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Trailmix
Dec 16, 2010, 7:52 PM
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Registered: Nov 23, 2010
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Hi again all,
Since everyone gave me such great advice last time I posted, something else has been bugging me for some time now.
During the summer, my bf and I would bring people sport climbing with us sometimes (he has a big van) and we fit about 10 people total. Most of the time the group included 6 girls and 4 boys. Some girls just started, but most of them were pretty good. I started noticing early on that these girls were down right vicious, but in a not very obvious way.
The girls would constantly flirt with the guys, and try to show off to them while their gf's were there, with us in the group! Touching them constantly, giggling at not-so-funny things he says, and of course the gf would notice! (BTW, this not only happened to the other girls but with me also, several times)
Then if one of the girls couldn't finish a route, immediately another girl would try it, flash it and explain to everyone how it wasn't really that hard and would bring it up for the rest of the day how great she did on that route earlier, you know the one X fell on and couldnt finish.
When one of the new girl climbers needed help tying her knot or putting on her harness or even just help on a route and if I tried to help her (or another girl), she'd brush off the advice, or look really uninterested. But moments later, the same girl would ask one of the guys the same thing and he'd give the same advise as I did and she'd listen to him!
We only had a big group like this a few times, because after a while I told my bf it's miserable with all this competitiveness, it made me feel pretty uncomfortable. How can I enjoy climbing if all the girls are busy proving to everyone how much better they are from the other girls. We've had different girls come with us almost everytime, and this would happen every single time. Can't we just get all get along, find boys that are single, and enjoy nature and most importantly the climb?
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erisspirit
Dec 16, 2010, 7:57 PM
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In my experience, the women I have climbed with that express the traits you describe were very insecure. It was almost like a coping mechanism to make themselves feel better about the situation.
Not all Women are like this. I climb with some amazing women who are always kind, supportive, and fun. The more you climb, the more people you will meet, and you will begin to find partners that fit with your personality and style much better.
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lena_chita
Moderator
Dec 16, 2010, 8:47 PM
Post #3 of 14
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Registered: Jun 27, 2006
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I wonder how old you are...
A lot of generalizations from a few women.
Are some women competitive with each other and showing off for the guys? Do some women flirt indiscriminately? Put down others as means of making themselves look better? Sure. Yes. Of course.
Substitute men for women, and reverse it-- and it would still all be true, too.
Not everyone is like that. You don't like them -- you don't climb with them. Very simple. You find others that don't behave like that.
Trailmix wrote: How can I enjoy climbing if all the girls are busy proving to everyone how much better they are from the other girls. We've had different girls come with us almost everytime, and this would happen every single time. Can't we just get all get along, find boys that are single, and enjoy nature and most importantly the climb?
I understnad that it is annoying, and ridiculous...
But I truly don't see it as an overwhelmingly widespread issue, or a serious distraction from climbing, nature or life enjoyement in general. If it bothers you too much, or if you feel like you are on the receiving end of it all the time, from so many different women, then ask yourself if you are having some insecurity issues.
Or if your boyfriend is encouraging this sort of behavior from women, or is selecting/inviting the ones that behave that way, I guess... possible.
Though I would look at your own attitude and feelings first. In your other post you made it sound like you can rather meekly put up with a lot of bullshit. I wonder if it is because you feel like you deserve it and you have to put up with a lot of bullshit (from your boyfriend, and from life in general) because you don't think that anyone else out there would possibly want you, since you are not "good enough" somehow, and you can't compete with all these other girls.
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happiegrrrl
Dec 16, 2010, 8:59 PM
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Registered: Mar 25, 2004
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It sounds to me(coming from the perspective of having been a NY'er) like you are hanging out with what is really a gym crowd that has somehow managed to find themselves climbing outside. Nasty bf, catty girls.... Let me guess - Chelsea Piers is the common denominator(NTTAWWCP)?
Seriously - I've climbed with plenty of women, and the behavior you mention is simply not what self-respecting climber women exhibit(before the beers around the campfire, anyway).
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Trailmix
Dec 16, 2010, 9:12 PM
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lena_chita wrote: Though I would look at your own attitude and feelings first. In your other post you made it sound like you can rather meekly put up with a lot of bullshit. I wonder if it is because you feel like you deserve it and you have to put up with a lot of bullshit (from your boyfriend, and from life in general) because you don't think that anyone else out there would possibly want you, since you are not "good enough" somehow, and you can't compete with all these other girls.
Wow, thank you so much for this. It really helped me understand myself a little better, even though it stings a little hearing that lol. You are right though, I am the one insecure. I've never really taken the time to see how I am, I just assumed it was wrong of other girls to behave this way but its really my outlook that is flawed. Thank you again Lena, I appreciate your advise!
Oh, I'm 26.
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kiwiprincess
Dec 16, 2010, 10:19 PM
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Perceptions can differ
1) she's a Bit** trying to show you up
2) Your efforts, looked like great fun and were inspiring. She decided to work the route with you. being a better climber got it first. No idea why you got so down.
I don't think there's anything wrong with competitiveness..Bitchyness is another matter. But it takes all sorts to make the world go around, just take a deep breath and worry about the people you care about. The others will pass through your life in time.
I
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Trailmix
Dec 16, 2010, 10:23 PM
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Registered: Nov 23, 2010
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kiwiprincess wrote: Perceptions can differ 1) she's a Bit** trying to show you up 2) Your efforts, looked like great fun and were inspiring. She decided to work the route with you. being a better climber got it first. No idea why you got so down. I don't think there's anything wrong with competitiveness..Bitchyness is another matter. But it takes all sorts to make the world go around, just take a deep breath and worry about the people you care about. The others will pass through your life in time. I
Thanks 
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smallclimber
Dec 16, 2010, 11:33 PM
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I'm not sure this is any different to any mixed group in their twenties doing anything together (climbing, other sports, social activities, even may be a work environment). Some people flirt, some people are competitive, some are jealous, some show off, some are meek, some are nice, some aren't so nice. So long as you are happy with your own behaviour I wouldn't worry about it!
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wonderwoman
Dec 16, 2010, 11:55 PM
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Life is too short to spend time with people who make you unhappy. Be choosy with whom you hang out & don't engage with people who behave badly.
It does make me angry when women put down other women. We have a 14 yr old daughter and call her out on her behavior when she makes negative comments about other girls. She's too young to realize that women spend their whole lives being judged by men. There is no reason to add our voices to that chorus of criticism.
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olderic
Dec 17, 2010, 3:15 AM
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Registered: Oct 17, 2003
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I think you like to push buttons.
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granite_grrl
Dec 17, 2010, 4:20 AM
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I have to admit that this sounds more like younger, or at least more insecure girls. They also seem to be looking for validation from the boys.
Suggestion: head out just you and some cool chicks, no boys. I love climbing with other girls when I can. I find it's usually a very supportive atmosphere, plus the girl talk is a nice change of pace.
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jezzzica
Dec 17, 2010, 3:20 PM
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Many people - both boys and girls - are ultra competitive due to their own insecurities/low self esteem in climbing or in other parts of their lives.
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erisspirit
Dec 17, 2010, 4:42 PM
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granite_grrl wrote: I have to admit that this sounds more like younger, or at least more insecure girls. They also seem to be looking for validation from the boys. Suggestion: head out just you and some cool chicks, no boys. I love climbing with other girls when I can. I find it's usually a very supportive atmosphere, plus the girl talk is a nice change of pace.
+1
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j_ung
Dec 27, 2010, 12:54 PM
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Registered: Nov 21, 2003
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You hang out with some real winners, don't you?
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