|
|
|
|
maculated
May 16, 2004, 9:30 PM
Post #1 of 43
(11809 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 22, 2001
Posts: 6169
|
I don't fall down all the time. It's only because those sticky rubber flip flops that I have had for years got wet. I only just got done telling TennDawg that when it happened. I am nimble, I am surefooted, I'm a friggin' gazelle. And this TR is also to make sure that TennDawg gets the ribbing he asked for at the top of a particular climb.
It's been four or so months since I've been roped up, owing to a particular evil evil climb in the Owens River Gorge that left me with a torn/strained rotator cuff. Many months of lying around, getting fat, and typing way too much on the computer did have one benefit: I had a lot of extra money.
And, my fellow climbers, what do we do with unspent gas and munchy money? Save it for a rainy day? Hellllllllllllllllllllllllll no! We buy ourselves a plane ticket the minute we feel healed up and we go somewhere new and interesting! In the middle of a school quarter!!
That place for me, spoiled as I am by easy drives to J Tree, Bishop, Red Rocks, Yosemite, blah blah blah, was the Red River Gorge. I was met with a lot of wide eyes around the campfire at Miguels when I told them all I was from California. A common response was, "Why????"
Aside from finally meeting TennDawg, who I've spent countless hours forcing to chat with me really late at night on Instant Messenger (and with whom I spent countless hours chatting until really late at night in the back of his truck), this place really brought out the squealing girlie in me. My family used to ship me back east to Pennsylvania every summer to spend time with my dad's family on this lake. While KY isn't PA, it has the same lizards, same greenery, and same atmosphere. It's very different from California and because my 12 year old memories are precious, so too is Kentucky: trailers and all. At one point I carried a little toad I'd found around with me all evening while chatting up my fellow climbers. Toad holding means love.
So it's day four of my "Half Cocked Trip to the Red." I've been gorging myself on cereal bars and well-prepared pizza topped with Feta cheese, and I'm itching for a trad day. The first day of climbing, my arm was still not properly warmed up and I had a very tough time with pulling the roof on Creature Feature (5.9 sport). Magically, however, my muscles stretched, and the constant ache was gone. Climbing solves and creates all ills, it does.
TennDawg and I load up our gear and sort our rack and truck up to Long Wall with every intent to jump on Rock Wars. After a grueling slog uphill (I'm dying in the humidity . . . forgot what that feels like), we are greeted by a fairly large party with top ropes on the good climbs. They tell us they'll be on TR all day, but we can hitch a ride up anytime.
We sit around for a while. And we sit. Finally I get up and explore around the corner, and cue the music from Heaven:
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .
The nicest offwidth/chimney I've seen outside of Yosemite. Weeeeee!! And is it leadable? Nope. But there's a route that looks doable to the right.
"What'd you find?" asks TennDawg in response to my happy dance as I return to our packs. I describe it and he goes over to look for himself. We check his guidebook. Mailbox, 5.8 and the offwidth is Yuk, 5.9.
I loves the offwidths. I loves the chimneys. I love struggling up stuff and getting frustrated and flailing harder.
"That's it," says Tenn Dawg in his southern drawl, "I'm not waiting around anymore, let's go climb."
I happily pick up my pack and skip over to the base of the 5.8. The plan is to lead the 5.8 and then TR the chimney/offwidth from the top. It looks like you can walk along a ledge to get there. And I'm standing there as TennDawg unloads his gear . . . and you know . . .
"What the hell, I'll lead it."
TennDawg's eyes get big. "Okay," I start putting my harness on, "I'm proud of you."
Oh great, I smirk. He thought I was just one of those whiny non-climbing/poser type chicks. So I've been on hiatus for months. The last climb I lead I was tricked into leading 10b. I thought it was 5.7. I'm injured for Jeebus' sake. But whatever . . . the spirit is willing, let's get up this climb.
I rack up, and awaaaaaaaaay we go. Nice little finger/hand crack so far. The gear is sparse at best. 20 feet or so up, I have two pieces in, and TennDawg asks me to put in another behind a chockstone I don't particularly like. This turns into a nicely equalized piece, so I climb up to a ledge at the base of the squeeze chimney.
Suddenly the sounds of carnal love emanating from the fairer sex echo about the forest. Sounds like a certain girl is having the time of her life. I ask TennDawg, "Is she SERIOUS?? She can't be serious." He surmises that she's on RockWars, on Top Rope, and that orgasmish yawp is elicited by fear. I think she's faking it. Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh!! UUUUUUUUUNGGGGGHH!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!! AAAAHH!! Then silence.
Now is the business. No pro to be had unless little ol' maculated can squeeze her big behind into that chimney. I look at the face. Totally climbable, but scary considering the runout involved. Nope, I think, I want the gear. This is my first lead in months. I want the gear.
Again shrieks emanate from the rock. This time she's fallen. Unnnneeeeeehhh!! I suspect that her belayer is having a fine time. I look down at TennDawg, "Should I answer back?" Nahhh . . . I'm too cool to orgasm on this climb. I'll do it in a coffee shop a la Meg Ryan. I have too much aluminum on me to get the proper tone.
I try to force my way in, full rack. Nothing doing. Hmm. I try the face again. Nothing doing. I look back at the chimney. Hmm.
I take off the cams and nuts on my right side and hang them on my belay loop. Still nothing doing, as they manage to still get in the way. I try the face again. Nope.
I look down at a very bored TennDawg, "Sorry!" He smiles up, but I don't notice a reply. He probably rolled his eyes at me. He likes to do that.
God, I hate that. When I started playing lacrosse in college, all of us, when we'd send the balls errantly, would cry out, "Sorry!" Our male coaches would scream in frustration, "Don't be SORRY!! JUST STOP DOING IT!" Girls, in case you haven't noticed, are trained to be sorry for sucking. Well, as of this trip report, I'm NOT SORRY! I'm NOT!!! I'd be sorry if I plummeted to my grisly demise! That's SORRY!
Okay, anyway.
So, I look back at that chimney. Looks like a good 10 feet. Look in there. Text book tricam placement, but a good alien placement too. I look at the face. Finally I decide that if I try higher up, I might be able to squeeze in.
We both hold our breaths as I venture out on to the slabby face. I up a few moves and delicately mantle myself onto a small ledge. We both go, "Whew!" as I stand up and get myself wedged into the chimney.
I push in. Nothing. I push in again. Nothing. I try compressing my boobies for more space. Finally I'm in, but not that kind of in. I lean in and try to touch the crack I want to stick gear in. Inches away. Dammit.
I look down. I flap arms and legs around freely, the magic of the butt and boobie cam. "Look! No hands!" TennDawg probably rolls his eyes.
Okay. I put all my gear on the right gear loops and hang there for a while. I sigh. Woah. What was that? I slid in a bit. Big breath. Sigh. In. Big breath. Sigh. In. I get out the green alien. Sigh . . . "We're in!"
"You're clipped?"
"Yeah!"
Release the balloons and confetti!! Maculated is now protected from a grisly roll, bounce, and crater! YAY!!!
As I shimmy my way up the chimney section and level out on another ledgelike feature before I get to awkward hands, I look up. Hmm. That last eight foot section isn't the nice fingers I'd thought it would be. Looks like a seam. Lieback.
I look down, "Hey, uh . .. this is scary. I don't know about this."
TennDawg looks up, "Just do it."
Hmm. Okay. Thanks Nike.
Now we're in a slightly overhanging, awkward fist jam with the occasional money hold. I take a deep breath and commit. Two moves up, I'm bugging a bit. I wish I had more gear. Where the hell is my 3.5 cam?? Digging around behind me, I find it. My right leg is twisted on a small foothold, calf camming into the crack, and left leg trying to hold a t-jam. I'm stretching up . . . and it slots. Whew. But it isn't that great. I get on my tippy toes to adjust it and that's when it happens:
KAPOW!
My right leg gives out as I feel my patella shift away from its usual track and go sliding down the inner part of my knee joint. If you've not felt this, you're lucky. Once my leg is deweighted and I am caught by my gear (which was pretty much at chest level or so, so no real fall), I straighten my leg and the patella slaps back into place. But . . . OWWWWWWWWWWWW. Game over.
I look down, "Did you see that? Did you see that? Dammit!" TennDawg says, "What, you skin your leg? I mean, you were doing some kind of weird leg thing, it was pretty inefficient, but . . ."
Yeah. I give up when I skin my leg. I wish I had photos of the bruises I had from this trip. Heck, TennDawg wailed on me during a punch war after about six beers and I'm still sporting the bruises. Did I cry? No. Did I "eek"? No. Am I going to fall because I scrape my knee? Sheesh. He thinks I bailed because I got scared. Sheesh.
I made him lower me after setting myself a few more pieces to be safe.
On the ground I hobbled around a bit and got a drink of water and some climber candy (Ibuprophen). This dislocation thing isn't new. When I was a young 'un it happened all the time. I'm a little scared at this point, and still am, because the last time it happened, it was chronic for 3 years, and though I may not show it constantly, the residual damage around the area HUUUUUUUUUUUUURTS.
It's now up to TennDawg to get us up this climb. He looks at me and tells me that he would have done a leg cam in that particular chimney that was giving me trouble. I tell him to show me, as this is something I've never heard of.
I ask him to pull the rope and lead it up but he declines, says he trusts my placements. I made a decision a while back after a partner decked doing just that on my gear that I would never let anyone lead on my gear, save myself. But, times have changed, and I said it would be okay, so long as he checked my pieces religiously. So, as he's TRing up the climb (sailing, mind you, sailing), I'm yelling at him to check my gear. All's well.
When he gets up to my last piece, I call up, "Hey, inefficient technique there!" Since, you know, he claimed that my weird leg position wasn't proper. Turns out he was doing the same thing. Ha ha.
And then he goes, "Wooooh." Yup, that top part, it is scaaaaaaary.
He decides to aid it. Plugs in aliens and has me take the whole way up the final corner. On the top, it appears to have a nice block to yard up onto, but in reality, it's a scary mantle. He tries it once and fails. Then suddenly he finds the secret hold. He's up. Break out the champagne!!! Epic trad cragging at its finest!!
He sets an anchor and we discuss what to do next. I decide that after a little break, my leg appears functional, so he might as well come on down and let me clean and set up the TR on the chimney. I'm sure as hell not getting my fine chimneying done, but he wanted to, so fine with me.
I'm cleaning gear on my second ascent of mailbox when my knee buckles out from under me again. And again at the same spot. You'd think I'd be more careful, but no.
And I am not going to stop now. I'm in the Red. I haven't been climbing for months. I am not going to stop now.
I end up pulling all the moves (though I am sure I felt TennDawg pulling on the rope at the crux part), and top out. Huzzah! That thing was NO 5.8. I give it a healthy 5.9. I know these things.
Now I'm on belay and walking tremulously across a foot wide ledge full of moss and leaves on a knee that might give on me any moment. I look down at the space and the fact that 20 feet of rope is out. Best not to think of it. Best not to think of it . . . keep going.
I get to the ledge where the chimney ends and get to building an anchor. Long story short, it's done, and I have to jump off into space on rappel in order to get down. That was fun. Let me tell you.
And now it's time for TennDawg to shine. I tell him that if he makes it up this, he's a real-by-golly-chimney climber and I'll be proud to haul him around Yosemite if he ever forsakes the South. He starts up the route shirtless and wearing shorts.
This is your time to cringe, experienced OW/chimney climbers.
He didn't want to mess up his shirt. He didn't want to. It was a nice shirt, I'll give him that, but . . . he didn't want to mess up his shirt.
An hour later, he's at the top. We've had a few visitors watch in awe as he fights with the rock and the space, including a badass lizard who would climb up to his level, laugh, and wait for TennDawg to get going up again. Which reminds me, he left me a Geico card, I should look into insuring my car with them, he seemed like a nice guy.
When he came down, I was exceedingly proud. Not only did he have some massive, oozing abrasions on his back, arms, and knees, but his Mythos' toes were completely gone. The guy had just done the chimney with exposed little piggies!!!
Cue raging audience applause!
After that, we wandered over to RockWars, where the orgasmic chick and her friends had been, found it alone, but decided that the day was pretty much spent. We were both pretty sore, and I had a feeling that leading now would be a bad idea.
As we limped back down the steep trail to the truck, I slipped again, to the sound of my helmet cracking against a rock, bloodying my elbow, and the rolling of TennDawg's eyes. "You fall all the time."
"I do not."
"I'm surprised you can even walk. Klutz."
"I am not! I am not!"
|
|
|
|
|
kachoong
May 16, 2004, 9:47 PM
Post #2 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jan 22, 2004
Posts: 9602
|
That was a really entertaining read! I really enjoyed that!
....hope your knee improves....
|
|
|
|
|
holdplease2
May 16, 2004, 9:52 PM
Post #3 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 17, 2002
Posts: 1733
|
Hey Kristen!
I hope your knee is doing OK...
I am glad to hear you got to take a trip to my "home crag" in RRG, KY! I have taken more falls on Rock Wars than any other climb, including sport climbs...still can't hang on long enough to finish it clean...and Creature Feature was my first sport lead! I llllove the rrrrred!
Thank you for bringing back so many great memories! Great writing, too, I can't wait till you get in more climbing so I can read more of your trip reports.
-Kate.
|
|
|
|
|
addiroids
May 16, 2004, 10:04 PM
Post #4 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Oct 10, 2001
Posts: 1046
|
Well you could have saved your money, bought a ledge, and soloed a wall instead of f...f...free climbing in KY with UncleDad. Just kidding. But I am glad to hear you are okay.
A little preventative work on that knee could help it out. Some squats and leg extensions will build up the quadriceps (thigh) muscles and the tendons around the knee cap. Also, do some hamstring curls to balance out both sides of the knee joint.
Stay well. I am speaking from experience that being injured sucks. My finger is still jacked from tweaking the tendon in Josh 2 months ago, but I am getting better at surfing even if I can't go free climbing.
TRADitionally yours,
Cali Dirtbag
|
|
|
|
|
maculated
May 16, 2004, 10:15 PM
Post #5 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 22, 2001
Posts: 6169
|
In reply to: A little preventative work on that knee could help it out. Some squats and leg extensions will build up the quadriceps (thigh) muscles and the tendons around the knee cap. Also, do some hamstring curls to balance out both sides of the knee joint.
That's not news to me. I think the whole reason it happened again is because I've been training for mountaineering and my quad and shin muscles are really strong, ie capable off pulling mr. patella off its track, since I'm prone to it anyway.
Poor me.
|
|
|
|
|
addiroids
May 16, 2004, 10:21 PM
Post #6 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Oct 10, 2001
Posts: 1046
|
Work on some abduction and adduction. Although none of the adductors/abductor insert into the patella, they might help the situation. Remember, I'm Exercise Science, not PT yet, so I can only give advice based on my current knowledge.
TRADitionally yours,
Cali Dirtbag
|
|
|
|
|
kachoong
May 16, 2004, 10:25 PM
Post #7 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jan 22, 2004
Posts: 9602
|
In reply to: Work on some abduction and adduction.
:shock: :roll: :shock: whah?
is that like being addicted to abducting people?
|
|
|
|
|
grabngrip
May 16, 2004, 11:41 PM
Post #8 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Oct 27, 2003
Posts: 252
|
hey you better be careful, you still owe me some climbing :wink: glad your ok
|
|
|
|
|
masse123
May 17, 2004, 2:40 AM
Post #9 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 17, 2004
Posts: 1
|
We did the same climbs about a year ago ......
It's fascinating that wide cracks seems to lure in suckers all the time :-) I
vividely remember belaying a friend (on toprope) for 1/2 h on Yuk.
... 15 min ... I started to apply a 'gentle' force to pull him up since he hadn't
moved more than a foot in 5 min. After a while I jumped, grabbed slack and
was hanging with my full weight on the rope .... a little later my friend
yells 'take'. I just waited a couple of seconds before 'I have you' :D
|
|
|
|
|
michhiker
May 17, 2004, 5:51 AM
Post #10 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 1, 2003
Posts: 120
|
Wow! We have someone on this site with some talent for writing. That is what a Trip Report is supposed to be!
---MH
|
|
|
|
|
lstockett
May 17, 2004, 7:21 AM
Post #11 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 7, 2003
Posts: 208
|
That was an excellent trip report Maculated. Thanks for sharing your talent with us again.
I hope you recover from all your injuries soon.
|
|
|
|
|
macherry
Moderator
May 17, 2004, 7:48 AM
Post #12 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Sep 10, 2003
Posts: 13817
|
Nice TR Mac. Like i said, hope you're feeling better soon.
.....butt and boobie cam.............that cracked me up! :lol: :lol: :lol:
|
|
|
|
|
mother_sheep
May 17, 2004, 8:26 AM
Post #13 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jul 18, 2002
Posts: 3984
|
Injured shouler and bad knee. . .you're still coming out to CO right? Okay, so I'm being selfish. Let me start over.
K-dawg, I'm really sorry you hurt your knee. Are you okay? You're still coming to CO, right?
Take care of that owie. Owies like that are not alloud in Peru, I think.
And great read. You are a funny, funny girl!
|
|
|
|
|
maculated
May 17, 2004, 9:46 AM
Post #14 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 22, 2001
Posts: 6169
|
If Geo can make it up a mountain with a titanium knee cap, I can do it with my own. I'm confident I'll be okay in a couple of weeks. I already promised to go to the Needles with someone in two weeks - PT here I come!
I'll make it out to CO this summer, promise! And AZ, and NM, and WY, UT and . . . and . . .
|
|
|
|
|
deleted
Deleted
May 17, 2004, 10:58 AM
Post #15 of 43
(11794 views)
Shortcut
Registered:
Posts:
|
sheesh, i need help.
see, when i read that "maculated falls down ... in KY", the only thing that came to mind was the [i:3b79a9d213]jelly[/i:3b79a9d213]!
somehow i guess i was expecting something entirely different. :oops:
*i'll just go now.*
|
|
|
|
|
deleted
Deleted
May 17, 2004, 10:59 AM
Post #16 of 43
(11794 views)
Shortcut
Registered:
Posts:
|
sheesh, i need help.
see, when i read that "maculated falls down ... in KY", the only thing that came to mind was the [i:7b01148701]jelly[/i:7b01148701]!
somehow i guess i was expecting something entirely different. :oops:
*i'll just go now.*
|
|
|
|
|
epic_ed
Moderator
May 17, 2004, 11:29 AM
Post #17 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 17, 2002
Posts: 4718
|
K-Mac! Nice TR. What the F is with all the injuries? :? You can't catch a break, can you? Heck, between you and Geo there won't be a good pair of wheels on the entire trip to Peru. :wink:
Hope you heal fast.
|
|
|
|
|
tenn_dawg
May 17, 2004, 11:30 AM
Post #18 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Mar 13, 2002
Posts: 3045
|
Hey, a TR that I'm in!
It's now a week or so later, and the last of my wounds have healed. Remember how Andy said, "That's what you GET for climbing Yuk!" Still at least mine were superficial and tough looking rather than deep down and serious sounding.
In this trip, what stands out more to me than anything is the booze around the campfire. Maybe I've just had to be behaving myself and curbing my more indulgent impulses durring finals. Whatever the reason, I'm sure that more than one person recalls the jackass walking into tables and drinking Jim Beam from a nalgene bottle.
They certainly won't remember me for my climbing. 4th bolt blown clip whistlers on .11s. Cranking on slings on trad climbs, and using a stream of profanity to rocket my ass up 5.9 chimney. Tisk tisk, I gotta get on my game!
Regardless I hope you got some exposure to some good southern hospitality. I imagine it was too much to try and convince you that PBR is indeed good beer, and Jim Beam straight is like the nectar of the friggin gods!
Still by the end the week I might have noticed a hint of a smile from you at the onset of a afternoon thunderstorm. And even though it's a bit opressive at times, the humidity kind of makes it feel like home (once you learn how to breath in it that is!) And I still smile about the, "Holy shit, what's that flashing in the trees?"
"Ummm, lightning bugs?"
"NO WAY!!!"
:lol: Heh, good times. Never really thought of the south as exotic before. Y'all westerners are just blown away. Hahaha.
Good TR mac. Maybe I'll write one about the campfire. "Travis finds the bottom of the Fifth!" :roll:
|
|
|
|
|
maculated
May 17, 2004, 2:20 PM
Post #19 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 22, 2001
Posts: 6169
|
In reply to: In this trip, what stands out more to me than anything is the booze around the campfire.
Heh. I still relish the moment I got to hand you my nalgene bottle full of . . . water and steal yours away and try to make Sarah finish it off for you. And that night when you were telling me this story I'd already heard verbatim twice, and you weren't processing me going, "Hey, you already told me that. You told me that." Fine, I said, he can tell his damn story.
And the next morning, I hold up the bottle and you go, "You poured some out."
"Uh no . . . what would be the humor in that?"
"Geez, I nearly killed myself."
OH yeah, and my damn left arm is STILL sporting black and blue from your throttling. And the right arm looks like Chili Dog tried to eat me. I'm so sexy.
|
|
|
|
|
redpointron
May 17, 2004, 3:11 PM
Post #20 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 12, 2003
Posts: 1170
|
In reply to: My right leg gives out as I feel my patella shift away from its usual track and go sliding down the inner part of my knee joint. If you've not felt this, you're lucky.
hey mac...
this has happened to me three times in my life...each about 6 years apart. the most recent was in january of this year, two hours before heading to the airport for the flight to DIA and the ouray ice fest.
i was finishing packing my gear and my right knee gave out. i dropped to the floor. fortunately, i was drinking a tall glass of water so i could add complete insult to injury. my wife ran in to see what had happened. she suggested that i go to the doctor, to which i said. "no, in fact if a badger came in here right now and ate my leg off, i would merely fix my crampon to the stump and get on the plane."
way to work through it...head to the beer trailer and back to miguels...
maybe next time bring tanya harding with you, so if you try to get on a route named YUK, she can thump you in the knee beforehand and save you some time.
i am not a klutz either....
r.r.
|
|
|
|
|
philbox
Moderator
May 17, 2004, 3:37 PM
Post #21 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 26, 2002
Posts: 12823
|
Hey great trip report. Glad you like the wide.
|
|
|
|
|
climbsomething
May 17, 2004, 3:49 PM
Post #22 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 29, 2002
Posts: 8587
|
In reply to: I'll make it out to CO this summer, promise! And AZ, and NM, and WY, UT and . . . and . . .
I sees the TR title now: "maculated goes sport climbing with the less-evil waif climbsomething"
|
|
|
|
|
climbinginchico
May 17, 2004, 3:57 PM
Post #23 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Mar 23, 2004
Posts: 3017
|
Great trip report Kris- entertaining as always.
|
|
|
|
|
bishopclimber
May 17, 2004, 9:52 PM
Post #24 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Sep 14, 2003
Posts: 193
|
ummm, not to question your memory, but you say you hadn't roped up for some four months. weren't you part of the Frogland epic with Trapeze Artemis like a month and a half ago?
|
|
|
|
|
maculated
May 17, 2004, 9:59 PM
Post #25 of 43
(11808 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 22, 2001
Posts: 6169
|
Okay, okay, I hadn't LED in something like 4 months. And yeah, I guess even that is a lie as I got tricked into leading a 10b sport route in the Black Corridor on the frogland trip.
The point is, for a girl who climbs 4-5 days a week normally, these abbreviated stints on rock are leaving me out of shape and slow as molassess.
And yup, Hil, I'm subleasing my house for the summer, so I'll be homeless. Look for me at a crag near you. Not making any solid plans yet until I get back and see where life takes me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
1
