"Let's be honest," she says sincerely, with a soft smile, making eye contact with me, "You're not climbing hard enough for it to matter how sticky the rubber is."

-Danno

you know, I don't think you're as good as you think you are

I walked into the local gear store the other day and the hot babe working there told me she wanted to do me on the floor right then and there. Then she stuck her tongue in my mouth. Of course, she's my wife...

OMFG Dude... The same exact thing happened to me the other day, except when we were all done and stuff, she told me she was Jay's wife!!! :shock:

Reminds me of the gear shop Chick...

I never thought I needed one, until I bought one. Once you have a #4, it seems you always find a place to use it. :lol:

Sorry babe, but I'm quite confident that I know more about Aliens than, oh, most people at this point in time! :mrgreen:

I never thought I needed one, until I bought one. Once you have a #4, it seems you always find a place to use it. :lol:

I popped in to one of the local outdoor shops over the summer, browsed for a while, then told the first guy I saw that I needed someone to cut some webbing for me. Kid comes over and asks what I want, and I tell him, "25 feet of this and 25 feet of that." He's pulling it off the spool and he says, "You know, it's not safe to tie a harness..."

I never said I was tying harnesses ... I never said anything about what I was doing with it. Nevertheless, I've climbed in many, many modified Swiss seats over the years... this webbing, though, was for TR anchors.

I just looked at him kind of quizzically and said, "Just ring it up."

Heres a good newb story. I was at the store, purchasing shoes and harness for the lady friend, and this gumby (refering to a customer) is purchasing ice climbing gear.

He bought everything from a jacket, to clothes, to a pack, to ice picks, rope, webbing, carabiners, belay. You name it he bought it.

The reasoning he used to buy it was that hes going climbing with a buddy, (who has climbed ice for 10 years or somthing). He bought 3 of everything for him, his wife, and his smoking hot daughter! The clerk then insisted he get some ice pickets, and a couple ice screws. To which he replied, thankfully,

"What are they for?"

It was quite amusing to watch him shop. He had no clue what anything was, or what it was for. I asked if he would adopt me, and he looked at my puzzled.

He probably droped about $3000 on gear that he might only use once. haha. damn

"Hold my beer while I kiss your girlfriend."

I was looking for some skis the other day. Let me preface this by saying that even though I am from TX and know absolutely nothing about skis, I have skied enough recently to at least know I wanted a ski length of about 185.

I ask the guy at the counter to give me some info and after his spiel he picks up a pair of 165's and tells me that these would be perfect for me. I tell him I was wanting something longer. He gets a 172 and says that these should be agressive enough for me. I tell him I want a 185 and he tells me that is too much ski for me and I should not get that. I have skied 182 all last season (and by all last season, I men teh 8 days I got to see snow, I am from TX)

I walked out without buying anything. Mostly cause they didn't have what I wanted, but if they did...

Not that I own a #4 BD, but I've certainly wished that I owned one on at least 20 occassions!

Walking into a ski shop and saying;"I want a pair of 185's" is a rooky move. No offense.

I walked into the local gear store the other day and the hot babe working there told me she wanted to do me on the floor right then and there. Then she stuck her tongue in my mouth. Of course, she's my wife...

Heres something from the other side.
A few years ago when working at a shop this guy comes in asking about a "cheap" biner. So I'm showing him various ones and he's asking how strong they are. Not bothering with trying to explain kilonewtons to him I give him some rough pound force measurements, which, he didn't seem to understand either. THEN in a test to measure the strength of one of the biners, he grabs each end with his fingers and pulls it along its spine!

"ok, that one will do" and buys the one he tested.

Heres something from the other side.
A few years ago when working at a shop this guy comes in asking about a "cheap" biner. So I'm showing him various ones and he's asking how strong they are. Not bothering with trying to explain kilonewtons to him I give him some rough pound force measurements, which, he didn't seem to understand either. THEN in a test to measure the strength of one of the biners, he grabs each end with his fingers and pulls it along its spine!

"ok, that one will do" and buys the one he tested.

I love it when trust funders start climbing. When the weather goes bad, they tend to bail off and leave half their rack behind. Just wait for the rain shower to pass then go get all the shiny new gear that they left!

I guess I'm too much of a noob to catch the gear shop employees saying something dumb. Although I always call gear by the wrong name, and sometimes I'll just refer to it as "That round thinger with the springs." It's really embarassing cause I know I'm not that dumb, I've just got a real bad memory for certain things (and it's taken me what seems like forever to get all the commands like "On Belay" right.) I can handle computer stuff so much easier. I could give you a list of all the specs and brands on all the parts inside my desktop, but I couldn't tell you the name of anything on my harness. I guess it helps that I've been doing computer stuff for the past twelve years, and I've only been climbing off and on for the past two.

Before I knew a dang thing about placing gear, clipping bolts, and lead climbing in general- I don't believe I'd ever been on a multipitch either--I was sold 3 Spectra slings, 3 stoppers, and 3 biners. My partner got the same, but different sized pro. We were told quite confidently that we didn't need a biner for the pro, just the rope and that it was completely fine to girth hitch the sling to stopper cable or bolt hanger. We did it, but we didn't test it.

At a recent pass in EMS I was directed to the "Climbing Gear Expert," a title given to him by the other employees, while asking the simple question of whether they had or could order me a set of Etriers. This, the expert, employee stated that they had them in stock and directed me to the display rack where he produced a pair of daisy chains. I told him no, those weren't etriers. He then tried to argue with me, until I explained to him in the simplest way that I could with the given props situated around me that in the aid world you would use Jumars to ascend the rope, with Etriers for your feet to stand on, all attached to your harness via a daisy chain.

After my conversation he was wisked away to help with a climbing shoe question. Now, at the time I had a little mission to fill my shopping list: New shoes, 2 slings, a handful of biners, some rap rings, and possibly some aiders. I watched him sell shoes to a 20-something new climber that were half a size too big. He stated that they were to be fitted like your street shoe. I had to interviene again and explain that the shoes that the customer was getting douped into buying were going to stretch, as they were unlined leather, and would actually work better if bought about a half size too small so that they would stretch into his foot. When it was my turn to get my shoes, I was very specific, direct and didn't try them on. (I know my size with the shoe I was getting.) I walked away, paid for my stuff, and left. I don't let the employees in that store talk to me about anything anymore. I don't want to expend the energy explaining to them the benifits of synthetic vs cotton or the difference between butane stoves vs. white gas. :shock:

I'm really glad that I'm not a college drop out.....

An old partner of mine always had trouble remembering the names of the types/shapes of carabiners.
U-Shaped :shock:

The "U-Shaped" carabiner was actually an oval. I could never quite convince him that an actual U-shaped carabiner would be rather useless -- and if he was set on assigning a letter to the shape, it would be more accurate to call it an "O-shaped" carabiner.

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What store was this? They might actually appreciate knowing employees are handing out advice that will kill someone. How were you convinced you needed stoppers? Were you buying equipment for anchors? Scary stuff.

standing around in REI in the climbing section will yield a gear shop quote-stravaganza any day of the week.

Counter that with my preferred shop. I walk in, chat for a bit with the guys at the desk, and ask for a screamer. They're out at the moment, but my friend gives a quick look to confirm. He tells me the next shipment's coming in a week or so, and I say it isn't urgent. Before I have time to make it back, I see I have a package in the mail. It's a screamer with a little note.

I had an interesting experience with an REI associate a while back. I won't go into the back story, but she didn't have a clue what a screamer was. If she said that up front, it wouldn't have been a big deal. I mentioned I didn't see any screamers near the slings, which was where I thought I'd find them. She scans the section with me, and eventually grabs the PAS. I tried to explain what a screamer looks like and does. Because she was unfamiliar with it and none of her partners carried them, she tried to convince me I didn't need it.

...i bet some of you guys are those d-bags we talk about in the back room... ;)