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Defending the defenceless
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Partner philbox
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Nov 10, 2008, 8:33 PM
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Defending the defenceless
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So last weekend I was out climbing with a group of friends. One of the lads, let's call him Max seriously wanted to show his mum in particular how he was now able to lead. He had learnt to lead only this weekend gone.

I found myself chatting to mum and dad whilst he waltzed up an easy but reasonably steep climb. Mum had been complaining about some health problems whereby she was not able to look up directly without suffering vertigo. She went off to one side and layed down on the ground and made herself comfortable. Now being the very chatty and amiable person she was I asked her about her vertigo and the health issues surrounding that.

Out came a tale of woe that had me hanging my head in shame for all the men folk around her who failed to stop what had happened to her.

She came from an extremely abusive family. Her father used to bash her senseless. Her brother to avoid also getting beaten up used to drag her back home to receive some of these beatings.

What had me hanging my head in shame was when I asked her this, "Where were all the men when this was happening". She answered that they used to run away because they were all scared of her father.

Her father used to get into rages and lash out at his kids and no man stood up to him and put him in his place. Men saw what was happening but chose not to do anything about it. An innocent girl was bashed senseless and permanent damage was caused to this person and no man had the guts to defend her.

Those men are less than worms to me. I am sure that I could not stand idly by if this were happening to someone in my presence. I would at least call the cops. No way should anyone have to suffer what this lady had done without someone coming to her defence. Yes, if it is done in private then hard to come to her aid. But for men to see what was going on and do nothing, I am incredulous.

I didn't ask after her mother so I can't speak to that situation, what I was very interested in was the apparent cowardice of the men that witnessed the actions of the father and then did nothing. Evil.

She was knocked unconscious in front of her eldest son when she was 34. That was the last time she had had anything to do with her father. Why was nothing done to bring this wretch to justice, I am flabbergasted. She used to fight back but that only made it worse for her.

Just a rant against men in general who are spineless when confronted with a situation that calls for action.

I was bullied mercilessly at every new school I went to and I went to a lot of new schools when growing up so I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of beatings. I vowed and declared that I would never tolerate bullies after I left school. It just burns me to the core when I see or hear about bullies. But for a father to be bashing his kids to a pulp, true evil and that person will burn in hell for betraying the trust of those he is meant to love and nurture.

I was heartened though in this amazing womans seemingly well adjusted peronae. She had a great son and a supportive husband who does everything with her. Glad to see that there are only physical scars evident, no doubt there is some psychological damage. The woman appears to be strong though which means that she had obviously not had her spirit broken so much that she could not survive and prosper.

So our lot in life may seem to be hard at times but there are those who through the circumstance of life they are born in have it a lot worse than ourselves.

Sorry for the long rant, I hope you stuck with it till the end.


Partner macherry


Nov 10, 2008, 9:24 PM
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Re: [philbox] Defending the defenceless [In reply to]
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I read it^^^^^^

a very courageous woman Phil

that kind of abuse is cowardly and shameful

the more we talk about abuse and abusers the less power these asswipes can hold over women


Partner happiegrrrl


Nov 10, 2008, 9:29 PM
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Re: [philbox] Defending the defenceless [In reply to]
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It is a sad story and, unfortunately not all that rare of one. Kids, both boys and girls, die at the violent hands of their parents every day.

It's not all that hard to understand why her siblings couldn't help her. The emotional authority a parent has is powerful, and can be so for the life of the relationship.

Sounds like she did take a step to protect herself when she was an adult, at 34, by cutting the ties. That's a strong move and probably excruciatingly difficult, especially if 'the family' sees her as doing harm by abandoning the group.


Gmburns2000


Nov 11, 2008, 7:00 AM
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Re: [philbox] Defending the defenceless [In reply to]
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shameful


lena_chita
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Nov 11, 2008, 7:41 AM
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Re: [philbox] Defending the defenceless [In reply to]
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It is a sad story, and unfortunately more common than we would like to believe.

Very often it is hidden from the "outsiders", and the raging guy can appear quite normal, friendly and nice in between these episodes. This could be part of the reason why no one steps up to protect them.

I know several women who have suffered through similar nightmares, either at the hands of their fathers, or husbands. And in all cases, it was incredilbly hard for the victim to cut ties and get out -- and even harder to come to the place in her mind where she would feel safe enough to talk about it to anyone. And almost always by then it is too late to do anything about it-- there is no "evidence"-- it is all he said/she said about the past. And there are plenty of people willing to testify that the abuser is a friendly co-worker, nice guy, and so on-- b/c he really DOES look like that to most outsiders.


fenix83
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Nov 12, 2008, 5:02 PM
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Re: [philbox] Defending the defenceless [In reply to]
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philbox wrote:
I was bullied mercilessly at every new school I went to and I went to a lot of new schools when growing up so I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of beatings. I vowed and declared that I would never tolerate bullies after I left school. It just burns me to the core when I see or hear about bullies. But for a father to be bashing his kids to a pulp, true evil and that person will burn in hell for betraying the trust of those he is meant to love and nurture..

That is my case as well, except that I never changed schools. Bullies get no mercy from me and, child and women beaters are the very bottom of the barrel as far as I am concerned.

-F


acacongua


Nov 13, 2008, 9:24 AM
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Re: [philbox] Defending the defenceless [In reply to]
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You have to keep in mind that those men (her brothers) were also boys. They came to this world with mostly a clean behavioral palette (as we all do) and learned from their parents. They also learned to fear their father. They've never been taught healthy relating - only to cower when tension and the potential for abuse is high.

It's sad the skewed perspective that these men and especially the father have on women. Sadly, it's a cycle that probably began generations ago.

It's a world of lots of hurting.


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