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katzurki
Nov 6, 2012, 7:49 AM
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Hi there!
I'm translating a play into English, and the main character is a rock-climber. His introducing passage contains some technical stuff, and I want to make sure it doesn't sound ridiculous to those in the know (the way it usually does when a writer tries to write about skydiving with no knowledge thereof).
Could someone please let me know if the following paragraph reads ok solely from a rock-climber's point of view? And if not, what could be improved (this is a translation though, so I don't have much leeway) to make it read more authentic?
In reply to: I remember Gavva pass. First we had to climb through the moraine (which is a battleground of gravel), then through firn (a dense, recrystallized kind of snow that is more like ice). Then there was a dangerous snow cornice, and a crevasse two meters wide. After that we climbed up a 20-meter vertical rock face. Ropes, carabiners, ice picks, harnesses, belaying techniques … All the adrenaline you want.
Thank you fellow adrenaline-junkies 
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wonderwoman
Moderator
Nov 6, 2012, 7:53 AM
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Moved from campground to general.
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dagibbs
Nov 6, 2012, 9:44 AM
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Sounds reasonable.
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cracklover
Nov 6, 2012, 11:44 AM
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One correction:
katzurki wrote: Ropes, carabiners, ice picks tools, harnesses, belaying techniques … All the adrenaline you want.
Cheers,
GO
(This post was edited by cracklover on Nov 6, 2012, 11:44 AM)
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Wade308
Nov 6, 2012, 11:52 AM
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I think ice axe might conjure up the better visual to a reader/listener.
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kennoyce
Nov 6, 2012, 12:47 PM
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Wade308 wrote: I think ice axe might conjure up the better visual to a reader/listener.
I agree. Ice picks isn't something a climber would say. Ice tools would be more for technical ice whereas this sounds like the climbers are mountaineering/traveling on glaciers where they would most likely have ice axes.
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edge
Nov 6, 2012, 12:49 PM
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In reply to: I remember Gavva pass. First we had to climb through the moraine (which is a battleground of gravel), then through firn (a dense, recrystallized kind of snow that is more like ice). Then there was a dangerous snow cornice, and a crevasse two meters wide. After that we climbed up a 20-meter vertical rock face. Ropes, carabiners, ice picks, harnesses, belaying techniques … All the adrenaline you want.
Not sure what language you are translating from, but to double check I translated this into French*, made a cup of coffee, then wrote it down in English.
Here's what I got:
In reply to: Climbing was in his blood. Listening to his hob-nailed boots crunching their way across the neve, he revelled in the bite of the pack on his shoulders. The axes, crampons, and screws were more than mere tools, they were extensions of his very soul. As he watched the play of moonlight on the upper snowfields high above, he was reminded of her, the girl from the bar last night. He had left her only hours ago, slipping silently from the motel bed and watching her ample breasts rise and fall with each sleeping breath.
*I only took two years of high school French, so I may be a little off.
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