|
rockwomyn
Aug 7, 2003, 7:29 PM
Post #76 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 19, 2001
Posts: 373
|
I had a great climbing partner/boyfriend.... :cry: .....but boy did i screw that one up. :?
it was wonderful while it lasted.....great to have someone relish at your accomplishments and to console you after failure.
|
|
|
|
|
iamthewallress
Aug 7, 2003, 7:50 PM
Post #77 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jan 2, 2003
Posts: 2463
|
Dalguard,
That was one humdinger of a second post to the site. Well said!!! I agree with every word of it too.
|
|
|
|
|
cyclonebelayer
Aug 21, 2003, 6:48 PM
Post #78 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 7, 2003
Posts: 10
|
OK, so we've looked at girls that climb to climb and are open to their partner becoming a b/f (or not). But what about the flip side: those girls that come to the gym looking for a b/f instead of to climb.
I've had this experience. New to the area so I need new friends, not a relationship. A girl I met tells me she climbs really well so I suggest we hit the local gym. Turns out she hadn't climbed routes before and could barely tie her fig-8. Belaying was sketchy and she was all whiny and girly on the wall, "I broke a nail!" When I tried to give her beta she almost started crying b/c she thought I was yelling at her. This type of girl pushes the belief that we guys have a chance with our climbing partners.
In the end, I kicked her arse to the curb. It wasn't b/c of the climbing skill, it was b/c she was a liar and her personality: flake. I will agree with a previous post about putting all the sexual stuff out of mind when climbing hard. I have to focus to get through that crux. I'll get all lovey-dovey on the way back to camp, but when climbing, I climb. This supports the idea that guys focus very heavily on one thing and ignore everything else while women are more apt at multi tasking. It is further supported by women who cook, clean, take care of the kids and talk on the phone all at the same time while men watch the game and ignore the nagging. (that last line was just a joke. :lol: )
|
|
|
|
|
unabonger
Aug 23, 2003, 12:15 AM
Post #79 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 8, 2003
Posts: 2689
|
Gentlemen, gather round. I'm here to help. As one who has bagged more quality ass than most ten men combined, I have one piece of advice.
If you are attracted to a woman climber, do not, DO NOT ask her to go climbing.
First, you ask her on a date. That's all. Then she has a clear idea of where you stand, and so do you. No matter the answer...
Now get out there and get some tail!
The suave UnaBonger
|
|
|
|
|
allan_thomson
Aug 23, 2003, 8:45 PM
Post #80 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jul 12, 2003
Posts: 596
|
Can I just say in one of the posts, they poster said when your sad, you don't have a lot of energy for climbing or dating. While this is true with the lost of a loved one, I have to say personally if I'm angst ridden (ie in terms of a relationships breakup, or one other of life little neurosis), it actually makes me climb (and run) harder. I throw all my pain/hate into what ever sport I am doing at the time. It gives me more energy, and I take things further than if I'm contented. Maybe I'm an aggressive climber or runner I don't know.
|
|
|
|
|
timart
Aug 28, 2003, 7:32 PM
Post #81 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 20, 2003
Posts: 19
|
OK I have a question, if you have a good climbing partner and they are single and looking does the fear of loosing them to a new climbing partner because they like the person ever come to mind? I ask only because I would hate to loose a partner that I have come to trust with my life. I guess I should trust that a friend will always be there even if they find a new boy friend or girl friend.
I have live and watched both side of the coin on the subject of climbing partner + more. I have made my intensions clear only to loose a new friend or climbing partner.
I have also had it work out where things where made clear up front and I now have the best climbing partner I could ask for. If I had not take the chance I would never had the friend I do today.
What I don't understand is how I am suppose to read signals that I may not see or understand from a potential friend or partner. We may never say what we mean for fear of rejection but if things are never said then how can we know?
|
|
|
|
|
dalguard
Aug 28, 2003, 8:28 PM
Post #82 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 1, 2003
Posts: 239
|
In reply to: OK I have a question, if you have a good climbing partner and they are single and looking does the fear of loosing them to a new climbing partner because they like the person ever come to mind? I ask only because I would hate to loose a partner that I have come to trust with my life. I guess I should trust that a friend will always be there even if they find a new boy friend or girl friend.
I've got a friend who's lost three partners that way. He still keeps in touch with all of them and climbs with them when he can, but it must really suck. I was the last of those partners and I felt really, really bad doing it to him, knowing he'd lost his last two like that. But I still did it.
Oh, they were all women. He climbs with a guy now.
|
|
|
|
|
moabbeth
Aug 29, 2003, 2:08 AM
Post #83 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Oct 22, 2002
Posts: 1786
|
In reply to: Gentlemen, gather round. I'm here to help. As one who has bagged more quality ass than most ten men combined, I have one piece of advice. If you are attracted to a woman climber, do not, DO NOT ask her to go climbing. First, you ask her on a date. That's all. Then she has a clear idea of where you stand, and so do you. No matter the answer... Now get out there and get some tail!
Great advice!!! No wonder you get laid so much :wink: . I dated my man for a couple months before we ever climbed together. Much better to get to know the person first, climber second. Plus, climbing "dates" are too hard, you're too focused as a climber to focus as a potential b/f or g/f.
|
|
|
|
|
enigma
Aug 29, 2003, 6:52 PM
Post #84 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 19, 2002
Posts: 2279
|
In reply to: In reply to: OK I have a question, if you have a good climbing partner and they are single and looking does the fear of loosing them to a new climbing partner because they like the person ever come to mind? I ask only because I would hate to loose a partner that I have come to trust with my life. I guess I should trust that a friend will always be there even if they find a new boy friend or girl friend. I've got a friend who's lost three partners that way. He still keeps in touch with all of them and climbs with them when he can, but it must really suck. I was the last of those partners and I felt really, really bad doing it to him, knowing he'd lost his last two like that. But I still did it. Oh, they were all women. He climbs with a guy now.
The new guy I'm seeing climbs with me, but sometimes it gets sticky when I try to explain why I'm going climbing for the weekend with someone else because he is unavailable.
Actually I think your right, once you date them, climb with them, and then its over. Its difficult to climb with them again. :roll:
In fact, I could easily distance myself, and climb again with them, but they seem Not to be able to separate what was and go forward. :twisted:
In my experience, ex-lovers make the best friends, hey who else knows you and you can be honest with as well??/ And still talk about the new guy in your life.?? :wink:
|
|
|
|
|
alpinelynx
Aug 30, 2003, 1:34 AM
Post #85 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 11, 2002
Posts: 280
|
currently, I hate men*. maybe next week I'll come up with a better response, but until then even climbing with a member of the opposite sex is unappealing.
*excluding gay men, Paul and Doug.
|
|
|
|
|
dalguard
Aug 30, 2003, 2:10 PM
Post #86 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 1, 2003
Posts: 239
|
Sorry for the confusion. My male friend who lost three female climbing partners to other men wasn't dating any of them. I was addressing the issue of having a single partner who's looking. Once they find someone, well . . .
|
|
|
|
|
unabonger
Sep 2, 2003, 4:48 PM
Post #87 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 8, 2003
Posts: 2689
|
In reply to: In reply to: Gentlemen, gather round. I'm here to help. As one who has bagged more quality ass than most ten men combined, I have one piece of advice. If you are attracted to a woman climber, do not, DO NOT ask her to go climbing. First, you ask her on a date. That's all. Then she has a clear idea of where you stand, and so do you. No matter the answer... Now get out there and get some tail! Great advice!!! No wonder you get laid so much :wink: . I dated my man for a couple months before we ever climbed together. Much better to get to know the person first, climber second. Plus, climbing "dates" are too hard, you're too focused as a climber to focus as a potential b/f or g/f.
Thank you. It's hilarious to see the mobs of guys trailing after climbing women, tongues dragging and packs full of the heavy gear, with no clue that she just wants a climbing partner and she has no idea that he wants to create some skin friction.
I guess guys could hope that women wouldn't be so niave to think that a guy only wants climbing. Probably more realistic to just advise men to merely be honest about what they want (which 9/10 times is more than climbing).
Men, the military developed "operant conditioning" just for this purpose. Just apply this to your social life. Here: stand in front of a mirror and practice this: "Hi Betty. Would you like to have dinner with me?". Do that 100 times. Next time you see Betty, just do it. Soon, you'll be thanking me. Having her say no NOW is better than hanging out for 4 months climbing, then finally ambushing her with "I want you and have wanted you for months". And much more fair to her.
Who knows, if you clean your bathroom and shave first, she might even say yes.
The Romantic UnaBonger
|
|
|
|
|
kellie
Sep 2, 2003, 8:54 PM
Post #88 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 15, 2003
Posts: 125
|
In reply to: In reply to: OK I have a question, if you have a good climbing partner and they are single and looking does the fear of loosing them to a new climbing partner because they like the person ever come to mind? I ask only because I would hate to loose a partner that I have come to trust with my life. I guess I should trust that a friend will always be there even if they find a new boy friend or girl friend. I've got a friend who's lost three partners that way. He still keeps in touch with all of them and climbs with them when he can, but it must really suck. I was the last of those partners and I felt really, really bad doing it to him, knowing he'd lost his last two like that. But I still did it. Oh, they were all women. He climbs with a guy now.
Ok, I gotta say I just don't understand this at all. Granted, I haven't dated anyone seriously since I started climbing, but the idea that I might acquire an SO and then ditch my climbing partners for him is appalling to me. I have partnerships that have survived unplanned bivies, months living out of an economy-sized car together, storms and rockfall and injuries, differences in opinion on politics and religion and each other's taste in men/women, and just plain old fights. When my car broke down visiting my parents out of state a few months ago and I didn't make it back to town on Monday, who noticed that I wasn't answering my phone or email and called my folks to make sure I was ok? My primary climbing partner. Ditching him because I got a new SO is as unthinkable as ditching my best girlfriend for that reason.
And on the general topic---I don't understand the whole idea that you date to find a climbing partner anyway. I already have plenty of climbing partners, what I'm looking for in a boyfriend is something altogether different. Besides, what if your SO doesn't climb, or if you and your SO climb at different levels, or like to climb different things? I had a few dates recently with a climber who has soloed stuff I wouldn't even think about touching. He climbs so far above my level that I can't imagine what we could climb together that would be interesting for both of us. I'd rather climb with my peers any day.
|
|
|
|
|
iamthewallress
Sep 2, 2003, 9:26 PM
Post #89 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jan 2, 2003
Posts: 2463
|
Hi, Kellie! Welcome to rc.com!
I've read various tales involving your main climbing partner, and he does seem pretty exceptional. I think that many of us would be covet such a tight and lasting partnership as yours, whether it was romantic or not. I think it's the "this is starting to seem like a good thing after climbing together for a few weeks" dudes that get thrown by the wayside when a new guy comes along, and not the guy who is your faithful companion for a roadtrip that has become a full life.
I'm guilty of loosing those partners who have not augered their being into my personal life in favor of climbing with a romantic parter whose talents are rather mismatched to my own. It's been more of a question of who was truly my friend than it was who was a good climbing match. I still climb with and socialize with my good friends as much as I ever did.
|
|
|
|
|
allan_thomson
Sep 2, 2003, 10:39 PM
Post #90 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jul 12, 2003
Posts: 596
|
OK can I just explain why a climbing female is so attractive. I'm fed up of going out with 'princesses' who don't share common interests with me, and who either don't make the effort to at least attempt some of the things I enjoy, or hold it against me when they do, and find they don't enjoy them. Therefore, I reached the resolution, that I wouldn't go out with someone, unless they were into similar things I was into. This removes friction in the relationship. It also gives you more time to spend with the person you like, while also partaking in the activities you enjoy, rather than the two competing with each other for time. If the person climbs (or does any other activity you enjoy) to a higher or lower level than you, then when you do that activity together, you do it at a standard which is attainable and enjoyable for both of you. You also respect and make sure that the other person get to climb (substitute desired activity) with other people who are closer to their level.
Now see, this is why a climbing + outdoor girl is attractive. Apart from them also being generally asthetically appealing. From what I read here and else where, it seems some of you girls are opposed to guys going out with a girl because she has common interests, or that you think she is good looking. If a guys not supposed to do that, or choose a girl because he thinks she is good looking, then how is he supposed to get a girl he likes? Go for the ugliest, most unlike girl he can find!!??
|
|
|
|
|
dalguard
Sep 3, 2003, 3:01 PM
Post #91 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 1, 2003
Posts: 239
|
In reply to: And on the general topic---I don't understand the whole idea that you date to find a climbing partner anyway.
Started climbing, met various people, climbed with them, liked most of them, liked one especially, started dating him. What's so hard to understand? Should I have refused to date him because I'd met him climbing?
As for having ditched my other partner, you're right. It sucked and I felt lousy about it. It didn't happen overnight. At first I climbed with Steven on Saturdays and my BF-to-be on Sundays. Steven had another Sunday partner. I started dating BF-to-be but continued the Saturday/Sunday split. It was working great for all of us actually and I think that climbing with your SO sometimes and someone else other times is the ideal setup.
But in the end I couldn't take the volume anymore. Two nights a week at the gym, both days every weekend, every holiday and vacation day. I had super reliable partners who never blew me off for anything and the weather was perfect during this entire spell,. Never a day off. I got to a point where I was thoroughly sick of climbing. I wanted to do something else, to have a life.
So I cut back to one day per weekend and it was Steven who went. And yes, it sucked.
|
|
|
|
|
kellie
Sep 3, 2003, 3:06 PM
Post #92 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 15, 2003
Posts: 125
|
In reply to: Hi, Kellie! Welcome to rc.com! I've read various tales involving your main climbing partner, and he does seem pretty exceptional. I think that many of us would be covet such a tight and lasting partnership as yours, whether it was romantic or not. I think it's the "this is starting to seem like a good thing after climbing together for a few weeks" dudes that get thrown by the wayside when a new guy comes along, and not the guy who is your faithful companion for a roadtrip that has become a full life. I'm guilty of loosing those partners who have not augered their being into my personal life in favor of climbing with a romantic parter whose talents are rather mismatched to my own. It's been more of a question of who was truly my friend than it was who was a good climbing match. I still climb with and socialize with my good friends as much as I ever did.
Thanks, Melissa. I’ve been lurking around here off and on but not posting too much.
Yep, my partner’s pretty cool. However, so is my other primary partner, who is female. And, just for an example, so is the guy I met up at Squamish on the 8th of August. I’ve climbed with him ten days since then, and hope to do a bunch more this fall/winter.
One of my favorite things about climbing is the people I meet and spend time with that I would never otherwise get to know. In July I climbed Rainier with a group that included 7 teenage guys, and guess what? They were awesome. I loved them. Not what I necessarily expected going into it, and nothing else I do would result in me spending 3 days with a bunch of teenage boys. Last week I spent five days climbing with a 49-year-old woman and a 21-year-old man. I was in the middle at 36. I can’t think of another activity that would throw that combination of people together. We all climbed at pretty much the same level, had similar senses of humor, etc. etc. It was so much fun I could hardly stand it.
I’d hate to think that I’d miss out on experiences like that if I had a boyfriend. It just seemed to me that a lot of the posts in this thread presume that if you and your SO both climb, why then of course you'll never climb with anyone else, and that’s the part that seems weird to me.
I certianly agree that climbing with people you like is way more important than climbing with people who climb at exactly your level, but I have my doubts about climbing with someone who is orders of magnitude harder than I am. My experiences so far in that direction so far lead me to believe it would just make me feel inadequate and that I wasn't contributing anything---definitely NOT how I want to feel about my favorite pastime!
Kellie
|
|
|
|
|
kellie
Sep 3, 2003, 3:37 PM
Post #93 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 15, 2003
Posts: 125
|
In reply to: In reply to: And on the general topic---I don't understand the whole idea that you date to find a climbing partner anyway. Started climbing, met various people, climbed with them, liked most of them, liked one especially, started dating him. What's so hard to understand? Should I have refused to date him because I'd met him climbing?
Oh dear. No, no, I understand that perfectly. That particular comment wasn't in response to your post, I meant that in response to the general topic of "(not) dating your climbing partner." Several of the comments here (not yours) sounded to me like the posters view dating as a way to find a regular climbing partner ("I could never date anyone who didn't climb..." etc.), as if they doubt that anyone would climb with them who wasn't also dating them. Not only does that seem like a lot of pressure, it seems like way more work than just finding a climbing partner.
It's entirely possible that I'm oversensitive to this; I recently had a friend who got back together with an ex at least in part because she was afraid she might never climb again. Seemed to me like a really bad reason to date someone.
And as far as having a life, that makes sense too. I have that problem sometimes with just my two non-romantic partners. I just climbed half the days in August and the weather is so gorgeous there's no end in sight...
Your original post just sounded like the female/male thing was the issue, not the volume of climbing. So is his current male partner single? It seems like the risk would be the same with a single man as a single woman.
|
|
|
|
|
timart
Sep 3, 2003, 4:44 PM
Post #94 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 20, 2003
Posts: 19
|
Let me ask this, is there some thing wrong with blending a SO into a group of climbers? I find it better to climb with a small group of three or 4.
Climbing with people that are at the same level doesn't seem right either. Just because a a person does not climb at your level shouldn't be a reason not to climb or date them. If that was the case I would have no one to climb with. :D (friends and partner all climb at 10+ levels)
|
|
|
|
|
unabonger
Sep 3, 2003, 4:54 PM
Post #95 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 8, 2003
Posts: 2689
|
In reply to: Let me ask this, is there some thing wrong with blending a SO into a group of climbers?
Sure. Just mix in some fruit juice for extra carbs and to keep it from getting so bitter.
Are you afraid of being alone? Do you need the group to validate your efforts? Quit climbing in groups. You groupers annoy me. Ganging up on crags, hogging routes 2 grades above your ability. Do you do that? Just show up with one partner, do your route, move on.
The shaken-not-stirred UnaBonger
|
|
|
|
|
kellie
Sep 3, 2003, 5:01 PM
Post #96 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 15, 2003
Posts: 125
|
In reply to: Let me ask this, is there some thing wrong with blending a SO into a group of climbers? I find it better to climb with a small group of three or 4. Climbing with people that are at the same level doesn't seem right either. Just because a a person does not climb at your level shouldn't be a reason not to climb or date them. If that was the case I would have no one to climb with. :D (friends and partner all climb at 10+ levels)
Just a note: when I say "at my level" I'm using it in a fairly broad sense. I love climbing with people who are better than me, and I think it's good for me to climb with people who are newer and maybe don't climb as hard as I do, but I've had several experiences recently climbing with a number of people who warm up on stuff harder than anything I've ever successfully toproped, and frankly it's just not any fun. It's great that they're leading 5.12 and all, but I can't even follow that stuff, and I just end up feeling like a total failure as a climber. I'd much rather climb with people and in situations where I can make some contribution to the group, not just hold everyone else back.
|
|
|
|
|
dalguard
Sep 3, 2003, 9:11 PM
Post #97 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 1, 2003
Posts: 239
|
His new partner is married. :D To a non-climber.
Someone asked about having partners who are single and looking and I illuminated the downside. The male/female part was really irrelevent except the OP seemed to assume the partner who was looking would be male and I happened to know a case that went the other way.
|
|
|
|
|
kellie
Sep 4, 2003, 2:41 PM
Post #98 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 15, 2003
Posts: 125
|
In reply to: His new partner is married. :D To a non-climber. Someone asked about having partners who are single and looking and I illuminated the downside. The male/female part was really irrelevent except the OP seemed to assume the partner who was looking would be male and I happened to know a case that went the other way.
Yep. I get it now. I'm just a little slow sometimes. I just totally misread your post as you could no longer climb with your original partner because he was male. My bad.
|
|
|
|
|
herm
Sep 6, 2003, 1:09 AM
Post #99 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 26, 2003
Posts: 498
|
My last serious relationship was with my climbing partner. We were together a long time, and it ended badly.
When I tell my next girlfriend that I'm off to solo the Nutcracker, I want her to think that I'm going to play some classical music. :wink:
|
|
|
|
|
bustinmins
Sep 16, 2003, 8:11 PM
Post #100 of 119
(6416 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jul 16, 2003
Posts: 507
|
I've only been climbing for about six months but have been able to meet people in this forum that wish to climb. Personally - I enjoy the company of a woman on the rock. I treat them equally just as if they were male.
Ladies, I must admit, I've heard every single male climber say - I WISH I COULD FIND A CLIMBING CHICK! :) For me, I began dating a lady around the same time as I began climbing and thus have introduced her to climbing. She cleaned her first trad route yesterday and things are going well. However, if something should ever fail in this relationship - you can bet I'll be looking for a fun partner that loves to climb, hike and who might be interested in mountaineering. :)
However it does appear to me that two partners that I have may be interested in me - as evidence of their subtle but mildly direct comments. I enjoy climbing with them both....ladies - I could use your advice here. If something doesn't work out with the lady I'm with - I'd be very interested in dating either one of these ladies. I haven't breached the topic but must admit that I'm honored. However - I haven't discussed dating issues with them at all...I don't even know if they are seeing anyone. Just one more crazy ironic thing I guess.... :)
Peace and happiness to you all,
JD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
