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passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 11:31 AM
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EDIT: coylec is editing these posts for formatting only

BEST IF VIEWED IN INTERNET EXPLORER Netscape is causing some problems, which should be resolved shortly.

[COMPLETELY NOT UPDATED IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, HOWEVER IT WILL STILL ALLOW YOU TO FIND STUFF, EH?]

I plan to update this thing shortly. If you want the latest news, please click my profile! I just updated it on Sunday.

I'll get round to updating this thing, but I see that there are people asking questions on the forum which have already been answered.

Cheers,

Pete

Like P.S.,eh? If you can't reach me when I'm in Yosemite, best bet is to email me:

passthepitonspete@hotmail.com

And if you dig up some old chestnut of a post, make a reply to it, thus bringing it to the top of the forum so others can see it.....




OK, like, this is the old stuff, eh?

Hi y'all!

Yosemite is GRRRRRRRREAT!

Please click here for my Sunday October 5 update!

C'mon to Yosemite and join the party! Woo-hoo! What a night was last night! [But damn, if the night before wasn't even better.....]



Please click here to

=> view my profile updated August 31!

Hey, I just found this on Hans Florine's speedclimb.com. It gives a ranking of number of El Cap routes climbed. It's fun to "compare and declare!" Of course, speedclimb aficionados will already be familiar with my El Cap 'Speed Record'.

I was in Yosemite from May 15 til June 22, and had a superb time! I will be making a post shortly to thank the dozens of people who helped me out - schlepping pigs, buying beer and pizza, giving me rides - thanks so much!




Dr. Piton emerges from his portaledge fly after a storm on El Cap

I've written a brief note until such time as I can write in greater detail, but for now, please click here to read my thank you note to everyone who helped me this spring.

Spring 2003 in Yosemite was one of my most successful yet! During this time Chad [timpanogos] and I made a three-day ascent of The Prow on Washington Column. Chad did a great job on this - his first big wall! Having made the summit by legit means, he is hereby promoted from Big Wall Theorist to Big Wall Gumby.

After this [and a few beers] Tom [apollodorus] and I made a fourteen-day ascent of Bermuda Dunes on the Southwest Face of El Cap [VI, 5.9, A4+] which involved a substantial amount of rebolting of the existing belays, some of which were virtually useless. I was surprised by a few Pretty Darn Hard pitches towards the top!

Finally I completed an eight-day solo of Lost In America on the Southeast Face of El Cap [VI, 5.10R, A3+] where I was obliged [albeit briefly, and terrifyingly!] to come out of Free Climbing Retirement. [Ivo was right....]

Once Tom gets his cable internet access up and running, you can watch for another photo essay like our Scorched Earth Photo Essay.

And I'm busy writing a fun trip report about my solo ascent, so please stay tuned!





** NEWS FLASH! **


Currently there is an outstanding issue here at RC.com which I believe greatly affects us all. Please click here to read my Editorial of the Week, which was written by Stu Hammett.

Oh I say - Stu has been blocked from RC.com. Isn't that swell?

You can click here to read my Editorial of the Week.

Thank you.





I feel like a frickin' GENIUS! I just discovered the Better Way to center photos and text captions in posts, a coding which had eluded me for some time, and which I fixed by putting little "boxes" of the same colour background as the post background to the left of the photos in order to "shim" them.

If you have a hankering to make stuff look good in your posts, but don't know the difference between a hyperlink and garter belt, why don't you Ask Dr. Piton? Not only can I be your Wall Doctor, but I'll give you your Dr. Piton HTML Tip of the Day! [Uh, even if it might be BB code - I have no clue what the difference is.....] It's as easy as "copy and paste" from your PM box.







Last month, I was off to the Great White North and paddled my canoe to the Arctic Ocean. [Well, OK, not quite to the Arctic Ocean....] I paddled the Wakwayowkastic River from near Cochrane in northern Ontario down to the tidewaters of Moosonee on James Bay, then put the canoe on the "Polar Bear Express" train to return to Cochrane.




You can click here for further information on the Wakwayowkastic River, and you can click here for a cool photo essay.

Geez! Everyone down in Yosemite was complaining about the bugs. Man, you have no idea what bugs are like until you've paddled northern Ontario! Usually on the water it's not too bad, though....

I had written, "So I'm dreaming of four-pound speckled trout charging out from the rapids to attack my spinner, and frying pans full of walleye for supper every night!"

Well, turns out the first 100 km of the river dry up during the summer [fortunately we were still early enough!] so we didn't get into the fish until midway through the trip. I was in a bit of a rush to make it to a caving trip at Mammoth Cave, Kentucky, so didn't get to fish as much as I might have liked. But I did have a few superb suppers of walleye and speckled trout. [Note: The walleyes were the tastier of the two]

In the meantime, we battled some of the raddest whitewater I've ever done. This trip was rated DFU, because if you blew it up there, rescue could take a week or more before anyone figured out you were late. Plus the river is so twisty, it would be impossible to land a float plane in most places.

Nevertheless, we ran some killer rapids! I think I learned more about whitewater paddling on that trip than all others combined, and I've done stuff like the Yellowknife River in the Northwest Territories, or whatever the heck they renamed it...... [I voted for "Bob"]

"Uh-oh - more rapids ahead....."

Woo-hooooooo!!! Draw left! Draw right! Watch the rock! AAAAAAAHHH!!! Aim for the 'tongue'! DRAW! DRAW! Oh frig --- a waterfall.....






WHAT'S NEW




I am very pleased to report that Andria [cragchica] has been awarded a posthumous Bachelor of Arts Degree! Please click this link to read her mom's report. I hope you will please comment on Andria's degree in the post linked above, and which you will find in the General Forum.

Thanks very much!




Andria Ligas on Mt. Lemmon


Although I was unable to attend Andria's funeral, I was priveleged to write the homily which Hillary read in my stead. I recently published it on RC.com. Please click here to read Andria's homily - Look To The Summit.





The first thing that's new is my profile page, so you might want to click here to see my updated profile.

Anyway, so what's new here in the INDEX TO DR. PITON STUFF is that I have expanded the ARTICLES SECTION to include a bunch of caving trip reports I've written, and have added links to magazine articles, slide shows, and funny stories.

And in case you might be getting bored, I have included some links to pictures of men with gourds on their penises.

[Note: It is likely that this is nothing more than a deceiptfull [sic] attempt at self-promotion, so if you do not wish to participate, under no circumstances should you click here to look at pictures of men with gourds on their penises.]

You can click here if you want to jump to the new stuff, eh?




G'day, eh?




This is me, eh? They don't call me "Pass the Pitons Pete" for nothin'! Like Victor Kiam, I liked the beer so much I bought the company. You can click the photo for more information on Piton Beer.]



HOW TO USE THIS POST



How's it goin', eh?


The Aid Climbing Forum is growing. This can be a good thing, but this can be a bad thing, too. Good because this forum continues to be The Best Source of cutting-edge big wall and aid climbing information on the whole damn www [as written by Dr. Piton] - bad because you can't frickin' find the stuff!

At least until now.

Here in the Aid Climbing Forum, we do things differently. We work very hard to keep the choss, clusterf*ckage and wank factor to a minimum. If you hang around here much you will understand what I mean. Many of you have edited or removed some choss that you had written after I asked you to do so. You might be interested in knowing that at the time of writing, we have enjoyed 100% voluntary compliance, and for that, I - Dr. Piton - thank you. This forum is almost entirely choss-free thanks to the efforts of all, and our moderator Andrew is doing a good job of "gardening" when required.

If there is a more choss-free climbing forum anywhere else on the internet, I don't know where it is. Let's work together to keep this place vell-organicized, eh?

The * INDEX TO DR. PITON STUFF * is a post to which you will return again and again in order to find stuff, as finding stuff is a VGT. Dr. Piton's posts will help you graduate from BWT to BWG. One day you may even become a big wall climber.

It is the hope of Andrew and me [with Trevor's support] to eventually HTML-ize these posts into RC.com Articles, but given our current rate of progress [one article completed but not yet submitted over five months] this could take some time. When this begins to happen, the articles will enjoy their own little area, where you can quickly and easily find stuff. We are even preparing two versions of each article - the Shagadelic Version complete with fancy-shmancy pictures and stuff to look at, and the Plain Vanilla Version, which is more printer-friendly.

If you would like to read a very b----in', but not yet published, HTML-ized Dr. Piton post in the Championship Pig Wrestling Series, then I suggest you click here and bug this dude - perhaps my procrastinating Editor will "get" the [HINT]. [Poor bastard, he'll hate me for this, but grovelling and pleading has not worked. [DDEL] Besides, he's just sitting around and like drinking a beer, eh?]

Many thanks to Tom [apollodorus] who has proved his mettle to me not only on the jousting field of the big wall, but in him showing me how to "shim" my photos and center them, which was buggin' the heck outa me. Sheesh.

(This post was edited by cliffhanger9 on Mar 25, 2013, 12:41 PM)


passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 11:32 AM
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This post is subdivided into five different places where you can find stuff. Dr. Piton believes in colour coding in order to reduce the wank factor, and you will find this post has been constructed accordingly.


The first place to find stuff is HERE, the place where you can learn how to use this post.

The second place is the Index to Dr. Piton Articles which appear here on RC.com. This will be the BEST place to find stuff, though right now it is a bit - shall we say - "underutilized"? Though I have recently updated it a bit.

The third place is the meat and potatoes - the pitons on your big wall rack - the place where you can find the most stuff. The third place is the Index to Dr. Piton Posts on RC.com. It is this place where you can go to find all the stuff I've written here. You will be able to find most everything you need to learn how to solo big walls. It should be every aid climber's GOAL to one day solo a big wall! A few people here at RC.com, with their Wall Doctor's assistance, have actually done just that.

When you read stuff in the third place, be sure to watch for Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POSTS. These are the posts that you will find the most useful, posts which you return to again and again. If you read nothing else, read these!

The fourth place is the Index to Dr. Piton RANTS. The therapeutic benefits of RANTING cannot be understated! If you want to know how Dr. Piton feels about certain issues, want to see him get bent out of shape, if you need a hug or need a kick in the ass, then this is the place for you. Dr. Piton RANTS are popular reading in the wee hours of the morning, when you have nothing better to do, after you have bailed or been dumped, when you need some inspiration, or maybe just need a good laugh. Some of these posts are now considered to be classics. Some were so good they were closed to further comment, though through the miracle of HTML hyperlinking you can find your way there very easily.

The fifth place is the Glossary of Dr. Piton Terms. Dr. Piton has invented his own language to add colour and interest to his posts, and this is your lexicon. If you have no idea what the hell he is talking about, then this is the place for you to come. You might even figure out what he's trying to say.

Dr. Piton is particularly thrilled when hotties demonstrate how well they "get it" by using Dr. Piton lingo. Believe me, NOTHING catches the Doc's eye more than a cleverly-written PM! [HINT]






passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 11:48 AM
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The best way that you can maximize your learning experience when you read Dr. Piton posts is to CLICK THE LINKS. I don't put those things in there cuz I have nothin' better to do, right? I put them in there so you can learn stuff. The hyperlinks I insert in my posts are there to help guide you among the amazing source of information that is the internet. I have already done the work for you, so you don't have to. "Get it?!" Following Dr. Piton's hyperlinks is the Lazy Man's Road to Knowledge.

Note: Wisdom is the application of knowledge. If you wish to acquire wisdom in your Journey from YB to OB, then you will have to work that out on your own. This is just a textbook.

Reading this post also comes with an implied acceptance of THIS INSTRUCTION:

Please do NOT under any circumstance REPLY TO THIS POST!

I want to keep this post as nothing more than an INDEX. I do not want replies to clutter it - I want to keep it simple so you can FIND STUFF. I do not want to lock the post, as that would be unsightly [though]. Instead, I will merely ask that you do not reply. I can beg and grovel if required. Never for a minute would I consider asking the moderator to DELETE any replies for this would be censorship, so I will not in any way shape nor form imply, suggest or otherwise [HINT] that this is precisely what I would like him to do if anyone is so thick as to reply to this post when they have been asked not to!

I am sure that you "get it," because "getting it" is fundamental to the Dr. Piton Experience.



If you wish to reply to or question anything you read here, then please follow the link to the post to which you are referring, and please reply there! There is nothing Dr. Piton loves more than when you reply to his posts! [Well, almost nothing....]

Please feel free to PM me with questions that you feel do not merit their own post, or questions about HTML tricks and other cool stuff to make your posts look swell. PM'ing me might also be a good idea if you want to Ask Dr. Piton a specific question that has not yet been answered. This will serve two purposes. Firstly it will help the two of us craft a question and answer that is both amusing and informative which is a hallmark of Dr. Piton posts. Some of the best posts you read here have been done precisely like this. Let's try to have some fun with this, and make it look swell, eh? Secondly, it could save you some embarrass- ment. Thanks to those of you who [at] edited the titles of your posts for clarification so that the title of the post now matches the stuff I've written.

(This post was edited by cliffhanger9 on Mar 25, 2013, 12:20 PM)


passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 12:05 PM
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Finally, reading any of my writing includes the following
*** DISCLAIMER ***

Look, climbing rocks is frickin' dangerous, mate. The potential for blowing it is always present. Do not believe for an instant that I have any idea what I'm talking about. I'm actually pretty stupid, really. I mean, what kind of idiot would spend sixteen days alone on the side of a frickin' cliff fer cryin' out loud?! If you are actually dumb enough to follow the advice of a guy like me, then this must mean that you are even stupider than me, doesn't it?

So assuming that you are so stupid as to follow the suggestions contained herein, then there is actually a chance [and a pretty good one] that you will eventually get hurt and end up dead. In fact, I am prepared to state that there is a 100% certainty that at some point in your life [most likely the end] you will indeed end up dead. And in the meantime, by following my advice, your suffering is also guaranteed. But you're so stupid, you'd probably even enjoy some suffering, wouldn't you? Just remember that you agree that getting hurt or dead is your problem, not mine.

In fact, by reading all my stuff, you agree [that's right - please nod along, lift chin up, drop chin down, there you go....] that you have already told your mother, girlfriend, mistress, ex-wife, pet iguana and most emphatically your lawyer that this was completely your fault, and I - Dr. Piton - had absolutely nothing to do with it! [If you are a hottie, then please substitute appropriate male in previous sentence]

YOU were the one who was all hell-bent on dyin', and damn if you didn't succeed.


passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 12:05 PM
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Are you a Big Wall Theorist who aspires to actually reach the summit one day, but who doesn't have the time to learn the hard way?

Then maybe you should consider hiring yourself a Wall Doctor in order to learn the Better Way.

Can you picture yourself here?





[You click the photo for a bigger view]


If so, then please click here to read about my philosophy of BIG WALL GUIDING.

(This post was edited by cliffhanger9 on Mar 25, 2013, 12:09 PM)


passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 12:13 PM
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INDEX TO DR. PITON ARTICLES



Here is a great place to start:

Dr. Piton's Ultimate Big Wall Checklist

Here in Dr. Piton's Ultimate Big Wall Checklist you can find an itemized listing of everything you need to solo a Grade VI Big Wall in Yosemite. I recently updated and inserted lots of fun photos!

People have told me through emails, PMs, in the parking lot, and on the summit that they refer to this list, even printing it off for their own use! [HINT] It is the actual working copy that I use. It is updated after every trip, tells you what I'm taking along on the next trip. Hell, you even know what stuff of mine is broken and needs fixing.

The checklist is also riddled with links and footnotes. It is EXTREMELY USEFUL. It is my hope to link everything to everything through this Article. If you can't find something, then you should definitely check my checklist.

I plan to be updating this for my September, 2003 trip, so keep your eyes peeled, eh?

There is a post attached to it, so if you have any questions regarding the checklist, please post them there. [Please PM me that you have done so!]

Note that this article is five pages long, yet receives only one "hit" even if you look at all five pages, or go back and forth between them. And it currently has over 7000 hits! Much to my amazement, it remains the third-most visited Article at RC.com when measured by "hits". People are using it, that's for sure. Don't ask me why, though - just have a look and see for yourself.





Hey, are you bored? You can click here to see a picture of men with gourds on their penises.





I really should publish more CAVING STORIES. This story is about an underground aid climb in a cave on private property that we snuck into at night!

You can click here to read about the Midnight Phantoms

But if you want a caving story that will really scare you, you can click here to read how Dr. Piton almost died caving! This is a story of where I should have known better to stay out of a cave that was flooding, but oh no - I just had to go in....

Dang. This is starting to become a habit. Here's another story where I almost died caving!. Sheesh. It's amazing how a moment's lapse in concentration could cost you your life!





If you are interested in MORE CAVING TRIP REPORTS, then you can click here to visit the Roppel Cave Website Trip Reports Section which is part of the Roppel Cave website.

I recommend you read the following, as they are some of my favourites. They appear as PDF files, so you'll need Acrobat Reader:
    [*:f7454f737b]Here is a story you are sure to like! Solo cave exploration is dangerous and is also not the sort of thing you should make a habit of publishing. They told me when I wrote the trip report that I had to include an imaginary caving partner. So my caving partner is actually my friend's daughter's cockatiel named Ginger. You can click here to read Pecking About in Khan. If you are interested, you can continue reading where Scott and I returned later to survey Kathleen Krawl, which involved rather a lot of slurping through cold water.

    [*:f7454f737b]After a seventeen-year absence, I returned to Roppel Cave and made a short aid climb that led to several miles of new discoveries! [Talk about providential timing, eh?] One of these passages we named The Great White North, eh? You can click here to read about a successful exploration in this beautiful gypsum-festooned passage.

    [*:f7454f737b]Roppel Cave is part of the Flint-Mammoth Cave System, which is the world's longest cave, currently standing just shy of four hundred miles. Nearby is the yet-unconnected Fisher Ridge Cave System, which is geologically part of the same cave. This would likely move the system to about five hundred miles, but its explorers wish to remain autonomous. Roppel Cave is knocking on the door of South Toohey Ridge, where there is likely another fifty miles of passage waiting to be discovered! If only we can get in..... Here is one of our attempts where we bolted up a waterfall. You can click to read about Reprobate Cook.

    [*:f7454f737b]On December 22, 2002 my dear friend Andria Ligas, who is RC.com's cragchica, was killed while riding her bicycle in Tucson. You can click here to read about the discovery of Andria's Hideaway.

If you think you might make a caver, and that you could do the type of stuff described in the trip reports above, then please contact me. We are always looking for more cavers to help work the system.





INDEX TO DR. PITON PHOTO ESSAYS



This section only has one entry as of now, a combined thirty-plus-hour effort between me and Tom [apollodorus] of our last trip up El Capitan together.

If you want to see the straight goods on how Dr. Piton dropped Tom's pig, and see some cool photos from a seldom-repeated A4+ big wall, you can find it all here.

If you are wasting time at work and dreaming of the Big Stone, then this is the place for you!

Pete and Tom's Scorched Earth Photo Essay







INDEX TO DR. PITON MAGAZINE ARTICLES



You're going to be seeing a lot more stuff here in the coming months, that's for sure!

Here's a good place to get started. Some people "get" me, and some people don't. And emphatically, the girl from Gripped Magazine "gets" me!

Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

You can click here to read the Gripped Magazine Article Featuring Dr. Piton.




"Pass the Pitons" Pete pours another cup of
joe at the Round Table - Excalibur - El Capitan




Well, ain't that somethin'? Wee-Wee the Big Wall Crab had his letter to the editor of Gripped Magazine published.

Man, they must be hard up for material this month if they are publishing letters from climbing crustaceans. Sheesh.






FUNNY STUFF









IN MEMORY OF MY FRIEND ANDRIA LIGAS



On December 22, 2002 my dear friend Andria Ligas, who is RC.com's cragchica, was killed while riding her bicycle in Tucson.

Hillary and I have a thread going in the General Forum, which has become something of a gathering place for Andria's friends and family. Her mom and dad, aunts and uncles and teachers have all signed on.

You can click here to see some of the photos I have so far published:
    [*:f7454f737b]I really love these two pictures of Andria.

    [*:f7454f737b]Here's a cute photo of me and Andria and Hillary taken one night late in Andria's computer lab when we were farting around on RC.com.

    [*:f7454f737b]I took these photos of Andria one day after we climbed together. Man, I'm gonna miss that smile.....

    [*:f7454f737b]Andria and Hillary were best of friends. You can click here to see a few hottie pix. Don't miss the sunset silhouette photo at the bottom.

    [*:f7454f737b]You can click here to see the photos of Andria's first trad lead. It was one of our best days together!


Andria Ligas on Rappel Rock - Mt. Lemmon





Although I was unable to attend Andria's funeral, I was priveleged to write the homily which Hillary read in my stead. I recently published it on RC.com. Please click here to read Andria's homily - Look To The Summit.

(This post was edited by cliffhanger9 on Mar 25, 2013, 9:07 PM)


passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 2:07 PM
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INDEX TO DR. PITON POSTS
ON RC.COM



[Like]FIRST HALF, eh?]




This is what you've been looking for! How to find my stuff here on RC.com. Be certain to read the

Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POSTS, as these are the ones that will provide you with the most useful information.


Another great place to find lots of useful stuff is here in my Technical and Teaching Photos Album. Here you will find many useful photos of the various wall systems and their components. If you prefer pictures to words, this is the place for you.


And if you're bored, or just want to dream about the Big Stone, here is a link to my Big Wall Photos from El Capitan Album.


Finally, if you want to reach me these days, or find plenty of other big wall tips [although you will have to hunt them down for yourself], please go check out the Supertopo Climbing Forum.
I can be reached through Supertopo's website message service.





PERSONAL SYSTEMS



Here is the best place to start - a post with over six thousand hits! Start in the centre of the circle - YOU - and work your way outwards. Find out about adjustable daisies, adjustable fifis, and the Better Way to rig everything. Everything has been linked, so you can see it all! Finally, you will know the STUFF YOU NEED AND HOW TO RIG IT. You can click here to read this Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST entitled Ask Dr. Piton ... about moving systems.



There is a wrong way to do things, and there is a Better Way to do things, and nowhere will this become more apparent than when you are on the sharp end during a hard aid lead. If you want to live to tell the tale, then you should click here to read this Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST and Ask Dr. Piton....about how to move up on aid without blowing it.



Wanna try to put it all together and climb sick aid? Then here are some suggestions about how to climb HARD AID and LIVE to tell the tale. There are some thoughts about bounce testing versus funk testing.



When you are an aid climber, you must learn to stand tall in the saddle. I like to say, "It always looks better from the next step up." And quite frequently, the next step up is pretty darn high. If you are to succeed in aid climbing, then you should Ask Dr. Piton: What is the Better Way to topstep? This is a Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST.



Wanna hear a bold prediction? Wanna know what's about to take the aid climbing world by storm? It's the Russian Aiders, dude! These things are ETS and receive the Wee-Wee the Big Wall Crab Seal of Endorsement. I believe that within the next five years, these things will become the standard aid climbing rig. You can click here to read more about the Trango Russian Aider system.



Unfortunately, Trango no longer makes Russian Aiders! But Russ Walling of Fish Products is stepping up to the plate to manufacture his version. You can click here and here and here to read Russ' updates, or to offer him suggestions for his design.



Can't get your hands on a set of Russian Aiders? Well, I'd recommend waiting until you can. But if you just have to [waste your money and] buy some traditional aiders, you can click here to Ask Dr. P: BD Alpine Etriers or Normal Etriers? I actually prefer something else.









CHAMPIONSHIP PIG WRESTLING



So just how hard can hauling be, anyway? I mean, don't you just put the rope through your compound pulley and start pulling? [Spoken]Pepe Le Pew accent: "Ha-ha! Eet ees to laugh!"] After a hundred and seventy nights on El Cap, I'm still figuring stuff out. But for the most part, I think I "get" how to haul. You can "get it" too - by clicking here to read Dr. Piton's 1:1 Hauling Tips. In this Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST, you will learn how to set up your hauling system, how to position your body, and how to haul both from a ledge, and from beneath a ledge. There's even a troubleshooting guide for when that sow of yours just won't move. Don't try hauling without bringing a copy of this post!



Here it is - the most watched Dr. Piton post ever! Click here to Ask Dr. Piton....about Chongo's 2:1 Hauling Ratchet. Now you can find out how to haul everything you ever wanted to bring up a big wall - microwave oven, solar-powered shower, satellite dish, colour TV set, and lay-zed-boy recliner chair. Finally you can see how to build this thing so it actually works, along with a troubleshooting guide to fix it when it doesn't. A Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST, this little post has clocked up seven thousand hits[!]



OK, so now you have hauled your sow right up to your hauling device, but what the hail you gonna do with her now? Traditional big wall technology would have you clip it to the anchor with a carabiner, but this will leave you with something of a dilemma: how to unclip it later? The secret is to use a designated cord called a Docking Tether. You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... about attaching your haul load to the anchor - the LOAD RELEASE KNOT. This post is fundamental to understanding proper pig-climber relationships.



There is a corollary to Murphy's Law which states, "you will always pack to the available space." This means that no matter how big your pig is, it will never be big enough. And if by some small miracle it is big enough, then you will have a helluva time getting stuff out of it. You can click here to find out how to prepare your sow for the wall, for there are a number of things you must do for her. You will also read how to prepare other stuff for the wall, and finally your can learn how to pack your porker. Click here and exclaim, Dr. Piton, my pig's not fat enough!



What! After all that, your sow still ain't porcine enough? Fortunately, there is a way to hang stuff outside your pig! If you want to create huge volumes of space in your beloved pig, then you really should catch onto Catch Lines!



OK, so now you have wrestled your sow all the way to the summit, but how are you gonna get that pig back to earth? Is she gonna crush your gonads while you rappel, or are you gonna show her who's boss? If you, like Dr. Piton, consider your bollocks to be of immeasurable worth, then you really should click this Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST and Ask Dr. Piton ... about how to rappel with a very heavy load. This post is one of Dr. Piton's funniest, and is worth reading just to see the squirrel!



So here you are, riding your pig down the fixed ropes on the East Ledges, when all of a sudden all three hundred and fifty pounds of you finds yourself approaching a knot in the rappel rope! [Don't laugh, it frickin' happened to me....] It's hard enough to pass a knot on rappel when it's just you, but how the heck do you do it with your pig?! This Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST will explain to you precisely in step by step fashion the trickiest rope maneuver of all - how to cross a knot on rappel, and how to do it while riding your pig. Great pictures and stuff to look at in this one! You can click here to Ask Dr. Pee'd On...How to pass a knot on rappel?



No fly for your ledge? No problem. You can click here to read about how to make a home-made portaledge fly. Just be sure to test it first on the side of your house - bring a garden hose and a friend with a good sense of humour!



Are you tired of hanging belays? Do you want to belay in comfort on every pitch? Do you have a recalcitrant ledge? One you have to beat into submission every night? You can lick both problems by learning how to "flag" your portaledge. You can click here to see a swell photo of a flagged ledge.

For an even better version of this article with lots of photos, you can click here to read about How to "flag" your portaledge











ASCENDING SYSTEMS AND CLEANING AID



Jugging and cleaning - what could be easier, eh? Just buy a couple jugs, throw 'em on your aiders, and away you go. Piece of piss, or is it? While it's no problem on a straight crackline on an eighty-degree wall, things become exponentially more difficult on overhanging and traversing pitches. The inability to jug and clean is responsible for more big wall failures than you might believe. Get your systems dialled first.

For an even better description of how to set up a Froggy jugging system, you can click here to read about Jugging the Froggy Way





Jugging



Do you have weiner arms? Do you want to be able to jug about three times faster than most everyone else? Do you want to go screaming past guys with biceps bigger than your thighs? You can! The Better Way to ascend a fixed rope is by using the Petzl Frog ascending system. Nothing else even comes close, and you should not go anywhere near a big wall until you have rigged your ascenders thusly. You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... about the Better Way to ascend a fixed rope. Be sure to look at the diagram on page two, as it will show you the correct lengths for your footloop. Dr. Piton is also a caver, and generally speaking, cavers have nothing better to do than perfect their jugging systems. You learn a thing or two after you've jugged about twenty vertical miles. You can also read about the Ropewalker system. A Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST.



While there are a number of different methods you can use to hold up your Croll ascender in the Petzl Frog ascending system, I believe the Better Way to be the Petzl Torse chest harness. Cheap, compact and effective, the Torse will substantially improve the efficiency of your Frog system. I just got mine, and have only tried it so far in a cave, but man does that little gizmo rock! I can't wait to use the thing on the big wall. Man, if you think I could jug fast before.... [heh]



You can click here for some ideas about how to connect your Croll to your wall harness when using the Petzl frog system.



If you are interested, you can click here to read a testimonial from a satisfied 'wall patient' who I helped to rig the Frog system.



Are you too cheap to buy a Croll ascender? Well, you shouldn't be. But in case you are, you can Ask Dr. Piton .... about substituting the Basic for the Croll in a Frog ascending system.



When I first started surfing around the net for technical information, I came upon a thread in the rec.climbing newsgroup asking about when to tie backup knots while jugging. Talk about an information vacuum! Nobody, and I mean nobody, had the first clue. It really ain't that hard to figure out! Sheesh. You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton ....... about using backup knots while jugging.







Cleaning



You would be amazed at just how difficult it can be to clean an aid pitch! Especially one that traverses and overhangs. Well, you need struggle no more. When I was sitting up in my portaledge drinking coffee one day, I wrote down the exact sequence in step-by-step fashion of how to do it. Please click here to ask, Dr. Piton, cleaning an aid pitch with two jugs is a pain. Is there a BETTER WAY? This is one of the most useful posts the Doc has ever written, a Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST.

For an even better description with lots of photos, you can click here to read about The Better Way to clean an aid pitch.

When you come to clean a traversing section, chances are that sooner or later you will have to construct a 4:1 lower-out. You can click here to read Dr. Piton ... please explain 4:1 lower-out. Be sure to click here to have a look at Bob Shaftoe's diagram of the 4:1. While you're at it, please click here to see an excellent photo and explanation of the 4:1 lower-out.



For more along the same lines, you can click here to read thoughts on cleaning a traverse. It ain't the best way, as the title indicates, but it is the Better Way.



Dr. Piton talks about Fixed Lines Here are a few things you should know about rigging fixed lines for jugging and rapping, be they on walls or be they in caves. Take note: many people die when fixed lines break! Don't become one of them.



Ever wondered about how to join two fixed lines when you don't have a rebelay station available? You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... about a REALLY CLEVER WAY to join ropes.











SOLO SYSTEMS



Do you want to read about The Continuous Loop with Solo Tagging method of soloing? I bet you would. Some day I might even get around to redoing my sketches so I can write it up. It's a rather complex topic to say the least, but perhaps you can figure it out yourself. It starts right here where you can Ask Dr. Piton.....about the Solo Tag Rack ["Le woof..."]



Still confused? Join the club! You can click here for Q & A for Dr. Piton regarding Solo Rope Systems.



Once you complete your solo lead, you still have to return to your lower station. Here you can Ask Dr. Piton - How do you Rap Severly Overhung and Traversing Pitches?



How would you like to start your solo wall with a brand new rope, and complete your solo wall with a brand new rope? Rebelaying your solo lead rope with prusiks - page one and rebelaying your solo lead rope with prusiks - page two offer some really cool ideas that will allow you to completely eliminate lead rope abrasion on your solo walls, believe it or not! You can continue reading still more on this fundamental topic by clicking here to Ask Dr. Piton ... about Grigri soloing. These posts are FUNDAMENTAL to the solo wall climber.



Voice of Karl Malden in the old American Express commercial: "You're solo hauling on a big wall and your pig gets stuck - what will you do, what WILL you do?!" If you are a Dr. Piton aficionado, then this will be no problem for you, because you have already set up your Far End Hauler. This amazing invention allows you to haul your pig FROM your pig! Your pig hangs up under a roof? No problem. Need to haul your pig up a low-angle heap of choss? No worries, mate. You won't even abrade your haul line because it doesn't move! Solo hauling while your partner solo leads in blocks? You can click here to Ask Dr. Pins ... about Far End Hauling [I typed it on Brian's laptop while he was driving me to Yosemite, so it appears under his name] Be certain to click the link at the bottom of the page which will take you directly to this photo and detailed explanation of the Far End Hauler.



Ever wondered how to introduce some dynamic belaying into your self-belay system? You can click here to read about some ideas to introduce dynamism into your solo belay, including some ideas on how to reduce your fall factor.



The Body Hoist - page one and The Body Hoist - page two - a way to recover after a lead fall, and what to do when you find yourself dangling in space on the end of your lead rope. How on earth do you regain your high point without risking a further fall which would be held by the toothed cams of your ascenders? Find out here.



Can you generate a fall factor of 10?! Sure you can! Click here to read where Dr. Piton talks about The Via Ferrata, a DIFFERENT kind of fixed line. Here is a way for total wankers to take to the hills in relative safety. RC.com's own Oozing Pustule, who is Stu Hammett, has set up a via ferrata at his Nelson Rocks Climbing Preserve. Stu is a lawyer, and if you think my disclaimer is pretty good, you should read his!



A post that I really do need to write is to Ask Dr. Piton ....... about the Continuous Loop Method with Solo Tagging. A rather involved post, it requires me to redraw a bunch of sketches. Sheesh.











CLIMBING GEAR



Are you wanting to get started in aid climbing, but don't know what to buy? You can click here to find out: Dr. Piton - I need advice on a starter aid rack.



Ever wonder what you should have for a pin rack? Look, they don't call me "Pass the Pitons" Pete for nothin', eh? You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... about a Typical Aid Rack. The emphasis in this post is pitons, and there are some swell pictures to look at, but if you want to know more about what you need, you can follow the links in the post to get to Dr. Piton's Ultimate Big Wall Checklist. [Please excuse the ranting...]



If you're climbing a beat-out aid route, chances are you're going to need to use sawed-off pins. But just how do you make a sawed-off? And what kind(s) of pins are best? You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... about how to make a sawed-off?



Hey - is your piton sticking out too far? Want to minimize its bending moment? Then you should click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... about hero loops and tie-offs. This'll tell you what you need and how to rig it - all about keepers, and how to pre-tie your tie-offs into mobius strips.



Ever wondered how hard you should drive a pin? I'll give you a [HINT] - it pays to have a musical ear. You can click here to Ask Dr. Dumped On ... How hard should you drive a piton? You probably never knew what pitons and trombones have in common. I'm reasonably qualified in both. Reading this post will save your cleaner countless agonizing funks, which can be a VGT if you just happen to be your own cleaner!



Here's a post I *** still need to answer: *** Ask Dr. Piton ... about slings.



If you're climbing hard aid, a properly-positioned fall arrester can make the difference between a gentle catch, and a heart-stopping gear-ripping monster-horror show zip out every last piece to the anchor aid fall! You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... is there a Better Way to use Screamers?



Just how sick is sick? One of the sickest inventions known to aid-climberkind has got to be the head. Here you can Ask Dr. Piton How to Place Heads? Every aid climber needs a little head from time to time.



It's possible that there is a way to climb that's sicker than heading. If you've ever used a hook, then you'll know what I mean! You might think it's pretty straightforward to sling your hooks, but nothing could be further from the truth. There is some important stuff you should know, and you can click here to find out about how to sling your hooks. You'll find some cool photos in this Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST.

You can find what is probably the most comprehensive posting ever written about how to place heads by clicking Dr. Piton's Heading Tips



STILL not sick enough for you? How about hooks and heads on an expanding flake?! You can click here to read some ideas on climbing expanding flakes. Great comments by Copperhead, too!



Wanna try to put it all together and climb sick aid? Then here are some suggestions about how to climb HARD AID and LIVE to tell the tale. There are some thoughts about bounce testing versus funk testing.



Is your screwgate crab stuck? Don't have a leatherman handy? You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... How would you open a stuck screwgate carabiner? Maximize your worth!



Ever wonder what to do when faced with a blank section of rock? And what the heck is a rivet, anyway? You can Ask Dr. Piton ... what's up with rivets?[color="DDEEFF"]

[ This Message was edited by: passthepitonspete on 2003-02-10 08:28 ]

(This post was edited by cliffhanger9 on Mar 26, 2013, 6:33 PM)


passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 4:15 PM
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INDEX TO DR. PITON POSTS
ON RC.COM


[Like]SECOND HALF, eh?]



CLUSTERF*CK MANAGEMENT

When it comes to big wall lead racks bedecked with fifty pounds of aid gear, the usual state of affairs is "Chaos! Chaos! Chaos!" But by making these specific big wall rack modifications, you can reduce your wank factor, save time during changeovers, and actually be able to find stuff you need when you need it. Since you are reading this post, then you know finding stuff to be a VGT. You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton... about modifying the big wall gear rack. "Some day, all big wall aid racks will be made this way. But until then, you will have to do it yourself." A Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST.

Once you have modified your big wall rack, it would be a VGT if you knew how to put stuff onto it. Please click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... about how to rack your rack. If you and your partner(s) follow these tips, you will always know where stuff is, your stuff won't get [so] tangled, and your racking and changeover wank factors will be hugely reduced. A Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST.

Is your co-efficient of wank spiralling out of control? Does your unbridled clusterf*ckage precede you to every corner of the climbing community? If so, then you are not alone. Neither are you beyond hope. In this Dr. Piton SIGNATURE POST, you will learn [among many other things] how to steel your mind, how to prepare stuff for the wall, how to manage your ropes, and how to construct a vell-organicized bivi. Click here to read one of the Doc's best-ever posts, and to exclaim, Help Dr. Piton - It's Eating Me Alive!

There is a corollary to Murphy's Law which states, "you will always pack to the available space." This means that no matter how big your pig is, it will never be big enough. And if by some small miracle it is big enough, then you will have a helluva time getting stuff out of it. You can click here to find out how to prepare your sow for the wall, for there are a number of things you must do for her. You will also read how to prepare other stuff for the wall, and finally your can learn how to pack your porker. Click here and exclaim, Dr. Piton, my pig's not fat enough!

Every now and then, I get an easy one. You can click here to read how to protect yourself after the pendulum. Not rocket science, just the Better Way.

Ever wonder why Dr. Piton specializes in "off-the-couch" ascents? Well, you'd better click here to find out! One of Duncan's finest posts!

Ever dropped stuff? If you are a wall climber, there is only one answer to that question. But the question is, do you booty more than you drop? You can click here to comment on Your Worth as a Wall Climber. Are you on the plus side or the minus side? Find out where the Doc stands in this department.

And be sure to click here to read about Dr. Piton's All-Time Boneheaded Move! Yes folks, it's true, you can read about How Dr. Piton Dropped Tom's Pig. Sheesh.

Every now and then your clusterf*ckage can actually kill you. Make no mistake - climbing is deadly serious. If you blow it, the grim reaper eagerly awaits with open arms. Here is the story of one poor unfortunate whose combination of errors cost him his life. You can click here to read Mistakes + Synergy = DEATH. I publish such things in the interest of keeping you alive, which in Dr. Piton parlance is a VGT. Three thousands readers have agreed.





EFFICIENT TEAMWORK

Ever wonder why the speed climbers climb in a team of three? Ever wonder how to do it? You can click here to read about the Better Way to climb in a team of three.


*** UNANSWERED POST ***

Ask Dr. Piton.... about how to move gear efficiently between leader and second (and/or third)





BIG WALL THEORY

Here you'll find some really great examples of how NOT to do stuff!

I am endlessly amused when mainstream climbing magazines publish really stupid ways of doing stuff. I mean, don't these guys ever fricking climb?! You can click here to read More 'BIG WALL THEORY' from Climbing Magazine. Sheesh.

And if that ain't enough, you can click here to see where Climbing Magazine tells you how to destroy your gonads while rappelling with a heavy load. Fortunately, RC.com's addiroids set the mag straight.

You can click here to read my unpublished letter to the Editor of Climbing Mag. Sheesh.

The BWT's loved this one - Ask Dr. Piton ... about Chongo's 2:1 Hauling Ratchet There's 3:1's and 5:1's - hell, there's even a 7:1. Everything you never needed to know.

Maybe you're NOT a BWT. Perhaps you have successfully soloed a big wall. If so, then you should click here to answer Dr. Piton's BIG WALL SOLOIST Role Call.





LIVING ON THE WALL

Ever wonder what the Doc pigs out on when he's up there for so long? Need some ideas for haute cuisine? You can click here to get a few ideas about big wall food.

I don't know how many times I've been asked, "how do you go to the bathroom on the wall?" Traditional Technology would have you use a poop tube. But I believe the Better Way to be the Wall Flower. It ain't perfect, but it beats the heck out of carrying down your sh*t from the summit! You can click here to read about The Wall Flower - the Better Way to big wall human waste management. This post contains a rather humourous eye-witness account...

You can also click here to read more about Big Wall Bathrooms.





ROUTE BETA

The Nose on El Capitan is arguably the World's Greatest Rock Climb. In the Doc's opinion, it should be every trad climber's goal to one day climb The Nose. But The Nose presents a much different challenge than other El Cap routes because of its length, difficulty of hauling, abundance of bivi ledges, and exclusively clean protection. While Dr. Piton's Ultimate Big Wall Checklist will tell you about all the stuff you need to climb a full-on El Cap nailup, if The Nose is in your plans, then you really should click here to Ask Dr. Piton... about The Nose gear list. Find out what stuff you need, and what stuff you don't need to bring.

You can click here to Ask Dr. Piton ... about Zodiac clean. The Zodiac on El Cap is one of the world's most popular aid lines. If you want to know more, check here.

Remember, the best source of El Cap beta can be found by going to Dr. Piton's profile, and checking out his resume of El Cap climbs. The Doc has managed to claw his way up El Cap twenty-one times by twenty-one different routes, including six solo ascents. Check out the Doc's trip reports, and see what beta you can glean.

If you want any further beta on any of these climbs, it's only a mouse click away - just send me a PM and I'd be glad to help! [For a small fee - like, think "sherpa"....]





CHONGO'S BOOK

Man, you'd think with nearly five thousand hits the guy might get the [HINT] and make some more copies available. Yes! the book really does exist. It's a six-hundred page tome called The Complete Book of Big Wall Climbing - Volume One - The Ground Manual. I'm the Editor. You can click here to try to figure out how the heck to get yourself a copy: Dr. PTPP: Your Book?

Some people simply do not "get it". Some people do not believe Chongo's book exists, or that I am who I say I am. So I decided to tell you. I thought it would be a good idea to provide a reference. And when providing a reference, I figured I ought to go straight to the top. I mean, if you're gonna provide a reference, ya might as well give a good one, eh? So who better than the World's Greatest Climber? You can click here to read Dr. Piton's statement of IDENTITY and CREDIBILITY where he provides a REFERENCE. This is the first time I've published the location of this amusing little story, though it's been "hiding" here for the better part of a year. [I'm a wascally wabbit.] All of my "sheep" please say "Baaaaaaaaaa......."





OTHER STUFF

Ask Dr. Piton ... about aid ratings Are you confused about aid climbing ratings? Join the club! I don't fricking "get it" either, but here is my attempt to explain it. Find out about old school vs. new wave aid ratings, clean aid ratings, and what I believe to be the Better Way to rate an aid route - the Casual Rating System. You too can die on New Wave A2+! If this one doesn't leave you shaking your head, nothing will.

Ever wonder what makes hard aid hard? You can click here to find out.

Dr. Piton defines 'Trade Route' and talks about BWT's - This three-part series wil help you understand where the term "trade route" comes from, and gives you insight into Big Wall Theorists.

Does aid climbing seem a bit hypocritical to you? That you would bash in pins and heads, but not actually drill? If you want to add to your confusion, you can click here to read some of Dr. Piton's thoughts about style, ethics and drilling.

Here is a really useful knot that you will use again and again on every single pitch on the big wall! You can click here to read about The amazing BUTTERFLY knot, and the BETTER WAY to tie it.

Now, if you happen to be fixing ropes for jugging and rapping, and have to join together two ropes, and can't put the knot at a rebelay which is best, then you can click here to see a really cool knot for joining together two fixed ropes.

Would you trust your life to something called a Death Knot? I would. The European Death Knot is the Better Way to join two ropes together for a double-rope rappel. It is much less likely to hang up when you pull the ropes! [If you have ever had your rappel ropes get stuck, then you will know precisely what I mean!] The EDK is NOT unsafe - at least if you tie it correctly - it merely LOOKS scary! You can click here to read about the European Death Knot - the Better Way to join two ropes for a double-rope rappel.

Ever wonder how good some o' them-thar gear catalogues are? Do they "get it", or are they just blowing hot air? You can click here to read where Dr. Piton Pontificates ... on the 2002 Metolius catalogue.

Do you appreciate Dr. Piton's stuff? A lot of people do! So much so that they have met me in Yosemite, brought me beer, given me rides, put me up [and put up with me!], and even schlepped my pigs. "Greater love hath none than this: that he pick up a pig for his friend." You can click here to read my HUGE THANKS to everyone for all your help in Yosemite! [May-June 2002] and also Dr. Piton says THANKS to everyone for all your help in Yosesmite this fall! [August-September 2002]

It is a well-known fact that Dr. Piton does not train. While it is a rare day indeed to catch him in a climbing gym [though he was recently sighted in Wyoming] the Doc actually does do one particular exercise for training, one he picked up from some of the world's greatest climbers while living in Camp 4. Learn what Patrick Edlinger, Aischan Rupp and Janez Jeglic all have in common. Learn why Jason Smith is called "Singer". Quilting ROCKS! [Quilting as finger strength training] [Quilting is also a great chick magnet - heh heh....]

Wanna hear Dr. Piton sing? Probably not. It's not hard to get him to sing - it's just hard to get him to stop. You can click here for the chords and lyrics to his song, I Am A Solo Wall Climber.

And just what the heck is a Big Wall
Crab,
anyway?!



[ This Message was edited by: passthepitonspete on 2003-01-21 13:58 ]

(This post was edited by cliffhanger9 on Mar 25, 2013, 5:19 PM)


passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 4:45 PM
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INDEX TO DR. PITON RANTS


Feeling troubled? Feeling frustrated? Can't sleep? Then this is the place for you, mate. One of the great benefits of our website is our ability to rant at will. [Poor Will, people are always firing at him, too...] People find these little gems of wisdom from time to time, and I receive PMs telling me of their amusement.

Some of these I wrote last year when I first came on board. It was an extremely difficult period in my life, and some of my writings reflect it. I haven't been nearly so prolific at RANTING since then - this can be a bad thing, but this can be a good thing, too.

If you dig into these RANTS, then prepare to be incensed, insulted, or downright pissed off! Politically Correct I ain't.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

The Doc very much enjoys reading other people's rants. Nothing feels quite so satisfying as a really good RANT. [Well, almost nothing...] Ranting is good for the soul, and promotes health and well-being by lowering your blood pressure. If you feel inspired to rant because you have read one of my rants, then please RANT ON! Send me a PM when your rant brings my ranting back to the top of the list!

Try it - you'll feel better!

Doctor's orders.


Dr. Piton's THERAPEUTIC BENEFITS OF RANTING

Dr. Piton's OSCAR-WINNING RANT

Dr. Piton's COMPLETELY IGNORED RANT

Dr. Piton's ETHICAL PURITY RANT

Dr. Piton's EX-WIFE'S RANT

Dr. Piton RANTS ABOUT HIS DETRACTORS

FURTHER FOLLOW-UP GUSHING by Dr. Piton

Dr. Piton's *STILL* COMPLETELY IGNORED RANT

Dr. Piton's "YOU TOO CAN BE A CLIMBING BUM!" RANT

Dr. Piton's SCHOOLTEACHER RANT

Dr. Piton's DAFFODIL RANT

Dr. Piton RANTS about THE YOUNG BULL AND THE OLD BULL

Dr. Piton's COWARDICE AND CHEATING RANT

Dr. Piton's CHRISTMAS MESSAGE ABOUT LOVE,
FORGIVENESS AND HOPE


Dr. Peton's [sic] CANADIAN ASSASSIN
RANT
- see page 3

Dr. Piton's LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE RANT

Dr. Piton's MY TRAD LINE GOT RETROBOLTED
RANT

Dr. Piton's PRIVATE MESSAGES SHOULD REMAIN PRIVATE RANT see page 2 and page 3

Dr. Piton's SONG: I Am A Solo Wall Climber

Dr. Piton's THIS GUY IS GOING TO END UP DEAD IF HE DOESN'T SMARTEN UP RANT

Dr. Piton's DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO
CLIMB A BIG WALL? RANT

[ This Message was edited by: passthepitonspete on 2002-12-21 17:18 ]


passthepitonspete


Dec 21, 2002, 4:58 PM
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GLOSSARY OF
DR. PITON TERMS



Agape - pronounced "ah-GAP-pay" - the highest form of love. Forgiving and unconditional, volitional as well as emotional, a choice or decision. Agape is what you do for someone when you don't feel like loving them

Babe-O-Licious - see shagadelic [in reference to a hottie]

Bail - to retreat or fail [from]

Bailmaster - one who specializes in bailing [ex. Big Wall Pete - so named because he failed so many times, at least at first] Frequently found in El Cap Meadows gazing longingly upwards, a bail- master is able to provide you with every excuse you might ever need for failing to climb a big wall. The creativity of a bailmaster is unparalled, except perhaps by that of a BWT

BBB - Bitchin' Beyond Belief, in reference to a hottie who is ETS

Better Way - Dr. Piton's methods for big wall climbing. Remember that the Better Way does not purport to be the Best Way. It is like a smorgass- bord - it's OK to put some of the stuff on your plate, and leave some behind

Big Wall Anything - an anything with a clip-in loop added [ex. big wall wine bottle, big wall microwave oven]

Big Wall Crab - a climbing crustacean who specializes in solo ascents of El Cap

Bitchin' - swell, excellent, of the highest quality

Bold text - Dr. Piton hallmark

BSEG - big sh*t-eating grin

Buddy - Canuck for "that dude" [ex. buddy over there on the wall]

BWG - Big Wall Gumby, a climber whose wank factor frequently spirals out of control, yet who somehow, some way, has managed by fair means to reach the summit of at least one big wall

BWT - Big Wall Theorist - a free climber with virtually no aid or wall climbing experience who is willing to tell you step by step each and every thing you should be doing when you climb a big wall. BWT's are frequently found at the base of walls or in parking lots, where they can be heard blaming their partner for their latest wall climbing failure while refusing to acknowledge their own culpability. Perhaps the answer, they say, is to try a harder wall next time - solo. While the internet is littered with BWT's, by definition, you will never find a BWT on the summit, for at that point they graduate to BWG

Carpe swinem! - The Call of the Pig

Chongo - Charles [Chuck] V. Tucker - Eccentric Yosemite guru and wall doctor whose unique combination of brilliance and indolence has resulted in some of the greatest big wall inno- vations ever. Author of The Complete Book of Big Wall Climbing, a six-hundred page tome edited by Dr. Piton himself, a book which is curiously difficult to obtain, and whose very existence has actually been denied by Detractors!

Clusterf*ck - what you get when your wank factor spirals out of control

Co-efficient of Wank - that unitless number, which when multiplied by the total amount of time spent on a particular task, equals the amount of time lost to unproductive activity [i.e. wanking about]

Color - Merrican for colour

Compound Pulley - a hauling device with pulley and integral toothed cam or holding ratchet

Correlation - does not imply causality

Corollary - a natural consequence [of], a proposition that follows from one already proved [ex. If you are bitchin', then you will have
detractors. Note that the converse is not necessarily true - just because you have detractors does not necessarily mean you are bitchin'. You might just be a jerk]

Crab - Brit. slang for carabiner - not to be confused with Big Wall Crab

Crab-O-Ledge - Dr. Piton's home

Credibility - being worthy of belief, not shooting yourself in the foot

[DDEL] - diabolical Dr. Evil laughter [Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!]

Degree of Freedom - an ability to perform an operation without affecting anything else

Descendeur - rappel device

Detractor - one who [attempts] speak ill of you, a necessary encumbrance if you are bitchin', often motivated by jealousy, pride and insecurity

Duct tape - handyman's secret weapon, it can save your life on a big wall. NO lead rack is complete without it

Entropy - the spontaneous tendency towards disorder, as in the Second Law of Thermodynamics

ETS - Emphatically The Sh*t

Empirical evidence - replicated enough times in a controlled environment to establish strong positive correlation

Fundamental - pay frickin' attention or you will end up dead!

"Getting it" - more of a destination than a journey - for the most part, either you "get it", or you don't
Hearsay - something you heard someone say about someone else but without actually hearing it from the first person's own mouth, inadmissable, rampant at RC.com - attempting to use it undermines your own credibility

[HINT] - indirect indication of a suggestion, small piece of practical information; sometimes delivered in "stage whisper", or with all the subtlety of a 2 x 4 across the chops: "I'm talking to you, dammit!"

Hoser - Canuck

Hottie - a woman of unusual attractiveness and desirability

Keffle out - to bail on your partner(s) without valid reason, emphatically the worst sin according to Dr. Piton

Legit - bona fide, genuine

Loquacious - excessively talkative or verbose, using twenty-six words when four or five will do

Love - see agape

Lurker - avid fan or reader of Dr. Piton who does not make frequent posts [if] on RC.com.

KYKO - fundamental advice to young women who wish to attract and actually keep YB's

Mexicanized crab - a standard non-locking crab whose gate has been locked with duct tape

Mini-Big Wall Tutorial - a talk by Dr. Piton given at the drop of a hat usually in the parking lot, Camp 4, at the base or on the summit - a complete solution to your wall climbing problem usually scribbled on a scrap of paper or serviette [that's "napkin" to you Merricans, eh?], or performed with a few slings, carabiners and pieces of cord. Climbers in receipt of said tutorial frequently respond with phrases like, "that's so simple! I can't believe I never thought of that before!"

Morning - begins sometime after 10 a.m., coffee is integral and requisite

OB - Old Bull - very much a journey rather than a destination, possessing of great wisdom and experience, highly sought-after by hotties who tire
of YB's

Plain Vanilla - ordinary, mediocre, humdrum, 5 out of 10, the ultimate Dr. Piton insult

Politically-correct angry woman - b*tch

Pride - a sin, the opposite of humility, the belief that you are more bitchin' than you really are, a blinding towards self-examination and self- improvement, one of Dr. Piton's character flaws

Redundancy - the concept that something can be lost or omitted without loss of significance, and which must be incorporated into every big wall
climbing system [ex. on a big wall, this means bringing two things in case you happen to drop one]

Rob Large it - to second a climb, and to leave the cleaned gear clipped to the rope

Signature song [of] - AC/DC's You Shook Me All Night Long, played loudly on the wall at sunset, and with loud coyote howl in the pause after the opening guitar riff - audible for a half-mile
Shagadelic - see Babe-O-Licious

Square brackets - [ ] - see bold text

Stylin' - to climb a wall with all the luxuries of home, to be comfortable in an exceptionally hostile environment, to be accompanied by a shagadelic hottie

Synergy - the interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects

The Sh*t - purest and most perfect form or manifestation or embodiment of a quality, etc., quintessence, the ultimate, none higher

Traditional - stupid

Vell-organicized - the opposite to a clusterf*ck, operating with minimized wank factor

VGT - very good thing

Voila! - Bob's Your Uncle

Wall Doctor - one who is both willing and able to solve big wall problems [Note: be sure to carefully scrutinize anyone purporting to be a Wall Doctor - they could be a BWT in disguise.] Wall Doctors are known to "play doctor" with hotties from time to time, and sometimes they even make house calls

Wanker - one prone to operating with a high wank factor

Wank factor - see co-efficient of wank

Water Commissioner - Dr. Piton [Note: you must never ever dump your water out if you bail from El Cap! Please bring your water bottles to Dr. Piton for storage, and redistribution at a later date]

WEG - way evil grin

Worth - your ability to arrive at the summit of a big wall having bootied more gear than you have dropped

YB - Young Bull - a transitional stage in the journey towards becoming an OB, but at least predictable in behaviour [Note]hotties: you will find OB's to be only slightly less frustrating and irritating than YB's]

[ This Message was edited by: passthepitonspete on 2003-02-08 11:46 ]

(This post was edited by cliffhanger9 on Mar 25, 2013, 11:03 AM)


passthepitonspete


Jan 2, 2003, 12:21 PM
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** Index To Dr. Piton Stuff ** [In reply to]
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It's great to see that people are making good use of this index!

Bob & Doug McKenzie voice: "Everyone say, 'beauty', eh?"

Thanks very much to everyone for

NOT REPLYING TO THIS POST!

Emphatically you "get it".

You can click here if you want to see what's new.

Cheers,

The Doc


passthepitonspete


Sep 14, 2003, 11:04 AM
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Just a little bump to move this index back to the front page. While it has not been updated in the last month, you can at least click here to read my updated profile.

I'll update this Index thang shortly, eh?

Cheers,

The Doc

[Thanks]NOT REPLYING TO THIS POST, eh?]


rogueclimber


Sep 14, 2003, 1:43 PM
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reply


passthepitonspete


Nov 12, 2003, 11:08 PM
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Like, "bump", eh?


bandycoot


Feb 10, 2004, 10:08 AM
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Not a "reply", just a "bump", and to let you know that Pete is still around - willing and available to answer questions via email. You can reach him at peterzabrok@cogeco.ca


Partner tim


Feb 10, 2004, 10:39 AM
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In reply to:
Not a "reply", just a "bump", and to let you know that Pete is still around - willing and available to answer questions via email. You can reach him at peterzabrok@cogeco.ca

You can also reach him through Rock & Ice at drpiton@bigstonepub.com and possibly win free gear. Just because rc.com and Dr. Piton have parted ways, does not mean we do not wish him success as an author.


timpanogos


Feb 10, 2004, 11:12 AM
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The Rock and Ice address given by Tim is for asking questions for PTPP that will be answered in the rag. These questions need to be short and consise and the printed page is expensive and limited.

Pete does not have access to the given R&I address - the rag filters and forwards to him - if you have personal questions contact his personal email address.

If you have flame or other input - please use another thread.


epic_ed


Apr 16, 2004, 2:38 PM
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Well, 'tis the season. Many of us are training for various big wall goals and I thought it'd be worthwhile to bring this thread to the top again. I have found myself perusing it for info lately and figured some of you might be, too.

Bump.


hooker


Apr 16, 2004, 3:22 PM
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Sure....nothing like banning a person and then taking advantage of what they have to offer. Typical RC.com mentality; thanks for making it obvious for the average user to see the hypocrisy.

Sort of like how Americans treat the Indians, eh? Run off the people, but make sure to make some $$$$ off their trinkets.

You should be very proud, and I am sure you are.


hooker


Apr 17, 2004, 5:17 AM
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In reply to:
Well, 'tis the season. Many of us are training for various big wall goals and I thought it'd be worthwhile to bring this thread to the top again. I have found myself perusing it for info lately and figured some of you might be, too.

Bump.

Are you goin to erase this post as well? I posted this yesterday, but one of you loosers deleted it.

You ban the guy but you want to continue to take advantage of the man's work. How typical of the RC.com mentality.

Sort of like the way Americans treat the Indians, eh? Run the people off, but make some $$$ off their trinkets.

You should be very proud, and I am sure that you are.


epic_ed


Apr 17, 2004, 3:50 PM
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Pete's material remains on the site per his request.


Partner coylec


Jul 20, 2004, 12:19 PM
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In reply to:
Pete's material remains on the site per his request.

Yep. Seeing as the season is in full swing, figured I'm bump this to the top -- been referencing it quite a bit and figured it might be useful to others.

coylec


deuce4


Feb 18, 2005, 4:02 PM
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another bump

Hey Dr. Piton.

I heard a song once that resembled some Pink Floyd tune:

"we don't need no fixed protection
DOOH, DOOH
we don't need no pitons or bolts...
DOOH, DOOH
HEY,CLIMBERS, leave those cliffs alone..
Babom..."


crshbrn84


May 19, 2005, 5:50 PM
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just think i would give this a good bump along, lots of good info


epic_ed


Sep 14, 2005, 11:13 PM
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Bump for the season.

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