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thewyseclimber
Nov 10, 2004, 3:54 PM
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Me being a lover of all jokes, and especially puns, I was greatly amused by the recent thread on the "blade of ice." Well done.
So, my question is this: Anybody out there have any good climbing jokes, or old stories that are worth hearing again for the laugh factor? I would be interested to read anything you feel like posting up.
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miklaw
Nov 10, 2004, 3:58 PM
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The Infamous Eagles Joke
You should be warned that the following joke can be infuriating. It is said that it was used at Cambridge University as an intelligence test for undergraduates - those that got it were intelligent. If you get it - well done. If you don't get it - well neither do most people when they hear it.
Two climbers were climbing roped together in the Scottish Highlands. They saw some eagles soaring above them. Later the climbers slipped over the edge of a precipice and unfortunately plunged to their deaths.
Their souls left their mortal bodies and ascended to heaven. As they rose they saw the same eagles and one soul cried out to them, 'Ah - Eagles'.
But the eagles, being polite, said nothing.
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superdiamonddave
Nov 10, 2004, 4:15 PM
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An oldie but a goodie:
The difference between a golfer and a climber:
A golfer...WHACK!! ... Sh!t!!!
A climber... SH!T!! ... WHACK!!
:P
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headchop
Nov 10, 2004, 4:19 PM
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In reply to: The Infamous Eagles Joke You should be warned that the following joke can be infuriating. It is said that it was used at Cambridge University as an intelligence test for undergraduates - those that got it were intelligent. If you get it - well done. If you don't get it - well neither do most people when they hear it. Two climbers were climbing roped together in the Scottish Highlands. They saw some eagles soaring above them. Later the climbers slipped over the edge of a precipice and unfortunately plunged to their deaths. Their souls left their mortal bodies and ascended to heaven. As they rose they saw the same eagles and one soul cried out to them, 'Ah - Eagles'. But the eagles, being polite, said nothing.
Took me a moment (not proud of that) but I got it. Pretty obvious, really.
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sspssp
Nov 10, 2004, 4:41 PM
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Dyslexic climbers of the world: Untie!
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mtnlifestyle
Nov 10, 2004, 4:48 PM
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1)How do you get a climbing guide off your porch...?
Pay for the Pizza!
2) What is the difference between a large pizza and a climbing guide?
A large pizza can feed a family of 4.
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staal
Nov 10, 2004, 4:53 PM
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miklaw:
egrep -o "'[^-]*-.*'" | tr a-zA-Z n-za-mN-ZA-M | sed "s/R[^f]*/Fbhy/" | tr a-zA-Z n-za-mN-ZA-M
should do the trick ;)
As for more funny stuff, google with climbing and jokes found some slightly amusing stuff. Anyone up for collecting and digesting?
S
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scrapedape
Nov 10, 2004, 5:03 PM
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In reply to: The Infamous Eagles Joke You should be warned that the following joke can be infuriating. It is said that it was used at Cambridge University as an intelligence test for undergraduates - those that got it were intelligent. If you get it - well done. If you don't get it - well neither do most people when they hear it. Two climbers were climbing roped together in the Scottish Highlands. They saw some eagles soaring above them. Later the climbers slipped over the edge of a precipice and unfortunately plunged to their deaths. Their souls left their mortal bodies and ascended to heaven. As they rose they saw the same eagles and one soul cried out to them, 'Ah - Eagles'. But the eagles, being polite, said nothing.
Ok, I don't get it. So much for grad school at Cambridge.
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couchwarrior
Nov 10, 2004, 5:12 PM
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In reply to: 1)How do you get a climbing guide off your porch...? Pay for the Pizza! 2) What is the difference between a large pizza and a climbing guide? A large pizza can feed a family of 4.
Thanks for the laugh! I like easily digested jokes - brainteasers make me feel like an ahsole.
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chugach001
Nov 10, 2004, 5:19 PM
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Ok, the old bear and rabbit crapping in the woods...
Bear says; "hey, do you ever have problems with crap sticking to your fur?".
Rabbit replies; "no"
Bear says; "Great" and wipes his a$$ with the rabbit.
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sarcat
Nov 10, 2004, 5:19 PM
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I'm not a funny person.
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diggum
Nov 10, 2004, 5:21 PM
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Damn, damn, damn!!!! I don't get it either & it's really pissin me off.
-d-
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robmcc
Nov 10, 2004, 5:26 PM
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I got it. Not bad. :lol:
Rob
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salathiel
Nov 10, 2004, 5:26 PM
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This is a variation on a non-climbing joke, much in the vein of the bass player joke about the pizza and the climbing guide. Here goes:
A sport climber, a trad climber and an alpinist were all sitting around a campfire discussing the days events. The sport climber starting spraying about all of the routes they had done, saying:
"I warmed up on some twelves and then hiked up some of the thirteens and before the end of the day I onsighted 14a."
The trad climber talked about their day as well:
"I started up this gnarly offwidth with rocks pelting me all over, I dropped my big cams and had to run it out over sixty feet of hard 11 offwidth to top out."
The others turned to the alpinist to hear his news and he said nothing at all.....
.
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.
He just stirred the coals with his c*@k.
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edge
Nov 10, 2004, 5:27 PM
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In reply to: Damn, damn, damn!!!! I don't get it either & it's really pissin me off. -d-
There is a good hint at the end of couchwarrior's post...
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gritstoner
Nov 10, 2004, 5:31 PM
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why is mountaineering like getting oral sex from whoopi goldburg?
under no cercumstance's should you ever look down.
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shakylegs
Nov 10, 2004, 5:38 PM
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We have a winner!
Now can someone explain miklaw's joke?
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edge
Nov 10, 2004, 5:42 PM
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In reply to: We have a winner! Now can someone explain miklaw's joke?
Check your PMs.
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awsclimber
Nov 10, 2004, 5:44 PM
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Can I get a PM too?
guess i'm not intelligent thanks
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keinangst
Nov 10, 2004, 5:47 PM
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Ah--got it! (that was kind of a tough one)
I had to read it three times, it might make more sense if told aloud, maybe with an English accent. ;)
Ahh--laughter is the best medicine.
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cathy
Nov 10, 2004, 5:49 PM
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How do you get a climber into your closet?
Tell him he can live there.
How do you get him out?
Charge him rent.
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gritstoner
Nov 10, 2004, 5:51 PM
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In reply to: Ah--got it! (that was kind of a tough one) I had to read it three times, it might make more sense if told aloud, maybe with an English accent. ;) Ahh--laughter is the best medicine.
nar it doesnt take an english accent, but having met alot of the cambridge uni's club, i can understand how the joke came about
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empicard
Nov 10, 2004, 6:07 PM
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eh, i dont get it either.
joke:
whats the difference between an ice climber and a cannibal?
an ice climber has chunks of sh!t in his fingers, a cannibal has chunks of fingers in his sh!t.
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a_guy_named_smith
Nov 10, 2004, 6:22 PM
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i have read it with an english accent
and looked at the all of the hints
and still dont get it
so no grad school at cambridge for me
sad
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