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Things to tell tourists on the Zion Shuttle
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quiteatingmysteak


May 5, 2008, 10:24 PM
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Things to tell tourists on the Zion Shuttle
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Guy in North Face fleece: Did you guys go mountain climbing?
Gumby: "No, we were painting. All these walls are going to be Blue by the end of May."



Young couple experiencing the Wilderness from their RV: "How do you go to the bathroom up there?"
BWT: *pulls wag bag out of daypack*


wanderlustmd


May 7, 2008, 10:24 AM
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"Are you a climber"
"No, but I start shitty threads on RC.com"


quiteatingmysteak


May 7, 2008, 12:42 PM
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Re: [wanderlustmd] Things to tell tourists on the Zion Shuttle [In reply to]
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wanderlustmd wrote:
"Are you a climber"
"No, but I start shitty threads on RC.com"



Whats a "climber"????


I'm a Sportaineer. Behold, my Jumars and REI receipts!


irregularpanda


May 7, 2008, 12:48 PM
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Re: [quiteatingmysteak] Things to tell tourists on the Zion Shuttle [In reply to]
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quiteatingmysteak wrote:
wanderlustmd wrote:
"Are you a climber"
"No, but I start shitty threads on RC.com"



Whats a "climber"????


I'm a Sportaineer. Behold, my Jumars and REI receipts!

"are you a climber?"
"no, these ropes are used for bondage."


"how do you get the rope up there?"
"well, it's a long story, but it all started when I was bitten by a radioactive spider."



Tourists staring...... waiting to ask question.
dirtbag#1: "I bet you can't fit all your nuts in your mouth."
dirtbag #2: "you're on mother fucker!"


quiteatingmysteak


May 7, 2008, 12:55 PM
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No shit, some older guy looked at my super-meek partner and said, "Are you a retard? They say only retarded people climb."

sigh.

"You're a climber? I climbed a bit out in Wyoming."
"Oh really? Tetons? Devils Tower? Wind River Range?"
"Yeah, Teton. Teton Rock Gym in Jacksonhole."

Tongue


irregularpanda


May 7, 2008, 12:59 PM
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quiteatingmysteak wrote:
No shit, some older guy looked at my super-meek partner and said, "Are you a retard? They say only retarded people climb."

That guy is my new hero. I'm gonna say that to some unknown climber next time I'm drunk.

Here's a good one.
"Don't you get scared of heights?"
"no, the scariest thing is maybe if someone is above you and when they take a shit on you."


moose_droppings


May 7, 2008, 1:24 PM
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Point to a climber on a wall and tell the touron,
"Nobody's gotten him down yet, he was hanging in that same spot last week when we came thru."


dynosore


May 7, 2008, 2:07 PM
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Yeah, how dare someone asks if you went climbing. For all you know, they might be another climber.

Climbing rocks does not make you cool.


deschamps1000


May 7, 2008, 2:21 PM
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dynosore wrote:
Yeah, how dare someone asks if you went climbing. For all you know, they might be another climber.

Climbing rocks does not make you cool.

Speak for yourself.


fiferguy


May 7, 2008, 2:23 PM
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dynosore wrote:
Climbing rocks does not make you cool.

Nuts.. I guess it's back to being an orthodontist...


irregularpanda


May 7, 2008, 2:30 PM
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fiferguy wrote:
dynosore wrote:
Climbing rocks does not make you cool.

Nuts.. I guess it's back to being an orthodontist...

Seriously, it doesn't make you cool. I agree with this.
For a minute, chicks dig it, but then they realize that you're just dirty, lazy, and are having a constant love affair with a rock. Then, the chicks don't dig it. And we all know that the only reason to go climbing is to get chicks, right? Right? Aid climbers, chime in any time.....

innyhoo: I had a tourist ask "what happens when you fall?"
I said "It's a long story, but basically I shit my pants. Have you ever shit your pants?"


quiteatingmysteak


May 7, 2008, 2:38 PM
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dynosore wrote:
Yeah, how dare someone asks if you went climbing. For all you know, they might be another climber.

Climbing rocks does not make you cool.


Seriously.

It used to be, back before I was alive, that misfits and losers were climbers. Thats usually why the elderly have no grasp on why anyone would bother - it was the Aleister Crowleys that scaled the mountainz.

Now, climbing can look cool, but it won't make you cool. Pro blogs, bouldering vid's, sponserships and the xtreme put climbing in a different light, if you're one of the rare who are in the spotlight. For the other 99% of us, it keeps us away from our friends and family, makes our girlfriends hate us, makes our moms worry, dads wish they pushed football a bit harder, it makes us broke, dirty, sunburned, we lose our toes, we live in gross vans and learn how to "go to the bathroom up there."

I still think its fun.


tomcat


May 7, 2008, 3:28 PM
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"How long does it take you?"

"What day is it?"


mtnjohn


May 7, 2008, 3:36 PM
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You climbers are so cool. So much better than everyone else. So much more entitled to enjoy the National Parks. God, if i climbed my shit wouldn't stink either!
GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!!!!! you just climb rocks. big fucking deal!


quiteatingmysteak


May 7, 2008, 5:57 PM
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mtnjohn wrote:
You climbers are so cool. So much better than everyone else. So much more entitled to enjoy the National Parks. God, if i climbed my shit wouldn't stink either!
GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!!!!! you just climb rocks. big fucking deal!


CAPTAIN SAVE A NOOB HERE TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT WHO HAVE NO VOICE! MAY THE HONOR OF THE MASSES BE UPHELD!!

lol. I love this website.


tready


May 9, 2008, 9:59 PM
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moose_droppings wrote:
Point to a climber on a wall and tell the touron,
"Nobody's gotten him down yet, he was hanging in that same spot last week when we came thru."

Haha. That's great. You gotta hang your head and sigh deeply too.


jmvc


May 13, 2008, 9:59 AM
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tomcat wrote:
"How long does it take you?"

"What year is it?"


irregularpanda


May 13, 2008, 10:03 AM
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jmvc wrote:
tomcat wrote:
"How long does it take you?"

"What year is it?"

How do you get the rope up?

I use my rope-gun.


GeneralBenson


May 13, 2008, 1:17 PM
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irregularpanda wrote:
jmvc wrote:
tomcat wrote:
"How long does it take you?"

"What year is it?"

How do you get the rope up?

I use my rope-gun.

Hahahaha. I keep my rope gun slung on my hip and my bolt gun over my shoulder.


Gmburns2000


May 13, 2008, 1:34 PM
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http://gregsclimbingblog.blogspot.com/...-mans-rope-drag.html

Scroll down to the bottom to the conversation between me, my partner, and four women who used the same elevator as we did. The paragraph above sets the scene a bit.


Partner pbcowboy77


May 13, 2008, 3:23 PM
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irregularpanda wrote:
jmvc wrote:
tomcat wrote:
"How long does it take you?"

"What year is it?"

How do you get the rope up?

I use my rope-gun.


Ninja grappling hooks


kevinhansen


May 14, 2008, 8:21 AM
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I'd just gotten off a route and was riding the bus home when a touron said pointing to the empty gear loops on my harness;
"Wow they come with cup holders! Thats a good idea."
I replied;
"Sure is nice when you're dieing for a cold one."


evanwish


Jun 5, 2008, 12:54 AM
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Gmburns2000 wrote:
http://gregsclimbingblog.blogspot.com/...-mans-rope-drag.html

Me: Hey "Tattoo"!
"Tattoo": Yeah?
Me: There's three cams up here. Two of them are not mine. One of them is mine. The one that is mine is placed right above one of the ones that isn't mine.
"Tattoo": OK, so the three cams are yours.
Me: No. Two cams are not mine and one is.
"Tattoo": Right. So, one cam is not yours and the others are.
Me: No. Two cams are not mine. One is mine.
"Tattoo": So two of them are yours.
Me: No, one is mine.
"Tattoo": None are yours.
Me: No. THERE ARE THREE CAMS...
"Tattoo": Right, and two are yours.
Me: NOOOO!
"Tattoo": I was just kidding. I know, all three are yours.
Me (to myself) - well, if you can get all three of those out then God bless you. I'll give you the old ones as your first booty gift.
Me (to "Tattoo"): Only one cam is mine! That's the one connected to the rope and is next to an old cam.
"Tattoo": So you only connected the rope to your cam then?
Me: Correct...NO! I clipped another old cam, but that one is alone!
"Tattoo": OK, so your cam is the one that is alone.
Me: NOOOOOOOO!!! THREE CAMS!! ONE IS MINE! TWO ARE NOT MINE! MINE IS THE ONE WITH THE ROPE AND NEAR ANOTHER CAM THAT IS WITHOUT THE ROPE. THE CAM THAT IS ALONE BUT CLIPPED IS NOT MY CAM.
"Tattoo" (with a shitty grin on his face): So leave all the cam where they are then?
Me: Fuck you, I'm climbing.
"Tattoo" (laughing): Climb on.

haha i know this has no relevance but i got quite a chuckle out of it... lol


evanwish


Jun 5, 2008, 12:57 AM
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Gmburns2000 wrote:
http://gregsclimbingblog.blogspot.com/...-mans-rope-drag.html

Woman #1: I need more wine.
Woman #2: I think there's more upstairs.
Woman #3: We're going back down right?
Woman #4: We're partying 'cause we're in Vegas. Of course we are.
Woman #1: Oh, there's guys on this elevator.
Woman #2: Like, wow! There are.
Woman #3: And they have ropes. Where have you guys been?
Me: Climbing.
Woman #2: So what have you guys been doing today?
Me: Climbing.
Woman #1: They have ropes. (note: not, you have ropes, but they have ropes, as if we are incapable of conversing)
Woman #3: Why do you need ropes.
Me: Clim -
Woman #2: Are you going to rob the place?
Me: No, we've been cli -
Woman #4: I know what they've been doing!!!! (picture her raising her hand and jumping up and down, knowing full well that her jiggling jugs are right in my face)
Me: Climbing. We've been climbing.
Woman #4: They've been rappelling all day.
Woman #1: Rappelling?
Woman #4: They're rappellers.
Me: It's climbi -
Woman #4: They've been rappelling, right? You're rappellers, right?
Elevator: DING!
Me: Excuse me, this is our stop.
Woman #4 (as we exit and the doors shut behind us): They've been rappelling.
Both of us: GROAN

haha this one too..


Gmburns2000


Jun 5, 2008, 6:30 AM
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It was an interesting trip for sureTongue

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