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Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever
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squierbypetzl
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Sep 14, 2011, 1:07 PM
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Registered: Jul 6, 2005
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Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever
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This article from cracked got me thinking (esp. #5): http://www.cracked.com/...badass-funeral-ever/

Death and taxes my friends, and the Reaper doesn't do credits or deductions. I've been putting off writting things down because death is such a friggin downer, but I would like to give the people I care about some sense of closure.

Anybody want to share any cool ideas for their funeral/wake?


sungam


Sep 14, 2011, 5:00 PM
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Re: [squierbypetzl] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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I figure if you saved up enough money to get deadmau5 to play at yore wake, and made the wake a free entry gig for the first 250 people = moar or less garenteed a riot at yore wake.

Combine this with having no one but a few chubsy ubsy mall-cops as security and things could get pretty fukken epic.


squierbypetzl
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Sep 14, 2011, 5:05 PM
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Re: [squierbypetzl] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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In reply to:
Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during that day.

What would you do? Draw out every cent, right?

Each of us has such a bank. It's name is Time. Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off as lost whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against "tomorrow". You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success.

The clock is running. Make the most of today.


squierbypetzl
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Sep 14, 2011, 5:24 PM
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Re: [sungam] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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That reminded me of a simpsons episode where Homer thinks he's going to perform at a fundraiser with a bunch of rock stars but winds up merely a roadie. Havoc inevitably ensues and the place catches fire and burns down. The next day they host another fundraiser for the victims of the last nights concert.


squierbypetzl
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Sep 14, 2011, 5:56 PM
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Re: [sungam] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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It's the day before mym countries birthday and we're already doing tequila shots, so I dunno if I've told this story here or not.

70s punk rocker Gee Gee Alleen. Guy was absolutely crazy even by contemporary standards. His underground concerts in NY were notorious for signs at the door, warning people that by entering they acknowledged and freely accepted the risk that they could be beaten up, spat upon, bled upon, urinited upon, etc. You can imagine what made GGs "act" famous from other bands (and eating. I will say no more.). Drugs, sex, violence, feces, punk rock and roll.

So one day GG's performing with the band and, after stripping down to his thong and relieving himself onstage (presumably while high as a kite and drunk as a Mexican bricklayer on sept 15th), he starts bashing his own head with the microphone. The band keeps playing and when GG regains conciousness he starts screaming and runs out the door, into the streets of New York mind you.

Later that afternoon his buddies find him several blocks away, lying stock nekkid, spread out in the middle of a rather busy intersection with the mike in one hand and a near emtpy whiskey bottle in the other (really says a lot about NY that no one thought to help or even drag the guy onto the sidewalk).

They pick him up and, of course, go to the after-party, as planned. They plop him down on an armchair and go about partying.

Next morning, people are waking up, GG's still in the armchair, they let him sleep it off. Not until several hours later does someone realize "hey, this guy hasn't moved in about a day".

Cut a longer story short, he'd been dead since the day before. People had been posing for pictures at the party with his corpse.

Funeral day: his older only brother gives the eulogy dressed up in a suit and shaved the entire left half of his body (2 Face style). Before closing the casket, guests say goodbye to Gee by stuffing a pill of E into his mouth and washing it down with licquor. Gifts of music tapes, lsd, syringes, and oh so much marihuana are buried with him.

The very embodiment of punk.


xmesox


Sep 15, 2011, 12:10 AM
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Re: [squierbypetzl] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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After which his mother had his gravestone removed because fans kept coming and taking dumps on it.

GG was all kinds of psycho. Thankfully my 8 years at punk shows has merely resulted in some blood and watching knees break. -Keep Poop Out Punk-

Though GG's funeral lacked that X-Factor... Someone forgot to add necrophilia to the checklist.


airscape


Sep 15, 2011, 3:49 AM
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Re: [squierbypetzl] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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I want my coffin to have electric knocker on the inside of the lid, so when they lower me down, I'll start knocking... that'll fucking show them.


chadnsc


Sep 15, 2011, 8:39 AM
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Re: [squierbypetzl] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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I'd do a living funeral; you know where I'm not dead yet and it's a big party to say goodbye everyone.

Climbing, Hookers, booze, more hookers, then pizza.

Yer all invited but it's a BYOH.


billcoe_


Sep 15, 2011, 10:39 AM
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Re: [chadnsc] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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Right here.

http://www.supertopo.com/...14&tn=0&mr=0


xmesox


Sep 16, 2011, 12:35 AM
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Re: [chadnsc] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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In reply to:
Yer all invited but it's a BYOH.

Any discount for per person sharing?


chadnsc


Sep 16, 2011, 5:41 AM
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Re: [xmesox] Last wishes and 5 steps to having the most bada$$ funeral ever [In reply to]
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xmesox wrote:
In reply to:
Yer all invited but it's a BYOH.

Any discount for per person sharing?

Ewwwwww. Hell why not.


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