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clausti
Aug 9, 2007, 1:33 AM
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W night, home alone, drinking a bottle of red wine bar
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wednesday night, went to the wrong place for the swing dance so didnt get to dance, boyfriend flew home, parents and siblings point blank tellin' a person to get married, drinking a bottle of red wine and talking to my cat, BAR, open.
other varieties of liquor and talking to other varieties of animals are welcome.
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dingus
Aug 9, 2007, 1:42 AM
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Now is the time for wanton, passionate, kinky and prolonged but ultimately forgettable sex.
Shoot me a PM....
DMT
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dingus
Aug 9, 2007, 1:43 AM
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ps. Don't even think about marrying that dude. You're way too young.
DMT
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blondgecko
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Aug 9, 2007, 1:51 AM
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Well, I'm home sick with a nasty cold, so no drinking for me. Still, commiserations.
Thankfully, I never had my parents telling me to get married, but if they had, I would have told them in no uncertain terms that I was an adult and could make my own decisions. Still, married life isn't too bad. 
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macherry
Aug 9, 2007, 1:56 AM
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i'll have a glass of red.
and i'll second what dingus said.......not the sex part, but too young to get married.
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clausti
Aug 9, 2007, 2:07 AM
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luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall.
and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important.
the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine.
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zeke_sf
Aug 9, 2007, 2:18 AM
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clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine.
That's that Australian shi(ra)z? Good stuff. As long as it isn't rot gut. BTW, when are you having kids?
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clausti
Aug 9, 2007, 2:26 AM
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zeke_sf wrote: clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine. That's that Australian shi(ra)z? Good stuff. As long as it isn't rot gut. BTW, when are you having kids?
that's really in teh lord's hands.
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macherry
Aug 9, 2007, 2:35 AM
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clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine.
yellowtail is alright, most aussie shiraz is fine.
it's the initial shock with the folks, what will they tell the relatives, etc. hopefully, soon, it will be a dead issue.
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clausti
Aug 9, 2007, 2:38 AM
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macherry wrote: it's the initial shock with the folks, ...
'snot. told them, well, told mom, months ago. she said dad wasnt happy about it then.
this issue will never die, and i kinda feel like not answering the phone when its my family, for like a week. (aka everyone agrees with mom and dad)
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zeke_sf
Aug 9, 2007, 2:44 AM
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clausti wrote: macherry wrote: it's the initial shock with the folks, ... 'snot. told them, well, told mom, months ago. she said dad wasnt happy about it then. this issue will never die, and i kinda feel like not answering the phone when its my family, for like a week. (aka everyone agrees with mom and dad)
Sounds like a lot of pressure that has nothing to do with whether you are happy or not. Get married and they're going to want kids soon after, guaranteed. How much does boyfriend know of this? How much of this is you want to be married but aren't sure where he's at and that's why you don't need to hear from others? I dunno. I say, drink and be happy. Animals are also good, understanding friends. I wish I had a pet right about now.
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wideguy
Aug 9, 2007, 2:49 AM
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Yellowtail Shiraz is pretty decent.
As for the family, you seemed like you kind of expected this. Don't stop answering the phone. Be nice and cordial, happily discuss other family biz, but if/when the conversation turns towards disapproval of your choices, then politely, but abruptly, hang up. Word will filter through pretty quick that if they still want to share any part of your life, they will stay off that subject.
Then have him sneak into their houses and dickstab them in the fartbox.
(Sorry, just hadn't seen that in a while  )
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clausti
Aug 9, 2007, 2:57 AM
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zeke_sf wrote: clausti wrote: macherry wrote: it's the initial shock with the folks, ... 'snot. told them, well, told mom, months ago. she said dad wasnt happy about it then. this issue will never die, and i kinda feel like not answering the phone when its my family, for like a week. (aka everyone agrees with mom and dad) Sounds like a lot of pressure that has nothing to do with whether you are happy or not. Get married and they're going to want kids soon after, guaranteed. How much does boyfriend know of this? How much of this is you want to be married but aren't sure where he's at and that's why you don't need to hear from others? I dunno. I say, drink and be happy. Animals are also good, understanding friends. I wish I had a pet right about now.
the boyfriend knows everything. and my parents know i have no intention (and have never had any intention) of giving them grandkids. they have two already, and the promise of two more (i have two sisters who really want kids).
its funny, the thing about me being happy, and that consideration, its not like it comes off like they're embarrassed of me. the reason we had this conversation is cause they freaking drove like 20 hours, in a uhaul truck, to help me move my stuff from florida/sc to ohio. they obviously care. but they seem really hung up on the "different mind set" of living together vs being married. my parents ( and me for that matter ) are the "you dont get divorced unless the reason is cheating, hitting, or kid touching" kind. and cheating is a case by case basis.
does it really make that much difference? do you really need a legal/religous ceremony to make a committment, if you want to make a comittment? the statistics for living together leading to a higher divorce rate, you cant even begin to calculate all the risk factors. i'm under 25, i havnet finished school yet, i am highly educated, i will earn a decent amount of money, all of which make me more "likely" to divorce. shotgun wedding doesnt seem likely to change that. i dont think trappin the boyfriend is really a good strategy, neh?
but i dont want to be a dick to my parents either. they have given me a lot. another word for this is 'spoiled.' family is such a tangle.
(This post was edited by clausti on Aug 9, 2007, 3:01 AM)
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zeke_sf
Aug 9, 2007, 3:19 AM
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Yeah, it wouldn't bother you if you didn't care what your parents thought. It seems like they see your boyfriend makes you happy and they think you have to hold onto that. I'd try not to break marriage down to statistics before getting married, but I wouldn't rush blindly into something that is for everybody but you. I think the "different mindset" of marriage is such an artificial thing. Marriage shouldn't change anything about a relationship. No miraculous transformation happens, that's for sure. Maybe they want you to focus less on frivolous things like climbing and think more about settling down into a house. Maybe they want you to be more conventional, focusing on your stock options and not your redpoints. Maybe they just want to say, "Oh, Clausti's out rock climbing...with her husband."
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dr_feelgood
Aug 9, 2007, 3:46 AM
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clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine.
True superheros drink wine from the box.
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clausti
Aug 9, 2007, 3:51 AM
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dr_feelgood wrote: clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine. True superheros drink wine from the box.
everyone should get on AIM, and we should have a chat room. yay wine.
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caughtinside
Aug 9, 2007, 3:52 AM
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Ah yes, pressure from the fam damily. Although I have never experienced what you are, it is always a fine line.
A few years back, I was living in Hawaii. My seasonal job ended, and there I was, an unemployed surfer on the dole. Sounds like a dream come true, right? Almost. My mother used to call DAILY to harass me, and her anger was clear when she'd say "I can't believe my able bodied son is out there just, just SURFING! all the time."
The accumulated guilt began to ruin the vibe for me. I even tried not answering the phone for days at a time, but still it gnawed. Here I was, having a great time and being a total disappointment. And you're right, it wouldn't have been so bad if my folks hadn't been so good to me (and still are to this day) and I could have told them to go to hell.
I do have to admit though, after meeting some of my girlfriends, they never pushed me to get hitched.
Although there is one that they really liked that they still always ask about.
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macherry
Aug 9, 2007, 3:58 AM
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clausti wrote: macherry wrote: it's the initial shock with the folks, ... 'snot. told them, well, told mom, months ago. she said dad wasnt happy about it then. this issue will never die, and i kinda feel like not answering the phone when its my family, for like a week. (aka everyone agrees with mom and dad)
well, hopefully soon it will be an issue that won't be brought up.
i was fortunate to have older brothers and sisters who broke the way for me. My older brother was divorced twice by the time i shacked up. They "encouraged" him to marry at 19 when his girlfriend was pregnant. That marriage lasted for 6 years, two kids and a very messy divorce. I think that convinced them that marriage wasn't the end all be all. Funny, the folks were just happy i found someone who wasn't a dirtbag............like previous bf's.
I have friends, (one of whom stood up for me at my wedding), who have been living together for 19 years. never married, never plan on getting hitched, but they're happier than most couples, have 4 kids.
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dr_feelgood
Aug 9, 2007, 4:02 AM
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clausti wrote: dr_feelgood wrote: clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine. True superheros drink wine from the box. everyone should get on AIM, and we should have a chat room. yay wine.
Will she remember posting this tomorrow?
Survey Says:
No!
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clausti
Aug 9, 2007, 4:11 AM
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dr_feelgood wrote: clausti wrote: dr_feelgood wrote: clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine. True superheros drink wine from the box. everyone should get on AIM, and we should have a chat room. yay wine. Will she remember posting this tomorrow? Survey Says: No!
hush, you.
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gwendolyn
Aug 9, 2007, 4:35 AM
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clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine.
Yellowtail Shiraz, they sell it at Trader Joe's - I'm all about it. I'm enjoying a glass of white myself. But red can certainly hit the spot when the mood strikes.
Cheers to your not getting married!
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clausti
Aug 9, 2007, 4:39 AM
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gwendolyn wrote: clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine. Yellowtail Shiraz, they sell it at Trader Joe's - I'm all about it. I'm enjoying a glass of white myself. But red can certainly hit the spot when the mood strikes. Cheers to your not getting married!
vaugly remeinds me of the sex and the city episode where the blond slut has the I'm-not0having-a-baby shower. that was pretty great.
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gwendolyn
Aug 9, 2007, 4:42 AM
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clausti wrote: gwendolyn wrote: clausti wrote: luckily, i told my mom point blank, in no uncertain terms, that i am not getting married this fall. and after that i'll have already been living in sin, anyways, so time frame becomes less important. the red is yellowtail shiraz, btw. its not at all bad for grocery store wine. Yellowtail Shiraz, they sell it at Trader Joe's - I'm all about it. I'm enjoying a glass of white myself. But red can certainly hit the spot when the mood strikes. Cheers to your not getting married! vaugly remeinds me of the sex and the city episode where the blond slut has the I'm-not0having-a-baby shower. that was pretty great.
Well, if you live in NYC and shell out thousands for baby showers every spring, I'm sure an I'm-not-having-a-baby shower makes perfect sense after a while. Fortunately, none of my friends are having kids yet.
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climbs4fun
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Aug 9, 2007, 4:44 AM
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Sounds like an interesting dilema. I lived with a boyfriend once and his family was a lot like yours. Kept asking when we were getting married. Would have been the dumbest thing ever for us to get married. Glad we didn't.
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gwendolyn
Aug 9, 2007, 4:52 AM
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climbs4fun wrote: Sounds like an interesting dilema. I lived with a boyfriend once and his family was a lot like yours. Kept asking when we were getting married. Would have been the dumbest thing ever for us to get married. Glad we didn't.
Easier to see in retrospect but I'm sure you made a good call. Just imagine yourself married to the guy you were dating when you were sixteen, eighteen,... I barely resemble who I was that long ago, who's to say what exes are up to. They could be slinging yayo in Oakland for all I know.
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dlintz
Aug 9, 2007, 5:09 AM
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Yellow Tail? For maybe a buck or two more you can get Bonny Doon Big House Red...now that's a fine tasting cheap wine.
My ex-wife and I lived together for four years before we got married. After the first couple years she hounded me all the time about proposing but frankly I still wasn't ready (and I told her as much which really pissed her off).
After 3 years of marriage she decides to divorce me, among other reasons she thought we rushed into marriage too quickly. I reminded her of how pushy she was regarding getting hitched but she didn't remember it being that way. 
d.
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climbs4fun
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Aug 9, 2007, 5:22 AM
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gwendolyn wrote: climbs4fun wrote: Sounds like an interesting dilema. I lived with a boyfriend once and his family was a lot like yours. Kept asking when we were getting married. Would have been the dumbest thing ever for us to get married. Glad we didn't. Easier to see in retrospect but I'm sure you made a good call. Just imagine yourself married to the guy you were dating when you were sixteen, eighteen,... I barely resemble who I was that long ago, who's to say what exes are up to. They could be slinging yayo in Oakland for all I know.
I barely resemble the person I was at 25. I don't think I had a clue who the person I have become was until 30.
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camhead
Aug 9, 2007, 6:45 AM
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whoa, so this is what went down in community as I was driving back home from the airport...
good responses all.
I miss you already, clausti!
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uhoh
Aug 9, 2007, 10:36 AM
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clausti wrote: macherry wrote: it's the initial shock with the folks, ... 'snot. told them, well, told mom, months ago. she said dad wasnt happy about it then. this issue will never die, and i kinda feel like not answering the phone when its my family, for like a week. (aka everyone agrees with mom and dad)
Then don't answer. I don't answer the phone when my family calls because I already know that what'll happen is they'll run up my phone bill while nagging me to death. And I don't need to be dead right now and have a huge goddamn phone to boot.
Edit: Oh, and fuck ACDC.
(This post was edited by uhoh on Aug 9, 2007, 10:37 AM)
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c4c
Aug 9, 2007, 10:52 AM
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Clausti, I hope the hangover isn't too bad. Let me just say that we are all "living in sin" (even your parents).
For me it was the opposite I dated my wife when I was in 8th grade until I was out of HS. We wanted to get married but her dad said that I had to have at least $1000 in the bank before we could get married. I have never had that much in the bank (for more than a week) and we have been married for going on 15 years. You are the one who has to live with the results of your decisions. Do what you know is right.
BTW-Paul seems like a cool dude.
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thomasribiere
Aug 9, 2007, 10:53 AM
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Who could trust a guy who denied his parents religion?!
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c4c
Aug 9, 2007, 11:11 AM
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thomasribiere wrote: Who could trust a guy who denied his parents religion?!
Maybe a woman who denied her parents religion???!
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robbovius
Aug 9, 2007, 11:17 AM
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climbs4fun wrote: I barely resemble the person I was at 25. I don't think I had a clue who the person I have become was until 30.
...doesn't end there either. now, at 51, the I view the person I was at 30 as an immature fool.
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wideguy
Aug 9, 2007, 11:56 AM
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robbovius wrote: climbs4fun wrote: I barely resemble the person I was at 25. I don't think I had a clue who the person I have become was until 30. ...doesn't end there either. now, at 51, the I view the person I was at 30 as an immature fool.
Keep us updated Rob. I'll be interested to know if there's a tipping point. Wake up one morning and go "Holy shit... I was alot smarter yesterday. Where are my pants?"
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robbovius
Aug 9, 2007, 12:51 PM
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wideguy wrote: robbovius wrote: climbs4fun wrote: I barely resemble the person I was at 25. I don't think I had a clue who the person I have become was until 30. ...doesn't end there either. now, at 51, the I view the person I was at 30 as an immature fool. Keep us updated Rob. I'll be interested to know if there's a tipping point. Wake up one morning and go "Holy shit... I was alot smarter yesterday. Where are my pants?"
I dunno man, this whole aging thing is an insidious creeping incremental decreptitude...I might not notice, or beable to determine when I was smarter. I might not remember. and I won't be able to remember, that I can't remember. it's like watching the hour hand move, and not being able to remember that you're watching the hour hand move.
right now, I feel like, mi mind was quicker then, but I didn't have the life experience (AKA "wisdom") with which to make the smartest/most effective decisions.
...like I ever make those anyway.
(This post was edited by robbovius on Aug 9, 2007, 12:53 PM)
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kyote321
Aug 9, 2007, 12:53 PM
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don't give into that brainwashing. i went through years of that with my parents in different relationships.
i second bonnie doone being the best resonable priced wine. trader joes has some good ones too.
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macherry
Aug 10, 2007, 1:05 AM
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i am currently waiting for a friend to finish her nursing shift, so we can go out for cheap wings and beer night.
i'll have a quick drink while i'm waiting
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plund
Aug 10, 2007, 4:48 PM
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Ah yes, the fandamily pressure....
My Mom (VERY devout Catholic, so yes I'm permanently scarred) used to ask / hint / cajole / guiltify me into going to church (long after I'd realized it just wasn't my thing)...I finally asked HER why she wanted me to go. Did she want me to attend because it was MY belief, or just because she wanted me to? I'm sure I'm a great disappontment to her (at least in that area) but she doesn't apply pressure anymore -- just an occasional mention around Christmas or Easter. Now it's my baby sis (who has provided the first grandchild) who gets to deal with all the good stuff...
**DISCLAIMER** - single, never married, misanthropic 41-yr old speaking...
If you do get married for ANY reason(s) other than your own, you're asking for a huge heap of trouble (and probably deserve it)
Good luck.....hope the hang wasn't crippling...
PS - How was the first glass of water the day after?? AAAHHH...vino....two buzzes for the price of one...
edited for typos...
(This post was edited by plund on Aug 10, 2007, 4:50 PM)
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limeydave
Aug 11, 2007, 1:15 AM
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plund wrote: .... If you do get married for ANY reason(s) other than your own, you're asking for a huge heap of trouble (and probably deserve it)...
I got married for my own reasons and I still got a huge heap of trouble.
Draw your own conclusions from my bitter twisted logic..
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thegreytradster
Aug 11, 2007, 2:36 AM
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In reply to: Still, married life isn't too bad.
Check back in with us in about 40 years.
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clausti
Aug 11, 2007, 2:41 AM
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thegreytradster wrote: In reply to: Still, married life isn't too bad. Check back in with us in about 40 years.
ppl are so negative.
i'm pretty effin glad my boyfriend's parents are still together, as are mine. ppl with divorced parents can be so soul-crushingly negative towards the entire concept.
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climbsomething
Aug 11, 2007, 3:26 AM
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clausti wrote: thegreytradster wrote: In reply to: Still, married life isn't too bad. Check back in with us in about 40 years. ppl are so negative. i'm pretty effin glad my boyfriend's parents are still together, as are mine. ppl with divorced parents can be so soul-crushingly negative towards the entire concept.
I do think simply registering at Bed Bath & Beyond would be cool though. We could use some new cookware and linens.
(This post was edited by climbsomething on Aug 11, 2007, 3:33 AM)
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caughtinside
Aug 11, 2007, 3:28 AM
Post #43 of 48
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Registered: Jan 8, 2003
Posts: 30603
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You could use some new linens?
You sure sound married to me!
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climbsomething
Aug 11, 2007, 3:44 AM
Post #44 of 48
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Registered: May 30, 2002
Posts: 8588
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caughtinside wrote: You could use some new linens? You sure sound married to me!
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curt
Aug 11, 2007, 3:47 AM
Post #45 of 48
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Registered: Aug 27, 2002
Posts: 18275
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clausti wrote: thegreytradster wrote: In reply to: Still, married life isn't too bad. Check back in with us in about 40 years. ppl are so negative. i'm pretty effin glad my boyfriend's parents are still together, as are mine. ppl with divorced parents can be so soul-crushingly negative towards the entire concept.
Well, whether marriage is "good" as opposed to "bad" depends 100% on being with the right person. You and Paul are both great people--but (to go ahead and state the obvious) only you guys can figure out if you will be great together. Also, keep in mind that any free unsolicited advice you receive in this area is worth exactly what you paid for it.
Curt
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zeke_sf
Aug 11, 2007, 4:05 AM
Post #46 of 48
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Registered: Apr 28, 2006
Posts: 18730
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climbsomething wrote: caughtinside wrote: You could use some new linens? You sure sound married to me! Heh. Actually, I'm just gross. I have several pets and a habit of getting nocturnal nosebleeds.
Nocturnal nosebleeds are a thing? Boy, that sucks. Are you sure your boyfriend isn't sleep-abusing you?
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macherry
Aug 11, 2007, 4:59 AM
Post #47 of 48
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Registered: Sep 10, 2003
Posts: 15848
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thegreytradster wrote: In reply to: Still, married life isn't too bad. Check back in with us in about 40 years.
well, after 21 years, it's still pretty good
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lagarita
Aug 12, 2007, 12:14 AM
Post #48 of 48
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Registered: Dec 23, 2004
Posts: 356
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I'm going to apologize right now for the fact that I have't read any of the previous posts. But I have already killed a bottle of Cayon road cabernet sauvignon and am working on a bottle of Gyser peak sauvignon blanc. I know it totally goes against the lightest to fullest rule, but I had some guests over and they wanted white while I was drinking red and I can't leave an open bottle alone.
Hope ya'all are doing as well as I am......
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