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the_elk
Dec 22, 2002, 11:18 PM
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A: Put them on a slab route!
Went out to the Grampians yesterday for a nice day trip..?? Had a lovely morning and early arvo playing and hurting, then there was slab!
40 meters, moderate grade... but it was slab. Oh, the joy of whimpering!
Ahhh slab....
Your thoughts?
Elk
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airscape
Dec 22, 2002, 11:22 PM
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Tell him he has no friends.
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w6jxm
Dec 22, 2002, 11:45 PM
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Duh... Let me think. Cut the rope
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xanx
Dec 23, 2002, 12:05 AM
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have him boulder with a punk kid newbie who has never been on the sharp end but can outboulder him :-)
mike-"punk kid newbie boulderer" (jk)
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kalcario
Dec 23, 2002, 12:14 AM
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tell him...
bouldering is out of fashion and all the boulderers are gonna show up at his favorite crags?
the piton bashers are practicing trenching copperhead placements and enhancing hook placements at same?
there's a bunch of guys dry tooling each other..er I mean his favorite route?
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tigerbythetail
Dec 24, 2002, 5:46 AM
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Sandbag them onto a mixed route with hidden gear placements and no fixed anchor, then sit back and watch the show.
[ This Message was edited by: tigerbythetail on 2002-12-23 21:47 ]
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climbsomething
Dec 24, 2002, 6:45 AM
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Uh, take me to Indian Creek
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jt512
Dec 24, 2002, 6:53 AM
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You can start a panic by yelling "Off-width!" at a crowded sport crag.
-Jay
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bolder
Dec 27, 2002, 6:06 PM
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Put me on lead in Eldo.
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sauron
Dec 27, 2002, 6:44 PM
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I love jt512's answer..
I'll have to try that sometime.
- d.
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redpoint73
Dec 27, 2002, 7:31 PM
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There is a desciption for a route in the Rumney guidebook for a 12a or 12b. It says "not bad for the grade, unless you can't handjam".
I've seen more than a few climbers pick another climb after reading the description.
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coclimber26
Dec 28, 2002, 6:54 PM
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Throw a 30lb pack, some crampons and an axe on their back then toss em in the freezer...
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stevematthys
Dec 29, 2002, 1:53 AM
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give them a rack and send them up a trad line
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goingtohellquick
Jan 6, 2003, 5:54 AM
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Tell them that their mommies will be ther to pick them up in an hour, and that no she will not bring anymore quickdraws.
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repete
Jan 13, 2003, 1:24 AM
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hahahaha... those last 2 are realy good. I'd also say put a nice ledge 10 feet below a not so well protected crux.
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holygecko
Jan 13, 2003, 1:32 AM
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Walk past them with your exceptionally large rack, full of odd looking gear, and runners of different lengths. The fear will be so heavy in the air you could cut it with a knife and eat it because your alpine start did not allow for breakfast other than a stick of butter and some funk water.(check it Tommy, BUTTER)
~Peace
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climbsomething
Jan 13, 2003, 1:34 AM
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Jay, bubby, that's a nice thought but what makes you think they'll even know what an offwidth is?
Crack? Aww, the rock is broken, gotta find another one...
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climbingpride
Jan 13, 2003, 1:53 AM
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Here's something my partner and I were talking about.
My partner and I start yelling about the dumbest thing, anything. Then I get all up in his face, he says i better get back. Then he pulls out his airisoft glock, that looks too real, but only shoots bbs. Then we yell some more and see what the outher climbers would do.
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climbingrant
Jan 13, 2003, 2:01 AM
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haha done that with a bb gun in the midle of brisbane city on a friday night
it was pretty funny
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epic_ed
Jan 13, 2003, 2:10 AM
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Tell them Metolius, Fixe, and Petzl were all found to have a serious metelurgical defect in their bolt hangers and all of them have been recalled.
Ed
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cass
Jan 13, 2003, 2:13 AM
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Boo!
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lynne
Jan 13, 2003, 2:15 AM
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tell them that recent studies have shown that the use of depilatories (such as Nair) used on the scrotum may lead to impotence.
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philbox
Moderator
Jan 13, 2003, 2:19 AM
Post #24 of 68
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I`m with stevematthys, give him a trad rack and send him up a crack.
...Phil...
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galt
Jan 13, 2003, 2:34 AM
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I don't think you can scare a Sports Climber, but how do you scare a Trad Climber?
A: Take away their nuts...
I CRACK myself up
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flying_dutchman
Jan 13, 2003, 2:45 AM
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how do u trap a sportclimber?
send them up a bolted line that requires a natural top anchor.
two in one, it'll scare the hell out of em as well
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mountainhardon
Jan 13, 2003, 3:00 AM
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this is a fun one. it works best when you are showing a new climber to one of "your" areas:
when the climber gets to the crux, just shout, "oh, check that bolt down there. sometimes it gets a little loose, you just need to push it back in, or maybe tap it with a biner! Does it look loose? uhhh, no biggie. just don't fall, you'll be fine!"
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dbrayack
Jan 13, 2003, 3:08 AM
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I am mainly a sport climber who prefers slab, its a lot funner, if you want to scare me, make me run it out on a spinning, rusty 1/4 incher.
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camhead
Jan 13, 2003, 3:36 AM
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I agree with the slab-scare thing.
I'm sport climber/semi-bold wannabe traddie, and NOTHING freaks me out more than runout slab. (shudder)
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stevematthys
Jan 20, 2003, 5:57 AM
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duskerhu
Jan 20, 2003, 6:24 AM
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beerandblood -->
HHhmmmmm, "How do you scare a sport climber?"
Well first of all, quickdraws just went up in price... The cheapest ones are now $63.95... The Omegas of course. The Petzls are $85 each.
OH, and tell him he has to climb wearing a sweatshirt... and Levi's.
duskerhu
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wildtrail
Jan 20, 2003, 6:38 AM
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Hand him a handful of cams and tell him to "figure it out"?
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wandt
Jan 20, 2003, 6:44 AM
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Speak with a British accent, refer to a crag as "your baby", and accidentally drop a box of choppped bolts and a pair of knuckle-dusters out of your pack. Then say "now show me one of YOUR projects."
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t-dog
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Feb 6, 2003, 4:22 AM
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Give him a double set of Hexes and send him up a big old hand crack that'll eat the skin off your hands like in J-Tree (make sure the pitch is at least 100 feet long too for a real good laugh!!!!!!!)
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blazesod
Feb 6, 2003, 4:56 AM
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Place some new "post-it" stick-on bolts for any route and then ask him to test the pro half way up.
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overlord
Feb 10, 2003, 3:53 PM
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make a phonecall while belaying.
CLIMB ON
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mreardon
Feb 10, 2003, 11:34 PM
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Just bring 'em to josh and put them on "figures on a landscape" - "here's your single quickdraw for the second pitch...."
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moeman
Feb 10, 2003, 11:53 PM
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"Did you just step on a bolt hanger? Shame on you. Penalty Slack!
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drector
Feb 10, 2003, 11:54 PM
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After a few pitches, downclimb from something they can't see you on then say "Do you see any rap anchors around here?" Make sure there are none. This works best if they are not as good as you. It also works on trad.
How to scare a boulderer: Show up with a Hilti!
Dave
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flagstaff_climber
Feb 11, 2003, 12:21 AM
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Yell up and ask them what color rope were they tied into.....
Rick
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wlderdude
Feb 11, 2003, 12:40 AM
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All I would have to do is show them the 3/8" bolt I found that had fatigued for several years and failed catastrophically. It was off a chair in a lecture hall, so it just had body weight on it.
Imagine what a few years of FALLING on a bolt would do!
(I think it was a grade 5 bolt, but they don't have to know that)
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photon
Sep 12, 2003, 1:45 PM
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"There is no Guidebook"
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robmcc
Sep 12, 2003, 3:58 PM
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In reply to: I don't think you can scare a Sports Climber, but how do you scare a Trad Climber? A: Take away their nuts...
Bah. A decent trad climber can use rocks for nuts in a pinch. :wink:
Oh, you meant pro?
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underfoot
Sep 12, 2003, 4:03 PM
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You "pants" him mid-crux so that all of the poser crag chicks and their obnoxious dogs can see that he is really only packing a pair of #2 rp's down there, not the #11 hexes he'd need for trad.
Muhahahaha
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flagstaff_climber
Sep 12, 2003, 4:13 PM
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Tell them those bolts were put there by Trad climbers :)
Rick
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tradclimbinfool
Sep 12, 2003, 4:48 PM
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Two words:
SQUEEZE CHIMNEY
Oh, wait.....that scares me too, and I'm a trad climber!
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tradmanclimbs
Sep 12, 2003, 4:56 PM
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We scared a bunch of em at rumny last year witha rubber snake :D
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shocker
Sep 12, 2003, 5:46 PM
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Take away their Gri-gri.
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slcliffdiver
Sep 12, 2003, 8:02 PM
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Tell them: It looks like you've gained a few onces. Did you start eating an extra slice of lettuce at each meal?
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pt
Sep 12, 2003, 8:13 PM
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Bring one to Vedauwoo
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herm
Sep 12, 2003, 10:30 PM
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find 'em a nice long alpine 5.2. ...heh, heh, heh............. :twisted:
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roughster
Sep 12, 2003, 11:00 PM
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Tell him that whatever he gets on, his trad partner has to successfully redpoint before they leave the crag :lol:
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roughster
Sep 12, 2003, 11:09 PM
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Tell her that she needs to teach her bouldering friend how to use a GriGri
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roughster
Sep 12, 2003, 11:09 PM
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Tell a SoCal Sport Climber that Jack Marshall died :lol:
(and that is meant as a joke, not as anything personal against Jack!)
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vertx
Sep 12, 2003, 11:17 PM
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Tell them there is only 10 bolts on that 30' 5.3 they are about to try
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elsinore
Sep 12, 2003, 11:21 PM
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Another quote from Ward in the Rumney guide...
Restless Native 5.12b/c
'Although many consider this one of the best 5.12s in Rumney, be warned: it as been called "a pile" by pansy-ass sport weenies looking for the colored tape marking the holds"
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thegogirl
Sep 13, 2003, 1:46 AM
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if you are girl: put a hand on the hip and with the drama of a queen, tell'em: "I'm hormonal right now and absolutely cannot belay you on this one. " (be sure to throw shoes while at it).
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alpinerock
Sep 13, 2003, 2:02 AM
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take his 6" quickdraws and replace them with 24" runners and biners.
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roughster
Sep 13, 2003, 2:58 AM
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Put the 1st bolt higher than 15 feet off the deck, heheh. I hear about doing this a lot :lol:
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bcd
Sep 13, 2003, 8:03 AM
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(looking at Gri-Gri)
"Ah, you're the "hand" because you're CLIMBING, right? Oh yeah, it makes sense now. And I'm the "guy with rope" because I'm belaying. Okay, keep going!"
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organic
Sep 13, 2003, 9:28 AM
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you scare them by making the route mixed trad and sport with huge runouts but still they have the balls to 'scend it!@
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climb_plastic
Sep 29, 2003, 4:37 AM
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Yell, "did you say take?" right when they're about to clip into the second bolt.
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climb_plastic
Sep 30, 2003, 2:36 AM
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Hey, how did that label of "boulderer" show up under my user name? I'm actually a sport climber but I just thought that would be scary if someone yelled that to me when I was trying clip the second bolt.
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koto
Sep 30, 2003, 2:51 AM
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hahahahahahaha!!!
Don't worry mate, the real anxiety will set in when it says top-roper under your name! :wink:
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dynoguy
Sep 30, 2003, 3:31 AM
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good one climb_plastic :D !!
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godsmybelayer
Sep 30, 2003, 4:36 AM
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I like the Gri-Gri one! :lol:
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