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saint_john


Aug 22, 2012, 12:11 PM
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Re: [granite_grrl] No babies please [In reply to]
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granite_grrl wrote:
So there are so many threads on here about getting preggers, having kids, etc. So this is a little thread for those of us who don't HAVE kids, don't WANT kids and maybe don't even LIKE kids!

I personally have no interest in childern. I feel that I'm too selfish and they don't do that much for me anyway. I like to do what I want and when I want and kids are just going to get in the way of that. Me and my husband will have a nice little nest egg built up in a year or two and the plans are to head on the road for a while. Obviously kids are not part of that plan, and I feel no loss about not having them.

So how does a childless life treat you? Does your family still bug you about it? Do you feel like strangling someone whenever there's a crying child around? Does a thread like this feel a little taboo to you because of what society seems to expect from you?

I feel that the lifestyle that my partner (soon to be fiance) and I enjoy would be ruined by having a child. We are absurdly busy with work, social obligations, and hobbies like climbing and cycling.

We're both in our mid thirties and have never felt the "need" to have children.

Neither one of us buy into the "need to pass down our family name/legacy" B.S.


wonderwoman


Aug 28, 2012, 10:25 AM
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Re: [chadnsc] No babies please [In reply to]
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chadnsc wrote:
potreroed wrote:
I am not giving advice. I'm just commenting that when you reach an advanced age you might regret never having had children.

At that age I might regret not trying a lot of things. It doesn't mean I shouldn't have done them.

Climbing K2 or floating the Grand Canyon in an inner tube; there are some things one would rather have done than do.

- Edward Abbey


notapplicable


Sep 5, 2012, 7:32 PM
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Re: [clee03m] No babies please [In reply to]
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clee03m wrote:
potreroed wrote:
I am not giving advice. I'm just commenting that when you reach an advanced age you might regret never having had children.
And you think this is a good reason to bring a child into this world?

I will never have children but I've encountered many similar arguments in favor of doing so. For me, it's something of a moral issue. Sure, I could have a kid on a whim or as some sort of personal experiment or hedge against hypothetical future regrets but what if I was right and it turns out I REALLY did not want one? What then?

Creating and governing a human life is not something to be taken so lightly.


SylviaSmile


Sep 8, 2012, 10:04 PM
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Re: [notapplicable] No babies please [In reply to]
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notapplicable wrote:
clee03m wrote:
potreroed wrote:
I am not giving advice. I'm just commenting that when you reach an advanced age you might regret never having had children.
And you think this is a good reason to bring a child into this world?

I will never have children but I've encountered many similar arguments in favor of doing so. For me, it's something of a moral issue. Sure, I could have a kid on a whim or as some sort of personal experiment or hedge against hypothetical future regrets but what if I was right and it turns out I REALLY did not want one? What then?

Creating and governing a human life is not something to be taken so lightly.

I get that and I'm definitely not one of the people going around trying to convince people who say they don't want kids that they secretly really do. You really don't and that's fine. But at the same time, I think maybe one of the reasons it becomes an issue is that if everyone didn't have kids, our race would die out! So clearly some people need to be having kids. Those who are holding babies right now are quite literally holding the future in their hands, which isn't necessarily an argument in favor of having children, but it's at least interesting to ponder.


SylviaSmile


Sep 8, 2012, 10:12 PM
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Re: [SylviaSmile] No babies please [In reply to]
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Actually, come to think of it, if you're getting harassed about not having kids, you should take it as a compliment: people like you so much they want a mini version of you to multiply the awesomeness! Smile


guangzhou


Sep 9, 2012, 12:20 AM
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In reply to:
I get that and I'm definitely not one of the people going around trying to convince people who say they don't want kids that they secretly really do. You really don't and that's fine. But at the same time, I think maybe one of the reasons it becomes an issue is that if everyone didn't have kids, our race would die out! So clearly some people need to be having kids. Those who are holding babies right now are quite literally holding the future in their hands, which isn't necessarily an argument in favor of having children, but it's at least interesting to ponder.

The dying out of our race? Actually, I could use the world population as a good argument for a few less people having kids today.

My mother has an easy time understanding that grand children from me would most likely not happen.

My mother in-law wanted my wife to be pregnant before the honeymoon was even over.


gene


Oct 11, 2012, 11:15 AM
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Re: [granite_grrl] No babies please [In reply to]
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For a novel that's entertaining but also a bit of psychological study of like-minded thinking, try :

We Need To Talk About Kevin, by Lionel Schriver

Great book .... was recently made into a pretty good movie, but not widely released, not nearly as good as the book, and kind of hard to follow if you hadn't read the book before watching the movie


SylviaSmile


Oct 16, 2012, 4:34 PM
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Re: [guangzhou] No babies please [In reply to]
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guangzhou wrote:
In reply to:
I get that and I'm definitely not one of the people going around trying to convince people who say they don't want kids that they secretly really do. You really don't and that's fine. But at the same time, I think maybe one of the reasons it becomes an issue is that if everyone didn't have kids, our race would die out! So clearly some people need to be having kids. Those who are holding babies right now are quite literally holding the future in their hands, which isn't necessarily an argument in favor of having children, but it's at least interesting to ponder.

The dying out of our race? Actually, I could use the world population as a good argument for a few less people having kids today.

My mother has an easy time understanding that grand children from me would most likely not happen.

My mother in-law wanted my wife to be pregnant before the honeymoon was even over.

My only point was that not EVERYONE can abstain from having kids, or it will create a problem.


Kartessa


Oct 24, 2012, 12:03 AM
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Re: [SylviaSmile] No babies please [In reply to]
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SylviaSmile wrote:
guangzhou wrote:
In reply to:
I get that and I'm definitely not one of the people going around trying to convince people who say they don't want kids that they secretly really do. You really don't and that's fine. But at the same time, I think maybe one of the reasons it becomes an issue is that if everyone didn't have kids, our race would die out! So clearly some people need to be having kids. Those who are holding babies right now are quite literally holding the future in their hands, which isn't necessarily an argument in favor of having children, but it's at least interesting to ponder.

The dying out of our race? Actually, I could use the world population as a good argument for a few less people having kids today.

My mother has an easy time understanding that grand children from me would most likely not happen.

My mother in-law wanted my wife to be pregnant before the honeymoon was even over.

My only point was that not EVERYONE can abstain from having kids, or it will create a problem.

Well how about just certain countries stop having babies so that there's enough room for all the other countries with a 9.8 children per family birth rate for overflow?


wonderwoman


Oct 24, 2012, 3:23 PM
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Re: [Kartessa] No babies please [In reply to]
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Kartessa wrote:
SylviaSmile wrote:
guangzhou wrote:
In reply to:
I get that and I'm definitely not one of the people going around trying to convince people who say they don't want kids that they secretly really do. You really don't and that's fine. But at the same time, I think maybe one of the reasons it becomes an issue is that if everyone didn't have kids, our race would die out! So clearly some people need to be having kids. Those who are holding babies right now are quite literally holding the future in their hands, which isn't necessarily an argument in favor of having children, but it's at least interesting to ponder.

The dying out of our race? Actually, I could use the world population as a good argument for a few less people having kids today.

My mother has an easy time understanding that grand children from me would most likely not happen.

My mother in-law wanted my wife to be pregnant before the honeymoon was even over.

My only point was that not EVERYONE can abstain from having kids, or it will create a problem.

Well how about just certain countries stop having babies so that there's enough room for all the other countries with a 9.8 children per family birth rate for overflow?

I seriously hope you are joking. Women gain more income / independence / education when they control their own reproductive decisions & bodies. Not having access to birth control or limiting access to abortions results in higher birth rates. Enforcing limits on birth rates result in back alley abortions, throwing newly born infants into the garbage (especially when they are female) & forcing women to have abortions.

Also, if the population in another country suddenly decreased, you wouldn't catch me grabbing my family & heading out of the states. If Romney is elected, on the other hand....


clumsy


Oct 25, 2012, 7:21 PM
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Re: [wonderwoman] No babies please [In reply to]
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One thing to consider that the child birth rate is linked to the child mortality rate. In developed countries families can get away with having 1-2 children and have a reasonable expectation that they will live to see the old age.


Kartessa


Oct 27, 2012, 6:03 PM
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clumsy wrote:
One thing to consider that the child birth rate is linked to the child mortality rate. In developed countries families can get away with having 1-2 children and have a reasonable expectation that they will live to see the old age.

You can speak for yourself on that one. My only child has a life expectancy in the 20s and any future kids risk the same so the whole "more or no more kids" isnt exactly a choice for me.

So don't play the martyr when people take an interest in your having offspring. It's natural, part of living within a community to ask about how your life is going and any future plans.


clumsy


Oct 27, 2012, 7:40 PM
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kartessa wrote:
You can speak for yourself on that one. My only child has a life expectancy in the 20s and any future kids risk the same so the whole "more or no more kids" isnt exactly a choice for me.
I wonder where did this number come from?

Frankly, I don't care if someone decides to have or not have children. My comment was in regards to
wonderwoman wrote:
Not having access to birth control or limiting access to abortions results in higher birth rates.
and related to various studies eq http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1670537

I made my choice to have kids and very happy that I did.


wonderwoman


Oct 29, 2012, 6:45 AM
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I am sorry for the situation you are in, Kartessa. It isn't fair. There aren't words to accurately describe how unfair it is, at all. Hang in there.


climbon6786


Dec 16, 2012, 4:14 PM
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I'm 27 and have never been interested in children. They are gross and so needy. I want to spend my life climbing and traveling, not changing diapers and sacrificing my career. I think my boyfriend wants kids though, and I'm going to be very clear with him if our relationship should flourish. No children ever. And if you're going to marry me, you need to be prepared to never have kids.


Partner macherry


Dec 17, 2012, 10:02 AM
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yeah and they grow into gross and needy adults.


Syd


Dec 18, 2012, 12:46 PM
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Re: [macherry] No babies please [In reply to]
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Hope you girls don't mind a mere male's opinion, but I'm a very late starter as a father and I can assure you that my 2 yr old son is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I've climbed, canyoned, wind surfed in the surf, sailed Hobies, flown hang gliders, mountain biked etc etc but nothing compares with the utter joy of a baby. Don't miss out.

My wife and I still climb every week.

Monique Forestier is a great example of what climbing mums can do http://www.moniqueclimbs.com.au/


granite_grrl


Dec 18, 2012, 1:04 PM
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Syd wrote:
Hope you girls don't mind a mere male's opinion, but I'm a very late starter as a father and I can assure you that my 2 yr old son is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I've climbed, canyoned, wind surfed in the surf, sailed Hobies, flown hang gliders, mountain biked etc etc but nothing compares with the utter joy of a baby. Don't miss out.

My wife and I still climb every week.

Monique Forestier is a great example of what climbing mums can do http://www.moniqueclimbs.com.au/


Start your own thread!!!

You can call it "Yes babies, please!"

Laugh

I'm just kidding, but this is a mild example of what often happen out in the real world.

Me (in a conversation about child rearing) - "I'm not going to have childern, I don't even like them all that much."
Them - "Oh, but childern are great!" Usually followed with (where Syd thankfully didn't go) "You might not like kids right now, but they're different when they're your own."

How do you think people would feel if I went around and told them how they should never have had kids because my life without them is wonderful. I'd be hung up by my toes!


Partner macherry


Dec 19, 2012, 7:41 AM
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Syd wrote:
Hope you girls don't mind a mere male's opinion, but I'm a very late starter as a father and I can assure you that my 2 yr old son is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I've climbed, canyoned, wind surfed in the surf, sailed Hobies, flown hang gliders, mountain biked etc etc but nothing compares with the utter joy of a baby. Don't miss out.

My wife and I still climb every week.

Monique Forestier is a great example of what climbing mums can do http://www.moniqueclimbs.com.au/


what compares..........when they finally move out of the house!!!!

heh


no really i love my kids.

its a very personal decision, and your idea of utter joy may not be someone else's idea of joy. my daughter is 21 and she has made the decision not to have kids.gawd, if she had a dollar for ever time someone said, "you're young you will change your mind or how can you possible know now." enjoy your child, but know it's not everyone's cup of tea


wonderwoman


Dec 19, 2012, 8:55 AM
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Syd wrote:
Hope you girls don't mind a mere male's opinion, but I'm a very late starter as a father and I can assure you that my 2 yr old son is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I've climbed, canyoned, wind surfed in the surf, sailed Hobies, flown hang gliders, mountain biked etc etc but nothing compares with the utter joy of a baby. Don't miss out.

My wife and I still climb every week.

Monique Forestier is a great example of what climbing mums can do http://www.moniqueclimbs.com.au/

Congrats to you. But don't wish babies on people who don't want babies.


Kartessa


Dec 22, 2012, 7:20 AM
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The real bummer with the "no kids please" crowd is how much they judge and chastise those who do have kids and include them in their lives and passions.

My favourites are the ones who bitch about kids at the gym, the crag... Or even the 20 year old ass holes who think a public park is just for them to play on the swings while tripping on acid.

Nothing wrong with choosing motto have your own kids, but at least temporarily cherish or offer kindness to other children. Don't help them become jaded assholes like the rest of us.


Partner macherry


Dec 22, 2012, 9:28 AM
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Kartessa wrote:
The real bummer with the "no kids please" crowd is how much they judge and chastise those who do have kids and include them in their lives and passions.

My favourites are the ones who bitch about kids at the gym, the crag... Or even the 20 year old ass holes who think a public park is just for them to play on the swings while tripping on acid.

Nothing wrong with choosing motto have your own kids, but at least temporarily cherish or offer kindness to other children. Don't help them become jaded assholes like the rest of us.

i judge and chastise other people's kids all the time.........and i have kids. love mine, but hate others!!


clee03m


Dec 22, 2012, 11:43 PM
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Re: [granite_grrl] No babies please [In reply to]
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I don't quite get why people feel the need to tell women they need to have kids. Sure, having kids is awesome (the best experience of my life), but why do they care if someone else does it? I think rock climbing is awesome, but I don't try to convince everyone they should become a rock climber. Or I love friction climbing, but I don't try to convince every climber they should love it. Imagine if I went around saying things like, "you say you don't have any desire to climb pure friction climbs, but you will feel differently when you experience the thrill of high stepping unto a blank wall 20 feet above your last bolt!"

Oh, and yeah, I hate kids. Except mine, only because they are, like, the most awesome human beings that I had the honor of meeting, hello.


notapplicable


Dec 26, 2012, 2:29 PM
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Kartessa wrote:
The real bummer with the "no kids please" crowd is how much they judge and chastise those who do have kids and include them in their lives and passions.

I think people should have children if they want but I'm very much prone to getting in my childless friends faces about making a well informed decision on the matter. People need to spend a lot of time in the houses of people with multiple children. They need to try and incorporate them in to their daily and weekend routines. They need to know firsthand how dramatic the difference between the two lifestyles can be.

Why do I say that? Because too many of my friends had children without REALLY considering the implications and now regret the decision. Thats not fair to the child, the parents or the other people in their lives who have do deal with the aftermath.

In reply to:
Nothing wrong with choosing motto have your own kids, but at least temporarily cherish or offer kindness to other children. Don't help them become jaded assholes like the rest of us.

I'm with ya here. Just took my friends 5 & 7 year old kids to the climbing gym for the first time over xmas. They loved it and and I was able to tolerate it. I am way more indulgent of children than I am their adult counterparts.


SylviaSmile


Jan 6, 2013, 7:09 PM
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Kartessa wrote:
The real bummer with the "no kids please" crowd is how much they judge and chastise those who do have kids and include them in their lives and passions.

My favourites are the ones who bitch about kids at the gym, the crag... Or even the 20 year old ass holes who think a public park is just for them to play on the swings while tripping on acid.

Nothing wrong with choosing motto have your own kids, but at least temporarily cherish or offer kindness to other children. Don't help them become jaded assholes like the rest of us.

Well said! I try to smile at kids, especially little kids, because it is a large, frightening world to them when you think about it.

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