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Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 8:34 AM
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j_ung's Climbing Clinic! Guaranteed!
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Hi all,

I've been involved with rock climbing in one way, shape or form for a reasonably long time now, and I have accumulated a lot of knowledge. I'm no expert genius or anything, but in one particular area of climbing, my skills are pretty much unsurpassed.

And now, for the nominal fee of $1 (one US dollar) I offer a very special one-time PM-only clinic to help you get off that pesky plateau you're stuck on. Tired of 5.10? Want to open up whole new ranges of route grades? Hell, even accomplished 5.14 climbers will notice a nearly instantaneous change in their climbing after taking my clinic.

That's right folks, Paypal me $1 (one US dollar to jayyoung(at)suddenlink.net) and include your RC.com user name in the message so I can PM you the clinic, then sign up here in this thread and I will help you leap from your plateau with effortless ease! I'll have you 5.12 climbers crankin' out 5.11 in no time! 5.11 climbers, wouldn't you love to spend your sunny days pullin' down on some heinous 5.10 or -- fuck it! aim low! -- 5.9? I know I sure would! And hey, my clinics are good for everybody. Even 5.4 climbers who want to send 5.3 are welcome. Fifth-class scramblers, fourth class awaits you! The package is wrapped! Pay me the postage and SEND IT!

YOU CAN DO IT! If you follow the seven simple super secret rules (4xS+R), which I'll share with you in the clinic, I guarantee it'll lower your onsight level by at least a full number, probably more! (No refunds.)

Smile


reg


May 3, 2007, 8:43 AM
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you been nippin outah pappys mayonaise jar again?


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 8:47 AM
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Special one-time only gift for RC.com users! Here's the first of seven simple super secret rules (4xS+R) -- absolutely FREE!

1. Stand under any route rated at your current onsight maximum and repeat the j_ung Mantra over and over again until other climbers yell, "Dood! Shut up! (Or "doodlet" -- the j_ung Climbing Clinic is unisex.)" Ready? Here it is:

"I can't do this. I'd have to be crazy to even try."

Sign up now! Anti-glory is yours for only a dollar! Paypal: jayyoung(at)suddenlink.net

Climb hard (or not),
j_ung


svilnit


May 3, 2007, 8:50 AM
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Ooo ooo ooo!! I can't wait to take your class Mr. j_ung! I just sent my crisp $1 to you!!

Will you be covering shoe sizing in your class?? I have so many questions about that!


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 8:52 AM
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Absolutely, svilnit! Incorrect shoe sizing is critical to sending weaker. We'll cover it in detail. (No questions allowed during clinic.)

Climb hard (or not),
j_ung


(This post was edited by j_ung on May 3, 2007, 8:53 AM)


medicus


May 3, 2007, 8:54 AM
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LOL... dang... I'm short of cash right now... wish I had thought of pulling an idea like this.


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 9:00 AM
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Interesting... some seem to think this is a joke. But I'm here to tell you, it's not! There really is a j_ung's Climbing Clinic and it really will lower your onsight level by a at least a full number -- guaranteed! (No refunds.) What's more, if you Paypal me $1 (one US dollar), I really will PM it to you tomorrow, maybe even tonight if I sell my goal of ten clinics.

Climb hard (or not),
j_ung


medicus


May 3, 2007, 9:01 AM
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j_ung wrote:
Interesting... some seem to think this is a joke. But I'm here to tell you, it's not! There really is a j_ung's Climbing Clinic and it really will lower your onsight level by a at least a full number -- guaranteed! (No refunds.) What's more, if you Paypal me $1 (one US dollar), I really will PM it to you tomorrow, maybe even tonight if I sell my goal of ten clinics.

Climb hard (or not),
j_ung

I'm sure you will, I never doubted that. I just wish I had thought of something like that. I can tell people ways to even lower their onsight level by 3-4 guaranteed.


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 9:20 AM
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What if I only onsight first class terrain?


svilnit


May 3, 2007, 9:33 AM
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medicus wrote:
j_ung wrote:
Interesting... some seem to think this is a joke. But I'm here to tell you, it's not! There really is a j_ung's Climbing Clinic and it really will lower your onsight level by a at least a full number -- guaranteed! (No refunds.) What's more, if you Paypal me $1 (one US dollar), I really will PM it to you tomorrow, maybe even tonight if I sell my goal of ten clinics.

Climb hard (or not),
j_ung

I'm sure you will, I never doubted that. I just wish I had thought of something like that. I can tell people ways to even lower their onsight level by 3-4 guaranteed.

Looks like you have some competition J_ung!

Medicus, how much is your clinic??! I have always hoped of lowering my level by 3-4 grades! (and here I thought I couldn't go below 1.4)


(This post was edited by svilnit on May 3, 2007, 9:33 AM)


microbarn


May 3, 2007, 9:47 AM
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I don't know. It sounds like j_ung has the 7 PROVEN steps of plateau breaking power. Medicus could be just another phenomenon like Gabe Walker. Some people don't need a system. They just got the talents that others envy.


Going with the cheaper option is not always the best.


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 10:14 AM
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Very well! I can handle the competition, so I'll tell you what. If the RC.com community comes together and Paypal's me $1 (one US dollar), I will post the entire Climbing Clinic here in this very thread!

Climb hard (or not),
j_ung


(This post was edited by j_ung on May 3, 2007, 10:29 AM)


lena_chita
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May 3, 2007, 10:22 AM
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VERY tempting offer.

However, I discovered on my own an easy way to "break the plateu"-- it is very pleasant and involves going climbing outside after 6 months of gym-only climbing. Gee, I was enjoying the previously-onsighted&climbed-multiple-times route as an all-new and completely-forgotten (aka really-hard-to-do) hangdog.


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 10:25 AM
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Excellent, lena_chita! It looks like you've discovered your own, albeit time-consuming, method of lowering your onsight grade. Anti-glory is yours!


(This post was edited by j_ung on May 3, 2007, 10:28 AM)


dbrayack


May 3, 2007, 10:37 AM
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Trust me, it works. I lived with Jay for 3 months and dropped 3 solid letter grades....


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 10:41 AM
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Yeeessssss... I have received $1 (one US dollar). I will now post j_ung's Climbing Clinic in its entirety... as soon as the funds clear.


kachoong


May 3, 2007, 10:45 AM
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LMAO! Classic!

This sounds like a brilliant plan! Will the lowering of my onsight level involve a fantstically yummy nutrition regime? How much time out of my ordinary day will the training take up?


dbrayack


May 3, 2007, 10:47 AM
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I don't know if I can give this away...but LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of Pop Corn


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 10:50 AM
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^^ Laugh And raw carrots.

Kachoong, there's no nutritional plan in the Climbing Clinic. That would take too long, and this is designed to make a near instantaneous deprovment in peoples' climbing. Hang on a sec. Here it comes...


kachoong


May 3, 2007, 10:53 AM
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j_ung wrote:
^^ Laugh And raw carrots.

Kachoong, there's no nutritional plan in the Climbing Clinic. That would take too long, and this is designed to make a near instantaneous deprovment in peoples' climbing. Hang on a sec. Here it comes...

Am I allowed to eat Beany Weeny?


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 10:55 AM
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And now... j_ung's Climbing Clinic!

Congratulations, friend! Youíve taken the very bold step to decrease your climbing ability. Itís not every climber who can honestly say, ďI donít want to climb this hard anymore!Ē But by taking my Climbing Clinic, you not only said it, you shouted it from the shortest road cut you can walk around instead of climb.

So, again, congratulations! And donít worry, weíll have you greasing off ledges and melting from handle-bar jugs in no time Ė guaranteed! (Sorry, no refunds.)

Before we get going, itís important to note that j_ungís Climbing Clinic is not for aid climbers.

Ready? Anti-glory awaits! Here we go! All you have to do is follow my 4xS+R Ė thatís seven simple super secret rules! It really is that easy.

1. Stand under any route rated at your current onsight maximum and repeat the j_ung Mantra over and over again until other climbers yell, "Dood! Shut up! (Or "doodlet" Ė the j_ung Climbing Clinic is unisex.)"

Ready? Here it is: "I can't do this. I'd have to be crazy to even try."

2. If youíre really committed to climbing worse, itís utterly crucial to size your shoes incorrectly. Most people know this intuitively, but what you may not know is that sizing your shoes too small can have an even more pronounced effect than sizing them too large. Hereís a tip: size your climbing shoes two full sizes smaller for every number grade by which you want to decrease your onsight ability. Youíll be so wracked with pain, you might not climb at all!

3. Buy your belayer a present. Normally, this might have the reverse effect of making your belayer like you and want to catch you if you fall, thus giving you confidence to climb harder. But it really depends on what you buy him or her. Try breath mints, deodorant, extra-large tampons or a revolver loaded with one bullet. Wrap it nicely and when you hand it over, say something like, ďI thought you could use this. Hey, can I get a catch?Ē

(Warning: the remaining of my seven simple super secret rules (4xS+R) are for advanced climbers only. If you did all of the above and you STILL climb too hard, then these will probably put you over the topÖ I mean under the bottom.)

4. Replace that out-of-date chalk bag with a more modern, stylish Vaseline bag. Make it as much your security blanket as chalk was!

5. For this next simple super secret rule, youíll need some non-climbing gear: a bucket of live fire ants and a jar of honey. Slather that honey all over your hands and then plunge them elbow deep into the bucket of fire ants. If youíre a real badass, like, if you free big wall aid routes, you may need a bucket of live scorpions instead. Agitate vigorously. Make sure you wash off before climbing. We wouldnít want all that sticky honey affecting your anti-glory.

6. Okay, if after all that, you still send too hard, itís time to get really serious. You might decide itís best to handle this next simple super secret rule under the observation of a physician. Head to the nearest hospital and go straight to the pneumonia ward. Find the patient who looks worst (check for weeping cold sores and a ceaseless, wet, hacking cough) and plant a big, sloppy, tongue-diving wet kiss on that person. Hold it. Hoooooollllld it. Okay! Now give it a few days before climbing and you should be all set.

Well thatís all for j_ungís Climbing Clinic. You are now guaranteed to climb worse than before, but remember: no refunds!

Climb hard (or not),
j_ung


Partner j_ung


May 3, 2007, 11:00 AM
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Now if you've done all that correctly, you should have dangerously low self esteem, a belayer who hates you, swollen slippery hands, feet rolled up like maki sushi, a cough that makes small children cry when they hear it and severe fatigue bordering on dead. Climb on!


moose_droppings


May 3, 2007, 11:21 AM
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Thanks for the clinic and I am on the edge of my seat (if its good i should fall off right). But I'm broke until my tax return comes. Can I mail you 2 rubber bands, 5 paper clips, and 2 sticks of gum and 1 pencil eraser to cover this scholarly lecture?
If not, I understand, I will voluntarily erase any memory of these astute lessons.


(This post was edited by moose_droppings on May 3, 2007, 11:23 AM)


caughtinside


May 3, 2007, 11:22 AM
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thank you j_ung! Now I send teh worst!


dynosore


May 3, 2007, 11:54 AM
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I sent my non payment!

You forgot "move to midwestern town with one small gym and no reliable climbing partners"

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