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Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version
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coolcat83


Aug 11, 2009, 8:43 PM
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Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version
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Now this situation is a bit contrived because in my experience trad partners are a close bunch and tend not to just pick up and climb with anyone that walks by but in the interest of fairness I bring you this:

You are meeting your regular partner at the local trad crag when he calls and tells you he will be delayed in traffic but to go ahead and get racked up, you think this is unusual but you go ahead anyway and start to get the gear out of your bag and rack up, you planned to climb on his lead rope. As you get set at the base of your target another climber who's partner is also in the same traffic jamb says hello and engages you in some small talk, then offering to follow you on the first pitch of your climb. Before taking a potential pitch onto your gear at the hands of this unknown belayer, or perhaps worse having the n00b cement your gear trying to clean it you need the:

Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version

Risk factor 1: Helmet
No helmet +50
Climber has a helmet at the crag: -25 points
Climber is wearing a helmet belaying: -20 points
Climber wore a helmet on the approach: +15 points (-15 for 4th+ class and/or alpine approaches)
Climber got out of car wearing helmet: +50 points

Risk factor 2: Climbing shoes
Climber's shoes are made from natural leather: -10 points
Shoes are made of synthetic material that need to be removed like the plague at every belay and smell like death: +30 points
Lace up: -10 points
Aggressively down turned toe: +10 points

Risk factor 3: Harness
Any harness having less than 4 gear loops: +5 points
non-full strength haul loop: +5 points
No evidence of chimney grovelling scrapes or dirt/mud stains: +5 points

Risk factor 4: Belay device(s)
Give the climber 10^n points, where n is the number of belay devices on the climber's harness in excess of one. (you should know the munter)
In addition:
Has a grigri hanging from harness: +20 points
Has a device whose brand name is "ATC" followed by something: -5 points
+150 points for ATC sport

Risk factor 5: Rack
Climber has a good selection of pieces somewhat tailored to the area: -20 points
Climber has more hardware than home depot (and it's not for aid): +40 points, -10 points if it's discovered climber is gear addict when discussing the pros and cons of stacking nuts, in opposed horizontal placements, while run out.
Climber has set of 10 sport draws on him: +30 points

Risk factor 6: Unnecessary(?)/necessary equipment
-2 points for each locker that serves an obvious purpose on harness
-10 points for each rap ring on the climber's harness
Prussic cord on harness: -5 points
No tape when asked: +30points (if you hand jamb without tape ignore)
-10 for duct tape nalgene holder
+5 for every sport draw (unless it looks like it's been run over several times, then -5)
+ 20 for matching draws.
+ 10 for matching cams. +100 if they're shiny.
- 10^n for each item with a chouinard logo on it

Risk factor 7: Topo
+20 for crisp recently published guidebook
- 5 for topos on copy paper
- 10 for guide held together with duct tape
- 30 if their guide is older than you are

Risk factor 8: Clothing
10^n where n = the number of items bearing a Prana logo
+ 10 for jeans
- 10 for carhardts. An additional -5 for each hole.
+5 for crocs

100 or more: Run away.
50–99 points: High n00b probability. Climb with at your own risk.
25–49 points: Possibly a n00b or a visiting trad climber.
0–24 points: Probably a top roper or sport climber.
Less than 0: The climber probably knows more about climbing than you do.

My apologies for any offense I may have caused jt512 while stealing composing this post.

Edited for editing

thanks to knieveltech for the additions.


(This post was edited by coolcat83 on Aug 12, 2009, 6:32 AM)


knieveltech


Aug 11, 2009, 9:20 PM
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Cheap imitation. If I can score a -96 on this something's off.

Some things you might want to add:

Gear
+2 points for every oval biner
+10 for sewn nalgene bracelets
-10 for duct tape nalgene bracelets
+5 for every sport draw (unless it looks like it's been run over several times, then -5)
+ 20 for matching draws.
+ 10 for matching cams. +100 if they're shiny.
- 10^n for each item with a chouinard logo on it

Topo
+20 for crisp recently published guidebook
- 5 for topos on copy paper
- 10 for guide held together with duct tape
- 30 if their guide is older than you are

Clothing
10^n where n = the number of items bearing a Prana logo
+ 10 for jeans
- 10 for carhardts. An additional -5 for each hole.
+5 for crocs


coolcat83


Aug 11, 2009, 9:23 PM
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Re: [knieveltech] Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version [In reply to]
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knieveltech wrote:
Cheap imitation. If I can score a -96 on this something's off.

Some things you might want to add:

Gear
+2 points for every oval biner
+10 for sewn nalgene bracelets
-10 for duct tape nalgene bracelets
+5 for every sport draw (unless it looks like it's been run over several times, then -5)
+ 20 for matching draws.
+ 10 for matching cams. +100 if they're shiny.
- 10^n for each item with a chouinard logo on it

Topo
+20 for crisp recently published guidebook
- 5 for topos on copy paper
- 10 for guide held together with duct tape
- 30 if their guide is older than you are

Clothing
10^n where n = the number of items bearing a Prana logo
+ 10 for jeans
- 10 for carhardts. An additional -5 for each hole.
+5 for crocs

I didn't claim originalityWink but I like your suggestions. Added


knieveltech


Aug 11, 2009, 9:35 PM
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Better. That takes my score up to +40.


coolcat83


Aug 11, 2009, 9:39 PM
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Re: [knieveltech] Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version [In reply to]
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knieveltech wrote:
Better. That takes my score up to +40.

n00bTongue


knieveltech


Aug 11, 2009, 9:44 PM
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Re: [coolcat83] Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version [In reply to]
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coolcat83 wrote:
knieveltech wrote:
Better. That takes my score up to +40.

n00bTongue

Shouldn't you be off filing down tricams or something?


coolcat83


Aug 11, 2009, 9:50 PM
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Re: [knieveltech] Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version [In reply to]
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knieveltech wrote:
coolcat83 wrote:
knieveltech wrote:
Better. That takes my score up to +40.

n00bTongue

Shouldn't you be off filing down tricams or something?

Nah the weather here sucks and I'm looking for a job, so what other productive way can I spend my time than RC.com? Tricams now come in smaller sizes so no filing needed...not that I own any of those fancy tricams...plus they get filed down eventually since they sometimes are subject to enthusiastic cleaning by followers.


(This post was edited by coolcat83 on Aug 11, 2009, 9:51 PM)


jt512


Aug 11, 2009, 9:56 PM
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Re: [coolcat83] Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version [In reply to]
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coolcat83 wrote:

Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version

Well, if this isn't the mother of all derivative threads.

In reply to:
Risk factor 1: Helmet
No helmet +100

You have the sign wrong there, Dude, and have thereby outed yourself as a n00b. Helmets for routine trad climbing is totally n00b. Look back at old pics of Yosemite hardmen from the day. Good luck finding a helmet.

In reply to:
Risk factor 3: Harness
Any harness having less than 4 gear loops: +5 points
non-full strength haul loop: +5 points
No evidence of chimney grovelling scrapes or dirt/mud stains: +5 points

Pfft.
Harness has detachable leg loops: -50
Climber uses no leg loops at all: -100

In reply to:
Risk factor 4: Belay device(s)
More major omissions, your n00bness:
Climber has a Stich plate: -50
Climber doesn't use a belay device: -100

In reply to:
Risk factor 6: Unnecessary(?)/necessary equipment
No tape when asked: +30points

Yet another reversed sign.

In reply to:
+2 points for every oval biner

And another!

And what about:

Rigid stem friends: -25 (like duh!)
High-top "boots": -15
Socks: -10
Psychedelically colored gear: -20

Jay


(This post was edited by jt512 on Aug 11, 2009, 10:36 PM)


salamanizer


Aug 11, 2009, 10:27 PM
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I have to completely agree with jt512 here.

No helmet +100...?
-10 pts for having a rappel ring?
-5 for having a prussik?
+30 for not having tape???

WTF...

Do you seriously carry rap rings and prussiks with you while climbing. Whats wrong with using a biner and a sling?
...and taped hands is a sure sign of a gumbie.

It's obvious you dont know WTF your talking about,
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n00b!


rschap


Aug 11, 2009, 11:46 PM
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Re: [salamanizer] Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version [In reply to]
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salamanizer wrote:
I have to completely agree with jt512 here.

No helmet +100...?
-10 pts for having a rappel ring?
-5 for having a prussik?
+30 for not having tape???

WTF...

Do you seriously carry rap rings and prussiks with you while climbing. Whats wrong with using a biner and a sling?
...and taped hands is a sure sign of a gumbie.

It's obvious you dont know WTF your talking about,



I would have agreed with you on the tape until I moved to Colorado. I climbed J-tree, Tahquitz, Yosemite, High Sierra, etc and never taped up. Once I started climbing sandstone I had to start taping because it eats though my skin, if I don’t tape the back of my hand gets sanded off. I still won’t tape on granite.

Also on a multi pitch rap are you really going to leave biners behind instead of rap rings? Good for the next party that comes along I guess. And if you don’t carry prussic you’re either bad ass and never fail or you’re a pussy and never push your limits.


To the original poster:
What do you have against ovals? I have a ton of ovals and use them all the time.


ladyscarlett


Aug 12, 2009, 1:02 AM
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I was trying to take this just to see how accurate it is. Since I am confident in my n00b status, I better come up as a n00b!

However I couldn't finish the test cause I don't know what these 'bracelet' things are...

coolcat83 wrote:

+10 for sewn nalgene bracelets
-10 for duct tape nalgene bracelets

Yeah, it's n00b question and I'm asking it...

cheers!

ls


climbsomething


Aug 12, 2009, 1:34 AM
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jt512 wrote:
coolcat83 wrote:

Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version

Well, if this isn't the mother of all derivative threads.

In reply to:
Risk factor 1: Helmet
No helmet +100

You have the sign wrong there, Dude, and have thereby outed yourself as a n00b. Helmets for routine trad climbing is totally n00b. Look back at old pics of Yosemite hardmen from the day. Good luck finding a helmet.

In reply to:
Risk factor 3: Harness
Any harness having less than 4 gear loops: +5 points
non-full strength haul loop: +5 points
No evidence of chimney grovelling scrapes or dirt/mud stains: +5 points

Pfft.
Harness has detachable leg loops: -50
Climber uses no leg loops at all: -100

In reply to:
Risk factor 4: Belay device(s)
More major omissions, your n00bness:
Climber has a Stich plate: -50
Climber doesn't use a belay device: -100

In reply to:
Risk factor 6: Unnecessary(?)/necessary equipment
No tape when asked: +30points

Yet another reversed sign.

In reply to:
+2 points for every oval biner

And another!

And what about:

Rigid stem friends: -25 (like duh!)
High-top "boots": -15
Socks: -10
Psychedelically colored gear: -20

Jay
I'm pretty sure you just caused a little flutter in Curt's hasbeen traddy no-no parts.


bill413


Aug 12, 2009, 6:15 AM
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Re: [ladyscarlett] Screening test for n00bs - Trad Version [In reply to]
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ladyscarlett wrote:
I was trying to take this just to see how accurate it is. Since I am confident in my n00b status, I better come up as a n00b!

However I couldn't finish the test cause I don't know what these 'bracelet' things are...

coolcat83 wrote:

+10 for sewn nalgene bracelets
-10 for duct tape nalgene bracelets

Yeah, it's n00b question and I'm asking it...

cheers!

ls

I think, from the context, that he means those wet-suit material carriers for Nalgene bottles.

(n00b)


gmggg


Aug 12, 2009, 6:28 AM
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bill413 wrote:
ladyscarlett wrote:
I was trying to take this just to see how accurate it is. Since I am confident in my n00b status, I better come up as a n00b!

However I couldn't finish the test cause I don't know what these 'bracelet' things are...

coolcat83 wrote:

+10 for sewn nalgene bracelets
-10 for duct tape nalgene bracelets

Yeah, it's n00b question and I'm asking it...

cheers!

ls

I think, from the context, that he means those wet-suit material carriers for Nalgene bottles.

(n00b)

Ahh...

I thought it was a keeper for slinging the bottle up.

How would camel backs count? +10
(unless your free soloing)


coolcat83


Aug 12, 2009, 6:30 AM
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meh, should have screened knieveltech's additions a bit more, and I don't know a lot of modern trad climbers that still use a stich plate regularly. ovals are fine.


dingus


Aug 12, 2009, 6:39 AM
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JTs was funny with a sting of truth to it. You lost me with the helmet bit... your test itself comes across as noobish and that helmet bit really illustrates it.,

STFU noob.

(no helmet - +50, sheesh!)

DMT


coolcat83


Aug 12, 2009, 6:56 AM
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dingus wrote:
JTs was funny with a sting of truth to it. You lost me with the helmet bit... your test itself comes across as noobish and that helmet bit really illustrates it.,

STFU noob.

(no helmet - +50, sheesh!)

DMT

my test was shamelessly ripped from Jt's and i admit not as well thought out. As for a helmet, imo it's something you should have, I've seen quite a few head injuries at the crag that could have been avoided or reduced with a helmet. In addition to that professionally I have worked with many patients that have had traumatic brain injuries and that's not something I'm willing to risk to save a little weight or look like a veteran climber. I'd rather get to the point of being a veteran climber mentally intact.


jt512


Aug 12, 2009, 6:59 AM
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coolcat83 wrote:
my test was shamelessly ripped from Jt's and i admit not as well thought out. As for a helmet, imo it's something you should have...

If you think that the "test" is supposed to be about what the equipment that you think the climber should have, then you missed the point entirely.

Jay


gmggg


Aug 12, 2009, 7:05 AM
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jt512 wrote:
coolcat83 wrote:
my test was shamelessly ripped from Jt's and i admit not as well thought out. As for a helmet, imo it's something you should have...

If you think that the "test" is supposed to be about what the equipment that you think the climber should have, then you missed the point entirely.

Jay

There seems to be a lot of that going around in various threads.


jt512


Aug 12, 2009, 7:06 AM
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gmggg wrote:
jt512 wrote:
coolcat83 wrote:
my test was shamelessly ripped from Jt's and i admit not as well thought out. As for a helmet, imo it's something you should have...

If you think that the "test" is supposed to be about what the equipment that you think the climber should have, then you missed the point entirely.

Jay

There seems to be a lot of that going around in various threads.

Yep.

Jay


dingus


Aug 12, 2009, 7:13 AM
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coolcat83 wrote:
As for a helmet, imo it's something you should have,

So?

In reply to:
that's not something I'm willing to risk to save a little weight or look like a veteran climber.

I rest my case.

In reply to:
I'd rather get to the point of being a veteran climber mentally intact.

Irrelevant.

DMT


gmggg


Aug 12, 2009, 7:44 AM
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dingus wrote:
In reply to:
I'd rather get to the point of being a veteran climber mentally intact.

Irrelevant.

DMT

Judging by the people I've met it might be mutually exclusive as well as irrelevant.


dan2see


Aug 12, 2009, 8:23 AM
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OK coolcat, you got me! Even though "trad" can't really be scored (which makes us all noob) I graded myself to confirm that I am indeed a trad noob.

So my trad score is 70 points, definitely noob (which I know is correct).

But once again, my Chouinard biners save my butt:
6 Chouinard biners, - 10^6 = a lot.
Ha! my trad pro score beats everybody.

Even better: This afternoon I'm trying out my new Acopa low-riders -- trad pro for sure!


squishy654


Aug 12, 2009, 9:07 AM
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I still think this should be added...

Curry Village butter knife with keeper hole: -30

Any Fish products: -10


caughtinside


Aug 12, 2009, 9:13 AM
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dude you bombed this one big time. Helments? Tape? Ovals?

have you ever even seen a guy who's been climbing trad for more than 2 years? I'll give you a hint: He's the guy rummaging through your pack, smoking your weed, and pissing on it.

Oh you noobs!

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