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curt
Jul 15, 2007, 4:31 AM
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I was looking at an old thread today that I started 1n 2003 called "Death and Climbing" and I came across this reply by Michael Reardon:
"Not sure exactly what kind of reaction you were expecting Curt, but for what it's worth, here's my $.02.
Prior to climbing, death seemed to always be around the corner for me. Without major details, the moments of almost death came from reckless youth, illness, drugs, alcohol, and on more than one occasion, a gun to the head. During that time period, I also got to experience burying pretty much every friend and family member I was ever close to. When I got into climbing, what had been reckless before, became normal to the eccentrics that I became close to, and admired. Now granted, Yabo might not have been a good role model, but seeing folks like him and a few others that no one ever heard of, definitely inspired me to push the boundaries, until the occasional failure was inevitable. Then something happened.
There was no major event. There was no spark of recognition. It was more a simple opening of the eyes. I just woke up. Simple as that. I shed everything, and climbing was the only thing that stuck. There was something pure about touching rock, and controlling what happens next. It's not up to the rock whether I stick around or not, it's up to me. I choose to move up. I choose to grab that hold. I choose to place a piece. I choose to clip a bolt. And sometimes, I choose to merely climb, close to the ground and otherwise. It bring solace when there is none, and chaos when there is none.
On Saturday, I chose to climb a route that hadn't been done before. It was a nondescript crack in Bishop that travelled it's way up for a couple pitches and had never felt human hands. The rock was suspect, the belays were nonexistent, and each piece I placed felt looser than the softballs I pulled off and lobbed into space. Or as my partner stated, it was the first time in 10 years he had ever seen me wear a helmet. At the top of the first major belay, I found myself wedged in between a wide crack, with a couple of marginal aliens for backup, and then put my partner on belay. It was then I realized that the climb I just did was a bit harder than what killed those two climbers at Tahquitz. And here I was trying my best to "one up" them.
Granted, it would have taken an act of God to pull me out of the spot if my partner fell, and the aliens weren't that bad, but it wasn't the point. Right then and there, I got to feel a bit of what must have happened to those two guys (it wasn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last, but it was the most recent). Wrong space, wrong time. Or maybe it was the right one. As much as I believe I choose to climb the rock and all the other garbage I said above, just maybe I don't have a choice in when I die. That being said, I can argue and go on about the what and how's of the afterlife, but in the end it's just that. I likely don't have a choice, because no matter what I do, it will happen. That being said, all I can do, is remain awake. Climbing allows me that ability.
I do feel sadness and the occasional tear when I think of those that moved on, or worse, sit at a table with a group of other climbers and realize that next season, some of us might not be here, especially those who head to the mountains. But I also enjoy the common denominator that in those that push the limits, whether it be a 5.6 boltfest, or an alpine deathrun, they are awake. And it is the personal memory of being asleep that keeps me climbing, and in turn, keeps those memories alive and burning. I do wish I could share a tall tale, or hear some of those friends laugh once again, but I've realized, that when I'm on the top of a climb, if I listen closely, I already have."
I am not yet prepared to give up hope that Michael will turn up safe--but he said some interesting things in that thread four years ago, that are worth revisiting again today.
Curt
(This post was edited by curt on Jul 15, 2007, 5:24 AM)
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medicus
Jul 15, 2007, 5:26 AM
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Thanks for pulling that up Curt. It was a good read. I hope nothing but good news results in the search for Michael.
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Irisheeye
Jul 15, 2007, 11:56 AM
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Cheers Curt great read. Could you paste the link of that thread please?.
(This post was edited by Irisheeye on Jul 15, 2007, 11:58 AM)
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climbs4fun
Moderator
Jul 15, 2007, 12:40 PM
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There's this great function at the top of this page called search. He gave you the thread title. You type it in and hit search and voila! It tells you where the thread is. And what do you know... it was even the first result. You should try it sometime.
http://www.rockclimbing.com/..._reply;so=ASC;mh=25;
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Irisheeye
Jul 15, 2007, 5:57 PM
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climbs4fun wrote: There's this great function at the top of this page called search. He gave you the thread title. You type it in and hit search and voila! It tells you where the thread is. And what do you know... it was even the first result. You should try it sometime. http://www.rockclimbing.com/..._reply;so=ASC;mh=25;
Sorry about that i should have known. Thanks for the link.
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thegreytradster
Jul 16, 2007, 2:44 AM
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It is indeed a small and insular world that we play in. A thread started in reference to a tragedy on my home crag.
I've met up with Mike on perhaps a half a dozen occasions, at J Tree, Tahquitz and in the Sierras. A joyous and infectiously enthusiastic presence, just having a good time in the mountains. With a bit of a childish sense of humor thrown in. Ready to discuss the beta on a third class sierra peak or 5.7 JTree route with the same enthusiasm as a 5.12 test piece. He laped us once twice when we were roping up for Coffin Nail. (yeah we were a bit lazy about starting that day but still!)
There was still an queasy feeling at the end of each meeting and I wondered if I'd ever speak to him again. I'd add a fourth category to the three that started the thread Curt referenced, ("we all knew this would happen someday")
Some of us are driven to burn fast and brilliantly. Unfortunately that reality is of little solace to those left behind.
(This post was edited by thegreytradster on Jul 16, 2007, 3:27 AM)
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cintune
Jul 16, 2007, 3:12 AM
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Registered: Nov 10, 2004
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"you have made danger your calling; there is nothing contemptible in that. Now you perish by your calling: therefore I will bury you with my own hands."
-Nietzsche
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