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How to leave your ego behind?
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lazymonkey


Mar 27, 2011, 3:35 AM
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Re: [aerili] How to leave your ego behind? [In reply to]
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microbarn sounds like the ultimate beta male. seriously..."worked on your personality"??

that is the biggest faggot post i have ever read, anywhere, ever.


ceebo


Apr 3, 2011, 10:13 AM
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Re: [zenelky] How to leave your ego behind? [In reply to]
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zenelky wrote:
I understand that I have an ego problem, and I know that i need to leave it behind when I climb, but I don't know how to start and am hoping that some others out there can help me.

My story: The last time I can remember climbing for me and for the joy of climbing was almost a year ago. My problem is that when I climb, I feel like I am climbing with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I don't know if this is a woman's problem, or just my problem, but now, I feel as though if I'm not pulling hard climbs that the boys can't climb than they (other climbers) don't respect me. I think this is stemmed from the fact that my climbing partner (who is my significant other) and I climb about the same grade (although there are noted differences in the types of climbs he and I prefer),but when we encounter other climbers at our local crags, more often than not I feel as though they talk to him rather than to us.

This used to not bother me since the routes they were asking about I hadn't climbed so I had no input anyway. But then, something happened and the climbs they questioned my partner and I about were climbs I had done and he had not. I would try to give some beta, and sometimes they would give me this strange "What are you talking about" look that made me question my ability. My partner tells me that in most cases when other climbers are talking to us (they are usually male...this is a male dominated sport remember) they usually focus on him because it makes them more comfortable. Most guys in this area don't know any women who can climb harder than them, thus I make them slightly uncomfortable. But this has put me into a state of questioning my own ability. This problem of male climbers talking directly to my partner is a problem that I have faced as recently as last week.

Now when I climb, I feel like I am climbing for all the women out there who don't get spoken to at the crag, all the women who are working to be the best that they can be, but just aren't there yet, all the women in the world who's ability is questioned because they are little. When I'm up climbing now, I feel like if I don't climb route XYZ than I am just like all the girls out there who get carried up routes to appease their boyfriends. This ego problem used to only come up when other's were watching, particularly women because I felt like I had to show them that they CAN climb 5.X, they just have to want it. Now, it is part of every aspect of my climbing, even when it's just my partner and I at our local crag.

Does anyone have any insight as to how I can start climbing for me again and stop climbing for respect?
~Mic

It may just be that they talk to your husband because it is socially the safer thing to do. They may perhaps sense a certain level of protectiveness or even jealousy from your partner.. so to avoid any complication they find it easier just to ''ignore'' you.

These people may just have no trust in their own partners, and they may not know it.. but they are trying to avoid making your partner feel the way they may feel when others direct time to theirs.

I know it sounds petty.

If it is a route you think you know more about, then your partner should simply direct them to you. By doing that it is a green light for them to engage with you free of any fear of social complication.


Or, ofc.. they could just be sexist. In that case, why do you want to help people like that?.. and why does your partner?.


(This post was edited by ceebo on Apr 3, 2011, 10:14 AM)


zealotnoob


Sep 12, 2011, 10:50 AM
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Re: [ceebo] How to leave your ego behind? [In reply to]
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I think there's merit in what ceebo's saying.

I also think climbing with a significant other...is complex. Really complex. Take something as mysterious as the ego, add the seriousness of climbing risks, and put it in the context of an adult relationship....oof. That's a difficult terrain to negotiate.

Mindfulness of what you want from climbing, as Arno suggests, is a good way to seek clarity. Mindfulness of the special sig-other-climbing-dynamic may also be helpful.


climbingbetty22


Apr 10, 2012, 7:58 AM
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Re: [zealotnoob] How to leave your ego behind? [In reply to]
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Ignoring the boys for a second, let's maybe look at this a different way.

I am the girl for whom you feel you have something to prove. (seriously, I've been stuck at leading 5.6 for like, 7 years now.) if I watch you "stick it to the boys" so to speak and climb a hard line, you assume that that makes me feel inspired, like because you did it I can suddenly do it too. Or the opposite could happen and I end up feel WORSE about myself because my climbing ability is no where near yours and by-the-way-I-saw-climber-boy-sneak-a-peek-at-your-boobs-while-he-was-trying-to-ignore-you-so-you're-way-hotter-then-me-too.

Boo-hoo for me, I feel bad about myself now because I suck at climbing and I'm not hot. That's MY ego issue. My point is (yes, I have one!) that everyone has their ego issues. Everyone has their own journey to learn to deal with them in a healthy manner for themselves. Don't give yourself an ego issue because of mine. Climb for you.

ETA: Cam across this today in Michael Kennedy's "Letter to My Son" published in Alpinist. Sums is up nicely IMO.

"When you head out in the future, other people will have expectations of you. Those notions will reflect their needs, desires, aspirations and fears. As best you can, clear your mind of the chatter. Don't think about how your life or climbs will look to anyone else. Make choices based on your values, your analysis, your intuition and your dreams."


(This post was edited by climbingbetty22 on Apr 10, 2012, 1:01 PM)


Syd


Mar 6, 2013, 12:08 PM
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Re: [zenelky] How to leave your ego behind? [In reply to]
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zenelky,
I climb with my wife and she's now almost at the same level as me. She's much younger and I have no doubt that one day she'll be much better than me. We rarely seem to encounter other climbers because we climb mainly mid week.
Image you were a girly girl (maybe you are, I don't now) and you were in a girly environment and you bumped into a girlfriend. Her conversation would be much more focussed on you rather than your man, because she'd feel your mere male was out of his depth. Do you think it would bother him in the slightest ?
What other people think, feel and say is their business. It has nothing to do with you. It can be just as difficult for men to left go and just have fun.

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