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snurp
Sep 12, 2007, 6:33 AM
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Is this a relationship scenario that ever really works out? Is it possible for a climber (regardless of sex, come to think of it) who wants to climb as much as possible including possibly lengthy alpine excursions to become romantically involved with a non-climber who is uninterested in taking up the sport? For those of you who find yourselves in this situation, how do you make it work? For those of you who aren't, do you think it could or are you against it entirely?
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granite_grrl
Sep 12, 2007, 12:26 PM
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I am not in that situation, though I have dated nonclimbers in the past. But the last bf I had before I met my husband wouldn't even come outside with me once to even try climbing and see why I loved it so much...he was a frat boy whowould much rather spend his time drinking and hanging out with the boys. Deal breaker!
I have always been of the opinion that a climber didn't have to date another climber, just someone else who loved the outdoors and their own activities as much as I loved climbing. Even now, being married to a climber it is good to spend a good amount of time not climbing with each other. There can be a dynamic with a climbing couple that doesn't always work out, and its good to spend time apart.
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bizarrodrinker
Sep 12, 2007, 12:37 PM
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Sorry to eves drop on your forum, but gg is spot on. It is crucial that you spend time apart climbing. If not you can run into the situation where climbing becomes "alone time" which is good sometimes, but can easily become more exclusive, then you find yourself only climbing with that person and to invite friends becomes an interruption of "alone time" which apparently is the worlds greatest travesty.
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chadnsc
Sep 12, 2007, 2:58 PM
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I too would agree with GG. My wife really doesn’t' climb. She love to camp and hike but climbing really isn’t' her thing. My wife understands how much climbing means to me and we both have no problem with me taking off most of my free time for trips. I won't lie though, their is a degree of compromise that both of us have to make. Some weekends my wife would really like me to stay home and do something with her. Some weeks I will be sitting at the in laws thinking to myself how nice it would be to be out climbing. My wife is defiantly worth the compromise and the time we spend apart just makes our relationship stronger.
On a side note; I've always been of the belief that people who will only date other climbers simply don't want to compromise anything for the other person in their relationship. Not willing to compromise can be a very bad sign for any relationship regardless if it involves climbing.
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petsfed
Sep 12, 2007, 3:56 PM
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If Karen McNeill could pull it off, anyone can.
Sure, it seems a little unusual, but a great many of us have been indoctrinated into this incorrect belief that men are somehow supposed to have the more extreme pursuits of the two genders. I can have a girlfriend into painting or dancing or something and not feel at all obligated to participate. Hell, I could date a girl who likes to jump out of airplanes and not feel obligated to really get into it (although I think I'd have to go a few times, as a compromise). How is climbing any different?
(This post was edited by petsfed on Sep 12, 2007, 3:59 PM)
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macherry
Sep 12, 2007, 4:48 PM
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i agree with the previous posters. I was a climber before my hubby got into climbing. He's now my main climbing partner, but i still like to climb with others. I've gone on extended climbing trips with other partners...........yup even other guys.
god, i'd probably kill him if we did everything together. We both ski, and bike too, but we've found it's good to mix it up and hang with others!!!
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obsessed
Sep 12, 2007, 7:02 PM
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I climb, my hubby does not. It has worked well for us. I am able to get away and climb and he gets away to fish and golf. The reason it works for us, is because we have kids. If we both climbed then we would have a problem with leaving the kids to go climbing.
I think we have a better relationship because we have our own intrests. We have our family vacations together, and also vacations to do our own thing.
If we didn't have kids, it may not be an ideal situation, but I can't really comment on that.
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erisspirit
Sep 12, 2007, 8:28 PM
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I climb, my boyfriend did not, and still for the most part doesn't. He has only gone climbing outside with me once. It works for use because we have a lot of other things we enjoy together (hiking, bicycles, motorcycles). I also don't mind going out climbing with friends, and he isn't concerned with me going climbing with my friends. Sometimes its nice having something that you can do without your SO, and they can do something without you.
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harmonydoc
Sep 12, 2007, 10:49 PM
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My husband doesn't climb; his passion is hockey, so we sometimes go off and do our own thing for the weekend (hockey tournament for him, climbing trip for me). Sometimes we get creative - he's had a few hockey tournaments in Vegas, so we both go, I hit Red Rock during the day while he plays hockey, then we hang out together in the evening.
Any relationship involves compromise - yeah, somtimes I regret that he doesn't share my excitement about climbing, but I think having separate interests is a good thing, too.
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acacongua
Sep 13, 2007, 1:40 AM
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chadnsc wrote: On a side note; I've always been of the belief that people who will only date other climbers simply don't want to compromise anything for the other person in their relationship. Not willing to compromise can be a very bad sign for any relationship regardless if it involves climbing.
That is so asinine because it's not true. When your life is climbing (I don't mean those who occassionally visit the rock but spend all day on RC.com), you place yourself in a community. Relationships tend to form out of that.
Whether a relationship works with a non-climber depends on how much the climber can compromise of his/her climbing time, and how patient the non-climber is. I've seen it work, but I've seen it fail. How will you know if you don't try?
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wiki
Sep 13, 2007, 9:02 AM
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My beautiful boyfriend used to be a climber but isn't anymore (randomly got freaked out).
Its okay though! We still go on climbing trips intending to climb but often we just hang around the campsite.
If I want to climb, i can always find someone else to climb with.
I appreciate time with my boyfriend away from home and work and as long as I get some climbing in and he gets some chilling out time, its okay that climbing isn't the focus - we end up spending MORE time together!
Even if you can't make the actual climbing part of his life, he may appreciate going on climbing trips as a holiday - he might like to be left to his mountain biking, computer programming or photography etc... in a beautiful campsite while you climb.
Hopefully he doesn't get jealous of the time you spend at the climbing gym or on rc.com as my boyfriend is right now 
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granite_grrl
Sep 13, 2007, 12:14 PM
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acacongua wrote: chadnsc wrote: On a side note; I've always been of the belief that people who will only date other climbers simply don't want to compromise anything for the other person in their relationship. Not willing to compromise can be a very bad sign for any relationship regardless if it involves climbing. That is so asinine because it's not true. When your life is climbing (I don't mean those who occassionally visit the rock but spend all day on RC.com), you place yourself in a community. Relationships tend to form out of that. Whether a relationship works with a non-climber depends on how much the climber can compromise of his/her climbing time, and how patient the non-climber is. I've seen it work, but I've seen it fail. How will you know if you don't try?
I would argue that there as much comprimise between two climbers as not. Look at climbing couples, how often do they have the same interests in their climbing (hard sport vs long monderate trad vs lazy bouldering vs alpine slogs).
If you're serious about climbing and your partner isn't then when you go out climbing its doing what only you want to do. But a climbing couple will climb together maybe more then they really want and there are comprimises about climbing areas, styles and grades...and then sometimes feelings get hurt, climbing issues can get more complicated and your climbing day can end up in a mess.
It ain't all roses being in a climber relationship.
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bizarrodrinker
Sep 13, 2007, 2:21 PM
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granite_grrl wrote: a climbing couple will climb together maybe more then they really want and there are comprimises about climbing areas, styles and grades...and then sometimes feelings get hurt, climbing issues can get more complicated and your climbing day can end up in a mess. It ain't all roses being in a climber relationship.
You got my number on that one.
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chadnsc
Sep 13, 2007, 3:30 PM
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Listen to GG, for she is wise in the ways of climbing relationships.
Good advice!
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acacongua
Sep 13, 2007, 7:42 PM
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granite_grrl wrote: If you're serious about climbing and your partner isn't then when you go out climbing its doing what only you want to do. But a climbing couple will climb together maybe more then they really want and there are comprimises about climbing areas, styles and grades...and then sometimes feelings get hurt, climbing issues can get more complicated and your climbing day can end up in a mess. It ain't all roses being in a climber relationship.
It sounds like a typical relationship, climbing is just one issue. It ain't all roses being in any relationship, but people will work it out if they want. And this is coming from experience, not some delusion of what relationships could be.
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bent_gate
Sep 13, 2007, 10:01 PM
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granite_grrl wrote: It ain't all roses being in a climber relationship.
I imagine Dean Potter would agree...
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clausti
Sep 14, 2007, 3:32 AM
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haha... dean potter.
everything is so conditional, up to an including, what do you mean by "relationship" and "climber."
aconcagua has a great point, in that some ppl, maybe you area gym climber but get out a few weekends a year... that's not much different, in time scope from someone who works out a lot and camps a few times a year... hardly prohibitive to a partnership, on either side. If you are someone who lives season to season at the crag... then your responsible, real job holding gf might have to evaluate what the relationship means to you. and there are many shades of grey in between.
it all comes down to what you and your partner need from a relationship, and which of your wants are you willing to compromise for. if you NEED to dirtbag to skibum season to season... and you also need sex all the time... a monogamous relationship with a south african aids worker might not be the best fit.
i dont think that ppl have soul mates. i think there are lots of ppl you can have fulfilling relationships with, of differing terms of time, and i think there are multiple people that any one person could spend their life with and be happy, depending on when in each of your lives you met the potential mates. can it work? sure it can work. can it blow up in your face? absolutely. work it out.
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dalguard
Sep 14, 2007, 1:46 PM
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I'm currently dating a climber I don't climb with, having had some climber/climber relationship difficulties in the past. I've also tried a non-climber. I think "climber I don't climb with" is the best but I'd be willing to date a non-climber again, as long as he had some kind of interest he was passionate about and didn't expect me to spend my weekends sitting next to him on the couch.
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lhwang
Sep 14, 2007, 2:52 PM
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I think it could work. The key is going to be finding a partner who is supportive.
My fiance and I both love to climb. We both have other climbing partners, but I have to say he is my favourite climbing partner (no offense to my other partners!). I realize that I'm lucky to be able to say that. We just seem to have very similar goals and attitudes when it comes to climbing.
In our relationship, it's our careers that differ and could have potentially been a source of problems. Fortunately, he is very supportive of my career decisions, which have taken me away from home for 13 of the last 15 months. Both of us have had to make efforts to make that work!
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clee03m
Sep 14, 2007, 5:43 PM
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If I had to name one reason why my husband and I fight, it is because of rock climbing. I didn't have a lot of free time in the last 4 years, I wanted to use up all of my free time climbing. I know that relationship is about compromise, but I felt like I just didn't want to sacrifice climbing. Now, my husband is going through a phase where he likes climbing and wants to go with me all the time, and I'm pretty excited. Still, we argue over how long we want to stay at the gym or which weekend we would go climbing. Yeah, you can make it work, but I think it can be really difficult. I would think the great thing about having a climber as a spouse is that even if you don't climb together, at least they get where you come from. Good to hear that it can actually work out better with kids...
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timd
Nov 10, 2007, 11:13 AM
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Hello ladies,
Sorry to eaves drop here but I need some advice on this subject. I also apologize if I am on the wrong forum, but here it goes. When I met my now wife she did not climb at all. I got her into it and she loves it. She has also put on a lot of weight this past year and is unable to fit into her climbing clothes anymore. She says she wants to climb this year (ice) yet has done nothing to try to lose the weight. Do you think she really lost the will to climb and this is how she plans her escape or what? She is my climbing partner for christ sake! Sorry, thank you.
Tim
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clee03m
Nov 11, 2007, 4:49 PM
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Um...she can buy new climbing clothes. If she can't fit into her harness, she can by another one. And yes, believe it or not, you can climb with some extra weight on. I really hope she doesn't read rc.com, and that you haven't let her know how you feel. I think knowing that your SO/climbing partner thinks you are too fat to climb is enough to make a noobie self-conscious enough to stop climbing.
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timd
Nov 12, 2007, 9:25 AM
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Sorry clee03m,
I did not mean it that way. I love her with all of my heart and not see her as "fat" nor would I tag her with that title. It seems as though she has given up. She states all of the time that she wants to work out and lose the weight but never does. I try to encourage her everyway that I can, and I plan on us climbing this season even if she does not lose any. hell, she is a great climber. I hope this clears things up. I meant no offense.
Tim
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karmiclimber
Nov 13, 2007, 5:04 AM
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I don't have to date someone who is already a climber, but they have to be willing to learn and then come with me (lots) lol. Its important to me cuz its something I want to share with my partner. I couldn't date someone who didn't do SOMETHING outdoorsy, be it climbing, hiking, cycling, mountaineering, etc.
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acacongua
Nov 13, 2007, 1:08 PM
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Is she into climbing or finding a copout? Ask her directly if she's interested in it for herself. Pursue it for yourself though - don't let this stop you.
As far as extra pounds go, I would start with the diet. Do you guys eat out a lot? Try cooking at home using healthy recipes (cookinglight.com has a lot of tasty options). If you go to the gym or excercise with her, she'll be more encouraged. Studies have shown that people will pick up their partners habits so set the example.
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