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tgreene
Jul 7, 2006, 12:34 PM
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There was a period in my life, when my wife kinda *squashed* the things that I love to do, and this was very troubling to me... Granted, this all came after nearly being paralyzed and/or killed in a 75' fall from a rap accident in 1993.
HOWEVER; as much as I love climbing and whitewater, I love my wife first and foremost, thus I respected her wishes.
Fast forward 10 years to when my life started crashing down around me, and one day out of the blue, she suggests that I go out and buy all new camping & climbing gear, and take off for a week or 2. :shock:
She has tried climbing on a few occasions, and realizes it isn't for her, but she loves to hike, so she generally joins us and then sets out on her own for the day. She still gets nervous watching me lead trad lines, but is fine with TR. As for whitewater, she'll run shuttles all day long (and for anyone), and always manages to find a place to get me some beer for afterwards.
If she were to again ask me to give it all up, I would do so in a heartbeat, but only because nothing in my life matters without her. She is the reason I wake up every morning, not some river or rock... And she is the one who falls asleep in my arms every night, not some river or rock...
In this day and age of a 70% divorce rate, it's no wonder from many of the responses posted. Also, you must consider that *IF* something were to happen to you on your next trip and you're left unable to ever climb again (or do much of anything), where will your woman be..? Mine will remain by my side, and I by hers! :idea:
-Tim
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curtis_g
Jul 7, 2006, 12:42 PM
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post deleted to add a few words
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curtis_g
Jul 7, 2006, 12:44 PM
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In reply to: In this day and age of a 70% divorce rate, it's no wonder from many of the responses posted. -Tim
irrelevant but that number is only near accurate if you include all second and third and fourth and so on marriages.
just over 50% for first marriages and that number doesn't change for first marriages between a christian couple. it does change for a couple that went through some significant amount of pre-marriage counseling, though.
again, like I said irrelevant, but not much new has been said in awhile so it's not like I'm getting in the way of anything.
nice counter point of view though, tgreene.
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tradmanclimbs
Jul 7, 2006, 12:56 PM
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teach her to climb. If you cant share the thing you love the most with her then the relationship is not going to be healthy anyways. (unless you are as lucky as T green and have a woman who is happy to be in basecamp but still with you on the trip) I much rather do big climbs and road trips with my GF than with some stinky dirtbag guy. as for this trip it totaly depends on how commited you guys are to each other. leave her behind and she could be hooked up with someone else by the time you get back!!
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tgreene
Jul 7, 2006, 1:03 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: In this day and age of a 70% divorce rate, it's no wonder from many of the responses posted. -Tim irrelevant but that number is only near accurate if you include all second and third and fourth and so on marriages. just over 50% for first marriages and that number doesn't change for first marriages between a christian couple. it does change for a couple that went through some significant amount of pre-marriage counseling, though. again, like I said irrelevant, but not much new has been said in awhile so it's not like I'm getting in the way of anything. nice counter point of view though, tgreene. |
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aarong
Jul 7, 2006, 1:10 PM
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What are you asking for? She's the one that needs the advice. The choice is her's. And from her point of view, she can always find another man's hand for her "crack"...as she so gracefully put it.
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fmd
Jul 7, 2006, 1:12 PM
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Go Climb.......whats next, marriage and then she says you cant go have a drink with friends after work, or NO MORE CLIMBING period...Then you are married and then what....If you are the one for her, she'll let ya go without bailing on ya..I have been married for 19 years and I still hear this from my wife (and she climbs) and I still go, but she hasnt bailed on me yet. DAMN IT.......................
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curtis_g
Jul 7, 2006, 1:17 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: In reply to: In this day and age of a 70% divorce rate, it's no wonder from many of the responses posted. -Tim irrelevant but that number is only near accurate if you include all second and third and fourth and so on marriages. just over 50% for first marriages and that number doesn't change for first marriages between a christian couple. it does change for a couple that went through some significant amount of pre-marriage counseling, though. again, like I said irrelevant, but not much new has been said in awhile so it's not like I'm getting in the way of anything. nice counter point of view though, tgreene. Aye, but it's not irrelevant when you consider that the greatest reason for multiple marriages and divorces, is selfishness and lack of compromise. ;)
and that's why I think that the decision needs to be made by him and that he should follow his heart and if she decides not to love him for the decision he makes, then she isn't loving him for him, for who he is. maybe this is supposed to be a test in your relationship. maybe if you com ehome from this and she has been faithful and she is not bitter and you both have gone about your own lives for 6 weeks thinking about your relationship and you come home and you're both still very much in love, then heck, I'd say she's a pretty damn good candidate for being 'the one' for you.
sorry, before, I meant to be saying that my comment is irrelevant.
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karina
Jul 7, 2006, 1:26 PM
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go climb. and if she's not there when you come back, get yourself a climber girlfriend.
sounds like you're hardcore and need one of those either way.
to quote chris rock (strangely enough): "whatever you're into, your woman's gotta be into. If you're a crackhead, your woman better be a crackhead too..."
so...if you're into crack (climbing), hope your girl is too :)
yeah I know it's not that simple. It can be tho :).
K.
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mr8615
Jul 7, 2006, 1:37 PM
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Seriously though, there is some good advice mixed with the sarcasm here. In life, first you must be true to yourself. Compromise is essential in any relationship, but it cannot compromise who you are. If you compromise yourself, your beliefs or your true passions, you will only resent whatever caused that loss of self. For me, climbing is a true passion, a pursuit around which I build my life. I live for the adventures I have and the bonds I build with my climbing partners and friends.
For someone to ask me to sacrifice that would be to ask me to lose a part of myself, and if they're in love with ME then they'd be losing out as well. I dated a girl who asked me not to go climbing and complained about not spending time together and then when I didn't climb she'd ask where the light in my eyes went, where my passion and energy for life had gone to, and then she would resent me for being dull and flat. She didn't realize that by asking me not to go climbing, she was losing the me that she had fallen in love with.
Do what you will, weigh the pros and cons and make the best decision you can, but stay true to yourself. If climbing is a part of you like it's a part of me, then you only have one choice.
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alpie
Jul 7, 2006, 1:46 PM
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I' married, young, and a climber....
Compromise, how about cutting a week (or 2 if possible) off the trip? That way you can get the best of both. Balanceing climbing and relationships is a hell of a challange. If you can talk with her, explain why you need to do this trip, then meet her half way in what she needs. If she isn't too immature things will work out.
BUT you need to devote your time 100% to her when you come back. do the things she wants to do, (EVEN SHOPPING FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT :shock: ) and do not complain...
My wife and I are really close, because of communication and compromise. Don't be too greedy in what you want, and be sure to you repay her for her understanding when the trip is over.
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krusher4
Jul 7, 2006, 1:56 PM
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Go climbing, if she doesn't accept you and what you love toss her!
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oregonalpine
Jul 7, 2006, 2:02 PM
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If you're really attached to your girlfriend you're just going to end up missing her the whole time... I'd say stay if thats the case.
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arrow
Jul 7, 2006, 2:03 PM
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Take if from an old dude. At the end of the day you'll have more regret from missing the trip than the woman. Never put a woman above your life's ambitions. Women are overrated, your goals are not.
By the way should anybody need a life coach I'm for hire.
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dingus
Jul 7, 2006, 2:10 PM
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"If you love someone, set them free."
You're not even engaged and already with the ultimatums!
6 weeks in the Bugs? If you are really a climber you will regret not going for the rest of your life if my guess.
DMT
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wjca
Jul 7, 2006, 2:12 PM
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In reply to: so which would you choose... im in a tight spot... a 6 week expedition to the bugaboos, or my girl who i love way too much, shes headed back to school in 8weeks and i wont see her for 3months. just curious... im headed out on expedition and she wont come with. says she doesnt wanna wait for me at camp all day while " i stick my hands in some other crackb than hers"(her words)... it would kill me to loose her but id loose my head if i say no, any advice people???
You guys are into fisting, huh? Well, to each his own I guess.
To better help you make this decision, I think we will all need to see pictures of this girl (the less clothes on the better). We all know what the bugs look like.
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tgreene
Jul 7, 2006, 2:14 PM
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The sad thing is, I don't believe that most of you have taken time to clearly read the OP.
His GF is leaving for school, and wants to spend her remaining time with him. Not her friends or family, not on a solo vacation, but with HIM.
He on the other hand is torn about canceling or re-scheduling a trip that would obviously interfere with their time together as a couple.
Everyone seems to be stating the she is the one that needs to be understanding and compromise, rather than him. I mean really, lets put it into simpler terms that more immature individuals can easily understand... ;)
Don't ask another person to do, what you're not willing to do yourself... To fully understand the meaning of this word COMPROMISE, I'll put it into the realms of sexual fantasy -- Pretty much every guy fantasizes about his wife or gf bringing home her best hottie friend, and going at it while we watch or take pictures, but are YOU first ready to bring your buddy home and do the same to him, while she kicks back w/ a camera..? :o
If you aren't willing to go the distance yourself, then don't expect it of others!
Rather than taking your 6 week climbing trip, use that time and money to take HER on a cruise, before she ships off to school, then climb your ass off while she's gone! :wink:
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deltav
Jul 7, 2006, 2:19 PM
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If she loves you, then she should understand. If you were married and had a family, then it would be different, you probably should not leave for 6 weeks in that case. But you are just dating, and there is a difference. If she is going to be away for 3 months for school, then you are entitled to go climbing for 6 weeks. Has she given the OK to go? Is she protesting. Like someone else said, just don't leave on a sour note, that is REALLY bad. If you can, call her or email her while you are gone. That will help to make her happy. Women are real tricky man, tread lightly.
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coach_kyle
Jul 7, 2006, 2:19 PM
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If she is nagging you not to go climbing, there are more serious issues in the relationship. In this case, you should go. She wants to control and change you. If, on the other hand, she is the type of girlfriend who wants you to do what you love and is saying, "go climbing", she's a keeper. Stay with her and climb another time.
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odorota
Jul 7, 2006, 2:25 PM
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In reply to: so which would you choose [..] expedition to the bugaboos, or my girl who [..] says she doesnt wanna wait for me [..]it would kill me to loose her but id loose my head if i say no
Hello Androids.
Take two pieces of advice of a climber wife.
One advice is from a woman's point of view.
Sharing a man with climbing is almost as bad as sharing a man with another woman. Some women say "go climbing", some say straight out "don't you dare" but in time, it all comes down to the feeling of being negtected. There is jealousy, just as if you were going on a date with somebody else, I know it sounds crazy, but it's really comparable.
Remember, that climbing is not a sport like basketball or any other one that you go for 2 or 3 hours once a while or watch it on tv, it really is a part of you life. Is it therefore not, for the woman to have to share her man with some"one" else? That someone being the passion of climbing.
The second part is from woman's climber point of view. My husband is a climber and it he wasn't I'm not sure if he would be my husband. Not because I'd love him less, or I'd love climbing more. But because it just probably wouldn't work in the long run. I mean one day we want to have kids. How do you imagine family holiday when mommy leaves for 6 weeks to go and have fun - by herself! Do you only go on one climbing trip a year?
It's very sad when relationships break up over climbing, but they do :( Sometimes it really doesn't matter how much you love someone at the moment, but what kind of life can you offer them in the future.
Greetings from Poland
Dorota
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trebork2
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Jul 7, 2006, 2:30 PM
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I'd be going climbing if I was you bro. You said you were way in love with her but is she way in love with you??? One way to find out... if she is there when you come back she just might be... or she just used somebody elses big bro in her crack while you were gone.
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ihategrigris
Jul 7, 2006, 2:30 PM
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In reply to: i'd stay with the girl if i were you.....the bugaboos are tough and you sound like a puss.
Somebody give that man a throphy!
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svilnit
Jul 7, 2006, 2:31 PM
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In reply to: Don't ask another person to do, what you're not willing to do yourself... To fully understand the meaning of this word COMPROMISE, I'll put it into the realms of sexual fantasy -- Pretty much every guy fantasizes about his wife or gf bringing home her best hottie friend, and going at it while we watch or take pictures, but are YOU first ready to bring your buddy home and do the same to him, while she kicks back w/ a camera..?
Why'd you have to go and say that... I lost my appetite half way through my ham sammich :?
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flipnfall
Jul 7, 2006, 2:34 PM
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My advice, if it were your wife, keep the wife over climbing. But while you are still single, don't get involved in a girl who doesn't care for climbing. If you end up marrying her, you will be stuck in hell.
Move on, find another girl who likes climbing or doesn't mind that you climb and supports you (like my wife :wink: ).
If she doesn't understand your passions, she's not compatible with you. If you stay with her you will have growing resentment towards her and she will sense your hostility. :evil: The relationship will grow cold and you will wish that you took the trip. :cry:
GT
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