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jumpingrock
May 10, 2006, 3:33 PM
Post #776 of 977
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Dear Omniscient Noob,
I have an urgent question that requires answering!
I have been a trad climber for the past several years. I have been following all your advice and have solidly progressed to a 5.1+ trad climber. My problem is that I climb very slowly. Currently my 100m test pieces take 10 hours to climb! The guide book of this new area that I am climbing in has a 695m 5.2- climb! It looks uber wicked. My question is how can I climb it so as not to starve on the wall or have to climb at night (bad night vision)?
Sincerely,
Slowly Climbing in Canmore
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littlebilly
May 18, 2006, 12:58 AM
Post #777 of 977
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Registered: Feb 10, 2004
Posts: 69
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Dear n00b,
This year during training i worked some improbable 5.3 moves until my arms fell off, then i rested for a day and when i tried again i got it. Due to bad weather it was 3 or 4 days before i could get out and climb, and unbelievably i could waltz a 5.5. If i could do 5.2 on day 1, and 5.3 on day 3, and then on 5.5 on day 6, it would stand to reason that by day 12 i would be at 5.10 and by day 24 5.14 would be a walk in the park. It would seem that the secret to climbing hard is actually climbing less. It sounds like you have unknowingly experimented with this regime, have you had any success, or am i special?
(your experientially based advice is keenly awaited by someone who just spent a month on dial-up running a 51 page marathon.)
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subtle
May 18, 2006, 1:53 AM
Post #778 of 977
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In reply to: How do I put the shine back into my not-so-shiny trad rack?? Are my cams going to corrode and become useless???, because I am afraid of oxidization and it's affects on swadged cable joints.
I should note that this is probably the first Trad question anyone's asked in about three months that didn't...somehow or another...involve ham sandwiches. This completely invalidates my giant quasi-legal cross-referenced NSA Database of ham questions...sorted by date, time, and relative terrorist-osity, natch.
Gear sparkle is a fascinating thing, in that it is completely context dependant and cannot be observed without being changed in the observation...a la Schrodinger's Cam. A fresh-out-the-box rack will illicit only scorn, hatred and catcalls of "Where'd you valet your Escalade, you crypto-facist military industrial complex whore!"...so, y'know, try to remember to take all the price tags off, at least. Paradoxically, a single new piece of gear nestled in amongst your manked-out bushel basket of widgies, tweezoids and bunge-hammers will draw the same kind of cooing and fawning usually reserved for newborn children..."Ooohh, isn't that a precious Camalot! You must be so proud!". Trad climber social heirarchy is not, contrary to popular belief, established purely on the basis of rack size. Additional respect and status within the tribe are earned by climbing...or claiming to climb...on the oldest, least maintained, and most likely to malfunction equipment possible. The nightmare of any aspiring Camp 4 Alpha-male hardman is to have his pro-deal doubled cams from .5 to 4 completely emasculated by a wild-eyed freakjob claiming to have done the same routes with a pinecone wrapped in tape and a forged Friend that...upon further scrutiny...is actually a can opener he found in the parking lot.
So, then, letting your rack moulder away into an rust-pitted handful of tat and death is clearly the way to go, right? Well, there are exceptions to every rule, brah...and the major out-clause for any unexpected bling glinting off your rack is...
Terminal Fall Damage...the Holy Grail of Trad cool. Nothing will melt away those disapproving glares faster than casually mentioning that you had to get a new rack because you exploded all your old gear in a 290 foot upside-down nuclear whipper on The Soiler 5.13d R X. The shrapnel killed your lifelong partner, the shock waves sent the crag dog back in time, and the giant fireball set your bag of Ham Sandwiches ablaze.
They'll totally buy you a beer for that one, you salty dog. Just...don't let them see your Escalade.
Allez. Valet parking is near the Starbucks. Homard.
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cosmiccragsman
May 18, 2006, 2:25 AM
Post #779 of 977
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Registered: Apr 7, 2005
Posts: 778
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Dear NOOB;
Don't let idiots like gilliamaddict get you down. You are supported
by 99.999999% of the members here,and yours is one of the longest running forums on this site. I am right now, eating a ham sammich
in your honor. If you were here, I would share it with you :)
I won't give the honor of calling gilliam a noob , as that title is way above gilliam. So all I have to say to addict, is,
STFU IDIOT!!! :evil:
Keep up the good Work Subtle :D
Cosmiccragsman
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subtle
May 22, 2006, 4:16 AM
Post #780 of 977
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In reply to: This year during training i worked some improbable 5.3 moves until my arms fell off, then i rested for a day and when i tried again i got it. Due to bad weather it was 3 or 4 days before i could get out and climb, and unbelievably i could waltz a 5.5. If i could do 5.2 on day 1, and 5.3 on day 3, and then on 5.5 on day 6, it would stand to reason that by day 12 i would be at 5.10 and by day 24 5.14 would be a walk in the park. It would seem that the secret to climbing hard is actually climbing less. It sounds like you have unknowingly experimented with this regime, have you had any success, or am i special?
So, since your arms apparently fell off in the first sentence, I can only assume you're typing this with your...ummm, feet...which makes me feel sorry for you...and feel much, much sorrier for whoever happens to use the computer after you.
I'd love to take all the credit for the laziness movement in climbing...but if I have seen further than most, it's is only because I napped on the crashpads of giants. Look at Trad climbers, for example...you can never get those guys to shut up about climbing 872 pitches a day...in the rain...after hiking 14 miles to the crag...uphill...hauling a 90lb rack...while fighting off ham sandwich crazed pumas with a stick. No wonder they don't send harder than 5.3+...they're exhausted. Any boulderer worth their Blerr hoodie would have thrown in the towel 30 yards away from the parking lot at the first puma tracks.
It's even truer inside. Even though the puma menace is somewhat decreased, the dangers of overtraining are no less present. The Texas climbing posse practices safe sending by alternating V-sick proj burns with two-hour burrito breaks, runs to REI for Prana re-loads, and pre-crux Snickers Bars. The New England climbers are even worse, generally proclaiming that they were sick, injured and hungover before a few leisurely warm up laps on my UberProj du jour. I once watched a formerly elite climber with a dislocated arm and a hand hand wrapped in Ace bandages send the hardest problems in the gym after six weeks off.
So, long story short, keep on...ummm, not climbing...and I'm sure you'll reach all your goals in no time.
Allez. Get some socks, too. Homard.
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sblacksmith
May 22, 2006, 1:05 PM
Post #781 of 977
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Registered: Mar 27, 2006
Posts: 42
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Hey nOOb,
What up yo?! So check this out i was just thinking how, with the longest running thread on the interweb, and clearly 99.9999999999% of the people in the world being your best friend and the fact that your fineite knowledge of climbering is Uber-superior, puts you in the perfect place to start an army.
And not just any army a Gumbi-Galactic nOOb Federation. Rolling from crag to crag in a way pimped out 1994 Honda something loud. Supplying boulderers with redbull and DopeGun hoodies and fighting against the evil Trad Republic. With Admiral Subtle at the helm how could we ever go wrong?!?
s.
ohh yeah can i be the cook, i got wicked recipe for spaghetti o's.
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sungam
May 22, 2006, 2:17 PM
Post #782 of 977
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Registered: Jun 24, 2004
Posts: 26804
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Dr n00b...
The other day i went to the climbing gym! it was really cool, because is was differant than what i thought it was! it wasn't actually rock! it was plastic that acted just like rock! it was way cool because the could change the routes.
But i saw some people climbing up... without a rope above them!
someone said they were "leeding", but i don't understand, how can the rope catch you, if it's below you?
please explain! im scared for those people! and someone said i should try in a few weeks... but tje easiest climb is 5.3! so i will fall! but what if i fall from high up? will i die?
i don't wanna die...
-Magnus
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zionvier
May 22, 2006, 6:03 PM
Post #783 of 977
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Registered: Mar 17, 2003
Posts: 125
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N00b, I live in a drainage ditch and can't afford a drill to bolt route correctly, actually I can't even afford a cardboard box, but I do have a rock and a broken drill bit I found at the local construction site. I was wondering if it would be safe to use these to bolt a new route. It's mainly a trad area, but those trad guys don't even share their ham sandwhiches with me, let alone share their crag with sport climbers. I'm terrified of heights, so I thought I would put a bolt every 2 feet at some of the local trad areas.
Will the rock and drill bit I found (it's a 1/8" drill bit) but I figure I can just get some smaller anchors (maybe wall hooks?) from Ace Hardware that will fit better in the holes. Do you have any suggestions so that I can make sure I do it safely?
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subtle
May 25, 2006, 1:57 AM
Post #785 of 977
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Registered: Sep 17, 2004
Posts: 438
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In reply to: What up yo?! So check this out i was just thinking how, with the longest running thread on the interweb, and clearly 99.9999999999% of the people in the world being your best friend and the fact that your fineite knowledge of climbering is Uber-superior, puts you in the perfect place to start an army. And not just any army a Gumbi-Galactic nOOb Federation. Rolling from crag to crag in a way pimped out 1994 Honda something loud. Supplying boulderers with redbull and DopeGun hoodies and fighting against the evil Trad Republic. With Admiral Subtle at the helm how could we ever go wrong?!?
This isn't really a question, so I can't really answer it...not that I ever really answer anything anyhow...but I shall try to respond to it, as we used to say in creative writing class. All I need now is some incense and a black prAna beret...
Ok, the last really cool army was the KISS Army, so unless you visualize us climbing in silver and black face paint and giant leather platform boots...which I am now very unfortunately visualizing...that probably isn't going to work. I do have to admit that spitting some blood or fire is a lot cooler than throwing your chalkbag at the crag dog after getting tossed from the proj. The KISS...errr...NOOB Army would probably never roll deep to the crag...there's never a soda machine out there when you need one...but we'd totally get our mom to take us to the gym in the mini-van...aka The Tour Bus. The fact that this is more or less how Jason Kehl actually lives merely validates the underlying dopeness of the premise. At the gym, we'd warm up by stealing the waiver and check-in computer and seeing if anyone famous has updated their tick list on 8a.nu. The guy with the Gene Simmons facepaint would probably start slacklining, while Ace and Peter would look for the soda machine and I'd take a nap on the crashpad under the birthday party kids trying to monkey up the V13 death route in the corner.
It's very tiring being the King...errr, general...ummm, lead singer?
Allez. Hey, why is there a footprint on my face-makeup? Homard.
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subtle
Jun 5, 2006, 3:13 AM
Post #786 of 977
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In reply to: N00b, I live in a drainage ditch and can't afford a drill to bolt route correctly, actually I can't even afford a cardboard box, but I do have a rock and a broken drill bit I found at the local construction site. I was wondering if it would be safe to use these to bolt a new route. It's mainly a trad area, but those trad guys don't even share their ham sandwhiches with me, let alone share their crag with sport climbers. I'm terrified of heights, so I thought I would put a bolt every 2 feet at some of the local trad areas. Will the rock and drill bit I found (it's a 1/8" drill bit) but I figure I can just get some smaller anchors (maybe wall hooks?) from Ace Hardware that will fit better in the holes. Do you have any suggestions so that I can make sure I do it safely?
This is a very interesting question...one that I think really gets at the underlying divide between Sport Weenies and the rest of the climbing community. Nah, not spandex and mousse...I've beaten that horse long enough...I'm talking about Mortal Peril. That's right, I capitalized it...now we're all just going to have to deal with it...
The ultimate trump card in any Mine-Is-Bigger-Than-Yours climbing argument is not pure difficulty...it's pure deadfilculty. Boulderers get zero respect for pulling nonsensically hard V16 moves three feet off a flotilla of crashpads...I mean, what's going to happen if it goes wrong, brah? A nap? Sure, the average sporto gets way higher off the deck, but armed with titanium quickdraws, a spectra harness and a $599 length of 7.2mm uber-floss rated for 200 3-factor falls, you're probably in more danger when drinking your half-caf latte in the Range Rover, Chip. Is it any wonder your girlfriend 'went trad'? I think not.
Every cause needs it's standard bearer, and you Zionvier are taking bold steps to push the death-defying ethic in sport climbing to places it's not been since I simultaneously back and z-clipped the same bolt...on my lead test, umm, at the gym...which...I'd rather not talk about at the moment. The next time some hairy-knuckled cam-squeezer is giving you guff about your overly snug unitard, invite him to take a quick lap on your latest testpiece Some Assembly Required (unrated). Be sure to give him the good beta, which goes a little something like this:
"The route starts by the perfect splitter crack that could easily be protected with cams from .5 to #3...ignore it completely and grab the crap sloper and do a giant one arm lock off to the knife blade crimp. Get a chalk and shake there, then clip the first bolt...which is a novelty keychain attached to a chunk of mud-like choss. You can't miss it, it's right near the logical #6 stopper placement. Then you go into a nice series of quarter pad gastons with a funky greasy foot smear to the second bolt, which is one of those back scratcher things held on with post-it notes. They kept peeling off, so I started using the extra sticky ones...I drew an arrow on them to the next bolt, too, which is kinda far away. It's a piece off a coat rack...totally bomber. Then it's just a straightforward run to the chains...errr, coathangers...anyway, it's pretty rad, you'll totally love it."
Allez. Chalk, shake, mousse, repeat. Homard.
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ratmnerd
Jun 6, 2006, 5:41 AM
Post #787 of 977
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Registered: Mar 5, 2006
Posts: 120
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dear n00b,
i have a problem. i really want to know what branch of climbing i should specialise in. i have all the fancy sport gear, including fluoro orange draws and lots of mousse, but i'm allergic to french people and spandex. similarly, i have a whole buch of manky trad gear with some new stuff thrown in (i remembered to say i blew the rest in a 290ft whipper, so that's ok). however, ham gives me a rash, and i like climbing stuff that doesn't eat all my pro in the first 2 meters, leaving me a 58 meter runout to the first belay. i thought of soloing, but i don't have any mental conditions, so that's right out. bouldering's also out cos i can't say BZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT properly, shower, and i don't live with my mother, even though i do love beanies. that leaves ice climbing or aid. which one should i go for?
thanks o n00b god,
T.
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secretninja
Jun 9, 2006, 4:44 AM
Post #788 of 977
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Registered: Dec 2, 2005
Posts: 154
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I have actually taken to putting my keys on my my only locking screwgate in order to look hardcore and "bomber". However, since i am short of biners i have have been forced to belay off carabiners stolen off the top of trek brand beverages. Im pretty sure this is safe as there is a picture of a climber on the bottle. Comments?
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davidorchard
Jun 14, 2006, 9:22 PM
Post #789 of 977
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Registered: Sep 2, 2002
Posts: 144
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Dear Great Noobian King and curator of all thing noobish,
I fear this may be out of your realm of expertise, but i thought i would give it a shot. Have you heard of Zoltan yet? He is a very inspired individual and below is a link (be sure to check out the video).
http://travel.news.yahoo.com/..._daily/rba_daily4970
I guess my question is, should I drop climbing for a while and pursue a career in professional tubing or would I just be following the next big craze?
Thanks for your time and wisdom.
dave
Oh, and do you think RockClimbing.com has started the deal to acquire SuperTuber.com yet? I am sure it would add just as much as dropzone.
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djnibs
Jun 15, 2006, 1:57 AM
Post #790 of 977
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Registered: Aug 11, 2002
Posts: 464
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Dear nOOb:
I have been climbing uber long time (i think its been atleast 20 mins). My question is, to you, the nOOb, how hard is the green route? Like, i have been trying to red point the damn thing for like ever. Everytime i get to the nice place where you put in one of those funky things, i think they are called krams, or crabs?? oh wait, Camels. Ya, i fall right where you put in a camel.
So my question to you is, should i buy using some sort of other gear? Cuz this green route is uber cool and ladies love me for it, i think the sign on the bottom says 5.3. thats pretty hard right?? anyways, i have to go and buy some more camels, my #6.432 is brken!!!!
lata, and thanks bunchelses!!!!
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lacquement
Jun 15, 2006, 2:47 AM
Post #791 of 977
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Registered: Apr 22, 2006
Posts: 13
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noob,
I'm thinking about trynig a multi-pitch sport route. I'm wonderring what the proper eating and fashion would be for such a thing. I mean.. it's sport... but it's got, like, a billion pitches... so it's kind of like trad.. so, should i wear my spandex AND take some ham sandwiches with me? although i'd prefer some baguette...
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subtle
Jun 19, 2006, 2:10 AM
Post #792 of 977
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Registered: Sep 17, 2004
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In reply to: I'm thinking about trynig a multi-pitch sport route. I'm wonderring what the proper eating and fashion would be for such a thing. I mean.. it's sport... but it's got, like, a billion pitches... so it's kind of like trad.. so, should i wear my spandex AND take some ham sandwiches with me? although i'd prefer some baguette...
In a glaring editorial oversight, Mountaineering - Freedom of the Hills neglects to offer any advice on preparation for today's run-of-the-mill billion pitch sport routes. I understand that they are addressing this in the next edition...but until then, I'll do what I can.
You have already identified the central conundrum...you are coming perilously close to straddling the unstraddle-able chasm between trad and sport. In truth, nobody really knows what would happen if you did...I suspect it'd be sort of like crossing the energy streams in Ghostbusters...while pouring water on a Gremlin...and saying Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice...but worse. If you'll excuse me, I'll now take a moment to deal with the giant, hairy, Michael Keaton-esque marshmallow man monster that is destroying...ummm, beautiful...downtown Houston...be right back...
I definately think you're going to want the spandex for this one, bro, for a couple of reasons. A few billion smears, high-steps, cross throughs, back steps and drop-knees are going to put a lot of friction wear and tear on your...errr...junk...I guess is the technical term. There's lots of bad ways to die, and in my book spontaneous groin combustion is pretty near the top of the list, you dig? Plus, the overtones of Parisian Frenchitude implied by your vacuum-tensioned man-tights will help dispel any lingering Trad infuences...probably keeping the world from ending. Which is nice.
In a similar vein, I would also encourage baguette usage for your sandwich...as well as some extra fromage. Good tasting, and good for humanity. Just don't, y'know, offer any to a Gremlin after midnight...
I've already got enough problems.
Allez. Has anyone seen the Key Master? Ummm, it's important. Homard.
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shanz
Jun 20, 2006, 5:59 PM
Post #793 of 977
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Registered: May 18, 2004
Posts: 702
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redundancy check (aka double post)
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shanz
Jun 20, 2006, 6:07 PM
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Registered: May 18, 2004
Posts: 702
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Master NooB,
Ignore gillam (whatever his name is, its hard to remember the non enlightened) he's probably alergic to ham (could be why he has so much anger) Hes prob one of those aid guys
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shanz
Jun 20, 2006, 6:08 PM
Post #795 of 977
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Registered: May 18, 2004
Posts: 702
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redundacy check part 2
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far_quit
Jun 22, 2006, 8:49 AM
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Registered: Mar 31, 2005
Posts: 1
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Subtle
I have been lurking these threads for quite some time but there is one issue that I am still a little unclear on. For everyone in the US, this must be so simple as to require no explanation, however, I live in far away land. Luckily we have never had to deal with the dreaded scourge of Cliff Bars Wrappers.
In my ignorance, I first assumed that Cliff Bars must be some kind of food that climbers ate and left the wrappers at the crag (don't laugh). But upon reading further it seems that every person who has ever posted here swears that they live by the 'Leave No Trace' ethic. If this is true then obviously they are not leaving theses wrappers.
This got me thinking. If climbers aren't littering but they leave Cliff Bar wrappers where ever they go, it must be some kind of involuntary action. It was then that I realised the truth that Cliff Bars are a contagious parasite. A parasite that causes all the problems in climbing that we know of. How many times have I read that soon after bolting protectable cracks, the area has cliff bar wrappers all over the place? Access becomes an issue because landowners find cliff bar wrappers all over their boulder fields. I have heard stories about dogs at the crag digging through peoples gear and after the dog was chased away, what was found in amongst the gear? Cliff Bar wrappers. I'm pretty sure it was cliff bars that gives cats the irresistible urge to urinate on people's ropes but don't quote me on that one.
So I am wondering about the dangers of me visiting the US. Can my doctor give me any shots to ward off Cliff Bar infection? How is it contracted (it is obviously not an STD). If I contract it, what will happen to the fragile ecosystem of Australia when I return home?
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dirtineye
Jun 22, 2006, 12:58 PM
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In reply to: dear noob, thanks to your answering questions i have learned what it is to be a real rock climber: a real rock climber is somone who, contrary to popular belief, doesnot actually rock climb, it is somone who spends enough time, on RockClimbing.com's forum making fun of(instead of informing) people turning to the website for information on rockclimbing(noobs), a position that they were never themselves in because they were rockclimbing in the womb. it is too bad that we cannot just inform indaviduals interested in climbing about the sport and the importance of it to some of us, and understand that we live in a diverse world where others may not share the same values concerning climbing, and furthermore that some may have not grown up in inviroments where the natural world was not as sacred, i hardly see hw telling them off and answering their questions sarcasticly will help them to appreciate the natural world and the culture of climbing. I am disapointed that a climbers worth is reduced to how many posts he has on this forum.
I've known real climbers, some of my best friends are real climbers, I've climbed with real climbers, partied with real climbers, camped with real climbers, stolen gear from real climbers, had my pack rocked by real climbers, droped dirt n rocks on real climbers, ridden in cars with real climbers, eaten with real climbers, had actual conversations with real climbers, and you sir, are no real climber.
Now get back under your bridge where you belong.
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dirtineye
Jun 22, 2006, 1:07 PM
Post #798 of 977
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In reply to: "Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth." Mohandas Gandhi
Yes but the question that goes a-begging is,"Would YOU know the truth if it bit you on the A$$?"
I think not.
Stay out of the sun, I fear you might turn to stone.
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the_iceman
Jun 25, 2006, 5:00 AM
Post #799 of 977
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Registered: Jun 16, 2006
Posts: 347
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Dear noob, I notice that you have a philosophy that "One good fuck up is all it takes to end you". Don't you think this is fitting, since one good fuck is all it takes to begin you?
So my question is this. I keep hearing talk of these "pitons" and "crampons"... What are these? Are they feminine hygene products? I know there are lots of female climbers out there, but don't you think they should leave all that kind of talk in the ladies only section?
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redlegrangerone
Jun 25, 2006, 11:58 AM
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Registered: Dec 21, 2005
Posts: 851
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It is good to see Iceman maintaining the consistent poor quality of his posts.
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