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carabiner96
Apr 16, 2006, 10:50 PM
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so i just admitted to my boyfriend of 3 months that i used to have a "friend crush" on his best friend before we dated. He was a little off, and i don't think he really knows what a friend crush is.
is it just a girl thing that guys don't get???? I personally think they're great!
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clee03m
Apr 17, 2006, 4:34 PM
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I'm of the camp that even if you are on a diet, you can still look at the menu. I think crushes are harmless whether they are "friend" crush (which by the way, I totally get what you are saying) or a full blown crush. Like I tell my husband, just don't LICK the menu!
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capcom1701
Apr 18, 2006, 7:07 AM
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Just out of curiosity, what exactly is a friend crush? (I'll add it to my man handbook.) :D
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carabiner96
Apr 18, 2006, 1:30 PM
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its when you think a friend of yours or someone you know is hot, and in the back of your head you think "yeah, he/she's fateable/doable". nothing ever comes from it, but if you think about it more than twice or a longer duration than 5 minutes, you have a friend crush.
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capcom1701
Apr 18, 2006, 2:40 PM
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Very interesting. Thanks for the clarification.
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shorty
Apr 18, 2006, 4:04 PM
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In reply to: so i just admitted to my boyfriend of 3 months that i used to have a "friend crush" on his best friend before we dated.
In reply to: (a friend crush is)...when you think a friend of yours or someone you know is hot, and in the back of your head head you think "yeah, he/she's fateable/doable".
I'd say you have some damage control to do. Or not -- assuming his best friend is waiting in the wings.
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bgraham
Apr 19, 2006, 12:57 AM
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friend crushes are as innocent as they come. your boyfriend should be flattered that you approve of his friends.
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carabiner96
Apr 19, 2006, 1:09 AM
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In reply to: I'd say you have some damage control to do. Or not -- assuming his best friend is waiting in the wings.
:wink:
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acacongua
Apr 20, 2006, 4:06 PM
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Guys want to feel like they're they only ones even if you think it's innocent (as I learned). share those thoughts with your girlfriends
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heximp
Apr 20, 2006, 8:46 PM
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The history/maturity/openness levels of your boyfriend should dictate the information you share. I once dated a person that had emotional scars; his previous girlfriend had cheated on him with his best friend.
He was one person I could never share such information despite his overall easy going attitude.
Anyway, I don't think guys get friend crushes. They either are full throttle with love or not. They have "sister" feelings for women they admire outside their relationship. That way they have rights to protect without the need for intercourse. Like I said, I think they have an all or nothing attitude about life.
It takes men a few years to figure out that women don't think in the same terms. Then, it takes them a few more years to give up trying to understand how we think and just go with the flow.
If I find myself in similar shoes of needing to explain a friend crush to my boyfriend, I would get a few girlfriends over and have them explain it. This will get him so confused over the concept that he will realize that it is just a girl thing. If he is young he will try to understand it until he concludes that we are all crazy and illogical. If he is older, he will go grab a beer and forget about it immediately.
(They do get smarter with age.)
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acacongua
Apr 21, 2006, 2:56 PM
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And then there is that middle part where it's just sex to them and nothing more.
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marinaaxid25
Apr 21, 2006, 7:10 PM
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In reply to: its when you think a friend of yours or someone you know is hot, and in the back of your head you think "yeah, he/she's fateable/doable". nothing ever comes from it, but if you think about it more than twice or a longer duration than 5 minutes, you have a friend crush.
This is a good point, but I haven't considered a boyfriend's friends ALL appealing. A good-looking guy friend can to be "doable", but if he has a penchant to hook up with every girl in a skirt, (look up: Man-whore) I'm less likely to want him. However, if the boyfriend's friend is average-looking with an awesome personality--ie: meshes with mine--then it's possible that I'll be attracted to him.
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styndall
Apr 22, 2006, 2:56 AM
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In reply to: If I find myself in similar shoes of needing to explain a friend crush to my boyfriend, I would get a few girlfriends over and have them explain it. This will get him so confused over the concept that he will realize that it is just a girl thing.
As a guy, here, if I ever came into a room with my girlfriend and three other girls, all staring at me with that "it's time for a talk" look, I'd choose ritual suicide over sitting down.
Also, be careful. Getting involved with one of a guy's good friends is a great way to make things miserable for everyone. I speak from recent experience.
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gav
Apr 22, 2006, 5:42 PM
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In reply to: If he is young he will try to understand it until he concludes that we are all crazy and illogical. If he is older, he will go grab a beer and forget about it immediately.
:lol: :lol: :lol: It took me a while to learn to just grab the beer and roll with it.
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kpb
Apr 28, 2006, 8:32 PM
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In reply to: ...I don't think guys get friend crushes. They either are full throttle with love or not...If he is older, he will go grab a beer and forget about it immediately. (They do get smarter with age.)
Speaking as an old(er) man, the first part is not true. I've felt these weird little crushes while I was involved and certainly during my 17 years of marriage (still going strong, fyi). I'd never act on them because I love my wife and family.
Also, we older dudes need a good reason to grab a beer. Something unusual like, "a blue car just drove down the street. I think I need a beer."
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colotopian
Apr 29, 2006, 12:31 AM
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In reply to: I don't think guys get friend crushes. They either are full throttle with love or not.
This is funny to me (its also funny I'm posting in the ladies room again...). Anyway, I thought this is one of the bigger fears women have, "he likes someone else :shock: ". Is this not the case?
I feel like I have been groomed to be full throttle or not at all. So its ok for us to have thoughts, feelings, crushes, one night stands of/with someone else now?
I've had two beers already, fyi.
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timstich
Apr 30, 2006, 2:28 PM
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In reply to: so i just admitted to my boyfriend of 3 months that i used to have a "friend crush" on his best friend before we dated. He was a little off, and i don't think he really knows what a friend crush is. is it just a girl thing that guys don't get???? I personally think they're great!
What you don't appear to get is that revealing your friend crushes to your boyfriend hurt his feelings. In general, who you have a crush on should be your little secret. That way when you destroy the crush to get it under control, as you must if you are in a realtionship, it was as if it was never there.
A very nice couple I once knew used to make fun of the young guy at the video store. What a so-and-so, they would both laugh. Then the wife went a little off due to being an untreated bipolar. So she went and had sex with the video store kid. Not making it up.
History does not always support the idea that crushes are nothing. Best keep a lid on their existence and kill them if you must. Otherwise, go bag that game.
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lhwang
Apr 30, 2006, 10:42 PM
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In reply to: In general, who you have a crush on should be your little secret.
Personally I feel that if you feel that you should keep something as a secret, it becomes even more important that you should talk about it. Talking about a crush with someone tends to disperse some of the "forbidden fruit" feelings. In some ways I think it's made my relationship with my boyfriend stronger... I know that he will be 100% honest with me regardless of whether it might upset me, and vice versa.
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timstich
May 1, 2006, 9:48 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: In general, who you have a crush on should be your little secret. Personally I feel that if you feel that you should keep something as a secret, it becomes even more important that you should talk about it. Talking about a crush with someone tends to disperse some of the "forbidden fruit" feelings. In some ways I think it's made my relationship with my boyfriend stronger... I know that he will be 100% honest with me regardless of whether it might upset me, and vice versa.
Well as you say that is what you think. What the boyfriend thinks might be harder to pin down. Am I alone here in that I don't want to hear about my significant other's crushes? Enjoy them, sure, and I assume you have them. But that's for you alone. Leave me blissfully out of it.
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littlejames
May 2, 2006, 3:26 PM
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I'm with timstich on this one. Don't share these things. Respect our feelings - believe it or not, some guys can be insecure too.
And please don't kid yourself that you'd just accept it with equanimity if your boyfriend sat you down and said, "In the interests of honesty, you should know that although I'm with you, I think your best friend is really hot and I've got a crush on them." As someone else mentioned, the males of the species have learnt that this a shortcut to a night on the sofa.
In reply to: Anyway, I don't think guys get friend crushes. They either are full throttle with love or not. They have "sister" feelings for women they admire outside their relationship. That way they have rights to protect without the need for intercourse. Like I said, I think they have an all or nothing attitude about life.
With all due respect, in my experience you couldn't be more wrong. :) Guys have "sister" feelings for their sisters. For other women in our lives, It's Complicated (tm). I certainly don't have an "all or nothing attitude about life", and I've met very few (if any) guys who do. We're just as likely to fall for the cute waitress or the perky best friend, if not more so. We're usually just smart enough not to tell you about it. :)
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