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sprayhawk
Oct 25, 2009, 8:35 AM
Post #1 of 17
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Registered: Sep 11, 2009
Posts: 7
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I cut my last class and book it home. Marketing? Nay! I’m going to the Creek, bitches.
And so I speed walk home like a fat suburban mom and start sorting gear. Lovely, heavy, clinky gear. I run the sixty meters of rope through my hands and feel like I am fondling a long lost lover. Sweet Mammut, oh Ropey, I love you tip to tip.
But where’s Noah? Shit. I call him, pacing back and forth in my room insanely. My roommates look worried. The phone is ringing. Fuck! We’ve got a fourteen-hour drive. He answers. He’s on his way, he says. Just got a Desert guidebook and some tape, he says.
I go back to sorting my gear. I realize it’s all sorted and has been sorted for two days. I throw some clothes and a toothbrush in another bag as an afterthought. I sit in my room like a prisoner awaiting parole, just staring at the wall. I start squeezing my thumb down, then release, then squeeze down again. Air hand jams. My roommates appear at the doorway and stare at me. I don’t notice them. I’m fucking sending.
The doorbell rings. Whoo!
Noah is here. He’s like Santa Claus in his sleigh, but driving a Corolla with a haul bag stuffed full of cams. I toss my gear in the surprisingly large trunk and we tear out of town as fast as a moderately priced Japanese four-door sedan will allow.
The road is hard. Not really. It’s just long. And straight. Lawrence, Kansas to Moab, Utah is one million miles as the crow flies. This takes fourteen hours in a modern automobile. Around hour three we stop in Nowhere, Kansas and buy groceries. Sour Patch Kids, Doritos, Peanut Butter, Raman, and Cheese. Food pyramids are for clowns. We hit the road again. Some time later we are careening through Vail Pass, holding our breath through the Eisenhower Tunnel, freaking out listening to heavy bass Euro techno. I’m putting out the vibes and doing air hand jams to the beat. Noah is driving like an old person who’s snorted Valium and Cocaine. He’s doing one hundred thanks to gravity and the centerline is a long forgotten suggestion. I cinch my seatbelt and grit my teeth. The smell of brakes is intoxicating. But we live. I take over in Grand Junk, Colorado, gripping the reins of the beastly Corolla. The darkness is dense in the desert, but the stars twinkle and laugh at us because they don’t ever have to sleep. It’s five in the morning. We get to Moab and I send a text message to my jerk friend who’s climbing in Arkansas. “I’m in Moab. Suck it,” I say. I’m a poet. Really. And then we push on for the last hour and a half to Indian Creek. We drive up and down umpteen gravel roads, cursing at closed campsites, shouting nonsense at nobody, until we finally settle on a spot at some turnout and recline our chairs, falling asleep before we can speak a word or crack a smile.
TWO HOURS ELAPSE
The sun booms in my face and I sit upright, unready to deal. We get out of the car and I stumble around like a pantyless girl still metabolizing last night’s Rufilin.
The desert is dry. The desert is warm. The desert is beautiful.
A blue canopy bowl lords over our heads as we lurch up the crumbling sandstone hill. Up and up to the Wingate cliffs! Up and up!
We tape our hands and shove in cams and jam and jam and hit the chains a few times.
Then we cut loose and find a tower.
The easy muddy little fucker goes down without a word. We get on top and drink beers. The tourists clap. The sun sets.
We down climb a little leery but all right nothing to worry about. My bones are drying up, I’m thinking. But I’m all right nothing to worry about.
We speed off in the silver sleigh and into the blackness of the night. We find a campsite and boil up chemical pasta under the Titan’s gaze.
I lie on my back and watch another arm of the Milky Way. It’s too far away to imagine, just peeling off into limitless space like the tentacle of some octopus god.
A few flaming rocks whip overhead at mach ten.
The desert is infinite.
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sungam
Oct 25, 2009, 10:59 AM
Post #2 of 17
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Registered: Jun 24, 2004
Posts: 26804
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Fuck yeah.
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ncrockclimber
Oct 25, 2009, 3:06 PM
Post #3 of 17
(7801 views)
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Registered: Apr 6, 2006
Posts: 286
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wilcox510
Oct 25, 2009, 3:21 PM
Post #4 of 17
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Registered: Mar 17, 2004
Posts: 106
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Interesting rape analogy. Very classy.
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altelis
Oct 25, 2009, 4:36 PM
Post #5 of 17
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Registered: Nov 10, 2004
Posts: 2168
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i dug it man- cheers.
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marc801
Oct 25, 2009, 5:08 PM
Post #6 of 17
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Registered: Aug 1, 2005
Posts: 2806
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Compared to the unmitigated crap of "The Brotherhood of the Rope", this is stellar.
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darkgift06
Oct 26, 2009, 5:49 PM
Post #8 of 17
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Registered: Mar 16, 2009
Posts: 492
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what a nice read! 
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boymeetsrock
Oct 26, 2009, 9:59 PM
Post #9 of 17
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Registered: Feb 11, 2005
Posts: 1709
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I liked it!
Tell us about the climbing? Or is this a sort of Tarantino type thing?
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markguycan
Oct 26, 2009, 10:07 PM
Post #10 of 17
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Registered: Sep 26, 2003
Posts: 136
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very entertaining, thanks!
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cracklover
Dec 2, 2009, 10:14 PM
Post #11 of 17
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Registered: Nov 14, 2002
Posts: 10162
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Just found this. Very nice, thanks!
GO
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andygravity
Dec 7, 2009, 7:59 PM
Post #12 of 17
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Registered: Oct 31, 2006
Posts: 24
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Nice TR!
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LoneWolf1986
Dec 15, 2009, 5:41 PM
Post #13 of 17
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Registered: Dec 1, 2009
Posts: 41
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Nicely done.
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brownie710
Jan 19, 2010, 8:21 PM
Post #14 of 17
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Registered: Aug 25, 2007
Posts: 531
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that rivals articles i have read in some mags, thanks
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durangoclimber
Jan 19, 2010, 9:05 PM
Post #15 of 17
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Registered: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 179
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Pure awesomeness. Thanks man. I think I cried a bit and my hands were sweating.."air jams!" I love it.
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tradrenn
Jan 20, 2010, 3:20 AM
Post #16 of 17
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Registered: Jan 16, 2005
Posts: 2990
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I hate you so much right now, you have no idea.
I have to wait till October till I go to IC again. (21 hours drive for me)
Asshole
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cologman
Jan 20, 2010, 3:52 AM
Post #17 of 17
(6611 views)
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Registered: Sep 29, 2002
Posts: 581
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Interesting read, but I'm an old f*ck so what can I say. I gather the climbing was stellar.
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