffic altercation, some good lessons about anger in that story.

Another interesting comment I heard once in a church sermon of all things was about people who "Think the random stranger who just cut them off in the traffic had been conspiring all day just to do that to them."

That put things in perspective, I'm sure we've all thought that way at one time or another..i.e. "That asshole's out to get me and he only does it to me and it's cause he thinks I'm gonna let him get away with it" when in reality he treats everybody that way.

Other than that, maybe some physical exercise to vent the aggression like using a punching bag.

If it's serious enough, maybe even SSRIs?


wonderwoman


Apr 19, 2007, 12:26 PM
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Re: [ihategrigris] Help me manage my anger!! [In reply to]
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When was the last time you had a vacation? Maybe you should take some time off from climbing and everything else. When you start again, you'll remember what you love about it.

When you start to get upset, allow yourself to stop and take a few deep breaths before you react. This delay seems to always work for me.

Try not to let small things pile up and ruin your day. Maybe you are being too hard on yourself in climbing and in life.


arnoilgner


Apr 19, 2007, 4:09 PM
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Re: [ihategrigris] Help me manage my anger!! [In reply to]
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hello "ihategrigris"
first, consider changing your login name. your actions are determined by what you focus on. if you focus on hating grigris then you'll focus on hate. if you focus on loving ATCs then you'll focus on what you enjoy/love.
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anger stems from your ego not getting what it wants. "i want that damn foot to hold." this is typical for many climbers. don't feel like the lone ranger. awareness will help diminish anger. develop awareness about your motivation. are you motivated by just getting your way, getting to the top of climbs, feeling "comfortable" because your ego got what it wanted? OR, are you motivated by what you love about climbing, the learning, problem solving, your friends, the environment? the rock doesn't care if you climb it or not. you must develop your skills to rise to the challenge of being able to make your foot stick to that hold and climb the route. this may seem obvious but when you get angry you actually want something for nothing. you don't want to exert the effort and learn what is needed to rise to the challenge. keep attention on that learning and you'll improve your ability and do what is necessary to rise to the challenge. your learning journey can be fun if you stay curious to it.
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beyond that, wonderwoman (hello tiff) gave some great advice. breathe. also, when you place that foot, stand up on it immediately to engage it. don't fiddle with the placement. place it and push.
perhaps this helps?
arno


True2Grade


Jun 19, 2007, 2:51 PM
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Re: [ihategrigris] Help me manage my anger!! [In reply to]
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Hello. I, too, have been having anger problems, both in life, and in general. So far, it hasn't merged into my climbing life, but that's not to say it couldn't! I recently read the Rock Warrior's Way, and I have also been being treated for several health issues by a licensed Acupuncturist/Herbalist/DOM. The health issues I had were relatively simple: insomnia and bouts of dizziness. Turns out, according to Chinese medicine, that all the recent anger outbursts I've been having lately, have a lot to do with my liver, and my lifestyle habits: I love hot food, I drink (good beer only) alcohol on a regular basis, I tend to "stuff" my emotions, and not let people know what I am really feeling (anger, irritation, etc.) I stay up late, play hard, drink lots of dark, strong coffee. All these things apparently lead to what the Chinese call "Liver Chi Stagnation" and "Liver Yang Rising". Which essentially equates to a lot of uprising anger and irritation--especially the kind where bookshelves are thrown around the room and people get their feelings badly hurt.

Through regular sessions of acupuncture, and some very simple herbal formulas that I take as herbal pills, I've seen an enormous improvement in my attitude and in my ability to tolerate things. Additionally, I have been encouraged to journal, and to do some "softer" forms of exercise other than my normal dose of high impact mountain biking, running, and rock climbing. Lately I've been doing some nice, gentle swimming to assist my well being.

Just a few ideas on a different kind of note.


hiyapokey


Jun 22, 2007, 2:34 PM
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Re: [True2Grade] Help me manage my anger!! [In reply to]
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What great advice. Until a couple of years ago, I never stuffed my feelings. I would puke my feelings all over everybody, until they (they being my wife)got sick of it and started puking back at me. It felt great when I was in control, but now I have had to find better was of staying in control. It is very hard, but one great method I have come across is listening to those around me to find out what is important to them and then trying to make a plan that incorporates what they want with what I want. It gives me a sense of control over my life. OOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhmmmmm.Laugh


grampacharlie


Jul 9, 2007, 4:26 PM
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Re: [ihategrigris] Help me manage my anger!! [In reply to]
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Anger can be a very strong surge of emotional energy directed at people, inanimate objects, the pet that shit on the floor, or whatever circumstance you find yourself in. Such strong surges of emotional energy require some sort of release such as yelling, physical release such as hitting/throwing things, or you may just shut down.

I used to be a very angry person, though I did not know it. I spent many a tantrum throwing objects, broke my hand punching walls, and even dented the roof of my car (from the inside out).

It's taken a lot of practise and I still haven't perfected it, but now instead of putting my energy towards negative reactions, I tend to laugh. It's a great way to get that energy out, and confuses innocent bystanders, giving you even more to laugh about.

I do still get snippy when I'm scetched out, runout, and pumped.


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