I"m hanging on for the escarole and white bean soup... and my tummy is making noises

Will you come to my house and cook for me?

I'll be in RMNP in the spring. If you're anywhere near the Front Range, I could be convinced. I could even drag some of the good stuff from here with my gear. Bread would be a minimum. None of this would be right without good bread.

What are you offering in return? I cook for belays, booze, or a bed.

Don't fall.

Yeah. I hear that first step is a doozey.

I should be okay. My niece gave me all the beta. She just got promoted to Girl Scout from Brownie so I'm confident it's reliable.

Ouch.

I'm in Denver so allow me to convince you:::

I'm good for all of three! I'll even throw in some bread. ;)

'K the bed may have to be a couch but I can definitely do the belay and booze. Woo woo. I'm a sucker for a good meal. There isn't much I won't do for good food...especially when I don't have to cook any of it.

Pfft. Julia Child was a hack.

First off, a meal is a delicate process not a bunch of stuff thrown on a table with a "Dig In!"

First the palette must cleansed (the aperitiff). Then the meal should be served in courses (with a clean dish for each course for crying out loud. Why not put it all in a blender). Each course should have a distinct flavor that meshes with the other courses. Then finally, digestion (the digestivi). Then coffee and desert. Which can come before or after a short leisurely walk (referred to as a passigiata).

We start with that framework. Now, what's it gonna be. Fish or meat.

Now your gonna make it tricky eh. Okay fine. We'll go with something simple. You're gonna need shrimp, calamari and flounder. All of which can be frozen and shipped so there should be no problem getting them locally.

As an overview, tonight's meal is going to be served in four courses. For the appetizer, we are going to have stuffed calamari served with a balsamic reduction over a bed of arugala. Next we will have flounder in a white wine sauce served with fresh steamed vegetables. After that, for the starch, we will have shells with fresh tomato and portobello mushrooms. Finally, a light vegetable soup with escarole and white beans. Normally, under these circumstances, I would make a soup with mussels or clams but shellfish is obviously a problem for some of you. After some after dinner drinks, we'll have coffee and my specialty (some of you have heard this before): zabaglione over sliced strawberries and vanilla ice cream.

I'll do this in several posts. Before we do anything, we'll first have an aperitiff. An aperitiff should be a bitter dark liquor. I prefer Averna but I presume that's tough to come by for some of you. Believe it or not, Jeigermeister is a perfect substitute. Serve it chilled in a fluted liquor glass. Next we have an assortment of dried aged cheeses and olives. Maybe a plate with extra virgin olive oil and rosemary served with some sliced italian bread to dip.

On to the prima piata. First the stuffing. First, clean the shrimp and dice into small pieces. Next, in a frying pan, brown thinly sliced garlic cloves (the amount of garlic you use is a personal decision) in some olive oil. Next add the diced shrimp and some chopped scallions. When the shrimp are almost completely cooked, add enough bread crumps to completely cover the shrimp. You may need to add another splash of olive oil. As soon as the breadcrumbs are brown, turn it off and put it all in a bowl.

Next, the calamari. These need to be whole calamari, not the pre-sliced ones. Rinse the calamari and cut the legs off. Bring a pot of water to boil and boil the calamari for just a minute. They should feel firmer. Drain them and then stuff them with the shrimp and the bread crumbs. Once they are stuffed, I prefer to grill them. You can put them in a small pan in the oven or in the broiler if don't have access to a grill. If you are going to grill, heat the grill up and grill them on a low flame. With calamari, you basically cook them until their white and firm. This should be pretty quick. On the grill, they should get seared with the grill surface but don't let them get blackened on the ends. Next in a sauce pan, reduce some balsamic vinegar. Put some arugula and a couple of calamari on each dish, then drizzle the balsamic reduction over them and serve with a lemon wedge on the side.

I gotta refill my coffee cup. The flounder will be on the next post.

BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT
We aren't all spoiled rich kids. You may not be either but that bullshit sounds like it is coming from some ass born with a silver spoon in his moth and was never hungry. I on the other hand grew up in a small town housing project.
I appreciate the fact that my mom worked two waitress jobs so she could afford to fix meatloaf.

BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT
We aren't all spoiled rich kids. You may not be either but that bullshit sounds like it is coming from some ass born with a silver spoon in his moth and was never hungry. I on the other hand grew up in a small town housing project.
I appreciate the fact that my mom worked two waitress jobs so she could afford to fix meatloaf.

Bzzz. That answer is wrong. I grew up in a poor dangerous inner city environment. A couple of pounds of chop meat costs the same amount of money whether you are going to make meatloaf, meat balls, or stuffed peppers. My grandmother could never understand how people could starve since (at the time anyway) 20 cents worth of pasta could feed a family.

Just this weekend we bought 6 bushels of tomatos for $60 and made a years worth of sauce.

For as shitty as it was growing up, there was always a spread on the table.

Hell yeah, and there's a good deal of satisfaction in making it yourself.

Last weekend I canned (jarred) half a lug of peaches, last month I froze 16 quarts of sweet corn....16 quarts!!! I'll be so sick of corn before that's all gone. Two things I'm pissed I didn't get around to making myself this year are dill pickles and moonshine (I guess there's still time for one of those).

Is your sauce recipe a family secret? I'm interested.

d.

Roasted Chicken

This is super easy, yummy, and has eye appeal. And you can make soup out of the leftover

Is your sauce recipe a family secret? I'm interested.

d.

You then yell "Mincchia!!!!" to which your grandmother replies "Disgratziato!!!"

Well if that's the case, a little more convincing and I'll pull out all the stops.

Hmmph..not accustomed to so much convincing from my end. Usually my cuteness is enough to get most anything.

Nah. No secret. Just back breaking labor. We usually make the sauce so that you can pour it into a pot and season it or add to it depending on what your making. Here's the recipe:

Start with 6 bushels of tomatos

Clean and quarter a few thousand tomatos making sure to cut off the white part where the stem was. If you miss one, your grandmother will hit you with a wooden spoon so big that only Thor could have used it.

Fill a few dozen giant pots with the raw tomatos, add enough water so that its filled to within an inch of the top (but pack those pots with tomatos.).

Boil the tomatos until you have a stew like consistency. You may need to periodically add more water. If you don't, you get the spoon again plus a resounding "Cornuto!"

Burn the shit out of you fingers laddeling that stew through a grinder. Each pot will probably have to be run through the grinder twice. Have your grandmother standing by to yell at you that you're not grinding fast enough.

When that's done, add two diced onions, a handful of fresh basil and a couple of whole cloves of garlic and simmer the sauce for about an hour. Have your grandmother burn your tongue and lips a few times taste testing the sauce while she says "Itsa beautiful, right?" You then yell "Mincchia!!!!" to which your grandmother replies "Disgratziato!!!" If the sauce is too bitter (which is just a function of the tomatos) add a table spoon of sugar. Let it simmer for a few minutes and try it again. If it's still bitter, add another tablespoon of sugar and keep doing that until it tastes "justa right."

Next boil mason jars for about two or three minutes so they get really hot and then burn the shit out of your hands lining up the mason jars.

Next burn the shit out of your hands by laddling the sauce into mason jars and put on heat seal lids (those two piece lids). You might burn your hands a little putting the lids on. Then feel shame when your grandmother is able to further tighten the lids without even a wince from the scorching burning pain.

Line up all of the jars on a table and cover them with a blanket so they heat seal.

Finally, ice hands and drink three or four bottles of wine until the burning and throbbing stops.

This recipe should yield about 200 bottles of sauce. It should take about 12 hours from start to finish. You can break in the middle for some fresh eggplant or some merluzza with lemon and olive oil and a can of luke warm Pathmark brand "Cola."

Next week we make the wine. That's the family secret and even I don't know what the secret recipe is (though I suspect its terpentine!)