|
|
|
|
nnichols
Aug 18, 2003, 12:17 AM
Post #1 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 28, 2003
Posts: 800
|
While having a beer with one of my climbing partners after an evening of climbing at our gym's 3rd anniversary party last night (we ended up running the b-bque pit - lol), I've been really thinking about how much there is in life that I would love to accomplish but just don't know how to go about it. He is 23 (10 years younger than I) and has 1 year left in the Army, of which it looks like he'll be spending in Iraq. Anyway, his plan after being discharged is to travel for a year living out of his truck and travel trailer while climbing wherever he wants then go to college.
I've always loved to travel and have wanted to see much more of the US as well as other countries (Germany is the only overseas country I've been fortunate enough to visit). Thing is I'm a single mom (10 y/o son) and am finishing my last year of a BA in Geography and I work (I really do enjoy my job). I hardly have time for anything, much less traveling. To stop working is out of the questions for obvious reasons (my son, debt).
Anyone else feel like they're missing out on something, running out of time to do them, and any suggestions on what to do (discount the lottery - I know someone has to win but let's just assume it's not going to be me!)?
|
|
|
|
|
philbox
Moderator
Aug 18, 2003, 6:32 AM
Post #2 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 27, 2002
Posts: 13105
|
Hmmm, lemme see now, (russle, russle, russle, puts agony aunts dress on) why not add a tall dark and handsome rich bloke into your life. No, too simplistic, oh, well lets get serious now.
I see that you are studying, excellent stuff girl, keep doing that, don`t for one minute even think about giving that up. I see that in your profile and the above post that you have a great job and you really enjoy what you are doing, that`s a plus.
So you`re getting itchy feet eh, how about you just sit tight and keep doing what you are doing for a while longer. You haven`t been climbing long so you will need to build up your skills set so that ultimately when you do go out on the road you will be a competent climbing partner.
Take it slow girl when it comes to building your climbing repertoire of skills. There is no substitute for long term climbing experience with multiple partners. Hook up with as many partners as you can to build that experience and lead as much as you can when you have the time.
Go get yourself a hangboard to build those hand muscles. Work those legs to build up sustainability for those long approaches.
You know where you want to get to in life so you need to work on the plan and stick to it.
[/agony]
Hey I should invent a name for my on line counselling service. Lemme see now, how about Aunt Aggies online counselling, price 5c (remember Lucy in Peanuts).
|
|
|
|
|
shortfatoldguy
Aug 18, 2003, 1:22 PM
Post #3 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 4, 2002
Posts: 1694
|
I have to agree with Phil, when he counsels patience, at this point in your life. You're, what, 33? You may feel like you're getting older by the second, but you've got a *lot* of good years ahead of you.
I've spent the last seventeen years helping raise three kids and starting a career, trying to squeeze in as much fun as I responsibly could. It's been very difficult and very frustrating, but things are finally easing up a little as the kids get older, and I have increasing opportunities to go on longer trips.
If you're a single mom, I hope you have a good support network. Don't have any more kids (I've done it for you), and avoid relationships that will stifle your wanderlust. And do what Phil said: climb as much as you can, for now, so that when you finally get some more freedom, you'll be cranking hard. (Just avoid injury!)
Hang in there. Have some fun while maintaining your commitments. Think long term.
Best,
SFOG
|
|
|
|
|
calamity_chk
Aug 18, 2003, 1:32 PM
Post #4 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
|
hey there,
i can totally relate. i'm 26 and have a 7 year old -- and desperately enjoy the bohemian life. my plan is to first, get the hell out of texas using equity that i have in my home. i plan to stay in colorado for a few years and then get an ESL teaching job in south america (leaning towards chile at present). the way that i've come to see it, my son should be on his own by the time i'm 35/36 so if i can stay in the same place for about 3 years, then i can minimize the amount of moving that he'll have to endure while (sorta) feeding my wanderlust. after he's off on his own, i plan to sell basically everything and be completely transient until i just cant go anymore.
yeah, i feel a little trapped by it sometimes and feel like my life is just passing me by, but then i stop and put things into perspective - the time with him will slow me down enough to save up cash to help finance this fantasy, and at 35, i'll still have plenty of living left in me that i'll be able to enjoy time in places like morocco, the middle east, and maybe the phillipines, thailand or indonesia .. who knows and quite frankly, who cares ... i'll sort it out when i get there.
having said all of that, i'm not tied to the military (couldnt tell from your post if you're in the military or if the friend was). in any case, best of luck to you, and feel free to pm anytime!
amber
|
|
|
|
|
crag
Aug 18, 2003, 1:33 PM
Post #5 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jan 29, 2003
Posts: 623
|
In reply to: Hey I should invent a name for my on line counselling service. Lemme see now, how about Aunt Aggies online counselling, price 5c (remember Lucy in Peanuts).
Ok this is going to be too easy but here goes, Hey Dr. Phil.......
|
|
|
|
|
nnichols
Aug 18, 2003, 1:40 PM
Post #6 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 28, 2003
Posts: 800
|
Thanks guys, I really appreciate the advice and kind words. I am truly blessed - not many people have a second chance to complete their college education, have a job they truly enjoy, and a wonderful son that makes life fun, interesting, and challenging. Barring any unforeseen conflicts, I WILL graduate in May. No more kids for me - my son is enough. A man in my life would be nice; however, I settled the first time around so now I am extremely "picky" and if I ever commit to a long-term relationship it will be with someone who is perfect for both me and my son.
Yesterday must have been just one of those days where I was very negative and down on myself. It rarely happens, but hey, I'm human!
As far as climbing, I am having the time of my life and am trying to meet as many people as possible (especially since my 2 partners will be deployed soon). I am on the shy side so this is quite a challenge but I'm not one to "shy" away from challenges - I embrace them and have fun! I am patient with climbing and safety is always my main concern (not that I haven't been sore from climbing a few times). I'm not in any rush to get to the 5.11, etc. - they will come in good time.
By the way, I got my 1st flapper Sat. night! :D
Thanks again!
Nancy
|
|
|
|
|
calamity_chk
Aug 18, 2003, 2:14 PM
Post #7 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
|
In reply to: No more kids for me - my son is enough. A man in my life would be nice; however, I settled the first time around so now I am extremely "picky" and if I ever commit to a long-term relationship it will be with someone who is perfect for both me and my son.
amen to that, sista! ;)
though, for me perfection is a dirtbag climber who grills a mean steak, drinks good beer, and has a sizeable rack. intelligence and a desire to travel the world are also good. hey, we all need our dreams, right?!
anyways, best of luck with graduation - and i'm sure you'll do just fine on fulfilling your dreams .. it's truly amazing what one can accomplish with little more than a strong-will and unwavering determination.
all the best,
amber
|
|
|
|
|
charrock
Aug 18, 2003, 2:24 PM
Post #8 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 14, 2001
Posts: 364
|
Hey Nancy and Amber: I moved as a kid 3 times (3 states). It's really tough on the little ones. I can feel for the army brats out there that move even more than that. Routine is a kid's best friend. It may get boring for us adults but the little ones love it...in fact cherish it. I have raise 3 kids and kept them in the same neighborhood their whole lives for this very reason. I love to travel and accept new opportunities but once I started a family I stayed put. I've given up good jobs in New England, Colorado, California just to finish the job of raising a family.
I don't know your situations so only you can make this decision. But if you like your job, your kid is happy, a couple of good friends, a decent roof then I'd stay. Most people do not have these basic necessities. Good luck Charlie
|
|
|
|
|
nnichols
Aug 18, 2003, 3:24 PM
Post #9 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 28, 2003
Posts: 800
|
I was actually "rooted" growing up - stayed in the same small town for 17 years. My son has been in the same school since Kindergarden (he is now in 5th grade). I certainly understand the importance of keeping him on a routine and having a sense of "home." However, in talking with many who grew up in military situations, some of them didn't have problems with moving around. I guess it just depends on the person, my son would not handle moving very well although he constantly talks about wanting to live in CO. I would like to take him to visit as many places as possible so does not grow up like me - thinking that the small town mentality here is the "norm" for everywhere. In other words - I want to expose him to different cultures, lifestyles, etc. so he has a broad base of knowledge when he goes off on his own.
Again, thanks for all the input - life is surely an adventure! :D
|
|
|
|
|
calamity_chk
Aug 18, 2003, 5:25 PM
Post #10 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
|
hey charlie,
thanks for the advice, and i definitely talk with my kiddo about moving before i ever get my heart really set on it. right now, he's probably more stoked about the possibility of moving than i am - which says a lot, and i plan to always keep it that way. when i start thinking of moving somewhere, i engage him in the conversation to see what he thinks about it and doubt that i would ever force him to make a move that he doesnt want to make simply because i'm not that kind of mom. however, living in the same, small town my entire life was probably just as horrible for me as moving around a lot was for other kids, and truth be told, it's why i'm such a wanderlust now.
best,
amber
|
|
|
|
|
charrock
Aug 18, 2003, 6:51 PM
Post #11 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 14, 2001
Posts: 364
|
In reply to: hey charlie, thanks for the advice, and i definitely talk with my kiddo about moving before i ever get my heart really set on it. right now, he's probably more stoked about the possibility of moving than i am - which says a lot, and i plan to always keep it that way. when i start thinking of moving somewhere, i engage him in the conversation to see what he thinks about it and doubt that i would ever force him to make a move that he doesnt want to make simply because i'm not that kind of mom. however, living in the same, small town my entire life was probably just as horrible for me as moving around a lot was for other kids, and truth be told, it's why i'm such a wanderlust now. best, amber
I suffer from wanderlust as well. I always thought I had the desire to 'go' in part due to my early moving around. In fact my brother and sisters all travel quite a lot. However we all have raised our families in one location. We mostly traveled a lot before families and take some rather long distance vacations. Maybe it's just in ones blood.....wanderlust that is. Charlie
|
|
|
|
|
charrock
Aug 18, 2003, 7:00 PM
Post #12 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 14, 2001
Posts: 364
|
In reply to: I was actually "rooted" growing up - stayed in the same small town for 17 years. My son has been in the same school since Kindergarden (he is now in 5th grade). I certainly understand the importance of keeping him on a routine and having a sense of "home." However, in talking with many who grew up in military situations, some of them didn't have problems with moving around. I guess it just depends on the person, my son would not handle moving very well although he constantly talks about wanting to live in CO. I would like to take him to visit as many places as possible so does not grow up like me - thinking that the small town mentality here is the "norm" for everywhere. In other words - I want to expose him to different cultures, lifestyles, etc. so he has a broad base of knowledge when he goes off on his own. Again, thanks for all the input - life is surely an adventure! :D
I'm all for traveling with kids. Mine have been all over this country. But i can tell you one thing, their biggest smile is always when they get back home to their room. What ever you decide I'm sure you and son be fine. I came out fine....I think!! Others may disagree. Charlie
|
|
|
|
|
jaylaka
Aug 19, 2003, 11:22 PM
Post #14 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 1, 2003
Posts: 382
|
hey there,
another single mom with one son here. (i'm noticing a trend here, should we start a club?) :D
cole's 4 now, and since i'm a teacher, we were fortunate to spend four weeks traveling this summer. we stayed in the midwest, but still got to go to the red and the new, for all the good climbing and swimming.
i'm doing the school thing too - i'm finishing up my masters next year and starting my phd soon thereafter. (once i figure out where i want to go and how the h*ll to finance another degree, you know how it goes...)
nancy, i think it's AWESOME that you're getting your degree (it's hard enough doing it before kids, jobs, and bills start coming...it's incredible that you're doing it all. seriously.) you've got to follow your own dreams and goals, and i don't think your child's well being or happiness is compromised in doing so. just cultivate your posse - those friends and family who will support you no matter what. (if they climb, all the better). :D
and amber, we're on the same page. i love this quote of yours: "perfection is a dirtbag climber who grills a mean steak, drinks good beer, and has a sizeable rack. intelligence and a desire to travel the world are also good." :wink:
while cole's growing up, i plan to take him on many adventures. some may have to wait until he's on his own (when he's 18, i'll be 39, plenty of time for more runs and climbs!) but it's all good. life's short. i'm enjoying what i've got. 8)
jen
|
|
|
|
|
jaylaka
Aug 19, 2003, 11:26 PM
Post #15 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 1, 2003
Posts: 382
|
In reply to: their biggest smile is always when they get back home to their room
i don't know. my son makes himself at home at miguel's or roger's. :D
i think it depends on the child. cole, at four, is incredibly friendly and really flexible...plus he likes being outside and around others as much as i do.
we all make the best choices possible. and what's right for one family may not be right for another. :wink:
jen
|
|
|
|
|
calamity_chk
Aug 20, 2003, 1:48 AM
Post #16 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
|
thanks, jen. we'll have to plan a roadtrip sometime and hook up for some climbing. btw - does your son have aiders yet? heheheeh.
|
|
|
|
|
nnichols
Aug 20, 2003, 2:41 AM
Post #17 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 28, 2003
Posts: 800
|
Jen,
I'm with Amber - thanks! Austin (my son) loves the outdoors as much as I so as soon as I save up enough $$ for some basic camping gear we are going to start spending weekends anywhere but in this house! My family supports me in everything (although they don't understand why I want to "kill" myself climbing - lol).
Good luck with your schooling (phD - wow!!!)!
Next summer I am looking forward to some serious outdoor climbing (by serious I mean not in TX). Maybe see some of you guys out on the rocks. :)
Lead my first route last night at the gym - so fun and scary!!! (it was a 5.7- I chickened out on the 5.8, the overhang was too much for me right now on lead) :D
Nancy
|
|
|
|
|
calamity_chk
Aug 20, 2003, 4:58 AM
Post #18 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
|
cool. let's compare school schedules (and mom schedules) and organize a single parents gig. that would be fun for the moms and kids alike (and dads .. if any single dads wanna join)
also, if you dont have camping gear by the time we're ready for the shin-dig, i'm confident that i can drudge up some extra stuff.
|
|
|
|
|
jaylaka
Aug 21, 2003, 3:30 PM
Post #19 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 1, 2003
Posts: 382
|
yes, a single parent climbing/camping bonanza would be cool. (others always welcome, of course!)
cole and i have regular school schedule (two weeks off for christmas/new year's, spring break april 5-9 next year, then summer break from mid-june until the end of august)... give me a time and a place, and we'll be there. 8)
we spent a good amount of time at the red and the new this year (good for kids, easy approaches, sport routes, etc)...but i'm up for anything.
:D
what d'ya think?
jen
|
|
|
|
|
nnichols
Aug 21, 2003, 4:01 PM
Post #20 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 28, 2003
Posts: 800
|
Austin and I are in!!!! Just give me enough advance notice to plan vacation time at work. Christmas or Thanksgiving holidays are good. Spring break probably not as he and I actually have different Spring Breaks :(.
Nancy
|
|
|
|
|
calamity_chk
Aug 21, 2003, 6:42 PM
Post #21 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
|
my schedule is pretty much up in the air right now. i'm trying to relocate for a job in colorado, but dear ol dad is contesting the move so we're going back to court .. again ... *sigh* .. anyways, court is set for sept 5, so i'll know our schedule after that ... weeee! wish me luck !!!
|
|
|
|
|
jaylaka
Aug 21, 2003, 8:50 PM
Post #22 of 22
(735 views)
Shortcut
Registered: May 1, 2003
Posts: 382
|
next summer some time, then. 8)
it'll be good times. for the kids and us alike.
i know a couple other single moms who climb, i'll mention it to them too.
jen
|
|
|
|
|
|
