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lhwang
Nov 5, 2011, 5:03 PM
Post #26 of 36
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Registered: Aug 4, 2005
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I'm sorry, ember. I didn't mean to minimize how overwhelming this must be for you. I broke up with the guy who got me into climbing 8 years ago and I remember how hard that was for me. It took time, but it did get better.
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ember
Nov 5, 2011, 5:27 PM
Post #27 of 36
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Registered: Oct 31, 2011
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Thanks. I've pretty much stopped talking to my friends about it because I'm getting the sense that they think I should just get over it. I really had given up on the idea of finding a life partner till he came along.
Thanks for all the support. I really appreciate it.
ember
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petsfed
Nov 6, 2011, 10:57 PM
Post #28 of 36
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Registered: Sep 25, 2002
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As a guy who got his significant other into climbing in the first place, its worth pointing out that climbing partnerships and romantic partnerships need to be neatly separated. Not in the sense that you shouldn't date your belayer, but rather that you need to recognize that what makes a climbing partnership work may be wildly at odds with what makes a romantic partnership work and approach each recognizing that the dynamic might be quite different. To be sure, its no guarantee that it will be different either. I would say that, for the most part, I'm on equal footing now with my climbing partner, but I've always been on equal footing with my girlfriend, even though they are the same person.
As for your particular situation, you'll really only run into issues if you've come to associate climbing with that person, in which case the activity may prove too painful, for now. In such a case, you've got to do what every newly single person does: get out there and find other ways to enjoy your life until you're ready to return. I took up mountain biking after one breakup, learned javascript after another. The rock (or ice) will be waiting for you when you're ready.
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ember
Nov 6, 2011, 11:31 PM
Post #29 of 36
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Registered: Oct 31, 2011
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Petsfed, thanks you so much for your well thought out reply. I do associate climbing with him because I haven't climbed with anyone else in so long. It will be an adjustment. I'm definitely open to climbing with anyone since I'm basically a beginner. In any case with winter setting in it will probably be awhile. I'm trying to map out some strategies for my life...I like the idea of taking up something new. I may go back to Nepal and climb another peak there. I really appreciate your perspective. Sometimes it seems like guys get over breakups so fast, but I know this isn't really the case. In many cases they just "act as if", which actually probably helps.
ember
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petsfed
Nov 7, 2011, 5:04 AM
Post #30 of 36
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Registered: Sep 25, 2002
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Well, it is more socially acceptable for a guy to act exceedingly chauvinistic as a coping mechanism, so while he's still dealing with it in a deeply destructive way, its in some grand John-Wayne-esque tradition. My girlfriend and I have made it a point to cultivate lots of climbing partners mostly so that if we don't want to climb together, for whatever reason, it doesn't mean we can't climb. Next go 'round, keep that in mind yeah?
Good luck!
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damienclimber
Nov 8, 2011, 7:22 PM
Post #31 of 36
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Registered: Jul 13, 2011
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petsfed wrote: Well, it is more socially acceptable for a guy to act exceedingly chauvinistic as a coping mechanism, so while he's still dealing with it in a deeply destructive way, its in some grand John-Wayne-esque tradition. My girlfriend and I have made it a point to cultivate lots of climbing partners mostly so that if we don't want to climb together, for whatever reason, it doesn't mean we can't climb. Next go 'round, keep that in mind yeah? Good luck!
Hmmn, interesting suggestion perhaps you can be cultivated into her new climbing partner ?
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imarcus
Nov 8, 2011, 10:11 PM
Post #32 of 36
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Registered: Nov 1, 2011
Posts: 5
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Ember,
So sorry you are going through this. You are not alone! My climbing partner (also boyfriend) just moved a few weeks ago. I recently just wrote a blog post on proceeding to find a new climbing partner. These things helped me and I hope they help you too!
http://thrillseekersanonymous.com/.../07/belay-me-please/
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ember
Nov 9, 2011, 3:51 AM
Post #33 of 36
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Registered: Oct 31, 2011
Posts: 12
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I like that post on your blog!
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drivel
Nov 30, 2011, 4:54 AM
Post #34 of 36
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Registered: Apr 22, 2010
Posts: 2459
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imarcus wrote: Ember, So sorry you are going through this. You are not alone! My climbing partner (also boyfriend) just moved a few weeks ago. I recently just wrote a blog post on proceeding to find a new climbing partner. These things helped me and I hope they help you too! http://thrillseekersanonymous.com/.../07/belay-me-please/
cool blog. if you think high sierra winter stuff with 3 hours to complete a 4 hour drive is good fun, I might know some socal guys who are way into that shit. I sent one of them the link to your blog. maybe you know them already, who knows?
in other news, I've had pretty good luck on RC finding partners. Just make sure you chat a bit first. good luck.
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imarcus
Dec 5, 2011, 4:41 AM
Post #35 of 36
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Registered: Nov 1, 2011
Posts: 5
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Glad you enjoyed the bloggy and thanks for forwarding to your pals. I'm now curious if I do know them...Do I? LOL
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acacongua
Jan 18, 2012, 1:02 AM
Post #36 of 36
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Registered: Feb 14, 2003
Posts: 657
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Yup ... just a year ago, and back then I couldn't sleep and I lost about 7-8lbs.
I had a great climbing season though immediately following because I took the fuel of anger and despondency and burned it in climbing and running. The fewer pounds helped as well. 
Whatever you're feeling, don't deny yourself what you are in the moment. I learned that denying feelings = extra time to move on. While I still haven't found someone to inspire me to climb my best, I don't miss him now and haven't for some time. So I'm hopping from climbing partner to climbing partner as I was doing when I found him ...
Good luck!!
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