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The n00bs must be culled
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dingus


Mar 29, 2007, 8:50 AM
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Re: [bent_gate] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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bent_gate wrote:
Like a baby bird stimulating the mother to regurgitate a tasty meal, a co-worker will ask the climber to tell a story of their exciting weekend exploits.

All of this is easily circumvented. Never, EVER tell a coworker you are a climber. This is a fundamental rule in Slacker's School.

Do NOT advertise you're a climber. Lose the biner keychain, they're total gumb anyway. Get rid of the decals on your car, that's so fucking 90s. Climbing posters in your cube? LOSER!!!111 (and if you have one of those corporate 'inspirational' climbing posters I'm gonna rip that abomination off the wall and burn it on your desk).

No climbing screen savers. No climbing photos.

NO!!!111

THAT's how you eliminate the food source. By eliminating it.

Cheers!
DMT

ps. Good for those slacking days when its too nice to go to work. None of the old 'you know she's off CLIMBING!'
DMT


dingus


Mar 29, 2007, 8:51 AM
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Re: [srwings] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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srwings wrote:
elnero wrote:
it's not clever enough for it to be intentionally funny.. so.. he must be serious?

I think it's very tongue in cheek.

(biting tongue, blood dripping down chin...)

Cheers!
DMT


devils_advocate


Mar 29, 2007, 9:56 AM
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Re: [the_leech] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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Good work Leech, laid it all out for us in black and white. I’m proud to say, I have yet to actually be of any help what so ever on this site, so I know I’m doing my part.

Furthermore, I have already begun developing some anti-n00b devices.

My first is sort of like a screamer, it’s a tube with a ten-foot extension that is controlled via radio frequency. I figure the point here is not to kill the n00bs, they can do that on their own, but just to put some fright in them. Deployment of the extension during random times while they’re top roping should scare the majority of them back to their baseball fields and wave pools. Now all we need to do is come up with some fancy name for it and convince all n00bs that they always need to put one in between their power point and locker. Of course, doing that without explaining what a power point is (see #4: carry the attitude of discouragement wherever you go) could be troublesome. Ok, so I have some kinks to iron out.

As for the gyms, well, that one is simple: beans. And the high levels of protein that you get is just icing on the cake.


coastal_climber


Mar 29, 2007, 10:01 AM
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Re: [the_leech] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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The climbing scene is dying in my community so I welcome new climbers and look forward to helping them progress.

>Cam


Gmburns2000


Mar 29, 2007, 10:30 AM
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Re: [the_leech] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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What's a n00b and how does one tell a n00b from other climbers? Angelic


scrapedape


Mar 29, 2007, 10:32 AM
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Re: [Power_Tie] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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Power_Tie wrote:
girl_lostInVA wrote:
Power_Tie wrote:
wow, what a very poor and dangerous attitude you have. I hope you get help for that.

Crazy geesh...learn to take a joke

I am sorry, I did not mean you!...

The suggestion stands.


bent_gate


Mar 29, 2007, 10:34 AM
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Re: [girl_lostInVA] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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girl_lostInVA wrote:
Power_Tie wrote:
wow, what a very poor and dangerous attitude you have. I hope you get help for that.

Crazy geesh...learn to take a joke

D'oh! You've just given away this sites ultimate clandestine sorting tool:

-If someone can't tell it's a joke, they just might be a n00b!

Never disclose trade secrets without prior approval from a moderator. Ask 'em about it and you will see...Angelic


dingus


Mar 29, 2007, 10:39 AM
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Re: [bent_gate] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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bent_gate wrote:
girl_lostInVA wrote:
Power_Tie wrote:
wow, what a very poor and dangerous attitude you have. I hope you get help for that.

Crazy geesh...learn to take a joke

D'oh! You've just given away this sites ultimate clandestine sorting tool:

-If someone can't tell it's a joke, they just might be a n00b!

Never disclose trade secrets without prior approval from a moderator. Ask 'em about it and you will see...Angelic

Then there are some noobs on this site been climbing 10, 20 years, haha.

DMT


billcoe_


Mar 29, 2007, 11:09 AM
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Re: [girl_lostInVA] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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girl_lostInVA wrote:

you should definitely have a special exemption for attractive girls and hot chick noobs...always take them climbing Laugh

Second that! Leech needs to think this through a lil better:-)


cchildre


Mar 29, 2007, 11:14 AM
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Re: [dingus] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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I'll be a noob till I'm old and crusty.....working on the old...and have plenty of crust...though not exactly whats needed to overcome noobiness. I am far more likely to be listed in an accident report than ever escape the noob life. Gyms..... ;)


ihategrigris


Mar 29, 2007, 11:37 AM
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Re: [cchildre] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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I suspect that almost everyone who is not either a certified guide, or otherwise a professional climbing is a n00b to some degree... even if you've lived in the valley for 5 years.


tigerlilly


Mar 29, 2007, 11:39 AM
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Re: [the_leech] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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the_leech wrote:
Maybe we shouldn’t kill them directly, but we’ve got to do something about the influx of n00bs that increases exponentially every day.

I know we’ve all done this at least once... There’s a nice guy at work who says that he wants to come climbing some time. So you take him outside, show him the ropes, and have a good time. But what have you really done? You’ve created another n00b, that’s what.

Maybe you’ve seriously responded to an rc.com thread with a question like, “How do I make a toprope anchor?” You offered friendly, helpful advice and went on feeling good about yourself. Meanwhile, all you’ve done is support a n00b and encouraged him to climb more.

Have you noticed how the crags get more crowded each year? Are you tired of the throngs dominating popular routes with topropes all day?

Have you noticed how much more frequently you top out, only to see a n00b on a route near you scrambling to hook up a funky, sketchy anchor that would have been a straightforward setup for anyone with even a modicum of experience?

Do you live in fear of having to partake in yet another rescue because some clueless leader and his incompetent belayer come tumbling down and ruin your day?

There’s a solution, people. Listen up.

1. Stop taking new people climbing. Maybe you do it to be nice, find new partners, or perhaps you just feel better about yourself if you climb with less-experienced people. I don’t care what the reason is. Knock it off! There are enough climbers here now, and plenty of partners to go around. Pull from the existing pool.

2. Ask rc.com to ban the Beginner’s Forum altogether. If that is not acceptable, the administrators should at least establish an auto-delete function for all thread titles that start with “How do I…” and “What shoes…” and other frequently used n00b titles.

3. Stop encouraging n00bs online. These online forums seem to be the primary way that gym n00bs develop the “experience” to venture outdoors. I know it’s our nature to be helpful, but this has to stop. Respond to all n00b questions with “STFU n00b!” That’s it. Say no more.

4. Carry the attitude of discouragement wherever you go. If you see some n00b giving a bad belay or struggling up a route with poor technique, refrain from giving helpful advice. Let them struggle or drop their n00b partner. Cull the n00bs. That’s what this is all about. Just be sure to move away from them so you don’t have to waste your day involved in a n00b rescue or recovery.

5. Boycott climbing gyms. This is a big sacrifice, I know. Especially if you live in an area without year-round outdoor climbing. But you know as well as I do that climbing gyms are the biggest producers of n00bs nowadays.

6. If you must use a climbing gym, refer to #4. In fact, feel free to be a dick to the n00bs you meet there. Make them feel unwelcome, perhaps even threatened. This attitude (called “localism” among surfers) is effective at keeping gumbies off the good surf breaks. We need to carry this attitude into climbing as well.

Some may wonder how you identify a n00b. If you have to ask this question, you likely are one of them. So STFU and find a new way to spend your free time!

These are just a few suggestions off the top of my head. I’d love to hear other suggestions and ideas. The important thing is that we work together to address this problem. We must cull the n00bs. The quality of our climbing future is at stake.

Ha! You'll never get rid of us, you elitest pigs! We're going to multiply like rabbits and take over every half decent line on the planet, even though we can't climb them. We'll sport our Patagucci clothes, harnesses with 16 gear loops (and one biner), and force our feet into the most expensive shoes we can find because.....because we can! And we think it makes us look like the cool kids. Beware! The nOObs are here to stay!

Bwwwaaaahhahahahahaha!


Kathy Wink


kriso9tails


Mar 29, 2007, 11:50 AM
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Re: [dingus] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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dingus wrote:
All of this is easily circumvented. Never, EVER tell a coworker you are a climber. This is a fundamental rule in Slacker's School.

If I knew there were going to be fundamental rules I wouldn't have even read that far. So much wasted effort. Guess I'll never be a slacker. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm busy pretending to work.

Oh, I forgot:

the_leech wrote:
1. Stop taking new people climbing. Maybe you do it to be nice, find new partners, or perhaps you just feel better about yourself if you climb with less-experienced people. I don’t care what the reason is. Knock it off! There are enough climbers here now, and plenty of partners to go around. Pull from the existing pool.

this is very narrow-minded thinking in my eyes. The trick is to introduce as many people to the sport as you can and ensure that their first experience is so wretched that not only will they never climb again, but they'll make sure to tell everyone they know just how bad it is.


(This post was edited by kriso9tails on Mar 29, 2007, 11:58 AM)


girl_lostInVA


Mar 29, 2007, 11:54 AM
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Re: [ihategrigris] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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ihategrigris wrote:
I suspect that almost everyone who is not either a certified guide, or otherwise a professional climbing is a n00b to some degree... even if you've lived in the valley for 5 years.

maybe there should be a n00b categorization scheme...

like:

1. obnoxious/annoying n00b (should be culled)
2. perpetual n00b because you don't have time to become a better climber ?
3. n00bette
4. ???

something like that so we're not lumping all of us n00bs in together, not all of us are soooo bad Wink


climbsomething


Mar 29, 2007, 12:06 PM
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Re: [girl_lostInVA] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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girl_lostInVA wrote:
ihategrigris wrote:
I suspect that almost everyone who is not either a certified guide, or otherwise a professional climbing is a n00b to some degree... even if you've lived in the valley for 5 years.

maybe there should be a n00b categorization scheme...

like:

1. obnoxious/annoying n00b (should be culled)
2. perpetual n00b because you don't have time to become a better climber ?
3. n00bette
4. ???

something like that so we're not lumping all of us n00bs in together, not all of us are soooo bad Wink
But n00bettes ARE obnoxious/annoying. They (with their power-spotting sigma delta moron boyfriends) get in my way projecting my warm-ups. They also cry more than I do ("it's sooo haaaaaard, the holds are sooo baaaaad, it's waaaay up theeeeeeeeeere"), and take up all the trees I was going to clip my dog to as anchors for giving said boyfriend a TR belay.

Hi power_tie!


girl_lostInVA


Mar 29, 2007, 12:12 PM
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Re: [climbsomething] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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climbsomething wrote:
But n00bettes ARE obnoxious/annoying. They (with their power-spotting sigma delta moron boyfriends) get in my way projecting my warm-ups. They also cry more than I do ("it's sooo haaaaaard, the holds are sooo baaaaad, it's waaaay up theeeeeeeeeere"),

and behavior like that should be punished or banished!!

but everyone is new sometime...unless you climbed out of your mom with shoes and harness on


diophantus


Mar 29, 2007, 12:23 PM
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Re: [devils_advocate] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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devils_advocate wrote:
Good work Leech, laid it all out for us in black and white. I’m proud to say, I have yet to actually be of any help what so ever on this site, so I know I’m doing my part.

Furthermore, I have already begun developing some anti-n00b devices.

My first is sort of like a screamer, it’s a tube with a ten-foot extension that is controlled via radio frequency. I figure the point here is not to kill the n00bs, they can do that on their own, but just to put some fright in them. Deployment of the extension during random times while they’re top roping should scare the majority of them back to their baseball fields and wave pools. Now all we need to do is come up with some fancy name for it and convince all n00bs that they always need to put one in between their power point and locker. Of course, doing that without explaining what a power point is (see #4: carry the attitude of discouragement wherever you go) could be troublesome. Ok, so I have some kinks to iron out.

As for the gyms, well, that one is simple: beans. And the high levels of protein that you get is just icing on the cake.

Isn't your personality your first anti-n00b device?

I usually tell the n00bs in the gym to hit the campus board 4-5 days a week. I say it in the least helpful way so they know I'm hard core. After a couple days their tendons are so bad they can never climb again.


(This post was edited by diophantus on Mar 29, 2007, 12:31 PM)


poomasta


Mar 29, 2007, 12:39 PM
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Re: [diophantus] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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I'm not against offering a few words of helpful advice to new folks at the crag if I like their attitude, but if they clearly don't know what they are doing and are intent on climbing anyhow, I will go climb in another area...preferably out of ear shot and far enough away that someone else will be responsible for coming to their aid if they get hurt. I know that sounds pretty horrible, but I don't go climbing to worry about everyone else at the crag...


moose_droppings


Mar 29, 2007, 12:41 PM
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Re: [the_leech] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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I like n00bs....when battered properly and fried......nothing wrong with them at all.

P.S.
Majid, that tire is not inflated to the correct pressure, you'll die for sure.


girl_lostInVA


Mar 29, 2007, 12:45 PM
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Re: [moose_droppings] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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moose_droppings wrote:
I like n00bs....when battered properly and fried......nothing wrong with them at all.

hmmm...I would probably come pre-salted from sweat so...that just might make me tastier

*sneaks away quietly*


banjo_jon


Mar 29, 2007, 2:10 PM
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Re: [girl_lostInVA] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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oh you poor noobs, i realize that very few of us elitists can say they've never been in your shoes. as for me, well, when i was born the first thing i did was rap off the table using my umbilical chord, then i free solo'd the cat-scan machine. i think it was about 5.14d, just ask my mom.


Partner cracklover


Mar 29, 2007, 2:42 PM
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Re: [caughtinside] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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caughtinside wrote:
No, you don't understand, I NEED this man, so DON"T BLOW IT FOR ME. ... Please. I NEED THIS MAN.

I'm pretty sure that what you need is a comma. But perhaps you're right, and what you need is a man. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

GO


caughtinside


Mar 29, 2007, 2:49 PM
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Re: [cracklover] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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cracklover wrote:
caughtinside wrote:
No, you don't understand, I NEED this man, so DON"T BLOW IT FOR ME. ... Please. I NEED THIS MAN.

I'm pretty sure that what you need is a comma. But perhaps you're right, and what you need is a man. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

GO

oh hell. who am I kidding and what do I care. Maybe I should heed the advice of vanilla ice?Crazy


poomasta


Mar 29, 2007, 3:20 PM
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Re: [dingus] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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dingus wrote:
...and if you have one of those corporate 'inspirational' climbing posters I'm gonna rip that abomination off the wall and burn it on your desk

THEY MAKE THOSE?!? I'm totally getting one for the cube. I'll put it right between my autographed sharma poster and my stone nudes calendar...sweet.


limeydave


Mar 29, 2007, 5:25 PM
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Re: [poomasta] The n00bs must be culled [In reply to]
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Right between your autographed stoned dude poster and your stone nudes calendar?

Sweet.

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