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Kartessa
Oct 5, 2010, 2:54 PM
Post #51 of 60
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klopik wrote: Do you take your child on the backpacking trips with your girlfriends? Thats the big issue - you really do need two people to take care of a baby on the trip, and I would feel bad using one of my girlfriends every time, thats why until my son is at least a preschooler, I cannot imagine going on a trip with him but without my husband. And I don't want to leave my baby behind.
Single mom here too, and the little guy is already 2. I've managed to take him out for a lot of day-hikes, a couple of overnights with and without support and so far so good.
The key is supportive friends. When I go out with friends, it is understood well in advance that we will have all the fun we can, but the little man is numero uno. Yes there are times when I'll tell the boys to go for their hike, I'll have to hang out at the camp through nap time. Sometimes someone else wants to chill, catch frogs and pick leaves while I get a little time to stretch out and wander.
Going just the two of us is something that has just emerged as a possibility this year, we take it really slow, 2-3km (1-2mi) per day tops, leave lots of time for curiosity and the occasional temper tantrum. I'll pack ultra-light (30lbs tops for the 2 of us), and encourage him to walk as much as possible.
Really, its a case of setting reasonable expectations. The game has changed and you really ought to sit down with your husband and discuss what you want to get out of a trip out and what he does, maybe you can find a compromise. There's no need to lock yourself up in the city for the next 3 years because of one bad trip out.
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giggly
Oct 8, 2010, 6:02 AM
Post #52 of 60
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I love Kartessa
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Toast_in_the_Machine
Oct 8, 2010, 1:52 PM
Post #53 of 60
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Your husband should have carried everything but your water. His job is to be the pack mule for the team.
It is simple, you can not delegate baby food production. As a result, the rest of the team (you + your husband, your friends would only be optional help) needs to step up to take other roles to help you. In this, as in other family activities, that means he need to carry the gear and the kid.
Once the kid is done nursing, he will still be carrying more gear and the kid. To get the family "there" together, he needs to carry more weight. If he can't hack carrying it all, then the team needs to choose different destinations.
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lena_chita
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Oct 8, 2010, 3:41 PM
Post #54 of 60
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Registered: Jun 27, 2006
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Toast_in_the_Machine wrote: Your husband should have carried everything but your water. His job is to be the pack mule for the team. It is simple, you can not delegate baby food production. As a result, the rest of the team (you + your husband, your friends would only be optional help) needs to step up to take other roles to help you. In this, as in other family activities, that means he need to carry the gear and the kid. Once the kid is done nursing, he will still be carrying more gear and the kid. To get the family "there" together, he needs to carry more weight. If he can't hack carrying it all, then the team needs to choose different destinations.
I don't think there is an absolute rule on who needs to carry what. And it didn't sound like her husband was carrying LESS than she was. It sounded like he was carrying all the overnight camping gear and food for all 3 of them, and I am pretty sure it came up to more than 40 pounds.
There is just too much stuff to take on an overnight trip with a child. There is no way around it, EVERYONE's packs are going to be heavy, but as long as the weight is divided in such a way that everyone is able to hike at approximately the same pace-- it is a success.
When my daughter was little (under 3.5yo) I usually was the one carrying her in a backpack, and the accompanying kid stuff. But my husband was easily carrying ~20-30 pounds more than I did because he was carrying all the gear.
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klopik
Oct 8, 2010, 4:01 PM
Post #55 of 60
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He was carrying a lot more then I was, he had everything except for kid + diapers/kid clothes + my water + my clothes. And for a brief time he was carrying the kid as well, when he didn't want to go into the backpack, he carried him in a front carrier for a couple of hours (I carried more stuff then of course.)
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Toast_in_the_Machine
Oct 8, 2010, 4:04 PM
Post #56 of 60
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lena_chita wrote: Toast_in_the_Machine wrote: Your husband should have carried everything but your water. His job is to be the pack mule for the team. It is simple, you can not delegate baby food production. As a result, the rest of the team (you + your husband, your friends would only be optional help) needs to step up to take other roles to help you. In this, as in other family activities, that means he need to carry the gear and the kid. Once the kid is done nursing, he will still be carrying more gear and the kid. To get the family "there" together, he needs to carry more weight. If he can't hack carrying it all, then the team needs to choose different destinations. I don't think there is an absolute rule on who needs to carry what. And it didn't sound like her husband was carrying LESS than she was. It sounded like he was carrying all the overnight camping gear and food for all 3 of them, and I am pretty sure it came up to more than 40 pounds. There is just too much stuff to take on an overnight trip with a child. There is no way around it, EVERYONE's packs are going to be heavy, but as long as the weight is divided in such a way that everyone is able to hike at approximately the same pace-- it is a success. When my daughter was little (under 3.5yo) I usually was the one carrying her in a backpack, and the accompanying kid stuff. But my husband was easily carrying ~20-30 pounds more than I did because he was carrying all the gear.
I didn't mean to imply that the husband was carying less than her, and I did assume in my head that he had all of the gear. Saying that everyone getting there together is spot on. I also knew that there was a risk of general gender bias, but I went with the post.
Still, the story indicates that the weight was not distibuted in such a way that everyone could do the hike. And for want of a phrase, he should have "manned up" and carried more from the beginning.
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Toast_in_the_Machine
Oct 8, 2010, 4:19 PM
Post #57 of 60
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klopik wrote: He was carrying a lot more then I was, he had everything except for kid + diapers/kid clothes + my water + my clothes. And for a brief time he was carrying the kid as well, when he didn't want to go into the backpack, he carried him in a front carrier for a couple of hours (I carried more stuff then of course.)
The other reason he needs to carry even more is that when you reach your destination someone needs to be keeping an eye on the wee one. My kids got out of the backpack and wanted to go-go-go. That ment one of us needed to be fresher than they would otherwise be from hiking, which led to more weight for the person doing the pack mule role.
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dingus
Oct 16, 2010, 12:05 PM
Post #58 of 60
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I don't think it was all that unsafe.
A total dick move on their parts, but not unsafe.
They did abandon you however.
DMT
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styndall
Oct 18, 2010, 4:23 PM
Post #59 of 60
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Registered: May 29, 2002
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dingus wrote: I don't think it was all that unsafe. A total dick move on their parts, but not unsafe. They did abandon you however. DMT
Agreed here.
There's been a lot of focus on your husband, but what's the deal with your two other friends? If a good friend of mine had just had a baby, was a little shaky on the activity, and wanted some company while others went for a peak, there's no way in hell I'd leave her alone. Friends are supposed to look out for you. The peak's not going anywhere.
It sounds like your whole backpacking party is made up of evil caricature personal trainers.
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iknowfear
Oct 26, 2010, 10:12 AM
Post #60 of 60
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Registered: Sep 8, 2004
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I'll chime in (as male without kids):
1. 5 P: Proper Planing Prevents poor Performance:
The Alta Peak should have been scrached off your list after you said you did not want to go. (Assuming you said it with enough emphasis)
2. You Plan the trip for the weakest Member of the Party, not by majority rule.
3. You do not leave anyone alone against their will, without a VERY Good Reason (running for help etc).
All in all, for me this reads like a failure of planning, managing expectations, and REALLY weird group dynamics.
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