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clee03m
Jun 17, 2008, 6:39 AM
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I work a lot and my free time is divided between climbing and spending time with my husband. That's what happens when you are married to someone who doesn't climb much. So my husband went out of town, and after a full day of climbing I got home and felt a little bit at a loss Saturday night. It was like I knew how to spend free time away from climbing only with my husband. Next day on my way to go climb, one of my climbing partners told me I could have called him because he cooked some curry and watched climbing movies while he house sat, but still. I look around, and since I started climbing, I have not made any close friends who are not also climbing partners.
My fears:
1) Does that make me incredibly narrow?
2) Am I becoming that crazy needy married woman I vowed to never become?
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caliclimbergrl
Jun 17, 2008, 6:57 AM
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Honestly, almost all of my close friends are also climbers. And I don't think I could date or marry anyone who wasn't as into climbing as I am! So if you're narrow, I'm even narrower. I think this is just what happens when you're so passionate about something that you spend all your free time doing it! Actually, it's an extremely rare occasion that you'll find me home at all on a Saturday night! I'm usually camping in Leavenworth, Tieton, Smith, or Squamish! So if I had non-climbing friends, I don't know when I'd have time to hang out with them unless they wanted to come visit me at the crag! LOL
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bizarrodrinker
Jun 17, 2008, 11:48 AM
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Honestly, I don't think you are narrow.It is important to have friends in all walks of life who like hanging out with you for you and what your presence brings to the overall experience.
Fact is climbers are unpredictable and act mainly on impulse (from what i have seen) so they tend to up and move away at a moments notice leaving you stranded until you can find a new partner.
Admittedly right now only two or three of the people that I hang out with regularly are climbers. the rest aren't and yea, it kinda keeps me on a plateau in terms of the grades I climb, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.
That said if one is worried about non-climbers getting in the way of them constantly getting stronger...ya might need to reassess why you are climbing.
Its like my non-climber (biker) friend once said. The crackheads screaming down the highway on their crotchrockets are not real bikers as they are in it for the speed and not for the ride...maybe the same applies for those into climbing for the grade.
Just a thought...I could be wrong.
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happiegrrrl
Jun 17, 2008, 1:43 PM
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There are plenty of things to do on one's own; I ought to know, being a person who needs an amount of solitude. I find being with people 24/7 for long stretches to be to much stimulus; it tires me. That includes people who climb as well as those who don't.
But, if you're not used to enjoying solitary time, it probably seems uncomfortable.
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lhwang
Jun 17, 2008, 3:19 PM
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Clee03m, you've got it all wrong. This is not related to climbing... it's related to being done the boards and actually having free time for the first time in years.
Hence why I bought the Wii...
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caliclimbergrl
Jun 17, 2008, 3:20 PM
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bizarrodrinker wrote: Fact is climbers are unpredictable and act mainly on impulse (from what i have seen) so they tend to up and move away at a moments notice .
I haven't found this to be the case at all. Almost all of my climbing friends have real jobs and many of them have families. You don't have to be a dirtbagger to be a climber! I do have friends like that, but most of my friends are weekend warriors.
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comet
Jun 17, 2008, 4:02 PM
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I don't think that makes you narrow or needy. It does sound like you're not happy with things the way they are, though. So, maybe it's time for a change and to push yourself a bit to meet people you can have fun with outside of climbing or husband time.
I'm pretty shy, but 2 of the easiest ways I've found are 1. ask people at work to get lunch/coffee with you; 2. make friends with your husband's friends or their significant others.
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bizarrodrinker
Jun 17, 2008, 4:20 PM
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caliclimbergrl wrote: bizarrodrinker wrote: Fact is climbers are unpredictable and act mainly on impulse (from what i have seen) so they tend to up and move away at a moments notice . I haven't found this to be the case at all. Almost all of my climbing friends have real jobs and many of them have families. You don't have to be a dirtbagger to be a climber! I do have friends like that, but most of my friends are weekend warriors.
Doesn't mean that real people with real jobs don't decide to up and relocate.
Which is what has happened with the majority of the people I climb with. And will likely be the case with me soon too if I have anything to say about it.
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caliclimbergrl
Jun 17, 2008, 4:25 PM
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bizarrodrinker wrote: caliclimbergrl wrote: bizarrodrinker wrote: Fact is climbers are unpredictable and act mainly on impulse (from what i have seen) so they tend to up and move away at a moments notice . I haven't found this to be the case at all. Almost all of my climbing friends have real jobs and many of them have families. You don't have to be a dirtbagger to be a climber! I do have friends like that, but most of my friends are weekend warriors. Doesn't mean that real people with real jobs don't decide to up and relocate. Which is what has happened with the majority of the people I climb with. And will likely be the case with me soon too if I have anything to say about it.
Well, I guess the Pacific North West is more the place climbers re-locate *to* rather than *from*. Very few of my climbing parters have left and I would be surprised if they did. I could see myself moving to Colorado at some point though.
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clee03m
Jun 17, 2008, 6:13 PM
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lhwang wrote: Clee03m, you've got it all wrong. This is not related to climbing... it's related to being done the boards and actually having free time for the first time in years. Hence why I bought the Wii...
That is amazingly insightful. It feels so weird to 1. have free time and 2. feel weird to not feel guilty about having free time.
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lena_chita
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Jun 17, 2008, 7:30 PM
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Well, you also have to take into account that you moved across country a year ago. It takes time to make friends, and it is harder as we are older, out of college, most of the people we meet already have established circles of friends, and are all to busy to be actively looking to make more friends.
This is not related to climbing, per se, but climbing does exacerbate it b/c as a climber you want to spend every free minute climbing, so you have even less time to meet non-climbers than someone who has no time-consuming hobby.
Still, it took me about 4 years to feel like I have made some friends after we moved to Cleveland-- and that was before I started climbing. Right now all my non-climbing friends are my friends through, or because of the kids--e.i. we have kids roughly the same age.
Which brings up another point-- we usually make friends through shared interests. Rockclimbing is an obvious one-- so of courseyour friends are climbers! Work would be another one. If/when you have kids, other parents with kids of the same age will be another circle you will feel like you "belong to" and make friends with.
If you don't currently identify yourself with any other group, it is not very likely that you will get close friendship with some stranger off the street.
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granite_grrl
Jun 17, 2008, 9:09 PM
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lena_chita wrote: Which brings up another point-- we usually make friends through shared interests. Rockclimbing is an obvious one-- so of courseyour friends are climbers! Work would be another one. If/when you have kids, other parents with kids of the same age will be another circle you will feel like you "belong to" and make friends with.
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bizarrodrinker
Jun 18, 2008, 11:48 AM
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caliclimbergrl wrote: bizarrodrinker wrote: caliclimbergrl wrote: bizarrodrinker wrote: Fact is climbers are unpredictable and act mainly on impulse (from what i have seen) so they tend to up and move away at a moments notice . I haven't found this to be the case at all. Almost all of my climbing friends have real jobs and many of them have families. You don't have to be a dirtbagger to be a climber! I do have friends like that, but most of my friends are weekend warriors. Doesn't mean that real people with real jobs don't decide to up and relocate. Which is what has happened with the majority of the people I climb with. And will likely be the case with me soon too if I have anything to say about it. Well, I guess the Pacific North West is more the place climbers re-locate *to* rather than *from*. Very few of my climbing parters have left and I would be surprised if they did. I could see myself moving to Colorado at some point though.
PA is definitely a place to relocate from.
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lhwang
Jun 18, 2008, 4:31 PM
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Yes, you've managed to sum up exactly what I'm feeling right now too.
It's weird to have nothing looming over my head. I can't speak for you, but for me, for the past 9 years, it's been all about some exam in the not-too-distant future.
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acacongua
Jun 19, 2008, 12:39 PM
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Humans are homogeneous creatures.
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aerili
Jun 23, 2008, 9:55 PM
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I have a lot of non-climbing friends. Many of them were made when I was just starting to climb and did not get out as much, or they also climbed at the time but later fell out of it due to other priorities in their lives (but we remain friends over the years and I see them from time to time).
It is important to me to maintain my non-climbing friendships. I like my life to be a little well rounded. I need people in my life who are open to and available to do something from time to time besides just spending money on gas and dirt bagging every weekend.
Also, it is always in the back of my mind that climbing may not be in my life forever; I may sustain some injury or change in my life that will forever preclude me from climbing. I think about how hard this change could be if I had nothing but a social life based on climbing; your friends are not going to stay home just because you have to. And, just in the last two weeks, a surgeon I had to see for an injury I've been suffering from for a while has told me he feels I will have to quit climbing permanently to have a healed, normal joint in the future. Ironic, I suppose.
I say: it wouldn't hurt you to think about making a friend here and there who doesn't climb and has no connection to your husband. But it's your choice; do whatever makes you happiest and which you feel you have the time for.
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Gmburns2000
Jul 15, 2008, 3:46 PM
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Almost all of my best friends are non-climbers, but since I've become a free man within the past year or so, I've spent the vast majority of my free time climbing. It's odd because I definitely feel as if I'm not seeing my best friends as much (well, because I'm not) as a result. Kind of the reverse of what you're talking about, but the same in many ways.
Despite the fact that I spend nearly all of my free time climbing, and despite the fact that, as a result, I rarely see my non-climbing friends, I can honestly say that I have yet to meet anyone through climbing who has become one of my closest confidants. I think this is because climbing for me is a very individualistic sport, and therefore I don't bond in much the same way as I do with my other friends.
I dunno, but I couldn't live without my non-climbing friends. They are the ones who really ground me. I just don't know how people live in the same realm without ever expanding their social networks / horizons. But I do understand that everyone is a different creature and that social networks are different according to a person's needs. I also find myself just filling spare time, too, and that can be a burden. There's only so much time in the day. I suggest either enjoying your time off while you have it, or start thinking about splitting your time and the possibility of severing ties with people who you normally spend most of your time with. You can't have it all ways, so either enjoy what you have or change it. Kind of a simple solution when you break it down like that.
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