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hawaii_climbing_guy
Nov 11, 2004, 8:31 AM
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okay, i need an eagles pm
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climballnight
Nov 11, 2004, 9:03 AM
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In reply to: OMG!!! The eagles are responding to the souls. The souls say, "Ah, eagles", so the eagles respond, "Ah, souls". Say it fast. Now squeeze hard and don't pee on the floor. Damn, those Cambridge boys know how to throw a good party, ey?
Awe come on you guys, you're all silly people. You know eagles can't really talk....
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maxdacat
Nov 11, 2004, 10:55 AM
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here's another eagles joke:
How do you stop eagles flying in your back yard?
Put up some goalposts.
You might get it if you're from Philadelphia!
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cliffhanger9
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Nov 11, 2004, 12:52 PM
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In reply to: here's another eagles joke: How do you stop eagles flying in your back yard? Put up some goalposts. You might get it if you're from Philadelphia!
pfffffsssshhhh... :roll: :wink:
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shiva523
Nov 11, 2004, 1:24 PM
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Top 10 reasons climbing is better than sex...
10. choice of novice or expert routes
9. a climb can last all day
8. guidebooks tell you how many visitors have been there before you
7. can pick the length and diameter of your rope
6. there is always someone backing you up in case you fall off
5. you can leave your protection behind for the next guy
4. lots of tight cracks
3. it's not considered kinky to wear a harness
2. the only rubber you wear is on your feet
1. there are still rocks that haven't been touched
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jgrierson
Nov 11, 2004, 1:29 PM
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Ok, so I didn't come up with all these myself, found them on various websites over the years :D
Enjoy:
WHY CLIMBING IS BETTER THAN SEX
A mans perspective:
When you climb, you only have to get yourself to the peak.
If you climb with someone other than your regular partner, no one gets mad, in fact, you can all three climb together and share protection !
You can reuse your protection, and someone else even cleans it for you, provided you don't put it in too deep.
You can leave your protection in for the next guy.
There IS such a thing as being too overhung.
You can get belayed without first bekissing.
A good hand jam can be as satisfying as any other kind of jam.
No matter how many times you fall off, you can always climb back on.
Having a belay slave is not a criminal offence.
The rocks never expect you to call afterward.
Dry friction is a positive quality when you're climbing.
The rocks don't care if you show up late.
The rocks don't complain after 7 or 8 pitches.
When you're climbing, a good two-finger jam will support your body weight.
Your belayer never hesitates when you yell "TAKE!"
When you're climbing, weird body positions are considered "cool".
The rocks don't scream for help when you try for the on-sight flash.
The rocks don't complain when you don't want to do cracks anymore and want to do some face.
A three-finger pocket isn't too big.
You don't have to wait an hour after getting pumped-out.
If you pop off early, the only one mad at you is yourself.
If you end up with little bumps on your skin, you can probably blame Poison Ivy or mosquitoes.
The gear is safer, and reusable.
Chalk is easier to get off the hands.
No one thinks you're weird if you have to feel around for a hole/hold.
Climbing w/o gear is safer than sex without gear. At least if you die, you die fast.
Always something to do with your feet.
Routes have safety grades, sex partners don't. I've never had a partner with a G on her forehead.
Its ok to stick your hands, feet, fingers, knees, nose, etc into any and all cracks while climbing.
You don't have to wash your climbing toys after using them.
The positions are more fun.
Climbing gets safer over the years, sex gets more dangerous.
If you fail, you can always get a second chance.
Choice of novice or expert routes.
A climb can last all day.
Guidebooks tell you who did the 1st ascent and how many times it's been done.
Lots of tight cracks.
The only rubber you wear is on your feet.
There are still rocks that haven't been touched.
I actually have someone to climb with.
A womans perspective:
The rock is always hard.
Rocks are never busy watching football when you'd rather climb.
Rocks don't complain about the kind of protection you want to use.
You can go climbing with another woman and nobody will call you names or hassle you.
You can use ropes and harnesses and nobody will think you're kinky.
You can go climbing any time of the month.
It's over when you reach the peak.
You won't die of embarrassment if your mother finds your rock gear.
If it's in too deep, you can yank on a nut.
Nobody ever got pregnant rock climbing!
If you need something REAL big, you can always put in a Big Bro!
Your partner won't get mad at you if you bleed while climbing.
You can pick the length and diameter or your rope
WHY WALLS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
Walls will fuck you in every imaginable way.
There are easy walls everywhere.
It's pretty easy to find Walls that really suck.
After you do a new wall, it acceptable to tell your parents.
When you're on top of a wall, it's OK to take a dump.
You can do walls even if youre not hard.
You can do walls less than 16 year old and not go jail.
You can share a wall with your friends.
You can do more than one wall in a day and not feel guilty.
Most walls can be done without raincoats.
If things get tough, you can always just nail a wall.
You can do a wall in public.
If you're persistent, easy walls always will go down.
Doing 3 walls in a day is something to brag about.
Your wall will always wait patiently for you.
You don't have to get cleaned up to do a wall.
A wall doesn't care when you come.
You can enjoy walls all month long.
Walls don't get jealous when you do another wall.
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sarcastico
Nov 11, 2004, 9:51 PM
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This one's modified from a golf joke.
Two guys are climbing near a highway when they notice a funeral procession. The leader finds a good rest and takes his cap off, covering his heart and lowering his eyes as the hearse passes by. The belayer calls up "Dude, I never knew you were so sentimental!" "It's the least I can do," replies the leader. "I was married to her for 10 years."
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masterjuggler41
Nov 22, 2004, 4:19 PM
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Registered: May 20, 2004
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How many boulderers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
7
one to climb the ladder, another to spot, and five more to yell "Dude, that is sick!!!"
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snars
Nov 22, 2004, 4:46 PM
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And then there's the 10 man crew to clean up all the chalk afterwards :lol:
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jw11733
Nov 22, 2004, 5:12 PM
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A guy is about to head out for a day of climbing with his buddies when his wife stops him at the door, saying "Your always going climbing and coming home late! This is your last chance, if your not home by 5:00 tonite I'm leaving you!" That night, the climber rolls in around eleven o'clock. Just as his wife starts to lay into him he says "hold on now honey, you won't believe what happened. Bob, Tom and I were on the way to the craig when Tom had a heart attack!" His wife, feeling bad says "Oh honey, I'm so sorry I had no idea" The climber says "Yea, you can imagine how long it took, climb a pitch, haul Tom, climb a pitch, haul Tom!"
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chupa
Nov 22, 2004, 6:41 PM
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Here's a modified pilot joke.
Q:What's the difference between a climber and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a climber.
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slobmonster
Nov 23, 2004, 1:26 AM
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So these two mountain guides meet up at the base of a route and one notices that the other has new ice tools.
"What'd ya pay for those?" he asked.
"Nothing. I was climbing the other day and this beautiful woman walked up, threw down her new tools, stripped off her one piece and said I could have anything I wanted"
"Oh. Good choice" said the other guide. "Her one piece would never have fit you"
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tallnik
Nov 26, 2004, 9:12 PM
Post #88 of 156
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Registered: Apr 18, 2004
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Thanks for all the smiles and laughs...
Cheers,
Nik
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djnibs
Nov 26, 2004, 10:53 PM
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In reply to: Thanks for the laugh! I like easily digested jokes - brainteasers make me feel like an ahsole.
I get it now..... nice
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bad_lil_kitty
Nov 27, 2004, 4:29 AM
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In reply to: In reply to: The eagle joke doesn't make sense because why would the climber say "ah eagles" to the eagles? The climber would say "ah eagles" to the other climber. Then the eagle would turn to say something to the other eagle, but then not say anything to be polite. The accent doesn't matter. I see what you are saying, it makes sense in some way, but then there wouldn't be this "would be" conversation between the ah eagle and the ah... dead people. It's a silly joke anyway. A joke is suppose to make people laugh, not test their IQ level. Imagine yourself standing up in a party and tell this joke to everyone... I bet you'll only get *cricket cricket*.
I thought it was witty - I liked the joke. Even if it didn't make me laugh outloudly...
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rendog
Nov 27, 2004, 7:18 AM
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not a bad joke...
edge man I SO owe you a beer
how was copper wire invented?
two mountain guides found a penny at the same time. ba dum dum
THE DEFINITIVE THIRTY REASONS WHY....
Why Climbing is Better than Women :)
1 A rock climb doesn't complain when you disappear to visit "that cute little E3 down the cliff"
2 You can normally tell when a rock climb is impossible
3 You can explore the gullies on a mountain at any time of year
4 Rock climbs don't get stroppy every 4 weeks
5 If you don't have the energy to get up anything a rock climb doesn't complain.
6 Frigid ice climbs are fun ...
7 The use of ropes is not considered unusual in climbing
8 On a rock climb if your protection fails you don't have to worry about the repercussions for the next 18 years (in fact you won't be worrying about anything as you'll probably be dead)
9 You don't have to buy a rock climb flowers ...
10 ... or chocolates
11 ... or take it to slushy films
12 You don't get jealous if someone else climbs on the same cliff as you
13 Rock climbs don't care if you have a smoke/beer/hot dog after the climb
14 If, in the heat of the moment, you fall off a rock climb you don't get laughed at by the rock climb's sister/friends/new climber (OK, the new climber may laugh - until he falls off)
15 Working without lubrication is a definite bonus for rock climbing
16 Rock climbs don't ask you to shave/get a haircut/grow a beard/dress nicely
17 Rock climbs don't demand you shower before you get onto them
18 Rock climbs don't mind if you take a rest halfway up
19 Rock climbs don't require foreplay
20 Collapsing exhausted/falling asleep immediately afterwards might be considered a compliment by a rock climb.
21 A rock climb doesn't complain if you get benighted on the local barmaid (or a climbing route for that matter!)
22 If a rock climb leaves you dangling on a string you can easily get back to your previous high point without confusion
23 You don't feel guilty over dumping a rock climb for something easier....
24 ... and you can always try the hard one later
25 Rock climbs are honest: they admit they want to kill you
26 Rock climbs don't give you nasty little rashes (although rope/gravel burn is possible; but not as embarrassing!)
27 Rock climbs have officially graded difficulty levels which are published in guide books to prevent disasters
28 Your local crag doesn't dump you when you go abroad to climb something foreign
29 Rock climbs are rarely the property of any one person who would dismember you for touching his private rock
30 Rock climbs don't kill you for writing sarcastic articles.
Author has since been tragically killed - in a "climbing" accident (see nos. 29 & 30).
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catyswmr
Nov 30, 2004, 4:38 AM
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classic quote heard at a local crag in MD. "see that shitty hold in front of you... thats a good hold"
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thewyseclimber
Nov 30, 2004, 6:52 AM
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In reply to: how was copper wire invented? two mountain guides found a penny at the same time. ba dum dum
Good one. :)
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khenderson
Nov 30, 2004, 7:54 AM
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beautiful woman is working a dyno route at a local boulder field...a few guys are watching her attempt to send the problem. one turns to his buddy and says "I'd hit it."
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moroneyp
Dec 2, 2004, 2:44 PM
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thanks for the laughs, great thread.
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icarus_burned
Dec 2, 2004, 3:09 PM
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In reply to: beautiful woman is working a dyno route at a local boulder field...a few guys are watching her attempt to send the problem. one turns to his buddy and says "I'd hit it."
dont get it
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dougsabum
Dec 2, 2004, 3:11 PM
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I originally heard it in relation to river guides, but it would probably apply to mountain guides as well:
If you're at a party, how do you know if you're drinking with a guide?
He'll tell you.
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annak
Dec 7, 2004, 5:26 AM
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In reply to: classic quote heard at a local crag in MD. "see that s--- hold in front of you... thats a good hold"
This one is simply the best!!! Although the one about the goat and the one about brown pants are also very good.
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fire_or_retire
Dec 7, 2004, 6:02 AM
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All the hardmen can tell this one to their plastic pulling buddies
Q- What is the hardest part about being a gym rat?
A- Telling your dad you're gay.
Kinda funny
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jumpingrock
Dec 8, 2004, 9:41 PM
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Q. What do you get when you cross a mountain-climber with a house-fly?
A. Nothing. You can't cross a scaler and a vector!
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